Hi! Thanks for joining me here and welcome! I look forward to sharing what I have learned about building Core Confidence, reducing anxiety, making strong decisions, and finding the Calm through the Chaos.
Thank you Nancy! Your message is always awakening to remind us self love and care about ourselves. It’s a day to day journey I’ll put in practice nurturing myself everyday 🙏🏼🫶☀️
Yesssss!!!! Exactly!!! I like to remind others (and myself) the only chance to get what you want is by asking. It might still be no - BUT the answer to the unasked questions is ALWAYS no.
If values help others "speak your language" I figure why hide them? Plus one of mine is Authenticity sooooo. :) I have found that my current values are Authenticity, Creativity, and Curiosity.
Can you please expand on the trigger aspect? Before, i would get triggered when i received criticism. The root was because I had low self-esteem and low sense of self-worth. How would this be triggering a value?
So, remember that it is not 100% a tell but often it is. But, I am curious if some of that triggering/low self-esteem was coming from invalidation of your core values. For instance, if your values might be something like belonging, achievement, or supportiveness, it may have felt like the criticism was stepping on your values. Identifying, and using our values, can be a way to boost our self worth. I have also found that, as my self-esteem grew, my values changes. (There is a separate conversation here about did they change as I learned more about life, or did I just uncover more of my layers so that I was able to more clearly see what was really in there. To me, it feels irrelevant. But, being open to the possibility that your values might change or evolve is important.) I used to hold flexibility as my strongest core value. I now realize that what I was calling flexibility was really my defense mechanism to minimize criticism. (I could be whomever I needed to be in order to fit in and not be made fun of.) Now that I'm not living a life dedicated to avoiding embarrassment, I can see that authenticity, is much more important to me than not being criticized. I still value flexibility in a different, more authentic, way. It no longer is one of my core values though.
Another reflection is that to embrace going out of our comfort zone, we can answer the question" "how can I embrace this change?" Or "what will help me embrace this?"and or... What are the positives the positives of moving out of my comfort zone?"
Yes, yes, yes! Keeping the focus on the desired outcome and off of the barrier between you and the desired outcome. The barrier being discomfort! Thanks so much for that "action step".
Oh, isn't it though?! This is a hard one. The good news is, we usually have lots of opportunities to practice this acceptance as there are usually lots of opportunities to "try again".
I try to not to be taken advantage of. I feel it is important to pick your battles. With family members you have to be very sensitive. The way I react now is more mature than when I was 25. Thankfully I've learned a few things over the years. You can't pick your family. You have to accept them with where they are on this journey of life. I'm way more flexible now.
Yessss! "You have to accept them with where they are on this journey of life." What a great reminder that, you can't ever control what others will say, think, feel. You can only control yourself. Each relationship will have different boundaries - it is in recognizing that you have a CHOICE and own that choice of where your boundaries are that is most important. Although you cannot choose who you share DNA with, you do choose how your communicate with them and how you react to them. We can choose to take on more responsibility in a certain relationship, knowing that any resentment that pops up is OURS to own and not theirs.
Hi Nancy! Just wanted to thank you for this reminder. Thinking of discomfort as proof of growth and making comfort more of a static place is helpful. I needed this today.
You are quite welcome! Thank you for your comment. It’s not always easy to remember, let alone implement, but once we get in the habit it is sooooo powerful.
Thanks for the useful video. My _shoulds_ relate to relationships. "I should find a woman my age and just settle down." My _wants_ say, "I want to find a woman who has as child who needs a stepfather or who wants to have a child with me." The former feels practical, the latter scares me. Do I listen to what I _should_ do or what I _want_ to do?
One question I like to start with is, “Who’s voice is saying you should?” Our shoulds are learned. From there you can’t start investigating what type of life YOU want to live?
Yes! Thanks for the suggestion for another topic! "How and when to take a break from parenting." It can be a bit of a taboo topic as some believe that "the kids should always come first."
For clarity sake: What I am talking about here is the misogamy that is still very much alive. The idea that a man feels comfortable stocking, outwardly objectifying, rudely commenting on, and even threatening a woman because she is attractive is unacceptable. And for women that have grown up with this behavior, it feels like "it's just the way it is" and she can learn to "stay quiet", "don't rock the boat", "boys will be boys", etc. and, in turn, alter her very appearance in order to avoid such attacks and encounters. When a woman stays away from wearing feminine clothes because of being afraid of this kind of attention, it is a shame for her AND for all of us. No woman, or girl, should feel so offended and uncomfortable that she feels she has to make herself look less attractive or feminine to avoid these things!
I'm so glad! Don't ya love when that happens? Another tip I have when it comes to parenting, (or management, or relationships of any kind) is to DO the thing that you want them to do and then invite them to join you. It is way more effective than just saying in words what you want them to do or believe - and YOU get the benefit of the thought/exercise too! Good luck with it all!
