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1000's of videos online for the subject of abuse. All of them are male. Seems like while we're educating, we're also sending a clear message. Male victims doesn't matter.
The beginning of this clip reminds me of a scene from thing movie called first knight, it's with Heath ledger. He plays a knight. Who likes to you fight with other knights. So the scene is when he tries to impress one of the ladies and he tells her that he'll win this one for her and she basically tells him " no, you're going to win it for yourself. If you want to do something for me then you have to lose. Basically she was right that winning. It is basically going to boost up his ego; if he loses, if he gives up the control it shows that he cares. And this video the guy gives her all those toys and everything. But he really is just basically showing off and bumping up his ego
This video is difficult to analyze without the words that people are saying for better context. I'll add what words I think fit to the various scenes if necessary and I'll go through this scene by scene with my analysis. Scene 1: A young man and young woman are walking the halls looking at their phones not watching they are going. They bump into each other and he makes diving catch to save her phone from breaking. The guy then snaps a selfie and hands it back to her. That's like straight out of a romantic comedy. It's a very interesting "How we met story". She seems impressed with this guy so far, and I have to agree. That was a smooth and charming move! We don't have names for these characters, but I'll give them some. We will her "Sue" and we will call him "Tony" from now on for simplicity. Scene 2: Tony took Sue out on a date to some sort of carnival. He won her some prizes. The big ones too! The Octopus is maybe symbolic. Seems all is great so far. Scene 3: Sue wakes up in the morning. Tony has already messaged her. The guy is definitely showing an interest. She seems a bit surprised,, but also happy to get this attention. Scene 4: She is leaving the house, and he shows up with flowers in his hand. I don't think this was a planned visit. He seems like a very romantic sort of guy. She is surprised of course, but her smile is a mile wide. She is happy to see him. Scene 5: They go for a walk in the park and sit on the bench. He uses his phone to adjust his hair so he can look good for her. He then wraps her in a big hug and gives her a kiss. She seems to welcome it. Scene 6: A moment after they are in a tunnel a roller coaster the tunnnel is heart shaped. I think is symbolic to say "They had sex." while at the same time keeping it suitable for a general audience. Good symbolism here. Scene 7: They are roller skating. He is athletic. She is clumsy. He acts like a bit of a show off, and she trips and falls, and he is flexing into a pose to look like a hero. I think some more context is needed here. He didn't knock her down, or at least not on purpose it was accidental at worst if he did. Did he help her up after she fell? I think they should have shown him lowering his hand to help her up. This feels edited to not show the full context. I want to know if he helped her up or not, and I think he did. This scene is "Not abusive". Scene 8: They are walking together again. There is a man with a flower shop, he offers to sell a flower. She wants that flower, but we must reflect back on previous scenes. He has already bought her flowers, and won her prizes. He has given her stuff, but this time maybe he broke from taking her on these dates and got no money for that right now. Not buying a flower here is "Not Abusive". If anything she seems a bit "Entitled". He is putting his foot down and setting boundaries. Tony is like "I'm not just a wallet." Good for Tony! Scene 9: They are back at her place. She tries on 4 different outfits asking his opinion. The first 3 are revealing outfits. The fourth is a bit more conservative. There is no abuse here. He is giving his honest opinion about her style of clothing. This shows intimacy and trust. Good for them. Scene 10: After scene 9 they were going to a party together as a couple. He has his arm wrapped around her and a beer in his hand. 3 seconds later her friend who we will call "Jane" grabs her by the wrist and drags her away from her boyfriend out onto the dance floor. Tony looks upset, and rightfully so. Jane is in the wrong here for grabbing Sue's wrist and dragging her away from her boyfriend like that, and totally being like "Fuck off" to her boyfriend. Scene 11: She is "Bumping and grinding" with her friend Jane out on the dance floor. Meanwhile another male wearing sunglasses is standing next to Tony lets call this guy "Jake" because this man is a snake... Jake whispers something into Tony's ear. I would assume based on Tony's reaction that it is some sort of "Lewd Comment" about Sue and the other women on the dance floor. Scene 12: Tony walks up to Sue and is like. "Come on lets go home. I'm not having fun here." Jane seems to be guilt tripping Sue here like, "Your boyfriend is no fun!" Sue then shrugs her shoulders and leaves with her boyfriend Tony. Scene 13: Lets assume this is the next day at school. Tony has bought 2 lunches. One for himself, and one for Sue. Sue was eating a burger, but Tony has offered her a salad instead. She