welcome to my channel✨ my name is ayu (ah-yoo)! I initially made this channel to document my memories, but it's also become a safe space to talk, rant, and discuss mental health, my hobbies, and other everyday things! I would love for you to come stay and subscribe to my channel~ stay healthy and happy💖
more about me: age- 00' 🤍 pronouns- she/her/hers nationality- japanese american🇯🇵🇺🇸 fave color- red🌹 motto- you receive what you give🫂
I know how scary it can be but I promise you that one day you'll feel much better about your body and yourself. I promise you that one day you'll wake up and almost suddenly you'll get better and better. What personally helped me was to start becoming... selfish ? Like focusing on myself and what I wanted to achieve and to do rather than focusing on what people wanted me to be or to do. I hope you'll be able to see how beautiful you are, not only on the outside but also in the inside. You're shining and I hope you can start liking your own light.
hello! i have teared up multiple times having watched your video and read all the comments and different stories. i am so sorry that anyone had to go through this! however i would like to say just one thing: whether you are better now or still struggling i would like you to know that you are brave, you are doing great and you are valuable and amazing just the way you are with your experiences! please hold on! i know it might not sound reassuring right now, but everything tends to end ❤
i relate. i don’t know if im in ED recovery, or if i just…still have an ED. I haven’t lost weight from it in three years though because covid stopped…so now I’m working on just eating healthy so I don’t binge or restrict. I’m not sure what else to really do?
recovery comes in all different forms and sometimes feels like all we do is bounce from one thing to another. but what i’ve learned is that was my unconscious telling me i needed to be fixated on something to feel stable, when stability is actually getting comfortable with not being in control (of your body changing, how people perceive you, etc.) i hope, slowly but surely, you find peace and stay healthy❤
As im watching this it is so relabtable, to me everything about myself i hate especially because i have genetic scars on my back that i dont want to show. It so hard to be confident when you are always on social media but i am working on myself to finally be happy with myself. But ever since i been following you it makes me feel like im not alone, videos are so hard to make so thank you for being open and strong about this. in my eye you are so pretty so remember these nice comments.
I realized on my own journey that we feel very tangible pressure to be skinny, constantly. Directly and indirectly. Because discrimination against bigger and fat bodies is alive and well, and most people have yet to unpack their internalized fatphobia, ie gym culture, diet culture. Now that I'm almost thirty, and I've been free of my E.D. for a few years now, I don't even have the desire to lose weight. I've accepted two realities in life, and that is 1. Death, and 2. Weight gain. I don't fear the latter anymore, because the first reality is so visceral. I worked hard to be here, to simply exist in my own skin. Thank you for this video. When I was in my late teens, I wish I came across honest videos like these.
i really loved this video, especially the part where you mentioned looking back at past photos and realising you look better than how you thought at the time. i realised that for a lot of people, we have this cycle of not wanting to take photos/thinking we look bad in them and in the future, thinking ‘what was i thinking? i look fine!’ thank you for posting this video, it reminded me that we all only have one youth so it’s important we make the most out of it instead of waiting for that perfect moment to feel & look happy
Thank you Ayu. For me it's been the other way. I always was and I always been very thin. I try to gain weight. It got to a point where i tracked everything and it got unhealthy for my mind. I always get told: eat more, did you eat. I try everything to eat. It git to the point, when my grandma said i am to thin. Or even a costumer asked if i am eating. That was the last straw for me. When a stranger says that to you. I am glad i finally got my weight up. And i don't really like to wear shorts, because i think my legs are to thin. Thank you for your words. But i really really understand you
I found this so relatable. As a hispanic I have always found it so hard to loose weight regardless but after getting into kpop, my insecurities had gotten a lot worse. I would get comments abt my weight from other people especially when going to kpop concerts and even was told that my bias wouldn’t want to ever see me (like at a fansign or fancall) bc I wasn’t skinny or pretty enough. And after a while it became a really toxic relationship with kpop for me- it was my outlet during my hardest times and i wasn’t even good enough for it- that was my mentality. It was hard for me to see past that and to love myself and it still is, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come from that and with how my mindset has changed. To anyone reading this YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE ENOUGH. 🤍 thank you for sharing this with us ayu🫶🏻
I can't explain on how many levels I felt this. Everything you've said has been on my mind for years. And I truly would never wish someone to experience this ever. Because of how hard that is. Let's be strong sisters
wow i love this. this is a conversation to be had. i gained a lot of weight after graduating college and have been struggling with this. thank you beautiful . we have to remember god made all these body types becuz they're all beautiful in their own way.
