Hi this is Dara Hoffman-Fox, and welcome to CONVERSATIONS WITH A GENDER THERAPIST. This is where I answer questions from those who are transgender, nonbinary, and gender questioning, as well as those who love them. Be sure to visit my website, darahoffmanfox.com, for more content!
Why don't you offer these people some psycho therapy around gender dysphoria instead of using a very childish assessment tool without use of language. These people need to be encouraged to express these feelings using language. When did we get to a place where mental distress is treated with body modifications. Are you going to bring back lobotomies as well in psychiatry?
I'm also taking testosterone and progesterone, but just as female HRT. I have been using progesterone cream which fixed my heavy painful periods but it isn't strong enough to improve my anxiety and poor sleep. I have just ordered natural progesterone capsules and can't wait to try it. Since starting testosterone 3 weeks ago my sleep quality has gotten worse and so I feel even worse than I did before I started!!!! Fingers crossed things will improve soon!!!
I'm sorry but if, after all this time, you aren't mostly desensitized to those social cues then you apparently haven't evolved and katured in your identity.
interesting video, tho tbh i didn't know people do this and i wouldn't do this simply cause i hate wasting clothes, i will only throw away clothes i've worn a lot and even then give them to be reused / recycled. but even a few months after figuring out i'm trans and coming out to a few people i still don't feel comfortable wearing skirts outside (i've worn a skirt only once, to a drag party), i feel like they emphasize my masculine legs which look ugly and wrong with a skirt, and that everybody will stare at me weirdly or i'll get discriminated against. then again most of the clothing i would like to wear is women's shorts and t-shirts which i feel comfortable wearing. another problem is i've spent a ridiculous amount of money for a broke ass university student that gets most money from their parents, and on top of that i bought a lot of crap, like leg warmers which i kinda liked originally but now i feel look gimmicky, cosmetic products i don't use, cheap jewelry from temu which broke / i lost etc. honestly i'm trying to somehow get more money to buy even more clothes either by asking my parents for more or working to make some. sucks tbh :/
hi there! i hope it's fine to leave a comment here as an AMAB person who recently figured out they're non-binary. so because i'm greek and i grew up in an island (and still go there every summer since it's where my parents live) i learned to swim from a young age and i still like going to the beach/swimming. the problem is that i plan to take HRT (estrogen) to look more like a cute girl (or a cute tomboy/femboy) and i have no idea how the fuck i will go to the beach if i have breasts and also a penis and masculine features at the same time. almost all threads i could find on reddit and quora are about trans women and how they got the confidence to wear a bikini and be the sexy (or if not sexy, beautiful in a non-sexual way) woman they wanna look like which is cool for them BUT i don't wanna to sexualize myself that way and never understood why swimsuits have to be designed in such a gendered way, why women's swim suits have to be so sexualizing unlike men's and why not wear a top and a bottom whether you are a man or a woman. 'tis very likely i was always non-binary and just didn't know cause i knew of only 2 genders, or maybe i have trouble understanding social norms cause i'm socially inept (maybe neurodivergent). and what i do while transitioning?🤦 i could wear something like this: www.ohpolly.com/products/sporty-swim-cap-sleeve-crop-top-black but there is gonna be a lot of tourists looking at me and the social environment of the island is pretty conservative, some people are judging of what clothes one wears and brag about $300 Gucci clothes while some former classmates are even openly fascist. i don't even know if people know non-binary gender is a thing. it just feels it'd be better to keep living as a boy there but it might not possible if i wanna go swimming. thanks for coming to my TEDTalk 😭
The problem with these trans people is they just can’t understand. They can pretend to be something they aren’t all day long…. No one probably cares. It’s when they want to force everyone else to pretend with them that it all falls apart.