shows her first sign of unhappiness with Tony. However, we do not have the full context here. Is this a diet that Sue has chosen to go on, and Tony is helping her stick to her diet? That seems very supportive if helping her stick to her chosen diet. On the other hand if this is him saying "Your fat and you need to lose weight." it is mean and controlling. Based on what we know about these characters so far I'm going to assume Tony is being supportive of her choice to go on a diet. Scene 14: Her annoying friend Jane shows up. Once more butting in on this couple and not minding her own damn business! Once more she gets physical with Sue placing a hand on her shoulder. Jane almost certainly said something to provoke Tony. Perhaps something passive aggressive like, "Is your boyfriend going to let you come out this weekend?" This upsets Tony so much that he accidentally spills his drink on his pants making it look like he wet himself. This sudden rush ice water to his crotch and the combined humiliating situation makes him lash out at Jane and say something angry at Sue. I think it something to the effect of. "I need to go get changed! You want to hang out with her instead of me looking for other guys? Go ahead!" He walks away and tenticles are shown coming out of his back for sort of symbolism like he is the bad guy here? That doesn't add up with the rest of the scene. Perhaps this just "Shows his anger symbolically" That's fair. Anyways she chases Tony, but he keeps walking. He needs to go get changed and feels not right right now. He wants some space for a little bit. This is not abuse. Scene 15: She is in class. He is blowing up her phone with angry text messages. He is angry about something and expressing his anger. She is not happy that he is angry. Although this is unpleasant: This is not abuse. This is him being honest about his feelings and expressing his anger about what he views as a problem in their relationship. Scene 16: It's after class and Sue is walking out of class. That guy Jake from earlier that said something to upset Tony at the party? Yea... He has got his arm wrapped around Sue like that is his woman! Is that how Sue feels? I don't think she feels that way about Jake! But what is Tony to think when he shows up and sees this with flowers in his hand after having calmed down and gotten into a better mood? Jake puts his hands up like, "Tony please don't kill me! I didn't try anything!" Bullshit... Jake is trying to get with Sue! First hint of a fight between them two, and Jake is on that like flies on shit! Sue is just looking around like, "I didn't do nothing!" Scene 17: Tony drops those flowers he brought for Sue on the floor, and is like "You want to be with Jake? That's fine! I'm done with you!" With tears in her eyes she runs down those steps and gets down on her knees in front of Tony. "Please let me be with you I love you!" she says. "I don't give a fuck about Jake!" She offers her hand to him submissively with her head bowed down. He accepts her hand and grabs her saying "Lets go!" Scene 18: Tony is still angry. He just saw another man with his arm wrapped around his girlfriend. He is lecturing her on how this is inappropriate behavior for a girlfriend.... Then scene gets extremely weird. It's like she is not taking any accountability for her behavior. He is made to look like a monster for some reason? Scene 19: Big bold words are written "Don't confuse love and abuse". He is there with flowers, and she is playing the victim for some reason? I don't think either party is an abuser here. However, If anyone is the "abuser" in this relationship it is her not him! She is just playing the victim, and zoning him out when she does everything in her power to make him feel insecure about her faithfulness. She wants to dress like a slut, and go to party, and have other dudes wrap their arm around her... He just wants a girlfriend that won't cheat on him. She wants to fuck that Jake dude? Go ahead... but don't be doing it behind Tony's back. Let go of Tony first. Her friend Jane is just as bad as Jake. I'm sure she got some dudes she wants to set Sue up with too. This video says more about "Toxic Friends" than a "Toxic Relationship"
When he grabbed her by her neck that activated a memory I had where I was in world market and I complimented this woman. She was looking at some stuff by herself so I didn’t pay any mind to her friends. I told her that I liked her tattoos and that she was pretty . So I encountered them again at checkout and they were buying Ramune and I asked them if they had every been to this local Japanese convenience store and he said no in the rudest way possible so I started glaring at him like I wanted to rip his heart out through his abdomen and she caught notice and immediately tried to defuse the situation( I was about to clown the hell out of him ) and he chilled out but then as he was leaving he grabbed her by the neck and kinda forced a kiss in front of me( I guess to show how much of better man he is than me “) and thinking back o feel like I should have told that woman to run. If you’re reading this leave that Ted lasso looking Mf alone before it’s too late. There are certain ways that you touch and embrace your partner and grabbing them by the neck and forcing them into a kiss to be mean to another person is not one of those things.
