I'm Stormy and welcome to my little corner of the internet! I'm using this channel to help me explore and discuss my experiences with gender and other aspects of my identity. You can learn about me as well as about yourself (hopefully!) by staying caught up with my content every Monday at 7am EST.
This isn't a space to talk "gender theory" or to tell people who they should be. All of my videos discuss how I personally explore and navigate gender (and other aspects of identity), while occasionally highlighting tangential gender concepts.
More about me: - My pronouns are he/him/his and ey/em/eirs. - I'm a transmaverine bigender man. - I'm 34 years old. - I'm autistic. - More details revealed in my videos! (Check out the Identity Talk playlist to learn more about me.)
►My Carrd: yb3.carrd.co/
►The Inner Space Discord server: discord.gg/nEdnU9Gasj
comment I replied to got deleted for one reason or another, so for clarification purposes, no, I do not blame you for being angry. there are times where approaching calmly just isn't emotionally possible. I thank you for defending points which are so infrequently seen as legitimate, and hope the distasteful comments do not bother you.
That would be a very large family tree. It would definitely have to be separate families, the same way we would come up with a taxonomical tree for different animals.
real. so, i think it's because of the fact people are indeed, human, and similar experience /= same experience, so the title will be different, like how the northern swiss and bavarians are very similar, living in a mountainous area and speak german, yet you wouldn't call them the same.
also how i could experience the same trauma as you (ie neglect) but i process it different and i reject relationships while you try to make as many as you can. i like your example :3
Honestly its just how language works. Like there's so many words to talk about the same thing. You could call a something a drink. You can specifically call it a soda. Someone else could call it pop. Someone else could call it coke. That's all it is
Very true. I remember someone clarified this notion when I was trying to figure out differences between ilyagender and péra(gender) and how the two related to the overall outherine experience. Turns out, sometimes it's just a small preference in how something is worded or how the term itself sounds. This video was recorded a few months ago so this was before I was getting really deep into abinary gendered concepts. I would have loved to include the part where it might just be preference and nothing else.
What I don't really understand is how many of these similar terms serve distinct utility in communication. If you say you're agender vs nullgender, I'm not sure how that distinction communicates useful information about you in a way that has a tangible benefit. Obviously you should do what ever makes you happy and call yourself what ever you want, but to me, giving every term a different flag and official title comes across as taking things a bit too seriously. You're expressing personal and relatively subtle aspects of your personality with genders like these. From an outside perspective, I worry this makes all LGBT identities which have a flag seem like they're akin to having a favorite color or music genre, when in fact they are significant and distinct aspects of your identity outside of your control.
I didn't mention that any of these are a way to reflect one's personality and if that's something that you assume about someone's experience with gender, I suggest reaching out and making the effort to understand where other people coming from. The "taking things too seriously" is a really weird reach. People have subjective experiences with a number of identity aspects and sometimes, we want to be able to celebrate that. Your argument is just another flavor of the conservative "there are only two genders" narrative.
@@StormyTalks Do you mind explaining how a gender identity is different from any other identity? My understanding is that gender is related to the socially defined characteristics of sex in some way, whereas an identity such as jazz musician is not. I'm not sure if you concider all genders as valid or not, but there are certainly many people who label themselves with genders that are unrelated to sex in any way. As for the "seriousness" of genders, I'm mostly trying to highlight the distinction between a label with a clear unambiguous understanding (man, woman, nonbinary etc), and a label which is characterized by each individuals personal interpretation of what it means. I just don't really see the utility of that as universal label. I don't strongly believe there's a negative affect of having them, I will just likely never understand.