How do I know I am trans? The counsellor makes great suggestions. The best one is seeing a Mental Health Professional. Preferably one trained in trauma or gender dysphoria. Nothing beats talking this through with someone with knowledge and experience. Please dont see clergy. You wouldnt see a mechanic about a sore elbow. People with gender dysphoria who have loving and healthy caregivers dont have our problem. Those parents help their children. People like us have the gender cutout parents. Its either A or B. And if you are not, you get trauma. Not just the life long dysphoria you have trying to figure it out but the trauma of a caregiver making you fit one of those cutouts. The cutout they think you should be. So now you have gender dysphoria and trauma. You are working on that inside straight to life in hell. All you need is the fundamentalist caregiver who damns you for who you are and the sexual abuse so common among them and you win the mental illness pot. So you arent just dealing with what is my gender/sex, you are running and juggling as fast as you can just to keep up with life. I won that pot of misery. Seeing a trauma therapist to work through issues of trauma led me to realizing my gender dysphoria and to be plain, a trans gender woman. Not that Ive done much about it. Im still a baby trans. But i got a tremendous head start. Ive been seeing a trauma therapist for years. We have worked on things that would make a sociopath cringe. And it only makes this part of my life easier because I found my self love. I know what its like to feel like you are losing your mind once a month or so. I know it takes time to work these things. I know I have to give myself space. Love. Staying open and honest with myself as I work through this. I dont know where I will end up. But please take my word for it. You need help. Asking for help when you need it is one of the best things you can do for yourself. And gender dysphoria, in our society, leads to trauma. Chances are you are dealing with trauma as well. Get help. Heal from the trauma. It will make figuring out this part of your life easier. It made it easier for me to understand what I am.
I know this is an old video. But a rare good one. To all of you out there feeling transgender, gender confused, gender dysphoria, please understand that you are pretty much guaranteed to be suffering from trauma as well. It is rare for a child coming into awareness of gender who finds themselves at odds with the sex they born to not feel anxiety, frustration and dysphoria at their situation. Which is incredibly hard to deal with without help. But as most of society has the belief of strict gender roles you will also suffer trauma at the hands of your caregivers. As you are trying to deal an issue no child should have to suffer, you also are traumatized by the people in your life that you need to survive who not only dont help you but make it so much worse by forcing you to be the gender they think you are. Get professional help. Find a trauma therapist. Its probably not your only trauma. Gender dysphoria is incredibly hard to deal with. Having to deal with trauma on top of that makes you feel insane. It is incredibly difficult to sort out your gender in our societies but trauma makes it near impossible. Both dysphoria and trauma send out signals to abusers that you are a target for further abuse. Especially by siblings and relatives. Its going to take time. Its kind of like the big button. If you push it you wake up in the morning being the gender you are and everyone accepts it. Boom. Truth. Happiness. Sadly it doesnt work that way. Sadly the second step, the first is realizing we are not happy the way we were raised and forced to be, is sorting through and healing the trauma around this. We need to understand ourselves. Why we are the way we are. What made us this way in order to find the confidence and self love to figure out who and what we are. Trauma prevents that. Trauma gives us self hate. It makes seeing ourselves near impossible. Its hard to see who we are when we are dissasociated or feeling insane. Its an incredibly hard task that makes the next incredibly hard task a little bit easier. I wish it was not so. But its my truth. Ive seen the signs of my dysphoria all my life. But its been hidden under the vast amounts of trauma. Im working through the trauma and now really seeing the dysphoria. Ive got a long way to go and Ive come a long way. I just wanted to share this essential advice. You are pretty much assured to be suffering from trauma. Do yourself a favor and get help. Make the rest of your journey a little bit easier.
