For autistic people & those who care about us. Autistamatic content is made entirely by autistic contributors, curated & presented by Quinn. If you're autistic or your partner, friend, family member or colleague is you'll find something that will help make your life easier and maybe make a bit more sense.
Videos on relationships, diagnosis, work and the fundamentals of autistic life . New, high quality, fully captioned content every Wednesday at 9pm UK time.
The majority of people who use High Functioning Autism is a large number of people who fake autism, namely these people are from Tiktok and sadly RU-vid. They use it as a quirk and the term got popularized thanks to them.
Um, I discovered something about myself I really don't like: it turns out, I do have some forms of abIeism in me. Like, with people who have learning disabiIties and ASD. And because of my point of view, a coworker of mine--who has both--heard what I had to say about him on a hypnotist show. Because I didn't _truly_ respect him, he felt the need to leave the job and work where he could get more respect. And the worst part is, next to losing one of our _hardest_ workers, I can't simply _change_ the perspective; it's _automatically_ in me. Even though the guy was such a hard worker, that wasn't enough for me to respect him on the inside. I thought his strengths only came from his choices, that he didn't have any natural skills as strengths too. Like, hard worker, but not smart or competent. And I feel really bad about this obnoxious perspective I have, toward him and anyone with learning/developmental disabiIities. Does that make me a real jerk?
We're all jerks until we see it in ourselves. I was one once - I probably still AM in some respects I don't know of yet, but like you appear to be, I don't WANT to be a jerk. By seeing this in yourself & posting here you've taken the first step of many towards NOT being a jerk (in this way) any more. I'd say that was progress, wouldn't you? You've (I hope) started to recognise that this perspective is one you learned and that you can unlearn it too. Fear of the unknown is natural but prejudice against the specific is learned. I first learned about my own ableism by being a jerk myself and seeing the hurt I caused, kind of like you jus have. I've been on the receiving end of ableism myself too, many times, but you can put it right sometimes, if the cuts weren't too deep and the opportunity arises. But even if you can't make things good for/with the guy you mentioned, at least you're not so likely to misjudge someone like him next time.
@@Autistamatic But that's just it: I AM likely to misjudge someone like him. I....still think autistics are lesser in comparison to neurotypicals. Lesser human beings...lesser social skills...lesser personalities. I can't simply unlearn it, as _you_ said, because the attitude is automatically in me, like _I_ said. It's glued to my inside. I can't help but think neurotypicals are better and closer to "normal." As a matter of fact, I think neurotypical=normal and autistic=abnormal is realistically fair enough. See? I'm full ofprejudice.
Thank you Quinn. Only just found your videos, but, at 62, have just been diagnosed AuDHD. My life finally makes so much sense, but as a girl, I’d learned to mask early.
So many of us are abused by our parents. I’m autistic and transgender. My dad told me ide never be a man, I don’t like rough handshakes (or them in general) I don’t make eye contact, I talk too soft, I was punished harshly if I couldn’t finish my dinner (he would take away my drink or tell me to starve and go to my room) and I’ve always been so sensitive to rejection, wondered why everybody hated me and found me so annoying. After so long you begin to mask all your personality. Your honesty, sensitivity to emotions, and creativity, they get crushed by assholes. I’m trying to embrace who I am in this crushing society that wasn’t made with diversity and critical thinking in mind
Transactional interactions I feel is less a neurotypical thing and more a capitalism thing that capitalism has duped most NT people into practicing outside of the world of business. You can make a non transactional action transactional convincing the other person that their part of the “transaction” is making you feel good, I.E. “I helped you because it makes me happy when I help people”
I do not quite understand why i have such feeling when i have to study for the university's exams. But it paralize me and i keep avoiding it. This feeling is unbearable. How can i cope with it? How can i overcome it?
Age is almost definitely the major factor as to why my dad (who is rapidly approaching his 60s) wasn't diagnosed in his childhood. As for why it took until two years ago to finally get a diagnosis, it's because his father didnt like him and his mother was an alcoholic, so he had to rapidly develop mechanisms to survive in general society that masked his innate self. When my brother broke the news to me, my response was "yeah, that makes sense". It's honestly amazing that none of us put the pieces together. His insistence on precise communication, his borderline obsessive interests, his hypersensitivity to smells and sounds. His general rigidity. But I suppose to us that was normal. That's just dad.
Even less chance if you are over 60 and female. There is no "epidemic" of autism...it's just all us older people figuring out why we struggled for all these years.
"Could I be autistic myself?"...That is a powerful question!!...I've asked myself that's more than a year back on my own and it opened my mind and it made me a fighter for my son
This is the best piece on autistic experience I've ever seen so far. Bravo! There is only one fly in the ointment, that sentence about religion. Religion makes it a moral issue that you believe things which cannot be proven.
get this - I worked in group homes as a residential counselor for years and I excelled with working with dual diagnosis w/autism folks. I was senior counselor because i communicated with non=verbal folks on a level even i didn't quite understand how. turns out i'm on the spectrum as well! looking back things made a lot more sense/clicked in a way never as before, from my childhood to my working life - i'm retired now. go figure.