Abusers typically also only go after “weak” women who are desperate for love. Strong women usually avoid abusers because we play hard to get and we don’t take shit from anybody. Abusers hate strong women because they can’t control them.
When I was a senior and first year of university this was me. I got isolated from all my friends, it was forbidden for me to have male friends. I was not allowed to go to the gym or any practice any sport activities because I could meet someone and "cheat on him". We would have clases together, then he would call me after school to talk for hours... there was nothing to talk about as he was glued to me the whole day.... He would control how I dressed and would be furious if I did not write him daily in Facebook how much I loved him. He followed me to the same university and degree. My family situation was horrible and abusive too back then too so I would not notice his abuse. Between the family situation and him I was taken to the psichologist. He told me that I should only discuss my problems with him and that if I went to the psichologist he was going to tell everyone how crazy I was. Thanks God we broke up, I moved abroad, married this amazing guy and we are expecting our first baby. I want to hug that youg girl and tell her that eventually everything will be fine ❤ and that at least she learned what to avoid in the next relationships.
I don't know why this was suddenly recommended to me *6 years later* but watching the video it's not like the girl was any better in this relationship. To start out, he had to initiate it, which meant she wasn't even interested in him to begin with, then we see him winning her a bunch of prizes and her doing nothing in return. He starts her morning off with texts as well as more texts throughout her day, but we can see she can't even be bothered to reply back to them. Heck, they go out to a party and the moment they walk through the door she goes off to dance with her friends and leaves him to himself. Seems like an all take/no give relation, so when he starts getting agitated suddenly she feels trapped and suffocated. Once again, the man's feelings really don't matter right?
If you are struggling read this~ I know I’m young but I would just like to say that, In 7th grade I was in a very dark place. I couldn’t feel much emotion and I HAD thoughts of revenge and other things. But God saved me, He gave me the people in my life and He showed Himself to me. Even in my darkest days He was there with me, He never left me. One day while I was in bed I to pray with my hand to the sky and I felt something holding my hand. At that very moment I knew it was Him. I repent of all of the sins I have committed. I am ready to begin a new life with Him. There is still time go repent love one another and believe in Christ for He will forgive you❤️ He helped me in hard times and he will help you too:). Just pray! I will pray for you! Pls pin so more people can see!
For a while, I couldnt believe I was going through this until the relationship finally ended. Looking back, it's clear to me now that they were treating me with abusive behavior. Had I continued the relationship, I can't imagine what I would've turned into. It's easy to look passed the numerous affections and think you've accepted the flaws, but didnt mean they were suppose to be flaws you could live with.
I just noticed that the love bombing in the beginning inst reciprocated. He catches her phone, he introduces himself, he flirts, he takes her out, plays the games at the fair, wins her prizes, sends morning texts and loving things, gets her flowers, meets her whens she gets off, etc maybe these people aren't intentionally abusing they just have a bigger capacity for affection and require it as well. I feel the man in this video may have been feeling rejected and not good enough since he was being so affectionate and she was just sort of absorbing it not really adding to it. I think that makes people with high affection capacities and needs start acting as if they've been abused because they genuinely feel that way. The way a "normal" person feels after being yelled at, isolated, taken advantage of, etc so they responded by "doing it back". Does that make sense?
Is there a male perspective too? Why is he doing all these things and what is causing him so much mental stress to do all these things? This comes out of protective nature towards thei girlfriend or wife. Otherwise, What is there for him to stay anxious and in stress all the time for her?
Something is wrong with the relationship from the very start, he’s all about himself and not caring what she wants. Even when they first meet - why would she want his picture on her phone when she doesn’t even know him yet?