accidentally this video was playing in background and then I looked at the screen to see what was this lady talking about. No offence, a natural asumption when hearing femine voice plus a femine face
Good evening, me.I'm 73.I'm on hormones estrogen 4 Months I'm on blockers, I'm gonna have my testicles removed. My Doctor that I went to he asked me. Do you feel like you need console? I said no, then he said. Well then you don't need it. So I want to my regular Doctor and she told me it wouldn't hurt so I signed myself up for consuland I asked my counsetour if she ever dealt with anybody. That wants a trposition and I found the right counselor she said yes, and she was in between herself. And we got really along really good.I am very happy of the Way that I'm feeling I get very emotional.I can Cry at the drop of a dime. And I'm starting to see changes. This is suck. My one at every cent's. I was a little boy when I was a little boy. I was molested quite a few times I'd close my eyes and wish there was a girl when it was happened that I play hockey from school. And I would put my older sister's clothes on model and front of mirror put her make up and it made me feel so good. Then when I got married. I married a girl before we got married. Her father forced her to have sex. He told her I made you. I wanna be first I have a right to do this. So he forced to have sex that messed app her head so when we got married. She didn't want to have sex.She says I hate sex.Don't care if I ever have sex because of her fother shall I so When I was home from work and she was working. I started putting her clothes on and her makeup. I got married 5 times more or less to cover it up. My last one married me from the island of Saint Lucia. She only married me for the green guard. I put her out and when I did. I felt so free and I screwed up my knees. I'd have surgery on my knees. They put me in a nursing home and I knew something was wrong so I called the ambulance. And they came and the nursing home said we didn't call you. But then they told her that I did. They took me to Burlington Vermont. They did surgery on me. My knees, the Doctor. A Malone did not put me on blood thinner. So I had blood clots. They started the operation. And I had to stop because my Blood Pressure was dropping too low so they put me in a coma for 5 days. Until the Blood Pressure went down. How is the menu's hours in hospital for 6 weeks? And they had to give me a blood transfusion. Juicy, I almost I figured God's not ready for me. I have a second chance in listen. What I've always wanted. So I think we're God's. Let me be what I've always wanting to be and I feel so goodbye. I don't care about what anybody thit's my life. And now i'm happy❤
I’ve been struggling with my own special set of unique feelings. I don’t know if you would exactly classify it as Gender dysphoria, because it would be an adult female feeling like an anime girl inside? I am an STARSEED/BLUE-RAY Pleiadians Anime Female warrior named Jujtoti from the Karelian Family from a multidimensional advanced technological hybrid alien humanoid anime all female Pleiadian world. I’ve got a lot more than a bargain before when I had my awakening to reveal things about my authentic self at times. I’m still struggling with it, defines everything this 3-D reality stands for in this world. It took a big major awakening for me to truly wake up to who and what I truly am. I know am no longer the Earth female I thought I was because I’m a dimensional Starseed/Blue Ray Pleiadians Anime Magical Teen Girl Goddess. I’ve lost my reality since I’ve had my major awakening on December 30 after I lost a tooth and making a wish to be a young beautiful female forever and have immortality. My wish got granted, and then this is when my entire journey started. For me, my awakening was not something I had planned or a choice as it happened, regardless of what I wanted or not wanted, regardless of whether or not, I was ready or not. Then on Dec3 0th going into 2024 when I lost a tooth, out of fear I Made a wish to be a beautiful female forever and have immortality. Then right away the kundalini awakening opened up at full attack and my authentic self said now you have the soul of an anime girl, and you are now a real anime girl inside. Ever since then I have been in a living hell or dream state I am unable to wake from. Even my mind set, and body has gone into the age regression process to look more like an anime girl. That is what I see when I look in Mirror anyway. I see a cute anime girl looking back at me and I am like what the bloody hell. Is this Really happening to me and is this freakin real. What the hell happened to my reality. Been dealing with these synchronicities from earlier childhood and it’s been using anime and anime girls as ways to get my attention even when I wasn’t looking for it or interested in it or you knew about it. Back then I was more interested in about finding a dream job. Having a nice car. Nice house making big money nothing else mattered back then. Even if I found out what anime meant back then I didn’t give a damn about it because I was more interested in what I mentioned above. Over time Anime revealed itself to in the form of synchronicities to me and told me what it was. It slammed me into the wall to make sure I knew what anime girls and magical girls were. Then over time the more I had to watch it off and on, I would start having fantasies and desires to be an anime girl living in anime girl worlds. For many years I was able to push it away and think it was nothing more than that. I don't like anything about the Magical Girl Part because she is from Puella Mgi Madoka Magica multiverse. I seem to be an unintended victim of forced contact from Kyubey to be a Magical Girl. I am sick of all this suffering on top of suffering on top of suffering. I don't want to be a Magical girl knowing the suffering they must put up with. Magical Girls are made to suffer. Please help me, because I don't know what to do any more. This is driving me into complete madness and I don't want to end up in no dam Phy ward again. I had a bad traumatic experience. I was put in there over a deviated septum last year in Feb of 2023 for 2 and half weeks. What they did to me was just inhuman. I was having issues breathing and one day the head nurse and its helper came in the dark and ejected me with two syringes at the same time on both sides of my ribs. It felt like an alien abduction to me. Can anyone explain to me what type of shifts I am dealing with? I feel so scared, confused, broken and damaged goods. I hate dealing with the Anime Girl Body Dysphoria the most. I hate the fact that I can't go back and yet it keeps pushing me forward. I feel like I am a mental wreck, and I can't help feeling the way I do deep down inside! The more I Follow this Path the stronger the feelings of being a Anime Girl Gets. I Can't go back because there is only death and pain. Going forward drives me into feeling to be a true anime girl and live in an anime girl multiverse. The feeling is like being stuck in a dream state that I am unable to awaken from. This is why my dissociation is my best friend when I feel numb and in the void from any feelings and pain. I am sick of how people point the finger at me and say I brought this on myself. Why would I pick such painful and deadly path knowing that it could risk could be suicide and death. This is me in the world since I’ve been going my shape changing transmutation to being younger. The Post is my animal and then there is my anime girl soul family. I went to a psychic fair this week in Saturday and Sunday. I visit multi psychics for multiple different Readings, and they’ve all agreed that I am a Pleiadian. I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and everything and I know deep down inside I’ve been confirmed by others that I am a multi dimensional being. I also have the soul of an Anime Magical Teen Girl Goddess, that’s also been confirmed by a large group of psychics that they felt this anime girl child like present.
