ive had a car crash at the age of 12 due to my father drunk driving. he died but i made it out alive which to me still is a miracle to this day. its been roughly 9 years in total ever since that very accident however im still bearing the trauma and trying to heal from it. i wasted my teenage years constantly floundering in this swap of anxiety and insomnia as a result. even though it was very difficult to deal with all these issues throughout those years, i managed to recover by some degree through therapy/meds and i genuinely can see color again despite that, even as of now typing this, im so far from sure whether i will be ever able to forgive him for what he did. he made a gruesome mistake and dabbled in a lot of selfishness by doing so. theres still this intense hate i have for him, but at the same time part of me misses him because sometimes i cant help but ponder over those moments we could have as son and father if he were only alive and didnt act so stupid perhaps he could deserve a free pass if he genuinely accepted his mistakes and would put effort into recovering and learning from them like you did? i dont know him, though since i lost him so early. its such a hard dilemma, to be honest
I'm so sorry that happened to you, especially since it took away that chance of person-to-person forgiveness. No one should get a free pass, but I get what you mean. That has to be so hard. Therapy and meds are huge, plus support groups can have a huge impact, mostly so people can know that it's not just them, and they're not alone in what is challenging them. At the very least, I hope typing out that comment gave you even the smallest bit of peace and clarity. Thank you.
@@mtukua i usually refrain myself from ranting out like that since i don't like being a downer on the internet, but typing it out definitely provided me some sense of relief because your video touched me on some emotional level that's why i should be the one thanking you actually, so thank you lol as for the support groups, i never really tried those as they are pretty scarce where i live but i've been planning on moving out soon so i will surely look into those so thank you again
@@mtukua and ur the only human ever to post youtube videos whole having 47 subscribers and getting like 20 views yet still doing it the face on my pfp is what i look like looking at you
