Mark Andreas lives in Boulder CO, where he runs a private practice offering NLP Change Coaching to individuals around the world. Meeting over Zoom, Mark helps people resolve limitations and achieve life-goals using NLP, Core Transformation, the Wholeness Work, Metaphors of Movement, and other methods for personal transformation and development: www.markandreas.com
Mark also trains NLP internationally, including the Advanced Core Transformation course, and the Core Transformation Coach Certification course, both of which he co-designed with his aunt Tamara Andreas: www.AndreasNLP.com
Mark is author of these books: “Sweet Fruit from the Bitter Tree: 61 stories of creative and compassionate ways out of conflict:” www.amazon.com/Sweet-Fruit-Bitter-Tree-Compassionate/dp/0911226451
“Waltzing with Wolverines: finding connection and cooperation with troubled teens:” www.amazon.com/Waltzing-Wolverines-Connection-Cooperation-Troubled/dp/0996802029
Hi Mark, this video is a very good intro to CT. Please, do you know if Core Transformation works with Personality Disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder? I'm asking because these Personality Disorders at least from the point of view of "normal/standard psychology" are seen as very difficult to change because it is about people's personality traits, not just bad moods, etc. Have you or your family (Connirae and Tamara) had patients with these disorders? Thank you so much in advance!
We have had patients with these disorders, and since I am a coach, not a therapist, what I say is "I don't diagnose or treat diagnoses. What I can do is work with you to transform feelings, behaviors, and thought processes that get in your way that you want to change," and then go forward with the work just as we would with anyone else. Here's a great podcast with a Psychotherapist who has used CT really successfully in a mental health setting including with tough clinical diagnoses: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-1jUYlx-ZO_E.html
I'm trying to gather all the information I can to have a heart to heart type intervention with my 16 yr old niece. She's a survivor of abuse from age 11. It's been 2 years and her Mom still hasn't put her into therapy which is a shame, bc she stays in trouble. Every other week in ISS, having her phone confiscated by the principal. Always trying to sneak off with boys. Dress and act like she's grown. She's been to a group home for troubled teens and was kicked out. Her Mom is recovering from cancer so my Mom (her grand mom) took her in. My mom is old and not really in a position physically or financially to deal with her. She can't live with her other grand mom though bc they can't get along and will almost get into fist fights. My Mom and all of my sisters and I have been kind to her and her brother.. taking them on trips, she's been to Disney World, other amusement parks, she has her own decorated room, we buy her nice things, take them out to eat. My oldest sister who's an evangelist and sooo sweet and giving is constantly organizing events. She has prayed over my niece and nothing works! She's very manipulative and pitting us against each other by lying and just causing constant drama. To be honest I almost feel like she's a lost cause, "ALMOST feel". I've never seen a child so disrespectful, selfish, inconsiderate and uncontrollable as her. Luckily I also see the sweet hurt little girl inside, and when I talk to her she's very polite and for whatever reason she seems to respect and look up to me. She talks, laughs and behaves like a kid should when she talks to me, but we never talk about her behavior and other issues, bc I don't want to upset her and I felt like it wasn't my place but since nothing else is working, I think it's my turn to try to get through to her. I feel like if I can just find the perfect words to reach her in a profound way it will open her eyes by the grace of God🙏😔🙏
Request noted! Glad you found it so useful. It's busy times for me, and will take a while to get to adding phase 2 and 3, so until then, you can find them in the book Core Transformation: www.amazon.com/Core-Transformation-Reaching-Wellspring-Within/dp/0911226338
Hi SB, small world. I'm in Boulder Colorado. However I'm currently doing all my coaching online over Zoom. You can contact me through my website www.markandreas.com if you'd like to explore this or other ways to support your son.