Nobody ever questions the validity or utility of other ambiguous identity labels. It only ever seems that gender gets all the scrutiny. It gets tiring having to defend my personhood. But I get it. I'm some nobody on the internet who you only see through these videos and you will never see any other aspect of my life. To you, I exist in the figurative sense. I am someone to debate and to be reduced to concepts. You don't and never will see my personhood because where's the fun in that when you can just pick apart my existence and then call it a day? After doing so, you don't care how I feel once I log off and get on with my life. You so badly want me to be simple, for my identity to be concise and inflexible. Gender is a social status used as a way to either conform to sex or to subvert it. Not everyone will be a gender that even alludes to one's relationship to their sex. There was once a baseline for gender and then we realized that there's so much more to it. Sex lost its intrinsic relevance to gender, though some people may still consider their sex and their gender to be one in the same. It's still included when talking about gender, but one's physiology can't be the only way to talk about gender because human just aren't that simple. Gender for some might be simple, but it's a lot more complicated for others. This isn't to say that gender is automatically the _voluntary_ subversion of societal expectation. Some people just don't vibe with certain constraints and that should be okay. It should be okay to say "That box doesn't feel right" without their validity being questioned. And you really can't blame someone for seeing the boxes you create and not want anything to do with them. Yes, even seeing gender as only man, woman, and nonbinary is still restrictive. There's really nothing wrong with giving a name to these experiences, to our relationship with the binary or with gender as a whole or with concepts like nonbinary or abinary. If I simply said "I am nonbinary" then, sure, that is entirely true. But what does that _mean_? Your assumption might be that I'm not a man or a woman, which is not correct. And your assumption might be that someone who is not a man or a woman is genderless, which is also not correct. That's what the clarification is for. "I am a nonbinary man." Also entirely true, and also there's even more to it. I could do this until I get down to the very miniscule building blocks that make up my gender, which would involve very many labels to describe it. So, simplifying gender just so you feel better about yourself is not the way to go. If I say "I am nonbinary", you're failing to see about 90% of what makes my gender what it is. That's what's happening when you expect everyone else to only stick to a few labels, for your comfort. Humans are complex. You can define a human in no more than two sentences, but you cannot define their personhood in so few words.
Your question shouldn't be "Why aren't people identifying with these historically prevalent but nebulous concepts we invented?" It should be "How are these nebulous concepts harming those who are being forced to identify with them?"
@@StormyTalksAlright can you tell me a gender that falls outside these enough to require a name Man, Woman, Non-Binary (neither of the two), Gender-Fluid (Any combination of the others either costant or changing), Also gender IS inherently tied to sex and peoples perception of it, not everything needs to be expressed through genders tldr: Do not atribute to gender what can be explained by preference or sexuality Edit: That little rant you went on is guilt tripping of the highest caliber no one attacked you personaly you expressed your ideas publicaly there will be people that disagree
Man, it's a shame how there are so many people in this comment section who clearly showed up solely to say something transphobic. I don't really 'get' the more abstract gender labels, but if it makes someone feel more comfortable, I don't think it matters what I think; it's *their* gender, not mine. Props to you for making a video bridging the gap in spite of the trolls.
It's so weird seeing how a video might blow up. Sometimes the views blow up while sometimes it's the comment section. I never understood how that even works. I want to do my best to be informative and inclusive. The trolls don't bother me as much as they used to because in the end, the joke is on them because they don't know who I am outside of what I do here. They are seeing a curated version of myself who only posts videos about gender and are making weird assumptions based solely on that. It makes them look stupid.
Because at some point we lost the plot on gender and sexuality labels. We stopped trying to find words that match our unique experience close-enough to describe it to others and let us organize together with those whose experiences are similar but not identical to ours. Instead we assumed the words identified intrinsic categories that really exist, so if my experience isn't an absolutely perfect 100% match for other people who identify as "agender" then I must be something other than that.
As a transgender individual myself, people come up with all of these new quirky identities because people want to feel more special than others. It's the Unique Olympics because they use made up tiktok gender labels as a crutch for their lack of personality. This isn't to be transphobic or whatever just because im not brainlessly hugboxxing. This is literally just the reality of the situation. Its that simple.
u just used the biggest transphobic remark and said "this isn't to be transphobic" like, wow. disrespectful to ppl who have genuinely seperate experiences.
Well, quite a lot of programmers are trans/non-binary and among those who are most active online (where many of these labels are coined and discussed); we queer programmers are probably an even larger percentage than the general population, so it's not really a surprise if these labels are inspired by programming terms.
Yeah, I don't think they realized that just about every color in every shade and every hue has a name and if it doesn't, we make up a name to fill that gap.
@@angelorfyeah isn't that the paint section at Lowe's or Home Depot with all the color swatch cards? Honestly I love that visual as a metaphor for xenogenders or gender in general lol. Like someone could say they're red. But they ccould also say they're vampiric maroon~ Why do people hate self expression lmao
the truth is that gender is a social construct and we all have no fucking clue what we are doing, some of try to pursue labels, others not, and while I don't know what stargender is or whatever, you have the right to do whatever the hell you want in regards to gender and im not stopping you.
A lot of things are a social construct, but that doesn't make it any less important to people. But you got the right idea. "Stargender or whatever" feels very reductive though.
@qwbanana I'm not sure if reductive was the right word but the "or whatever" part just sounds like you don't really understand the experience or that you don't see it as anything to take seriously.
@@StormyTalkssry i just append whatever to all of my sentences, probably should stop as it makes me look flippant/not take thing seriously when that wasn't my intention
@@StormyTalks yea, you're right. it makes it more real if it WAS made up, because then there's a reason behind it, a story and character. everyone is unique.
