I know a 28 year old male who has terrible toxic emeshment problems with his mom. He once said to me " why do I neeed a girlfriend when I got my mom". 😮😮😮 WTF. That is creepy!!!
That's deep conditioning. He is oblivious to what a true relationship is supposed to look like. His mother has conditioned him to think that his relationship with his mother is the norm. He may not even understand the creepiness of that because to him it's "normal". ( He could also be reaching out to you subconsciously, but you have to draw a line when it come to things like that as well ) Thanks for your comment.
You're welcome! I am glad it was helpful. I think I accidently skipped over one of the schemas( it's still in the document), but I am glad you found it valuable!
Very informative, thank you for bringing this up. It is helpful to know why we are like this, please make another video to help self so we can overstep this. Thank you.
Sure, I will work on a part 2 for this. But enmeshment , just like narcissism cuts one off from his/her authentic self and thus puts them in a lower frequency or "dorsal vagal complex". Ultimately it's all about living a life not knowing who one truly is because of lack of parental nurture and authentic care while growing up. But once you reach a certain level of healing and start getting in touch with your real self , things can start getting brighter and brighter.
My mother definately suffers from victim mentality. My father is a workaholic and extremely emotionally absent/distant when it comes to family life. I've managed to overcome the enmeshment, but my older brother.is definately enmeshed with my mother. He has never married, is now 58 years old and has recently moved back home to care for our mother who has become ill with cancer. It's truly quite sad!
Great to hear you've overcome enmeshment, Helena! Yes, enmeshment is a suffocating feeling and so difficult to explain because it's trained since childhood. Good thing is you've been able to break that cycle of abuse and trauma, at least when it comes to enmeshment.
It depends on where you are. If you are in codependence, independence is better. But if you are independent, then you want to aim for "inter-dependence". Hope that makes sense. The ultimate goal should be interdependence.
My ex MIL was enmeshed with her son. She would call on Sat mornings at 8:30 am for nonsense, just in case we might get romantic. Sick, sick family. She is sick and he is too.
My ex MIL called every night at 10pm. EVERY Night! I told him to disable the phone and he freaked out. No Way would he to be available for his mother 24/7/365.
Hi - are you a therapist or a psychiatry student? It would be great if you could state your credentials and have them verified. You have good information, so if you can be verified, RU-vid will put a banner on all your videos that say what you creds are.
What if I am neither? Does that make me less credible ? Just a genuine question. I don't go with whether or not someone has a "credential" on their page. I go with whether or not this person can "genuinely" help me or not. That's it. But thanks for your comment. I appreciate it!
Thank you. Yea, I will try to make a video on that soon- when enmeshment is mixed with narcissism, which is a deadly combo to be going through because of how "confusing" it can get. I understand. Thanks for the comment.
I can so relate to what you are saying.For 30 years I am married to a man who had enmeshed relationship with his mother. She had 9 kids and said my husband is her ' favourite child'.She completely controlled and manipulated him all her life...despised me and our son...feigned illness to get his attention and asked him to come running to her at the drop of the hat whenever she wanted.Had firm control on his finances. After her passing away that place was taken by husband 's sister...Now sister controls his life, emotionally blackmails him,gives him validation for his wrong behaviour and in return he gives her validation and monetary help. Needless to mention,my family life has been hell.My husband shows extreme narcissistic behaviour.Justifies each and every action of his by blame shifting.Refuses to get therapy. thanks for this video.Could you help regarding how can I make him realise how he is being used in these enmeshed relationships,that has totally ruined our own family life?
Allergies. Mothers like to handicap their boys with allergies so they never participate in competitive sports and are terrorized by peanuts and ambient air. It stops them from group/vacation activities like sailing, scuba diving, hiking. I wouldn't be surprised if they suffer panic attacks and have trouble flying. The best part is, no woman dreams of a husband crippled with allergies and anxieties so mommy will never be replaced.
I don't know what's wrong with my mother, but she's certainly somewhere on the "Cluster B" spectrum. I have always been enmeshed with her (went no contact 3 months ago), but when I was with her, it was always an imbalanced relationship. I was still always less than her and needed to be obedient without question -- or she would break into a rage. So I always just shut down. Your videos are very well done. Thank you for your insight!
Enmeshment can very well coexist with either plain narcissism or covert narcissism, which is tougher to identify. Congratulations on going no contact! That's a big step in the right direction! Glad it was helpful.
Thank you for your video, Jomy. BTW, I know what a tape recorder is 😃 I went NC because I also automatically regressed to being a little girl around my mother. (I'm 45.) So I would self-sabotage without even being aware of it. It's like you were talking about programming.
A lot of splitting can happen especially if the caregiver is also a narcissist. That could explain the splitting sometimes. Glad I wasn't the only one that knew about tapes!
💯💔My God … this is real and pretty spot on.. I still prey everyday that the truth will set me free somehow.. my parents still to this day have control over me - The thing is - they will never , not once or ever will admit any wrong doing , or try to see things from my point of view.. yet I always forgive them, love them unconditionally.. I’m always in a secret battle within myself- is it me? Am I bad/ worthless.. etc. I’m scared
Boundaries violated 24/7, 365 -- this really rings true for me. I relate to ALL of it, actually, but yes, I also ended up in a friendship with a pathological narcissist after being enmeshed with my mom. So you definitely repeat the patterns. Thank you for your video! Very well put together.
Yea, I am sorry for what you've been through. Both narcissism and enmeshment are truly hard to identify sometime when you are in it. So knowing the "problem" or the "patterns itself subsequently is sometimes a BIG step towards healing! Thank you so much for the kind words !
