What’s funny is I don’t worry about this anymore. I still get insecure about my body or want to change it but it’s not in this weird disordered way. In other words I KNOW I AM LOVABLE and valuable and worthy of connection regardless. Funnily enough this insecurity just moved to other things like my grades and my self care practice. It’s much healthier but I do notice that it’s more of an overall OCD tendency and to conflate safety and lovability with some type of preformance. It’s nice to look back on this when I feel stressed and overwhelmed to see how far I’ve come! I couldn’t even get out of the mirror then I wouldn’t have dreamed I’d have such good body awareness and dreams of owning my own mental health practice and going to grad school having friends etc. Yes it’s hard but WOW some of these issues I just don’t struggle with anymore and that’s encouraging 🤩
this discussion reminded me of a video i watched recently. i think the part around 15:30 where you talk about queerness having biological proof in some ways is very relevant to that video's points. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-QLWKYTxLYT4.html its a long video in comparison but i think its worth watching and i hope you do too.
Sad face because you don't wanna see me 😛or sad because the algorithm sucks? This is a really old video lol I have lots newer ones of me adjusting (sort of) to socioty 😛
In all seriousness I was kinda a mess in this video lol but when I was a teen and thought this I was actually really pretty (looking back lol) but I thought I should be stick skinny and didn't like my body changing and growing boobages
lol future Chris here. That account was amazing and I'm sad it's gone. That account allowed me to freely express for the first time. My Mom and sister made me delete it and I was only scared becuase it threatened the illusion that my cult was bad for me and if anyone knew there was a part of me who thought it was healthy I'd lose everyone. That's why I'm talking so fast in this video. I was exposing what was going on on that account when I couldn't talk about it anywhere else.
It's also hilarious because I can hear my real voice peeking through and then me quickly masking it with shy fawning and trying to be sweet and approachable X'D poor bb
I dont know you, or why this video showed up on my feed. But I Just want to say; You go for it Girl! Follow your heart! Don't let any doubt or fear in your mind stop you.
Brilliant video!! Really enjoyed everything about it :) If possible in the future, could you do a video revving up your car? So we can hear how it sounds!! 😁
Let me add for other queers and poly people out there I don’t share the really tough family stuff on here as much but I had to REALLY fight for my partner to be able to come it was stressful and not easy. It’s only because I stayed calm and took the higher ground with firm boundaries and rely on found family when my blood family is being hurtful that I was able to make this happen. ❤
What type of health issues do you have, if you don’t mind me asking? My grown son has severe Lyme (is also mentally disabled), but so intelligent that he could read at 3, but he’s so scared of failure, he fails to finish things, and so he lies You are the bravest person I’ve ever seen! What a great attitude!you ARE CUTE!!!🩷 Keep making videos! I’m 68, but you give me hope. I used to teach high school for 39 years and miss young people so much! BTW, I told my “so called fiancée” that I needed him just over and hold me because I was going through terrible trauma with physical abuse from my son “Lyme rage” and his my money. He’s now in jail, and I’m stuck. I can’t get anything done because I’m tired and sick, and allergic to everything outside. I love gardening, too. He never showed up, and had made so many promises to me that never happened. He’s passive aggressive. Virgo. That dancing around feels good❣️😇🩷 New subbie here. I don’t know why. I’m old and I find your energy and wisdom refreshing. It would help my son, too. Geez! I can’t even go shopping anymore, because I’m always sick or a wet noodle! I guess I’m following you vicariously, because of your high IQ! I’m glad you’re buying good food. It’s kept me from having more autoimmune diseases.