@@SB-md4tt I tried twice responding to your email to me, and I’m getting this message: “Your message wasn't delivered because the address couldn't be found, or is unable to receive mail.” Email me if you get it fixed or have another email. Here is some of what I wrote: I’m so sorry to hear about this, sounds really difficult. Can you give me a little more background on your son (send me via email). This will give me some more insight about what resources I can recommend. One simple and cheap thing, is to get my book Waltzing with Wolverines (what this RU-vid video was based on) for tools and strategies you can use to support your son: www.amazon.com/Waltzing-Wolverines-Connection-Cooperation-Troubled/dp/0996802029 As for Therapy, I am a life coach, not a therapist. I’d be happy to work with him if it seems like a fit, AND he needs to be interested and wanting to work with me. If he’s not, I’d be happy to work with you, to teach you things that could be helpful to you in supporting him, and also supporting yourself through the challenges. There’s a lot you can get from the book above, with lots of examples to make it more accessible how to implement these strategies to support kids, and coaching with me makes it easier how to apply what’s in the book to your specific situation. If you do want to explore coaching (or your son does) I use a lot of methods that can be really helpful for transforming challenging emotions, habits/behaviors, inner experiences. You can learn more about these methods on my website blog where I share a lot of specific story examples of some of the client work I do/methods I guide people through: markandreas.com/blog/ And here is a free intro on one of the personal transformation methods I use: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-ZT4Dle7pN90.html I hope these resources are helpful to you! Warmly, ~Mark
I may be extra sensitive to this because I've been lying in the dark with noise cancelling earphones listening to this video, but... Something fun I noticed was that you started out sounding tense, to the point of being somewhat grating. Your voice then becomes progressively more relaxed, earnest, deep, and calming as you start to talk about the actual subject matter. And I find that awesome and cool. An alternative explanation is just that I'm getting used to your voice. I don't know... Either way I just want to say that I loved your video and how you presented the subject matter.
Think 🤔 for selves empower children 👧 is my specialty ..supporting children that child inside of you …what do u need ????do we can do this win 🏅 🏅 they are there Bc they needed something ❓❓❓⁉️
His book sounds interesting, but as a parent of four teenagers, gotta be honest: it's hard to take any parenting advice from someone who isn't a parent. Working with other ppls kids just is not really the same,
I hear that! If it sounds interesting enough to get the book and try some of it out, let me know if you find it useful. I’ll have 2 teenage sons in 13 years, so then I’ll get to put to the ultimate test😊 (I’ll let you in on a secret though, in my experience these approaches work for all (caring) human relationships, not just parents with teenagers).
@@MarkAndreas1 congratulations on becoming a parent, that is awesome! Yes, I see what you mean. Love and understanding will always be helpful in relationships struggles! My husband just got a job at the public school to "handle the bad kids" lol. So we will read your book!
@@azhotmom Thank you! Can’t imagine a more meaningful thing than working with kids (both one’s own and with others), wish him all the best for me. And lots of respect for having 4 of your own, you’re braver than I am!!
I sent you an email off your web site. Maybe we can talk about my journey. Ive been wanting to talk to you for awhile but Ive had so few people be interested in my long journey I didn't know if youd be interested.
Thank you so much, David! I hope you'll accept my apologies for taking so terribly long to respond. Having a new infant has made life really full!!! I'm responding to your email now...
Mark if you get a chance to read this book called The Stormy Search for The Self . It explains so much about mental rebirth and metaphysics. I think your mom might like that book since she likes so much about wholeness.
I used this process for the past 20 years to heal my schizophrenia and I have to say this is one of the only processes I could use to heal such a dark place in me. Without the CT process I would have been schizophrenic forever.
Wow, thank you so much for sharing your experience! So powerful! Is your experience already written up in the book "Core Transformation"? If not, I'd be interested in learning more if you had any interest in writing up a bit more of the details and sending over to me. You can contact me through my website www.MarkAndreas.com (Apologies for the late reply, my son was just born and still catching up).
👏👏👏 Bravo! - I bought the book "core transformation" last night...at 4am...I just woke up, 30 mins ago...at 12.44 midday - Loved this, was really well done, exaggerated situational comedy, irony, a realism that most can relate to...do more of these, you will go viral if that is what your looking for, it's a super popular format right now, but a lot seem to try too hard, but still stack thousands or millions of views...thanks 😊👍
No they don't, and yes they already are (depending on your definition of hypnosis). The process naturally guides people to a deep state that many would refer to as light or deep trance (depending on the person/session), but there's nothing you need to do to get someone there. By following the process people will naturally go into the state that fits for them.
I agree completely that it's wrong. That was my mistake and my learning on my second expedition, as I describe in the video. That's why I never did that again--and we never did again as a program either.
Buddy, you have such a precise, focused and genital approach to your integration work. I feel very inspired, it's a process I use however I have learned a lot from your short video. Thank you very much!
