I wanted to start a vlog channel about balancing my PhD with family life.
I am currently a Postdoctoral Scholar at the University of Florida. I had my daughter about 2 years into my PhD while at Texas A&M University, and wanted to share my experience as a PhD mom for all those who are thinking about having a baby, are pregnant, or have a baby/babies and want a life in academia (temporarily or for the long haul). It's 2022, my daughter is quickly growing up, and I have learned a lot! If you want to stay tuned to our journey, please subscribe!
I am about to start my PhD soon. I was not sure if I would be able to start a family during my studies. Watching your video is really inspiring. Loved every moment,especially baby ❤ and you playing the rattle..it was soooo cute...stay blessed
My daughter wouldn’t sleep through the night for the first three months and I felt like I was loosing my mind. Those periods do go away with time! I just kept telling myself that it will pass and try to be patient with it. I also started drinking a LOT of caffeine. There are periods I will work on little to no sleep and it is still hard. But I just keep short term goals in mind and celebrate small victories. It also helps that when my daughter is sick or she wakes up in the middle of the night my husband and I take shifts. But don’t be ashamed to take a nap in the middle of the day if you need it and have time! I would be lying if I took a lunch hour and spent it sleeping instead. I just took my lunch to class or the office. Don’t be hard on yourself if you miss a deadline or a personal goal because you are sleep deprived even people without children face it, you are doing great! So for me, I focus on positive thoughts, and allowing time and forgiveness for myself when needed.
I just found your channel not too long ago. I have a 14 month old son and just got into a PhD literature program. I'm an older student (36) so I lover hearing other moms talk about their academic experience. Thanks for sharing.
Can I have my first kid in my second or third year of PhD? I do 9 hours for 6 days a week, and my husband is also doing PhD, I'm not sure and I wish someone tell me a good advise
Thank you for sharing! I'll be writing my thesis next semester for my Masters, due in March and entering my PhD in the Fall of 2021. Your videos make me feel a whole lot better. I've been looking high and low for women with newborns in PhD programs!
Good luck on your next exam! I’m prepping for my qualifying exams now, but yours sound way more stressful! For ours (biomedical engineering) we write a NIH style grant proposal of our work, and then also do an oral presentation of that with Q+A from the committee.
Thank you! That sounds extremely helpful. I think a lot of departments are starting to lean more toward those types of exams so that way at the end you have something to show for it! Good luck with your exams! Studying for me was stressful at first but really calming toward the end. I suppose that is the calm before the storm so to speak haha.
Hello.. I'm also PhD Mom, during lockdown I can't manage well my time to study my subjet and beeing teacher of my children. Yes you are right I haven't time, during lockdown. Unfortunatelly, I haven't advisor, and my supervisor doubt my capability to doing my PhD and stopped the topic, honestly its make me devastated. But, In this summer I will starting again My PhD in another university, hope I find the supervisor understand the life PhD Mom be succesfull, and I'm happy my scholarship still support of me. Yes, I agree with you mother is still mother always miss they children if they children is far away from you, it not easier but we must strunggle. Thank you for sharing..
Thank you so much for sharing. I am just starting my PhD (also in STEM) at 30 years old and I’m feeling really guilty about postponing starting our family. This gives me hope that maybe we won’t need to wait till I’m actually done.
Gracias por el video! Te sigo hace tiempo... Estoy igual que tu haciendo phd con niño de casi 3 en lockdown. Ambos con mi marido hacemos teletrabajo. He tenido muy bajo rendimiento. Me podrias describir como era tu horario? Incluyendo limpiar, cocinar, cuidar a tu hija, tiempo en pareja y trabajo? Este es mi correo aylluu@gmail.com.
