Instagram & Tiktok: @drbeckyspelman Psychological therapy videos from Dr Becky Spelman and her team of Psychologists, Psychiatrists and Psychotherapists at Private Therapy Clinic based in London's Harley St. & video call appointments worldwide. Our videos cover topics such as anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, addiction, and much more.
Dr. Becky Spelman has a particular interest in personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder, narcissism and dissociative identity disorder.
Two new videos weekly.
Ask us any question and we'll try to make a video on it. The more subscribers we get the more videos we'll make.
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A longtime, now former, coworker of mine. When I finally left that job after 14 years, I suddenly felt like I could breathe again. When I finally came out of the situation, my body and mind just kinda collapsed in exhaustion. I could barely get out of bed for a couple of weeks. My body recovered fairly quickly, but my therapy is ongoing.
Mine is Limerence of an ex of many many months ago. It is brutal. I hate it, I’ve tried everything to dispose of it, and nothing works. I need her OUT of my head and energy field.
Nobody here will understand this, but only the top 20% of men are even being dated right now. They _all_ have some sort of narcissism. If you want a guy that's not narcissistic, check your average local Arby's, Ross, office environment, car mechanic, fire dept, literally just anywhere an average guy works. You won't find them on Tinder/Hinge/Bumble, or in the bars/clubs/gyms. If you're REALLY strapped for a nice, normal guy, check your friendzone 😂
Every person with BPD I’ve known has made claims that “no doctors could figure out what was wrong” with them. Not making a judgement, just an observation.
I just ended a 6+ year friendship with a woman who has high narcissistic traits. It wasn’t an easy decision but it got to the point where I could no longer handle their toxic behavior any longer. I had to do what’s best for me and my mental wellbeing.
I was in a 16 yr marriage of limerance with someone who was unable to attach while I was idolizing them so much that I couldn't even acknowledge anger towards her apathy and indifference. My self esteem was non existent and I suffered from depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation. I tried to stop the terrifying but inevitable end of that relationship and by the end my entire identity and assumed reason for living was shattered. The end of that relationship was the end of one life and the start of a new, scary, but ultimately more authentic life. Every day is a struggle trying to climb out of that. It haunts you,and skews almost every decision and assessment of the world and others. There are some days that I miss my ex even though I now am able to acknowledge we were incredibly toxic for each other. cPTSD is such an incredible torment and it's so hard to deal with. I can vouch for everything this person is saying. At the time my wife could do no wrong and everything was my fault no matter what and I couldn't even give myself permission to be angry at her. Incredibly unhealthy.
Thanks for sharing this, I love when people who watch my content share their personal stories, it’s so powerful in terms of us all learning from one another, I’m sorry you experienced so much pain, well done on embarking on the journey of your new life.
Why does everyone else have a nice home, just not you two? ??? I took my parents to an older friend's home who had retired from a long mid management position and used the retirement payout to buy a gorgeous home in his hometown. The other house belonged to a relative who had had his own construction company with I don't know how many employees. And his charges to the country for building and maintaining public roads were probably not exactly low. So he had money to build a rather large house. Hubby and I were still living in our university flat. And he was in his second working year. It still hurts after all these years. But don't expect any apologies. (OT) Why do you constantly have to dig out old stuff?
Doesn't seem like npd. I've had a lifetime of covert narcs and the key factor is the shifting of reality. Thats what protects the false self. She seems to have an identity or ego. When i am experiencing narcissistic style abuse i become mean and say mean stuff drunk. Its the trauma response. Once it settles, i never treat people like that. I had to be diligent to never ignore my gut and end relationships when i knew i should. Once they hook your empathy, they will leverage that and you are getting a trauma bond
The excruciating part is when she's clearly not interested.. except sometimes she is. Getting through the limerence phase was hard enough and it involved swallowing some big pills that hurt going down. But eventually I could accept that we weren't right for each other and start healing. Then I would get a text. And then I couldn't say no because how could I? Maybe she'd actually changed her mind. So we would go out and have a night together. And it would verge on divinity. It would be everything I could have ever hoped for out of this life. Maybe this would even continue for a couple of weeks and I would be elated. But then inevitably we would hit some invisible brick wall. She would stop responding. Stop reciprocating. Hard reject me. I would have to come to terms with the fact that my love for her is in fact nonreciprocal and whatever happened before wasn't real. We aren't right for each other after all and I need to try to move on. And so I would. And it hurt. But eventually.. after months of struggling with that I would start to get over her again. And then I would get a text. I know that she has her own demons and I don't want to assume malice because I really don't think it is.. but I've been on and off with this girl who I have poured my heart out to for 5 years. It's always her rejecting me, hurting me, ignoring me and then eventually saying "hey"
Thank you so much Dr Igudia for your wonderful cure. You have a lovely combination of professionalism and caring and I appreciate it very much. My recovery from herpes was amazing, Thanks for being a great doctor who tells it like it is. Your honesty is highly appreciated
I have no relationship with my mother. I totally agree with the comment that I'm following after. She has been vicious towards me all my life and finally during our final conversation ever she went into a rage and told me to die screaming she told me this over and over die die die you piece of s***! Drug addicts need to die! Now mind you I've been sober and clean for decades and have worked very hard to have my sobriety and my peace and I didn't know until that last conversation that she really meant it. She wanted me dead and gone and she always has. I get it now. I am gone from her forever and ever and I do not feel any remorse. It is where my life began and my recovery truly started. I don't miss her I don't care about her and I don't give a s*** what happens anymore with her. She can put me down all she wants. I don't care. I tried to prove to her and show her that I was a good girl one worth knowing and appreciating and loving and she wouldn't have any part of it ever. So I am gone and my life is brand new. I surround myself with people who love me and care about me and want me to be happy and well. I don't try to chase down people anymore and make them see how good I can be for them. The second I am dist by anybody I am gone permanently from any future that might have been a possibility in my sites. I can truly say that I am happy with myself and who I am and who have been trying to prove all my life to the wrong people.
