Ngl i wanna end myself but i don't how and i don't know when but atleast i wanna die when i'll be convinced i'm was satisfied of the life i had i tried to tell about my mom and my Friends about my depression but my Friends don't care and i don't know how to explain to my mom how i feel i don't know what to do
I'm sorry to say this, but this video formatting is not very viable for constant views. If this was in 10 hr format or with others songs in a single video and not other songs that are all separate in a playlist, then it would be a much more saught after video. Keep up the work and this song is really nice!
@@oracle_seer_ Oh yeah for sure, I was just saying that for people to do the extra step and to have to loop it themselves makes the video very inefficient especially for the algo
Tw: suicide, drowning I left school early one day and didn't sign out so nobody knew I was gone. I walked up to the bridge on the way to my house and my legs were shaking and jittery and felt heavy the whole way but I briskly walked there with my heart pounding in my chest. I stood on the edge for not very long as I knew if I thought about it for long I wouldn't go through with it. A guy in his car called out to me asking what was I doing and in fear that he'd try talk me out of it I just let myself go and fell about 20 feet into a river. I can swim very weakly but not under conditions with strong waves. The second I jumped I realised I didn't wanna die. In my head I rationalised that once I let go I'd still die even if I went back on my choice so it'd be a perfect way to die but it was honestly the most traumatic experience I've ever had. I kept trying to scream out for help but every time I spoke my head would go under the water and my lung would be filled up more and more. People were watching idly by but couldn't do anything to save me. They just watched and tried to get to remain calm. I had never felt so helpless in my life. 2 guys tried to swim in to save me but both got cramps and nearly drowned and had to return to safety but one got a buoy over to me which kept me afloat. At this point I had hypothermia and couldn't feel my legs. I was in there for a good 20 minutes until medics arrived on the scene from a helicopter. A guy with swimming gear went in to drag me to shore cause the waves kept pushing me further away every time I tried to swim and I was getting weaker and losing consciousness. When I got back they stripped me bc my muscles were tightened as much as they could possibly be and I was shivering and freezing to death. They got heat pads and blankets around me that sunk so deep they left burns. I remember being to faint to speak and was about to pass out. A guy there kept asking me questions about who I was, where I lived etc to keep me awake. I almost didn't make it to the hospital. I just remember it all sinking in just then and I couldn't stop screaming weakly with what little energy I had left, naked on the street. My mum arrived on the helicopter and was crying by my bed. I needed a walkie talkie just to speak to her even though she was beside me. If I had been in there for another 90 seconds I would've passed away. Every day I had to walk across that bridge to go to school or to the post office or to shops and whatnot and it was too difficult. Even with someone with me I'd have ptsd flashbacks and would struggle to cross every day. I was exposed to it constantly. One time I tripped and I thought I was falling and I just started screaming and crying and panicking uncontrollably. Whenever I struggled to breathe when I had noseblocks or if I choked on food or drink I'd have panic attacks and freak out. I can't handle suffocation anymore. Funny thing is, I had a belt cause I was into being choked before this experience messed me up. It was too hard to go to school given my ptsd so I dropped out during the rest of 5th year (2nd last year of secondary school where I live) for about 9 months but went back in 6th year and caught up on what I missed. I went into a deep depression but was too scared of death to try to kms again. Eventually, I grew desensitised to the bridge and the experience. I still panic upon suffocation and can't go near bodies or water or enter them or go on boats but I can walk across the bridge with no issue. I can't take baths cause the physical sensation and the smells bring me back to that time. I have to shower instead which I was doing anyway but it sucked whenever the shower broke. But yeah, now it just feels like it didn't actually happen or it happened to someone else. Ik I described it in great detail but I don't remember much of experiencing it actually. I only remember telling people what happened which is why I can describe it at all. The suicide attempt occured on 10/11/2021. I still remember a lot of specifics like that which I find odd given my memory loss of the event. It is important to note that the night before I attempted, I listened to this song, I listened to my time by boen and I listened to sarcasm by get scared. I would frequently listen to songs and consume media related to suicide and romanticised it. Don't do what I did. Given my experience, I now have a newfound appreciation for life and aversion of danger which I should've had in the first place. Don't do what I did because you might come to regret it and not be able to go back. No horror in your life will compare to the traumatic experience of death. Just because it is inevitable, doesn't mean you have to seek to be taken so soon. It is NOT better to get it over and done with. Family and friends WILL miss you and their lives will be uprooted in the wake of your death. Even if you haven't been treated with love and care in life so far, many do not know how to show it and they will still be hurt. There is somebody who cares about you even if you don't think so. Rationalising that nobody will care about you when you come to pass is just a way to remove a lot of the guilt that stops you from taking such an extreme action. You know it isn't true even if you want it to be. Life might not be great. We might have bad days, bad months, even bad years. Hell, you might just have a bad life in general. But it is important to make do with what you have because it is ALL you have and you don't yet realise how important that is. No matter how despairing your living situatuon might be, humans have the ability to adapt and change. You have the ability to make your life and the lives of others better. You have the ability to escape your demons and fight for a better future. You should live to make your dreams a reality no matter how whimsical or daft they may seem. You have the ability to be a functioning and beneficial member of society. You deserve to be happy even if you're not quite there yet. Even if you need help and can't yet help others or yourself, you deserve to get better and to be loved by not only others but also yourself. Take life one step at a time. None of us have done this before and it's really, really hard so go easy on yourself. Remain hopeful.
Oh my god. I can’t even find the right words, but this is so sorrowful. Mental problems are dangerous and ptsd, scd attempts may affect on your whole life. Thank you for encouraging words at the end. I hope your doing well now 💕
Thank you for sharing your story, and encouraging people not to attempt suicide. Your story is heartbreaking and I hope you're okay now. Thank you, thank you for warning other people about this !
I am deeply sorry that you got to that point in life, to where you almost lost it that very day. This story is very important to read. Some of those who went through with it and succeeded, they could've had the very same thoughts as you but had no way of expressing it. I pray and pray that society becomes more understanding to those who are going through a rough time, cause we will never truly know their feelings and how it affects their daily life.
I don't have the word's to say it but... You're story is so sorrowful, desponding, depressed, downcast, melancholy, cheerless, disconsolate, crest-fallen, chap-fallen, cast downsad, gloomy, dismal, doleful, mournful, lugubrious, grievous, woebegonesad, grievous, afflictive, calamitous, disastrous, dire, deplorable... I hope you're doing better now... You have all my best wishes! You're tough and strong! Thank you for the encouragement (even thought i'll not respect it), you're really nice...
