I'm gay and I haven't found anyone yet, in my late 30's now. I went through my dark night of the soul completely alone. Now I'm at a place where I can truly reinvent myself, I have a clean slate so to speak. I've just realized that pretty much everything presented to me as a child and young adult was a complete lie by society, and I was forced to let go of everything and face compete disillusionment at such a young age. I would see people going to weddings and acting like they were 'part of the club', they were part of the in-group, in the wedding party, having sex in the champagne room in a tux...but the reality is that all of that was an illusion for them, too. I may be kind of empty, but I am not attached to anything (except my cats), and there is so much accidental freedom in that. I see straight guys my age falling into such a deep depression and despair because they bought into what society was selling...but it was really just materialistic attachment, and their marriages were based on pretty much nothing but a shared delusion. Their worth is based entirely on external perception about what they have accomplished, about their status, about what a woman thinks about them. Women are so, so cruel to men, and the other night I was just thinking that I feel so happy that I don't have to seek them out for sexual fulfillment. What a blessing! Heterosexuality is basically just a biological meat grinder that consumes everything in its path, it is like a snake that is eating its own tail. Somehow, I got lucky enough to be gay, and it's like a get out of jail free card.
