I am also learning canon rock,I finally can do the sweep picking for whole speed! Although you get some mistakes in the middle,still well done! Keep going!
I feel that the tempo of the original song is limited. But I believe that if I keep practicing, I'll be able to play it someday. Let's do our best together!
You are out of tune a lot of places. Try to learn slow first, where it sounds totally in tune and then step up in tempo. Record it in slow tempo and hear if you mean you are ready to step 5 bpm up.