No wonder my kids hate churches and have been giving hell since last camp in 2014 as revenge. You guys are hurting and traumatazing kids!!! Never again
Sorry to hear your kids had a bad experience at that camp. I hope these methods are helpful to you in strengthening your relationship with your kids : )
I listened to this video and bought Mark's Book because I'm helping a friend raise three teenage foster kids who are officially classified as troubled. There is an official term for them, but they have far more behavior issues relative to the average child in foster care. One of the kids has a major anger problem and he stabbed a teacher 30 times with a pencil and is currently medicated up to his eye teeth, but his anger is still literally frightening. He has been removed multiple times from homes and is now with us because we have his twin sister. The concepts Mark teaches have been very enlightening and helpful already, and I'm only halfway through the book so far. I love that it is a love-based approach vs an authoritarian approach and it helps kids evolve and grow in a healthy way to take more responsibility over their own lives. Based on what I learned about how Mark delt with conflict, I have started studying Non Violent Communication, by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD. While we wait for approval for Family Therapy to deal with the additional and on-going and heightened conflict that has entered the home since the boy with the anger management issues arrived, I have been learning and teaching non-violent communication to all five of us (my friends, the three kids and I) as a way to provide us all with the skill sets to resolve conflicts peacefully. We will see how it goes! I love the ideas Mark presents about not getting into a power struggle with the kids either. The boy was getting really angry that we forced him to leave his gaming device (which he is really Addicted to) at home so we could take them for a bike ride. In the car on the way to the trailhead he was complaining about how sometimes he just really likes to just be left alone to be on his device. I used Mark's approach of being on the kid's side. "Yes! " I said. "Wouldn't we all like to just sit at home on the couch all day and do what we like while eating out favorite foods! I would love some Twinkies and Ding Dongs and Ho Ho's (showing my age here) and pizza and ice cream all day long while I watch movies or surf the internet and just do nothing, but we know that exercise and spending time with family is good for us, so we need to get out and force ourselves to do it." Once I began emphasizing with him instead of fighting against him, he started getting into it too, naming all his favorite foods he would like to sit around eating while gaming all day, like Twizzlers. But he still wasn't out of his funk yet. As he settled defiantly into the corner of the back seat, I used another of Mark's suggestions, which was to have an endless supply of riddles. The boy immediately told us not to talk to him or expect him to participate, to which I readily agreed because I was following Mark's advice not to get into a power struggle with him. I looked up some riddles on my smartphone and began reading the riddles to his twin sister and my friend. When his twin sister solved a riddle, I passed her my iPhone so she could read the next riddle and answer 20 questions about it. Pretty soon the boy had come out of his funk and was offering suggestions to solve the riddle and shortly after that he was asking to have a turn being the one to read the riddle. But then the ride itself led to a physical fight between him and his sister, which is why we are now learning non violent communication skills, but we make progress in baby steps, so I'm good with it. All I can say is buy the book and study it. Whether you have a troubled teen or just a regular teen, or child, or just deal with difficult people at work, it has something in it for you to improve your people skils. I also suggest you look into the work of Dr. Bryan Post, PhD at the Post Institute which specializes in love-based approaches for working with Troubled Kids -- and he himself was a troubled kid once in foster care and later adopted and by his own admission an accomplished theif by the age of 9. Thanks Mark! Keep up the good work!
Hi Susan, thanks so much for sharing your experience and for your detailed example of how you've implemented some of the methods from the book, so glad the book has been helpful. I really admire people with the strength and dedication to take in a foster child, much less more than one! I'm sure your friend is so glad to have all your help and support with this! I'm also glad you're enjoying learning NVC, which is something I've found really valuable. For those wanting a simplified version, which I think gets to the core and simplifies it nicely, here's a blog post I wrote about it that you may like: markandreas.com/2013/03/nvc-and-the-value-of-a-single-word/ One slight tweak I'd offer for your example above, which brings in the nonviolent communication, is regarding this sentence: "but we know that exercise and spending time with family is good for us, so we need to get out and force ourselves to do it." I'd suggest just changing this sentence slightly by using "I" rather than "we." This makes it your experience you're talking about, so he is then free to have a different one if his experience is different. (It also ensures that there's nothing that can be argued with, because you're just saying what your experience is). Wishing you all the best, and thanks again for sharing!