Estoy usando el traductor de Google para esto, así que espero que se vea correctamente. Puedo entrar en un poco más de detalles en un video, pero por lo general, la forma en que mi esposo y yo trabajábamos cuando la guardería estaba cerrada era despertarnos alrededor de las 8 con nuestra hija y luego jugar con ella juntos para realmente nivelarla. Luego, cuando ella tomaba una siesta (2-3 horas) trabajábamos. Luego haríamos lo mismo cuando se despertara, acostándola alrededor de las 7 a 8 pm. Fue muy difícil con las clases porque tenía que enseñar durante el día, así que hubo momentos en que mi esposo necesitaba hacerse cargo por sí mismo y yo enseñaba. Pero la mayor parte de mi trabajo se hacía entre las 8 p.m. y las 3 a.m., pero la mayoría de las noches me detenía alrededor de la 1 a.m. para poder dormir un poco. Lo cual fue realmente difícil, pero no teníamos otra opción. Estaba muy agotado por no tener descansos, pero siento que ahora que mi hija ha vuelto a la guardería soy mucho más productiva. ¡Mantenga la energía positiva!
Thanks for making this video! It’s reassuring to hear that you would do this all over again if you had to chose:) I’m starting my 3rd year in the Fall, applying for the F31 in a couple of weeks, and then doing my Research Proposal a few weeks after that. So the plan is to start trying after the proposal:) I’ve had this feeling inside me for months now, just like I’m ready to be a mom. My husband will be a great dad, I’m so excited to see that too. Our families are super excited for us to have a child, but I’m struggling with my own doubts, because the very analytical, planning side of me is trying to make sure we’re ready in every aspect. And just knowing that it will make everything so much more complicated is a hard thought to reconcile. I appreciate your thoughts on this, someone in a similar position in terms of school/work, thank you! And like you said this will all be so much harder if I’m a fresh graduate trying to find a job and starting a family at the same time. My husband and I are both ready emotionally, and my mom keeps telling me to ‘just do it!’ like I’m a Nike athlete haha. Anyways, good luck on your exams!
Magda, first of all congratulations for starting your 3rd year in the fall. Second, I get what your mom is saying: “just do it” lol and let me tell you why: Does not matter as much ready you’re, this journey is an “adventurous”, and you just are going to find out your struggles and joy as soon as you’re in. I’m also a grad student and I planned my daughter while was still doing my associates degree, she’s about to be 3 years now. I am going to finish my masters next spring and I’m going jump right away to a PhD. Is it easy? Hell not! But it seems like you have everything that you need “a family support”, solo/single moms also can thrive/succeed (for sure) however, “it takes a village to raise a child”, so just do it! Lol you already want to (I’m not imposing it to you lol, it’s not like you don’t want children and I’m telling you to have). You also said you’re emotionally really! Hope it may help.
This is inspiring. I'm in my second year of my PhD program and I'm thinking of starting to try to conceive my third year but still deciding whether it's the right time.
Grad school is a wonderful time to have a child. If I had the option to do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing. My daughter has made me a better and more efficient researcher and the flexibility in my schedule allows me to spend time with her that I am not sure I would have had if I was a junior faculty. But it all depends on your preferences everyone is different. If you want to, I would say go for it!
Heads up, you're doing great! Of course there are sacrifices to make, you cannot take care of a child and do a PhD and be ALONE in this! It's amazing that the dad is so involved, thumbs up for him! Cuz this a time when you really need support. You already have enough pressure from the PhD, you don't need more from your family/husband. For sure the PhD will play off well in the long run, because it's a period full of valuable lessons. You get to learn so much not only on academic matters, but also on yourself and how to balance everything. It's also normal to have doubts, but I hope you'll get all the support and understanding so that you can overcome this! And thanks for giving such intimate insights, even on these least pleasant things!
Thank you lots for these insights! I'm impressed with your day routine, it's so organized and seems that you have time for everything, HATS OFF for that! I was also wondering if you have the possibility to take maternity leave, what are its conditions and how long does it last. Maybe you could do a video on that :) PS. Your daughter is adorable!!!
