I don't usually reply to comments anymore but please take my word of advice and try your best to push through. If I read your comment correctly this may be a sign of su1cidal thoughts and plans and as a person who has attempted, regret or guilt will always come before feeling the pleasure of leaving forever. This issue should be addressed as quickly as possible with a therapist or even just telling someone you're close with about how you feel and I promise that once you realise your value from the words and actions of other people, your perspective and feelings will change. Before you think negatively and say that no one genuinely cares, I ask you not to make the same mistake I made and just assumed someone's feelings because no one is 100% sure of another persons thoughts. Go up to someone you trust and explain your problems. Anyone who cares and tries to help is there for you whether you think so or not and is there to support you. Leaving forever is a choice but trying to find people who will help and make you feel bliss instead of nothing once you die is also a choice. I believe that anyone can get to this point and will feel free from everything when they do. Although at the moment, it feels as though everything is against you, please let it go on for a little longer and ask for help. Your life might be worth more to other people, even if that other person isn't you.