Most welcome! Once you finish (or at least start) the video course, I hope you join for your 30 free days in the CT practice group I run on Saturdays: www.andreasnlp.com/trainings/live-online/ct-practice-group-membership/
this process is appropriately named. I have been using it for myself and also my clients for a while now and it has increasingly been the backbone of my practice, because it can help so deeply, with so much. Thank you Mark!
Excellent video Mark! I was fortunate to be trained with your mom, Connirae at a Master Practitioner in Winter Park in 1996 with NLP Comprehensive. The 3 days with her was so AWESOME and Life Changing. I also did 3 days of Advanced Language Patterns With Tamara in the training. I have personally benefited in many ways. Also with family members and clients. I have some amazing stories. As a school teacher for 25 years, I would do it before class with my self most days, which allowed me to teach while in a Core State. I would have almost no discipline problems, while many teachers were often ready to quit. It is a Life changing process to say the least. Priceless!!!
Most welcome! Here's the next offering Oct. 30-Nov. 1, Live Online, taught by co-author of the book, my amazing aunt Tamara Andreas: andreasnlp.com/trainings/live-online/core-transformation-foundation/
@@MarkAndreas1 Hi Mark, I've read the Core Transformation book & finished the 3 day on-line workshop with Tamara Andreas. Is there ant practice groups I can enroll on to practice new skills please?
@@davesmall7419 Yes absolutely! Here is the practice group I lead on the first 4 Saturdays of every month: andreasnlp.com/trainings/live-online/ct-practice-group-membership/ I hope to see you there!
Pray for their salvation and spiritual maturity every day. God can change anyone. Let me tell you that one day I layed my hand on my spouse's shoulder and said to him, "Be born again in the name of Jesus." And he has been changed by God's grace ever since. He is so much more positive now. So much less angry. I know people who've been changed through water baptism in Jesus' name. I heard it's the ight way to baptize not in the name of the father , son and holy spirit. I know someone he was changed in the midst of his despair and anger filled life because he uttered a prayer , "God save me." God changed him that very moment. He's a new person to this day, full of peace and joy of the Lord, not too angry and bound in addiction anymore.
@@liveforchrist1474 Whatever one's religious or spiritual beliefs, this video is about what we ourselves can do to connect with and respect the teenagers in our lives (as well as recognize those things beyond our control, which if you believe in God, are the things you can leave to God). One of my favorite sayings is a paraphrasing of a Tibetan saying, "If you have a problem you can do something about, you don't have a problem, but if you have a problem you CAN'T do something about, you don't have a problem."
I mostly get into battles over life altering decisions that my children want to make their ages are 18 and 20. If it were as simple as doing a school assignment for example they would have to deal with failing. The issues that I get into power struggles over are more serious and not easy to get out of due to the nature of the issue. How do get out of the power battle when you need to protect the child but they don't want to listen?
These are by no means easy issues. If you feel a need to protect your child that you believe is in their best interest, and you have the power to do so, then there is no need for a power battle. You already have the power to do it, so you just do what you think is best. With kids who are 18 and 20, there is very little you do have the power to make them do to be safe according to what you think is best (unless they are breaking the law, in which case you can call the police, though there's no guarantee that this will end safely either). One fact of life is that people will make their own choices. The best way for you to have positive influence over those choices, is to recognize this, and not try to force your kids to do something they know you can't make them to do. This will bring respect, and a closer relationship, which will make it more likely they understand that you want the best for them, and thus the most likely that they take your concerns to heart. But they still may not, and that's part of life. One of my favorite quotes is by a Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus, "The secret to happiness is to stop worrying about those things that are beyond the power of your will." Easier said than done, of course, but very true.
Great story but I was hoping for something to help me with more serious power battles, ones that can't be gotten out of due to safety. Such as teen want to hang out with friends during pandemic.
My point is that it is never helpful to get into a power battle, no matter the seriousness of the situation, because if you're battling, it means you're trying to control something you don't actually have control over. If you have control, you just do what you think is best to protect everyone, no need for a battle. Feel free to share more specifics if you want my take on that. Wishing you all the best, raising kids is the biggest challenge we face, I think!
I currently work as a juvenile care worker and I have been trying to implement these tools and it’s hard when it’s no consistency. I feel like I’m losing the battle. I attempted to establish rapport, I avoid power control battles, I don’t feel like that is necessary. I try to speak slow and calm and they only respond to regression and anger. It’s rough.