You imagine in another way. We are all synesthetes. You are not deficient. The labels "autistic " or "neurodivergent" only means you don't fit the norm or average. The mainstream. You have different abilities along with norm abilities, but nothing is wrong with you. The great scientists and artists and leaders don't fall in the norm category, either. Einstein would have been medicated to norm him if he's been born today. He didn't start talking until he was 4. Repeat: there is nothing wrong or deffcient with you. You have a gift to offer the world. A unique perspective
I don't feel that it makes me a lesser human when I describe my visual imagination as "poor". It's just a fact, not a judgement or an opinion. I can't walk as well as most other people, I wear glasses to supplement my vision and my hearing isn't as good on one side than the other, but none of that makes me lesser either. It's also fair to say that were those facilities to function within a "normal" range, my life would be easier. Whether it would be as rich or not is moot. Suffice to say, as I have done on this channel many a time, I'd still rather be me, than not me, so I accept everything that comes in that "me" package as part of the balancing act I refer to in the video.
huh think problem atleast with me personally might be the that those situations of unfair demands and misunderstandings become pretty much anger problems with literal imagination of your eyes clouding over as your face and neck muscles tense ready to raise your voice to make yourself heard without objection. so pretty much ptsd and years of suppressed anger.
I'm definitely not aphantasic. I have vivid imagination. As kid this vivid imagination got me into a lot of trouble. Too much day dreaming. I look back at think it was how dealt with bullies, the buzzing lights, the loud voices. I'd retreat in my own imagination and get spaced out look on my face. This still happens to me even now in 50s. I quite enjoy it from time to time but it can happen in inopportune times like at work in a meeting. So I'm not entirely in control of it. I suppress it a lot in order to mask. One the cool things about it is can visualize it externally. I can walk into a pub and turn it into old western saloon. I try not do that because that can lead to me to spacing out in my imagination as create cinematic scene of a gun fight over a poker game. I played lot of RPG games and made up my own stories. I never felt that conveyed them in game as I saw them in my mind. The color and texture of moss growing on rock in an ancient ruins. Figure I'd post this as you said posts help your channel out and I'm happy to post things like this.
There's some question-begging going on here. By assuming the hierarchy of social power relations laid out by the neuro-typical ruling order is fundamentally correct, and that therefore we're siding with societally agreed underdogs (which we may do), you're painting our predicament in overly specific colours. What if I'm unable to 'go along to get along' with the relentless anti-White hatred built into the modern media? Does that simply not count because Foucault says White people can't be hated and mistreated? It's just question-begging. You don't get to reshape my lived experience any more than The People Who Know Best who tell you you're humourless while they get offended at every obviously humourous remark. You've nailed the fundamental predicament: we see no reason to 'find it funny' when something dark and malevolent is being pushed, pretending to just be a bit of fun. It's not fun, it's evil. But you shouldn't then simply _assume_ a pretend liberal shibboleth that hasn't been anywhere near true for decades. Example: David Walliams' "Red Riding Hood" (or whatever the title was). The 'moral of the story' was that we shouldn't 'judge' the wolf; that accepting a few grannies will get eaten (et cetera) is better than the alternative, which is essentially that the dumb rubes in the extra-metropolitan plebian jungle are just Nazis who didn't adequately pay attention to Teacher. Where's the joke, the light-heartedness, the niceness? That world-view's depressing, and before lefties spit the dummy, it's also hyper-capitalist. Why should strong cohesive communities get in the way of big line going up? Fundamentally your analysis *is* right: we refuse to laugh along with people who hate our guts. But it's not as narrow, or as conformist, as you risk making out here. We're not resentful that the dominant NT culture isn't _liberal enough_ - we're resentful that the dominant NT culture _hates us_ - that's not the same thing.
I’m 68, so when I was a child it was unheard of to be ‘high functioning autistic’. I was hyperlexic and quite clever at school. Didn’t socialise because I was completely absorbed in things I liked to make and didn’t need company. A narcissist mother didn’t help, I was constantly punished for being difficult, especially difficult with food. In those days if you were seen as clever and good at school, then what was the problem? High masking also worked. Though really, if you have abusive parents, there are many factors that turn you into a survivor. It’s when you’re older your body can’t take it anymore and you just burn out and break mentally, that’s when good counselling figures it out, because your mask falls off.