Honestly thank you so much for posting this and for sharing your thoughts and feelings, i feel like It helps to realise we are not alone. I feel you so much with everything you said but also everyday we can keep on learning, it's hard but i think It is possible to overcome every strugle... So to people out there and yourself, i hope we can all learn together even when it seems hard and impossible ✨🤍🎀
I have been very insecure abt my weight recently and I also agree, summer is a rough time for me just with like everything. I usually have bad summer depression and I feel so lazy and I think about my weight A LOT during the summer and I look at my friends being active and then I’m just here. It’s been hard to come to terms with my body and everytime I take pictures now I just feel so ugly😭 it’s like there’s so many things I see wrong with my body like my weight, shoulders, and posture have gotten to me so badly. I can’t not wear baggy clothes now because they just make me feel so much more secure and I also do just like the style. It’s hard for me to wear crop tops and tank tops and I feel awkward when I wear shorts that are above my knees. Thank you for this video, I rlly want to accept my body and move on with my life😭
first of you’re sooo beautiful genuinely stunning i wish i could hug u tbh 😞 i also struggle with my body and for the past year i have just fell down into a rabbit hole, literally only last week was i like okay thats enough i had strange symptoms so i went to get a blood test and found out i have a problem with my thyroid as well which explained how ive been feeling and all this weight gain. its been a few days since then and its been hard it feels like im not able to shut off my brain and im filled with guilt for not taking care of myself well. ever since i can remember ive always wanted to be my own version of skinny and when i look back at photos im stunned bc thats not how i remember thinking i looked, and i fear some time in the future im going to reflect on current me and wish i could reverse time.
i teared up so many time during this video🥹 im in that point in my late teenage years like you described, my outer image is my whole world and i feel like if im not up to the standards (including my own) that im not good enough and that i'll never be loved. knowing that im not alone is just a bit more comforting. its hard for me but i want to change, and i think drive is the first step for improvement💕
halfway through the video, im just pausing to say, i know words do not means a lot when were struggling with an ed or even in general been there done that and just like you im in recovery but still very struggling from time to time, but you are so SO pretty, you're literally glowing, and you might say " oh its because you're seeing the best version of me" but im also talking about your personality, i can tell without knowing you that you're the kind of person to light up any room you walk into, like the tittle of the video, there's so much more than being skinny, the people who love you love what's inside, what's in your heart and i know your heart is beautiful, you are so pretty in and out; all i can think when i watch your video is how beautiful you are, im so sorry you went through life hearing the opposite, but i hope you can give yourself and love the kindness other couldn't gave you, and reflect on your favourite memories and how when you were experiencing them, your body image wasn't an issue because you were actually living and that's the most important thing! life shouldn't be about being skinny, dieting, how's your cloth fitting, how do i look from the back, is my hair good, is my skin clear, it should be about making the happiest memories and keep the safe in your mind as a reminder that you were living :)
thank you for this comment❤ it means the world to me that others see me in this kind of light and can empathize with me on a level that’s so comforting. you’re a beautiful soul and i appreciate you sm🫂
I relate to this so much. I have had Anorexia since I was 12 and now I’m 22. I eventually had heart failure and then a heart attack at 18 years old and it makes me cry thinking about the way I treated my body that was litterally just trying to keep me alive. I have spent my whole life trying to fight my body to be naturally skinny and seeing other people/friends eating more than me and not gaining weight made me so angry. I constantly compare myself to everyone in every single situation to the point where I could barely see anyone without it being triggering. I thought my ed would make me pretty or make people like me but it did the opposite. I looked dead and my personality became unpleasant as my mind was a horrible space and it showed on the outside. I am now in recovery and I had to stop watching kpop girl groups reason because it was extremely triggering for me. I’m hoping that with time and healing I will eventually be able to watch my fav groups again without it being detrimental to my mental health.