Hello kind human! Thank you for your encouragement. I have stomach and back pain and some kind of allergies to many foods but I used to have WAY worse breakouts, IBS etc however there's a good reason to believe that my symptoms are related to a nerve disorder or rather that because of my trauma I developed PTSD and it manifests in physical sympotoms. This is one reason I'm so into healthy living because you may have seen a glimps of my emotional disregulation on my channel it has been a huge challange in my life. I've had to work with a therapist that has helped the most and then my spirituality. My spiritual community (I'm wiccan) helped me belive that my symptoms that make me unlike other people (being an empath and an HSP (highly sensitive person) as well as being culturally different from my peers was not a bad thing and that I just needed tools to manage the symptoms. When one thing goes wrong in the body or soul everything follows. No matter the symptoms I'm experiencing it's always water, pushing my edge, working out, yoga, healthy food and focusing on how my body feels when I'm in deep surrender to the goddess (my felt wellness and joy) that heals all symptoms. I want to encourage you to find a local gym that feels safe to you or better yet a yoga studio and make going to it part of your religious practice. I hope to make this wellness culture more accessible to everyone. You are wonderful and you shine on your own. Much love! Chris
@@TheEpicPlace Thank you for responding, Chris. What a nice overdone you are! I do yoga at my house every morning. I have to do Yin Yoga because my spine is fused together. I can barely make it to my appointments because of my health issues, and fatigue, so I save my energy of going to a gym (used to, but that’s when I had an ounce of energy! I’ve had a lot of toxin-based issues from breast implants, then I moved to a condo with mold which made me so sick (3 people moved out of the condo from getting sick, one before me, and one after even though I had it remediated before I left, but it was sitting at the bottom of a slope leading to a marsh. I had green patches all over my basement, and the basement wall had been patched over, but I knew nothing about mold. Since I had implants, both lowered my resistance so much, I developed all kinds of autoimmune issues, infections, stomach issues, food allergies, had 3 surgeries from organ failures before getting my implants removed. I went to every doctor people referred me to, and then an Angel (my daughter’s ex-boyfriend) called her and said he thought I had breast implant illness. She didn’t tell me it was him, but I looked it up, and boy, I had every symptom, including brain impairment. Most plastic surgeons won’t remove them, and they deny there’s anything wrong with them. I was so weak. the tissue surrounding the implant that came out of me was disgusting! The saddest part to me is that the condo was gorgeous, but now my sister, who has is a multimillionaire, fixed it up as my “forever” place to live. Lol! It would have been had I stayed there! But, now neither of my sisters will talk to me, I’m inexplicably not invited to events (They say they thought my daughter would tell me! What BS!) I just learned a new phrase: “ghost texting”. It them! I text them and no response for months, until I text again or call, and still no response. I practically raised them, but the wealthy one is a compulsive liar and spender. The other clings to her because she was going through a divorce no one told me about. Then they got remarried, and I was not invited! I saw pics at her husband’s funeral of the wedding and everyone was there but me. I’m the scapegoat of the family, (I’ve heard THE rudest things said to me and have no husband that could have been an advocate for me. I never made a fuss, I just left.) This whole thing creates so much trauma, because not only am I sick, I can’t use my left arm, workers take advantage of me, and my brain isn’t working well because of the effects of the toxins. My son is in jail because he has severe Lyme and went off his meds and went into a “ Lyme rage”. I have to straighten that out, if I can. I owe back taxes that I thought were paid, and my fiancé left me as well as other boyfriends and friends. I also now have an acute case of Babesia (which is like malaria) from a tick bite, and prior Bartonella (another Lyme term) from childhood. I’m sorry to give you my life story, but you are so honest! I hope things work out for you. You have so much energy fir a person who doesn’t feel well! At least you have friends. A lot of mine are still here, but after I left teaching, I lost touch with some. A lot I know, but they live far away. Have a great day, Chris, and I promise never to complain again to you! I wish you the best. I can’t remember what a Wicca is. I’ll have to look it up! Keep the channel going! 🩷
6 years later: I love how my voice got deep at the end for like one second when I said “I feel like I’m acting, but I’m not” I think for the first time in my life the act was actually dropping off.
Thank you my dude! Let me know if you have any other videos you would like to learn more about polyamory, witchcraft kinkiness, wellness as an HSP or queerness
It's hard because I don't belive in clean and unclean like i did! I like Hitchhikers Guide to the Galexy. Other than that I'm kind of out of the loop on christian or clean fiction. My sister Grace who wrote the Firmament Books I refrenced would probably know! I would follow her page.