It is rough, and nothing's going to happen overnight. You may make a huge difference to the kids you work with, and never know it from their reactions. Being a consistent, caring, presence no matter what they give you back may make a huge difference to them without you ever finding out. And nobody reaches everybody. One thing you may explore for rapport is matching their tempo even as you're being kind. If they are aggressive and angry, you may want to speak more rapidly and forceful, though with a loving message, to start. Then gradually go more slow and calm when you see them following you. I go into this and many other strategies in the book, which you can read some of for free on Amazon if you haven't already. Wishing you all the best!
@mark Andreas hello I’m a 33 year old mother of 4 my oldest is Mathew he’s 15 just turned a few months ago , Audrey 12 , belleh 9 , Jassie 7 & I’m desperately in need for any type of help , my son has gotten out of control he’s smoking weed , he started hanging out w friends who are in a formal gang , & I’m afraid he’s end up becoming one & thing’s eventually will just go all the way bad & I’m honestly in need of a helping hand on any type of advice, help program I live in California & I don’t know if I’m living under a rock 🪨 or I’m just not finding the right type of help for my Son , I feel like a total failure because our relationship is took a different direction, we hurt echother with word’s & I’ve allow hem to drag me in to feeding in to his negativity & we just keep going back in forth he keeps bringing up very personal things & literally flipping everything & anything & has me believing all the bad things he’s mixing & also making up & contradicting, & ends up projecting all this horrible assumptions & lies , towards my character & my mothership, I end up falling in to his game & here I am being rude & nasty thinking if I get ugly back he will maybe show me some type of pettiness, at this point I’m hopeless & I’m in a reck & my anger is beyond all the level’s , now he’s done broke all my furniture & done the absolute most to get Uber my skin over a simple chore & me getting hem to get on top of his responsibilities, because he has not been doing it , for months now , this is so hard , I need help
Thank you for this video! I was looking for a resource to affirm my intuition that we should always be on their side and never on the opposite side. All the advice out there is to manipulate them to get them to comply with our demands and to win power struggles.
@@MarkAndreas1 Right yes I'm gonna buy it and let you know my son has a background he has 3 suicide attempts he is just 11 and its a long story but yes I will share how it goes.
@@ilianalara7306 I'm so sorry to hear that. Wishing you all the best. I think raising kids is one of the biggest challenges of life--a journey I've just embarked on with my first (7 months old). I hope you find something useful from my experiences with teens that can help support you and your son.
Hi Tza, if you want to share more specifics, I'd be happy to give you my thoughts on what might be helpful to you. Based on what you've written, it sounds like you want your daughter to respond to you verbally, which is very understandable. However, it is outside of your control, so if you get into this power battle, it's one you will lose every time if your daughter wants you to. Instead I'd focus on letting your daughter know your expectations, whether or not she responds verbally, and if those aren't met you can draw her attention to the natural consequences, and possibly some logical consequences that you decide upon. Of course remember to keep letting her know how much you care about her during this whole process.
So you let them do whatever they felt like doing and pawned off responsibility to the parents therapist...! No wonder you lasted so long , you were ineffective and didn't ruffle the dear teenagers feathers. Nice job , help them don't just process them in the future.
I didn't let them do whatever they felt like doing, absolutely not. I made it very clear what my expectations were, and enforced those expectations when they were broken. However I also didn't pretend to have control over things that I had no control over, and did my best to help kids to realize their own responsibility. As far as the assignment, it was given by the therapist, so absolutely that is between them and their therapist. Yes, you could hold a gun to a teen's head and make them do an assignment, but that isn't therapy that's forced obedience.
Currently have our first foster child shes 11 and very defiant, arrogant, disrespectful and honestly very very difficult, This video has helped Thank you.
Most welcome! You can also read the first part of the book online for free--lots more details of helpful strategies: www.amazon.com/Waltzing-Wolverines-Connection-Cooperation-Troubled/dp/0996802029
Hi! I'm planning on doing some stop motion with gummy bears, could you give me some advice about how moving the gummy bears even if they have their legs very tight to their bodies? Nice job anyway!
Thanks, new to me. "Awake Dreaming" to uncover unconscious metaphors might be clearer. Mark, the hamster wheel woman's solution in her feet suggests her dilemma was driven by her misunderstandings. Looking up Andrew Austin too. I'm also thinking this is highly related to George Kelly's and Rudolf Dreikurs 1950s innovations, how our Naive Scientist (Inner Child) can mis-construe the world and our place in it.
