I didn’t go to war or lose a love of my life. I didn’t grow up poor, honestly you look at my life subjectively and I’m blessed. But not really. I’ve been just beaten down by the family around me. Physically and emotionally growing up by my brothers and then when my parents got divorced I feel like I had to be strong for my mom and my brothers who weren’t hanging on at all. I fucked up in school and with relationships, I couldn’t projected my emotions to the people around me so people who weren’t family that tried to be in my life sadly took the blame and brunt of it. I convinced myself this is just how Jesus wants to use me, and maybe it was. But I lost touch of my emotions and my reality. My brother was crazy, my mom even crazier. The one staple role model in my life my mom drove out of the house in her boyfriend and from that point on and all points prior I felt like I was there for her but she was only there for me financially, and she let me know it. I lost my childhood to be her parent and got nothing for it. The same brothers who abused me became the ones who needed me when it came to finding their faith in Jesus, and needing a guide through their decisions in life. I essentially got guilted out of living with my mom by her to move in with my dad and it was just crazier from there. He got drunk a lot and beat up on one of our dogs and on his wife once. Somehow we all managed to live together after like nothing happened, eventually my step mom and I had a very very nasty argument. 2 years since Highschool and I lost college. I lost relationships, I lost respect and value for myself. I know Jesus is with me but I feel like for everything I’ve been there for for my loved ones it doesn’t matter. My oldest brother Michael has his own problems he deals with but I am blessed with him as someone I want to be more like in life. But I lost a lot for essentially no reason. My family didn’t actually change and my financial situation is terrible. I hold on hope Jesus will guide me through this and I do believe that but right now, I feel nothing but anger and hate, and a yearning to just go live my own life away from all of them. Hoping that day comes soon.
That feeling when you go back at night after a long day you lie on your bad and then you remember that you have to do it again and again Rumi said indeed each souls will taste death but not all souls will taste life . The question is how to taste life ?
Today is 5th of October 2024 A crush of my college my crush just told me 2nd day after after having a little bit of conversation that she is committed to her bf And she is ain't gonna talk to me anymore and byed Hope I'll se my self much ahead of her imagination Bless me maaaaaa♥️♥️🙂
Another masterpiece from Peaky Blinders. Thank you for your work. Thanks to Thomas' character I don't give up. I keep going even when it's very hard and everyone is against me. it really helps. Best regards.