I’m 68, so when I was a child it was unheard of to be ‘high functioning autistic’. I was hyperlexic and quite clever at school. Didn’t socialise because I was completely absorbed in things I liked to make and didn’t need company. A narcissist mother didn’t help, I was constantly punished for being difficult, especially difficult with food. In those days if you were seen as clever and good at school, then what was the problem? High masking also worked. Though really, if you have abusive parents, there are many factors that turn you into a survivor. It’s when you’re older your body can’t take it anymore and you just burn out and break mentally, that’s when good counselling figures it out, because your mask falls off.
Two months ago, at the age of 45, I was unexpectedly diagnosed as autistic. The news was shocking. Interestingly, when explaining my experience to others, I often use the analogy of being ‘unplugged from the Matrix’. This vividly captures the sensation I felt then and continue to feel now. Good video, worth a follow!
Brilliant video. It’s funny but rather sad how I was always obsessed with trying be normal but the fact that I believed in such a fallacy that anyone is normal is what’s so funny to me. Anytime I would be bullied at school and I would go to someone for help because I came to the conclusion that the reason I was bullied is because I’m not normal, they would say “there is no such thing as normal,” and I never believed that statement because I never seen anyone follow thru with this logic. As I would see the same person who told me that advice to get mad at someone for being different and sticking out from the ‘norm’. The whole “there is no such thing as normal, or, “everybody is a little weird,” felt like empty platitudes. The world was so confusing and nothing made sense. Especially when I tried to mask and follow the beat of everyone else’s drum, the beat would change so suddenly and into completely different genres of beats that I couldn’t catch up. Once I found out I had AuDHD, I was so happy. It opened my eyes to lifestyle I was denying myself for so long and that was being unapologetically me. Anyone who fought against myself I would no longer listen to like I would have before.
Great video thank you 🙏 I’ve been asking myself this question since last year. Diagnosed AuDHD at 46. How did I miss it 🤷♀️ It’s soooo obvious now that I know 🌈🧠✨
Thinking on it more, when I’m awake it is probably more like the lightning flashes behind closed curtains, and there is a sense of it being quite distant from me. It only flashes when uninvited, it can’t be summoned consciously at all; the more I try to picture something the more aware I am of the blackness.
I realised I had aphantasia within the last year from an animated RU-vid video about an artist who realised they had aphantasia and the things they struggled with as an artist. I can see vivid images when I dream while I’m sleeping or sometimes while I’m starting to fall asleep or starting to wake, but I can’t summon images in my mind on purpose, maybe a dull flicker of something I’ve seen before but I can’t hold it for more than a fraction of a second, and I can’t see anything I have never seen before, it is like it is not accessible to me. I am sad to know that other people can see images in their mind it sounds really useful and cool. I never understood what daydreaming in class was, and found it boring when I tried to daydream by resting my head on my hand and thinking about something (copying what I’d seen daydreaming to look like in a comic).
My drawing ability when I have reference vs when I don’t have reference is vastly different. Without reference I know the elements that make up the object but the result will be very basic and cartoony and the proportions will not look quite right. It might be easier if I have drawn it before as the positions of the lines in relation to each other become easier to recreate through repetition or builds into some form of muscle memory. Using reference ends up with much better results but I have to relook at the reference frequently because I can’t hold the image in my mind, and it can be difficult to deviate from recreating the reference as it is. It can also be difficult to resolve visual issues, I can tell that there is something wrong but I can’t problem solve visual issues in my mind I need to see it visually represented, such overlaying the reference to see where it deviates. I also realised earlier this year that I’m an external processor, I find it easier to think things through using writing, drawing or speaking. It can be quite difficult to move forward in my thought process or solve problems without some external form of expressing and hearing/seeing the thoughts. I’m not sure whether that processing style has any link to aphantasia, but I could see it being potentially related to not being able to visualise the words or problems in my head either at all or for long enough to do anything with them.
I thought this video was about the opposite. I’m AuDhd, and I just discovered that I have Hyperphantasia. I see things very vividly in my mind's eye. If I’m bored, I can create and watch a movie in my mind. I can’t hear words without seeing images.
Thanks for commenting. The "can’t hear words without seeing images" part is something quite familiar to a lot of us, though it takes different forms. I'll be talking about it in an upcoming video.
I was/am too good at masking so literally no-one in my life can believe or accept that i could be autistic. Even after a diagnosis from my psychiatrist. So i just put the masks back on and the cycle of denial continues……
Thank you so much man, made me cry and feel good about myself again and that being autistic is a gift. I have one question, do you have any advice on dealing with irritability, agitation, depression or anger? Do you take any medication or supplements or dietary requirements or techniques or anything? I still struggle with these negative emotions especially atm in my life and I’ve tried many things but most things aren’t really working
My parents didn't want to get me diagnosed because of the stigma. But it left me in the dark, I didn't know why i was the way i was. So I suffered without knowing or understanding why. I got a diagnosis last year, I am already so much more in touch with myself, so much better in general. I dont feel as lost.