Gurl stop it. You are so pretty istg. I wish I had your skin. Also seriously I love the Ayu that you are now. You are doing great and being healthy and happy is what matters, don't let your youth be spent upon these worries. Everybody has their own battles and you may have your own goals but remember that the process is what matters. I hope you're always happy and healthy!
ayu, i really , REALLY mean this, but you have absolutely no reason to be insecure. like, you are really beautiful (i’m not an old man im a teenage girl LOL) and i genuinely thought that since the first time i saw your content. i also never thought you were a fat, and i to be honest i was just admiring your outfits and fashion taste. people who perceive you as fat are just people who are so caught up in p0rn and are chronically online, and have no idea what a healthy body is. so please, never listen to what others say, and know that you are beautiful no matter what!!! 💗💗
also you looked so good in the outfit that you said people fat shamed you in!! you should totally wear something again like that (if you want to ofc ❤)
I needed this today. I've going to see Ateez in a few days with my friends and I'm most nervous about how I'm gonna look "ugly" next to them because both my friends are thin and I'm not. That's not even the most stressful part of the trip but it's the part affecting me the most because I feel the same way you explained in the video. K-pop beauty standards + asian beauty standards are not doing me any favors at the moment😭
i feel this very well! all my friends are on the thin side (& absolutely beautiful) so i would get so nervous being seen with them or taking pictures with them bc i would see how different i am with them. but different doesn’t mean any less beautiful! and i’ve never thought that seeing other groups of friends, so i shouldn’t be that harsh on myself either🥹
I am just half through, but I wanted to thank you for this video already. I relate to it a lot and I was shocked to know about your insecurities, because I mostly follow you on Instagram and I think you are so so so so pretty and always glowing, like you are full of confidence. I wish us both to feel like the goddesses we are. ❤️
this is so relatable....when i got into k-pop i also started becoming so insecure and my mindset became so bad :(( also the point you brought up about your body knowing stability was really mind-opening for me!! thank you so much for sharing ayu!!
real!! its so subconsious too but once you are constantly watching unhealthy bodies 24/7 you start to think that those bodies are what is normal and healthy and its so unhealthy for your brain
i also went txt concert at nyc, and i was so sad that the concert was over and i had to leave :(( but i saw you and i got to say hi and take a picture with you 🥺😭 you were so kind and i was so happy to see u!! 😭 i love your videos, and i hope we can meet each other again at next txt concert!! 🥺🫶🏻
Aww your interactions with the members are always so sweet! I always love seeing your interactions with them! This vlog was so fun! I love your concert vlogs, sm! It's such a vibe! 🫶🏻
Thank you making this video. I have anxiety and I tend to over think everything I do and that makes me feel like I am not good enough. Also like you said talking to yourself also help figuring out what your feeling. Luv u 💓 💗
thank you for this ayu i really needed this. I had such a hard time this school year and majority of it was because i felt so lonely. I have friends but i sometimes can’t connect with them and i constantly think oh i have to be extroverted so i can connect with them and i have to change how i act for them to like me. i basically stooped going to school everyday cuz i was so depressed and me not liking how i look also played a factor in it ( every time i go outside i feel like evb is judging me). it all started in middle school thats when the bullying got worse and i didn’t have real friends during this time they were all fake and it took me till freshman year of high school to realize that 🤦🏽♀️ i really lost myself this school year but I’m starting to feel more confident in myself and liking myself more, since i turned 18 a while ago i feel my way of thinking has changed a little. tysm ayu for making this video 🤍
I relate to this. I feel like I have no self idenity. I feel like I go with the majority whenever something happens. It feels like I have no opinion myself.
oh ayu i just subscribed to you yesterday, when i say i RESONATE with this upload, oh my god. im still in highschool right now and only now im finally beginning to explore my interests and put myself first before shaping myself into a likeable person bc that feels so important. growing up i've struggled so much with maintaining good friends and it's gotten to a point where i can't trust them for a lot of reasons. it's so comforting to know that there are people out there with real stories who have gone through similar things as i have. thank you so much for posting this, i appreciate it so much.