Sorry to burst your bubble, Stormy (again) but being Gender apathetic and cassgender isn't the same. Cassgender is when you are in part feeling like your Gender identity doesn't matter (and usually don't define precisely what their gender is) when Gender apathetic is when you are kind if a against Gender identities and don't feel any dysphoria, euphoria or don't generally don't care how you are perceived by the world.
i like to think that some labels are so similar bc no one experiences gender the same. i could say "yeah, i relate to you (general you) being catgender!" but that could mean anything. you could like being a catgendered person because you just like cats and integrate it into your gender but i'll like it because i relate to how cats behaviors are usually documented. sleepy, hunters, attentive, nonchalant, sneaky, cozy, cared for, etc. i feel so deeply connected with cats and feel like one mentally often (pet regression) and i wish to be one physically (aldernic) but we're still both catgender. so if i wanted to separate our experiences, i could change it to mewgender. or mewdernic. i could use catgender but still be lightyears away from your experience. this probably makes no sense bc ive been up all night so please ask clarifying questions when needed 😭 tl;dr: peoples experiences are different so no one person will experience one gender the same. sometimes people feel the need to make a new term/use a different or contradicting term to actually describe their gender. STILL tl;dr???: people dont feel gender the same :D youre awesome keep up the great work. these videos make me feel like maybe i CAN get through this shitty world and grow up to be a trans adult & fun grandpa :3
It makes a lot of sense to me, and thank you for sharing! People have different experiences. I've always said that if you asked 100 people what their gender experience is like, you'd get 101 answers. Thank you very much for the kind comment! You will get to be a fun trans grandpa and you'll get to tell amazing stories about cats and how they feel integral to your identity. Your grandkids will be inspired and in turn, they might make some interesting discoveries about themselves.
Ive also always battled to find any types of clothes that help me look more masculine, for the days that im feeling that way. Its always sucked cause my bust has always been quite big, so even when i literally buy or try on boy's/men's clothing... i still somehow end up looking feminine or like a girl just wearing boys clothes. If anyone has any suggestions... that doesn't involve changing my look permanently...(cause ive recently come out as/are in the process of coming out as gender fluid, so my gender identity does tend to change a fair bit), id be very happy and greatful to hear them.
Honestly, I don't agree with the bullshit that anybody should be force or coerced into an innate gender identity. I am a man and I was born with a vagina, end of story. And some girls are born with a penis. Gay people are born gay, and transexual people are born transexual.
Oh!! Aphorian. This feels very good. I’ve been identifying as agender and non-binary, it’s cool to know there’s a more umbrella term for totally outside of the binary!
this is really interesting! im nb, dont really like to get into microlabels but def a flavor of genderless. id never heard abinary or aphorian and you explained it really well! i doubt id advertise it but i do fall under aphorian ig
I'm glad it came across! I think sometimes I forget certain details or I ramble on in a way that's a bit disorganized. I'm still working on being more structured!
@@StormyTalks its a tad unorganized but my meds have worn off and i wouldntve learned anything if it was more structured lol youve got a good personality n ill def be watching more of your stuff in the future :)
When I replied to you, I think it was around midnight. I typically reply quickly but even if I don't, I still reply eventually. I reply to every comment.
Really great video! It’s interesting and concise; I came in not ever hearing the term aphorian, and I left understanding it pretty well!! Finally the youtube algorithm is actually pushing an awesome channel that really deserves more subscribers lol
The best part is that there are so many terms for all sorts of experiences and we can choose to be as broad or as specific as we want when we talk about our genders.
Ok, so let me be clear: Abinary is non-binary. Non-binary is not always abinary. Abinary is a square and Non-binary is a rectangle. A square is a rectangle, but a rectangle isn't always a square.
as someone who hoards xenogenders, it's definitely interesting. i'm enby, i've known that for years, but it's also fluid in a way. sometimes i'll feel nonbinary but it's all fuzzy and kinda mixed around like a gender soup or something. sometimes it feels like it's one gender underneath another like you're wearing a humongous hoodie. there are a lot more, but those are the best examples i could give. i've tried to see if unlabeled works but it makes me uncomfortable. i like to be able to very, very deeply describe how i feel. i love writing and conceptual language and all that stuff, and having labels i can hold together in a little (metaphorical) blanket is a very comforting experience for me. i get very overwhelmed when i can't describe my emotions and feelings and stuff (and most of the time i can't) so having these things that i can use to do that for me is the best :D
Genderfluid typically means a change from one gender to the other and back again. Bigender simply means being two genders, whether they change back and forth or they happen at the same time. Some people are both.
im wondering if xenogendered people (for example me, mewgender) would be considered aphorian or if there are specific ones like boygirlic that would be just non-binary? /srsq
I'm not entirely sure! I think xenogenders are meant to be outside of human categories of gender like "binary" and "nonbinary", so they wouldn't be considered abinary or nonbinary. But it also depends on how someone wishes to use those labels for themselves.