I was watching a sci-fi movie with a buddy. There was a scene where someone holographically projected a scene from their mind. I thought that was the dumbest thing - who has maps and whole pictures and scenes in their brain? That's not how imaginative works, you just kinda know how the thing looks, you can't see it. The look my buddy gave me was so confused, he thought I was being absurd - as absurd as I thought the movie was
I'm trying to figure this one out. I have all kinds of visual stuff in my head: imagined movies, parts of movies I've seen -- I appreciate various kinds of visual art, I've done photography, I have visual recall. But my drawing abilities are primitive. I'm a language guy first and foremost; I know how to describe things, but what most interests me in language is sort of abstract: the sound, the music, even the texture of words, the rhythm, not necessarily strict meter, but rhythm, and the associations between words and phrases -- like linked HTML text. I can, and do sometimes, write without describing anything concrete. Is there a term for that? 🤔
Hi Victor. It doesn't sound like you're aphantasic, but whether you're hypophantasic or in the majority range, only you'll be able to judge. It does sound increasingly like you may be a verbal thinker/problem solver like myself though. I've more planned on aphantasia, including how it relates to memory, artistic expression/ability & some surprising connections that cast a whole new light on some of the mysteries & false assumptions still stuck in the dusty corners of my cerebral closet. I'll also be coming back to verbal thinking more than once in the coming months. I'm in the wonderful position of having no shortage of material to write about, but against a disappointing shortage of time, energy & security. I'm working on it though👍💪✊
I have a very active visual imagination. I remember, as a child, asking the other kids on the playground if they also saw the monsters we were pretending to run from, and getting some very confused looks.
I was just thought of as a difficult child. My parents were from a rural part of a third world country. They didn't even know what autism was. Growing up, in the US, the only time that it was even remotely even considered, it was with a poor understanding of what autism was, so the few doctors I saw dismissed me because I was a girl and never bothered to run any tests. And then my sister ( an adult when i was still like 10), who was into all this spiritual stuff just dismissed it as me being some sort of indigo child, and then the whole possible autism was dropped as just that. They were just satisfied with that answer and never bothered to take me to get checked again. I get very salty about how little effort they made despite the huge amount of issues I struggled with growing up. And now as a diagnosed autistic adult, I don't think they even believe me. They just think I'm too particular and difficult about stuff.
65-year-old female here, diagnosed last year. As a child I displayed all the male autistic synptoms. I was very factual and rational, no small talk, and indentified with male heroes. The troubles began at school and they accumulated at puberty. I simply did not fit in anywhere. I could not connect and speak like the others. Boys found me unattractive, girls found me odd - in fact everybody found me odd… and I learned to mask. And cope. Very hard. Until now.
Thanks for another video! I’m excited to be able to share this with folks I know as I believe you’ve described what it’s like for me to not be able to hold onto an image. Do you find there are certain types of images you can hold onto for longer than others?
Fellow aphantasic here! I only found out less than a year ago (I'm 41 now) and it's still continuing to blow my mind. Same goes for the autism (1,5 years for that), to be honest. Thank goodness for channels like yours. I happened across a video about aphantasia on RU-vid and I watched it out of curiosity. Afterwards, I was convinced I didn't have it, because - as you mentioned in the video - I'm perfectly capable of coming up with the most elaborate scenarios in my mind. Nothing wrong with *my* imagination, I thought. But then I discussed the video with my partner and after a few bewildering minutes, I asked: "But you can't actually SEE things in your mind that aren't there, right? That's ... hallucination, right?" And imagine my surprise. To me, there are two sides to knowing you're aphantasic. On the one hand, (combined with the time blindness) it explains to a huge degree why I have such poor memory and have been unable to, say, draw a character from a show from memory. I can't do it. (Thankfully, I have pretty decent recognition skills, so I usually get by with 'I'll know it when I see it'.) On the other hand, it makes me very sad to know that I won't be able to 'see' my loved ones' faces when I'm dying. Of course, I've *never* been able to - nothing's changed but the knowing - but realising that others CAN is ... something that makes me very happy for them, but sad for myself.
One thing I learned from watching Congressional hearings on vaccine injury. There is not a single documented case of a child being diagnosed with Autism, that did not receive vaccinations.
You forgot Troll rule 101: Don't post statements that can be disproved in seconds by anyone with an active internet connection. Go on... I'll even give you a link to make it easy for you: www.google.com/search?q=has+anyone+ever+been+diagnosed+with+autism+who+wasn%27t+vaccinated&rlz=1C1ONGR_en-GBGB1001GB1001&oq=has+anyone+ever+been+diagnosed+with+autism+who+wasn%27t+vaccinated&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOdIBCjE3MjU1ajBqMTWoAgiwAgE&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
