I lost someone today. he was very special to me, he was the first person who actually made me happy in awhile. And now I have no one I dont feel like I have a purpose to live.
I’ve gone through depression every single night and it’s been 4 years and it has not been better ever in my life, not a single person can help me because no one can make the one person return because he chosen drugs and other women over his son.
The worst kind of pain is when u can't cry or let it out yk. So u just sit there in an endless void filled with pain. Tired of the constant feelings yk. But ur too scared or weak to just end it. U don't end it cuz u know u deserve this. Idk. Ig thats how I feel. Endless void. just darkness
A lot of people in pain want to end it and commit. I've been in pain since I was a little kid. I've never been able to let it out so over the years its been building up. Although this pain and darkness inside me is yk hurting me and stuff, for some reason I don't want it to end. I feel like I truly deserve the shit I feel everyday. The pain I feel looking at my parents and family I deserve this yk. I hate myself. Im weak. I'm too weak to let go of the pain AMD just die. I'm too weak to fight the pain so I just let it happen. I did it to myself. I put myself in pain. Haha the funny thing is I don't have any friends and its my fault. I didnt text them enough ig. I tried to but idk ig it wasn't enough and I'm dumb for not being enough. Idk I'm just fucked up
I literally have no one, no friends and I mean it literally, for lunch at school all my 2 years in high school I went to the restroom and used my phone in the toilet and I went from restroom to another just to waste time walking around the school campus as if I was going to meet someone or do something but it was just me killing time. My parents ask me why I stay home all the time and I just lie, cause I’m ashamed of having no friends. I can’t go to my parents because they wouldn’t understand. I feel ugly and worthless. I feel unmotivated. I feeling like I’m boring. I feel like I’m a burden.
i’ve tried. i’ve tried so hard to be good enough for someone. to get my life back. but i can’t move on from the same damn place ive been in for 2 years. i can’t take much more of this. i’m tired. i want to be noticed.
I guess the point of watching these again is that we don't feel the same things twice If that's the pain, if it hurts, if it shallows your heart It will eventually pass.
Everyone thinks I’m the happiest person in the world but the moment the doors closed and I’m alone it’s a whole other story... the smiles fade away and the laughs go silent and I can’t feel anything anymore
I come here just to see that there are people like me, fictional or not. That I am not alone in the world experiencing this pain. To see that there are other people who just want to be themselves and accepted.
I wanna SHOUT!!! I want to be happy. I wanna smile. I am so sorry... It's getting worse everyday. I tired to try everyday. I don't expect the idea that tomorrow will be a better day. I attempted suicide twice and i cut my wrests an hour ago. I am fucked up. I am a bullshit, problem. İ wanna die
The Crunch too much too little too fat too thin or nobody. laughter or tears haters lovers strangers with faces like the backs of thumb tacks armies running through streets of blood waving winebottles bayoneting and fucking virgins. or an old guy in a cheap room with a photograph of M. Monroe. there is a loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock. people so tired mutilated either by love or no love. people just are not good to each other one on one. the rich are not good to the rich the poor are not good to the poor. we are afraid. our educational system tells us that we can all be big-ass winners. it hasn't told us about the gutters or the suicides. or the terror of one person aching in one place alone untouched unspoken to watering a plant. people are not good to each other. people are not good to each other. people are not good to each other. I suppose they never will be. I don't ask them to be. but sometimes I think about it. the beads will swing the clouds will cloud and the killer will behead the child like taking a bite out of an ice cream cone. too much too little too fat too thin or nobody more haters than lovers. people are not good to each other. perhaps if they were our deaths would not be so sad. meanwhile I look at young girls stems flowers of chance. there must be a way. surely there must be a way we have not yet thought of. who put this brain inside of me? it cries it demands it says that there is a chance. it will not say "no."