@@StormyTalks yaya true :3 im also not entirely sure what is considered xenogender bc would boygirlic be considered one or not because it "technically" relates to the binary? all questions i can figure out but i just love learning mogai stuff :3
@ambrosesky It can be tough because there is a lot of overlap! Some xenogenders might relate to conventional human genders. My gender is abinary but also binary at the same time. Gender isn't always easily sorted into categories and people will define their own personal genders in ways that don't always fit their definitions exactly.
what i'm getting is that all aphorian people are non-binary, but not all non-binary people are aphorian? it's very similar to enby but *specifically* excludes any gender related to the societally-recognised binary, whereas non-binary includes genders that *are* related to the binary
Oh, interesting! It's like one is inclusive of genders which are partially in the binary and the other is exclusive. Though if the better word is "aphorian", I think that word should appear in the title and description of the video as well, perhaps in parentheses?
I specifically wanted to use abinary because it sounds so similar to nonbinary, which would get people wondering why it's so similar and what the difference is. It's easy to mix up nonbinary and abinary for someone who is trying to learn more about these identities.
Hi! I'm a Trans boy too and I'm trying to find out the demi-boy gender because I don't felling totally male (I'm fell male, I accept he/his/him pronouns and I don't fell comfortable they/them/their pronouns but I'm not sure to be 100% male 😕), so this is my question. And also demi-boy and transgender are both gender identities so what sense to identify with both genders if it would be enough to identify only with a single gender?
You can use both transgender and demiboy as labels if you want to. It's reasonable to use more than one label to talk about your gender even if you feel that you only have one gender. You don't have to call yourself transgender and you can just say you're a demiboy, but that's entirely up to you.
our autism makes us inclined to ridgly catagorize, label, associate, etc. after years of experimenting with gender and a new female host, we couldnt be transmasculine anymore, but still are queer in that area. alters have different preferences of course but we no longer are so rigid with gender in general.
I might need some advice for figuring out what category I belong in :] I've been saying im otherhearted for a while after doing research on multiple different websites :] Here's what I experience: -Ever since i was young I desperately wanted to be a cat and still do now - I always felt like I understood the animal and I felt they understood me too in a way. It was like a special connection. -I've always liked being around cats more than humans -Whenever I look at deep forests/ snowy forests in car rides or I'm in the rain or wide open fields, It makes me want to become a cat and run away and do quads. (The rain and forests make me want to do quads the most ). -I feel connected to forests in general. -I will occasionally do vocals for fun to feel more connected to Cats.
It is ridiculous to even be concerned with, let alone explaining, what your gender FEELING is. It's probably imprtant to your potential partner. If you don't even want to have a lifelong partner, problem solved. Nobody cares. Just be a decent person!!!!
It's just not up to you to decide how I explain my experiences with gender. Having this kind of outlet to do just that has been so helpful to me. I never knew why I felt the way I did until I looked deeper and realized that other people feel this too. I realized that there are words for what this is. That's important to me. It's okay if it's not important to you because you're not me and you don't experience the same things that I do, and that's okay.
As someone who is also autistic/ADHD and who is a demisexual panromantic libremale, I can absolutely relate. I feel like my autistic perspective feeds into my other identities, namely my difficulty relating to having a strong sense of gender and it definitely plays into my demisexuality. I have known quite a few autistic people who also happen to be on the asexual spectrum, so I would not be surprised if there was some significant correction between autism and asexuality
I’m a female, but I feel like my gender is to be a boy and my gender expression is being masculine but also my own expression, so regardless of my sex I feel sometimes as a boy and sometimes as a human, the fluctuation may change but it’s been always connected with being a boy and my own gender so that’s why I’m a demiboy. 7:21 same lol (I would just like to have a top surgery tho, and maybe practice how to make my voice deeper, with that I’ll have a cis passing and no longer been seen as a woman, cuz I look like a boy with my aesthetic and hair cut, even my name is unisex) oh and yes I use he/they pronouns in English and in Spanish el
Transmaverine will be a new term that I'll be looking into. I really liked this video since this is something that I needed to hear. I've been nonbinary for a while (demiflux with nonbinary | demiboy | demigirl), but have recently started to question my gender again and whether or not to drop my label demigirl. Deep down, I know that gender is personal for everyone and no one owes anyone a certain kind of expression/expectation. But that was kinda my problem; I lean more towards demiboy/transmasc but am still femme. I inadvertently set up expectations for myself which become limiting. The word I was missing was "autonomous" and that snippet from your memoir described perfectly something that I need to keep in mind! Thanks!