Thank you! Some days go a little better than others for sure. I think maternity leave is different depending on your department and graduate student governing body. Though I didn't have to formally file maternity leave because my advisor and I discussed it privately and had no issues coming to an agreement. His wife actually watched my daughter so I could attend class in person and get a break. Each university should have their maternity leave policy posted on their graduate student website, or faculty/staff site. Some also have it on student websites. So while the maternity leave document protects your rights to have maternity leave, my advisor gave me more time to spend with my daughter than the official leave would have.
How is your baby? Once I've tried putting my child in a daycare and stayed there in another room to work in my essay but he started crying and the babysitter didn't care about that, even she didn't try to calm down my baby. It was so heartbreaking I couldn't continue working.
That is so unfortunate, I am sorry! I think I lucked out in finding a really good daycare with teachers that really love all the kids and my daughter loves her teachers. She recently moved classes since she is now running around. She was a little nervous at first, wasn't as excited to go to school (we call her daycare school) so it made me a little worried but I just tried to give it a week to see if she just needed to get used to the idea and she started to enjoy going again. The change is really hard on kids. I think when my daughter first went she was so young she didn't really understand that I wasn't just in the other room so she never had that period where she was apprehensive when she first went (I think it was much harder on me haha). But good babysitters/teachers definitely make a world of difference! I know I am replying to this a bit late, so I hope everything has worked out!
As a PhD mom, i advice you to never think of years ahead, live for this day, do your best, were all under pressure bt this is what were meant to do. You may influence your kid, my dad finished his PhD and made me know nothing comes easily, the greater you want to reach the harder things will get
Estoy pasando por algo similar. Es mi último semestre del pregrado (bachelor degree) y estas últimas semanas estoy fuera casi todo el día. Siento mucha presión y no sé si estoy haciendo lo correcto.
ya casi está allí, si no ha terminado las finales, solo piense en cómo se trata de un paso temporal. Sé que los días que te pierdes no vuelven, pero recuerda que este es un acuerdo a corto plazo. ¡lo tienes!
pido disculpas, puse esto a través de Google Translate. Tuve que buscar ambos para saber exactamente lo que significan. Lo que entiendo, la paternidad apegada es usar el contacto para crear un vínculo con su bebé. Creo que esto es generalmente lo que hacemos instintivamente. Solo quiero abrazar a mi bebé todo el tiempo. Esto es probablemente lo que hizo que dejarla en la guardería la primera vez fuera tan preocupante para mí. ¿se apegará a alguien más? pero siento que a medida que los bebés envejecen, naturalmente dejan de querer aferrarse a sus padres. así que creo que todos lo hacemos hasta cierto punto, incluso si somos padres que intentamos no "molestar" a nuestros hijos. La paternidad respetuosa también es difícil. Porque nuestros bebés son su propia gente. tenemos que dejar que cometan errores y hablar sobre ellos. y ahora mi bebé es demasiado pequeño para responder o golpear a alguien a sabiendas, pero necesitan entender que el respeto funciona en ambos sentidos. así que mi opinión es realmente enseñarles respeto, pero también mostrarles cómo ser respetuosos en cómo los tratan. Si hay mala conducta, creo que sigue siendo el trabajo de los padres mostrar que hay consecuencias en sus acciones, pero es necesario que se comuniquen por qué no deberían estar haciendo eso. No estoy seguro si divagué o respondí tu pregunta. pero espero que eso ayude!
I’m also a graduate student ! Thank you for this video. It’s really hard to find someone in my area going thorough motherhood, grad school and balancing that out. I work on top of these things. I’m doing a master’s though. I hope you keep making videos. It would be so nice to have a group support for all grad school moms :) You’re doing great and keep it up!
I am halfway through my third year. I will be taking my comprehensive exams this June. I had my daughter a year ago at the end of January. I couldn’t imagine two kids and two degrees. You are a rockstar!
Omera Shahnawaz thank you! And good for you, having one has posed a challenge for me, I couldn’t imagine two. I don’t think I could have done it without the support of my daughters father, advisor, and committee. I have found a strong support system and understanding colleges to be my greatest assets