In other words you’re a difficult customer you were rude to the employees and you’re the victim shut up you’re a woman stop trying to make yourself relevant
Somehow I feel uncomfy, almost embarrassed being called a guy (I'm biologically female) and my girl name and she/her feels "lighter" but he/him and seeing other guys creates this longing, jealous ache in my heart and I feel like I relate more to guys and like accidentally refer to myself as if I was a guy and wanted to be a guy when I was younger, but then idk... I literally don't even know what I want anymore because I've been questioning for so long
Sex is not assigned! It is simply confirmed at birth. All this terminology is plain ridiculous psychobabble. Sex has nothing to do with your opinion; it is what it is. Gender is an opinion; therefore - you are free t think whatever you want; your sex still stays the same. So, why is all of this so controversial and important? Be who you want to be; but - don’t expect others to agree with you ☝🏻 Therefore, if you want your opinion to be respected, respect the opinions of others. Simple🤷🏼♂️
Being shouldn't be about gender roles or social expectations ! it is about aprofound belief of being a "male soul" inside a female body or vice-versa and experience dysphoria about this state of fact. Being gender non-conforming isnt being trans.
I was born a boy I can not deny the science, however I was not really a boy. I was a baby and my memories of childhood are profound.We lived on a street with a few houses across the dirt road was a farm. All the boys were older like 5 and never let me play with them, I ended up playing with the girls and did what they wanted me to do. We moved and my first playmate was a girl and we played dressed up and house and those games, then came school and I knew then I wanted to be a girl. I am!
Narcissistim on steroids. A server in any restaurant has 20 tables at a time. They DONT WANT TO CONNECT WITH You. They just want to go home and no one gives a fuck if you liked the calamari… you arrogant asshole. No one cares, live your life as a woman who loves women. We have more in common than you think
it really hurts to think about that i could’ve started at like 23 when i really started having those thoughts. here i am at 27, over half a year into hrt.
Feelings and gender are two different things. Feeling variate, while gender is constant. It doesn't matter if someone chops off his weener or grow it up, it's still two genders out there. And if someone wants to push on with woke stuff, then I'll say I am God and you are my servant and a peasant. Deal with it! 😁👊💪
Hello Dara, I needed this video today especially the minimizing part. I forget that I do this. I do not know why you left doing The therapy part, but I know you have left an enormous gift for people like me. I bought your book and was working through it and that was also enormously helpful before the book was destroyed in an accident. Yes your words, and Dara the person, still bring value to someone's life. I know that because it brings value to mine. On a less positive note, I watched a video and it said to go to the site to get a PDF about questions to ask yourself. I couldn't find it and it appears the site itself has been hacked as some of the links outbound go to places that don't seem right. I could be mistaken but I don't need the language in at least one of them. Thank you for all you have done. Shawna
Thank you Dara. I am so glad that you spoke of psychological changes. My physical dysphoria comes and goes but the mental dysphoria is almost always with me. I have a certain amount of gender fluidity which is not helped by work. I am not out and don't believe I have the opportunity to come out. I am hoping that HRT or GAHT or whatever it is called these days will keep me more on the feminine side of gender fluidity. That's what I really need more than anything. I look forward to any other changes though they may be problematic in my life.