I'm glad the little bit of my memoir helped you out in some way! I haven't been able to see a lot of resources on transmaverinity but over time, more people might start talking about it.
My take on xeogenders and why i dislike them I think xeogenders is valid as a concept, but reality is very difrend, sadly A lot of people (all) that openly use xeogenders say things like "omg im hoarding genders XD its so fun" what is disgusting for me, they try to make trangerder into some funny quirkcy thing, and underestimate struugles of being transgender, i know a lot of people say "oh being transgender is not just so sad, lets people have fun and enjoy it!!! Im a transmed so for me, yeah it kinda is... Morover most (all) xeogenders folks are really bad at defending their point, all they do is repeat: 1."im neurodivergent, i expirience gender difrendly" When there is no studies related to this, sure there is more trangeder indiviuals among neurodivergent people than neurotypicals, and they are more likly to struggle with gender as a social construct, but there is nothing about xeogenders. (and then they assume you are neurotypical + albeist if you dissagree 💀) Also we already have a tool for those who dont understand gender, its called nonbinary. 2. "It doesnt harm anyone so i can do it!" For me (and many others) it is just as annoying as those helicopter jokes + conservatives use it as a tool to turn more people against us, and put xeos and trans people in the same box (i will admit its very niche technique, but still) 3. "Oh they just hate us because they don't understand it!" I have done plenty of reaserch, feep free to correct me if im wrong about anything :) To sum this up, yeah i just really hate majority of commmunity
People's experiences with gender are not something you can simply disagree with, like it's an opinion. These are real people with real experiences. So, if you're talking about "reality", xenogender and neurogender folks live in that reality. It's not something you can discredit or invalidate just because it isn't YOUR experience. I honestly don't trust the word of any transmedicalist because of the serious harm your ideology does to this community and your unwillingness to change. Nondysphoric trans people have never taken anything from me or harmed me in any way. They don't hurt us. They are accepted by the majority of our community because they are trans. They are just trying to exist like the rest of us. They didn't wake up one day and decide they want life to be harder for them. Nobody does this. At the end of the day, we all generally wish to have access to medical care and equitable rights and we all face the same discrimination for being trans. You say that I should correct you if you're wrong (with a backhanded smiling emote like you didn't just send me a wall of transphobia) but you don't seem like the kind of person who will actually do your research and be a better person in all this. Why does there need to be a study of neurodivergent people who experience gender differently when you can just listen to their experiences? Do people need a study on transgender people in order to see our experiences as real? I exist. I'm trans. I tell my story to whoever will listen. Sometimes, that's more than enough. Also, nonbinary is an incredibly broad term that encompasses a number of experiences in proximity to and outside of the binary. That means there are tons of ways to be nonbinary. Sometimes, it's not enough to just say nonbinary. People might assume it means genderless, or entirely not male or female, or something androgynous. That's why we need new language and terminology to fill that lexical gap. Xenogender refers to genders that do not fall into any human categorization of gender (which means a lot of people don't even consider it a nonbinary gender.) Neurogender is often the best way that neurodivergent people can explain their gender because a lot of conformant terminology falls flat. It is an exclusive gender while nonbinary is, again, far to broad. Unfortunately, whether the dissenter is neurodivergent or not, invalidating one's neurogender experience is in fact ableist. You're trying to find some kind of physicality in being trans. You're reinventing gender essentialism in that way. You see it as physically men, physically women, and the singular third gender known as nonbinary. That's not how it works at all and you are nothing more than a conservative with harmful, backwards beliefs about trans people. I don't know why you go out of your way to call yourself a transmedicalist anyway. We already have a tool for trans people who believe you can't be trans without dysphoria. It's called being a traitor.
here wait lemme fix this for u...ahem "my take on other peoples lives and genders and why i think i get to have a say in what....literally anyone does! also im a huge dick dont listen to anything i have to say!" better? :D
It's fine. I just don't like the implication that I can't be gay just because I'm not strictly same-gender attracted. And I didn't mention anything about sexuality, just attraction, so the -sexual part of androsexual was a weird suggestion.
For simplicity purposes I use the labels genderfluid and non-binary but more specifically I am transmaverine (which I actually found out from you thx so much), and genderfaunet.
I'm glad you discovered transmaverine! I'm still exploring that part of my identity but it helps so much that I now have a word for this very specific experience.