Why is this video headlined "Noone is a narcissist?" Online stats are that between 1 and 5% of the UK population has NPD. 1% is 1 in a hundred. 5% is 1 in 25. Neither of those numbers count as "rare". These numbers demonstrate you most certainly will encounter someone with NPD in some capacity in your life. Many people have had their lives destroyed by the abuse from people with NPD. We need more education in schools on the topic and more proper medical scientific mental health research to solve this issue or at very least mitigate the damage done. Please rethink your choice of headline and your content in this video. It belittles and gaslights the men and women who have suffered terrifying and dangerous abuse.
Get out of the dsm- develope your identity and validate yourself . Titles are for books. Much love and stay healthy . Oh yeah sex and love addiction is real. Get alone very alone.
very very difficult to have a relationship with a alcoholic. not only during the drinking but the recovery and relapsing . i am addicted to her but not the behaviours . they definitely hook up with other people. i’ve experienced everything that one can think of . it’s heartbreaking. you will spend hours on phones all your resources and you lose yourself worth . it’s truly not worth it unless your millionaire that can sit and wait all day and watch .
i feel for a 48 year old alcoholic woman. i’m 60 . in the 2.5 years of knowing her she would hook up with younger men and x boyfriends . the lies and dysfunctional behaviour was overwhelming. i sailed away with my dog to another country. i stayed in touch but the debasing behaviour continues . she went to rehab abs met a 35 guy there recovering from meth . she was to come here once completed . this was only days ago . Told her this is to painful and lots to process. i’m tired scared to bring her now . she knows how to play me . i can’t have sex with again as it has no meaning to you plus your still drinking. i won’t she said . i’m not a rehab i said and had her on my last yacht abs it was a nightmare. i’m irish and to soft and care about humanity. my family are worried
Dr. Igudia, you have my deepest appreciation for curing my genital herpes and helping my partner with with his Herpes too. Your expertise and dedication are truly commendable. Thank you, sir, for making a positive impact on our lives.
Lol So many insecure people in the comments. If you're confident enough in yourself, and the relationship - why would you feel threatened by your special other being friend with their ex? 😂 Of course, there are different situations - some exes you can never remain friends with since you'll always have love for them. But if enough time has passed by and the relationship with your ex at this time is purely platonic, why lose a beautiful friendship. An intimate relationship is built on a solid friendship as well. If you can get over your feelings, why lose it? I think mature and loyal people can understand when a friendship with an ex is possible or not, and provide the proper respect to their new partner.
Alex's interview actually reminds me of something my Dear Mother told me when she worked for The NHS in England. She said that The English were always so kind and courteous and she said of The Irish that they couldn't give a shit about u.
So there's this one guy I'm obsessed over and it's so hurting he doesn't even know the funny thing is I'm so limerent with him that he appears in my dreams non stop 😭 also I sent him insta request and sob sob he didn't accept now I'm obsessed with the point that every time like I'm stalking his profile man he seems even so red flag my intuition but it's familiar yk the generational trauma so like every time one follower get reduce from his followers and also from following you guys I'm obsessed to this point then what I think he's already in relationship with someone and they're having a problem of their own like with his gf now poor me it's painful that he won't be mine like it's someone is pinning me with needles I so brutally want him I even prayed for the insta request but still ahhh it's so painful and like it's a fresh heart break now I'll be only normal when he accept my insta request I'm madd he's so on my mind
I was diagnosed with HSV recently and going through my first outbreaks was like a hell to me. All thanks to Dr Igudia on RU-vid who got my back all through and helped me out of it with his wonderful HSV2 product. Kudos to you sir
Thanks a million times Dr Igudia for playing a vital role on my Herpes simplex virus, you are indeed a dedicated and compassionate doctor, you’ll forever have a place in my heart, Am grateful sir
You're the only person that explains exactly what happened to me out of thousands of videos and almost a year of searching. She was just a friend that I unexpectedly developed feelings for even though she has a boyfriend. so we didn't even have a relationship. Then I also discovered she's a covert narcissist playing games with everyone which made it worse cuz I still felt like I loved her even though I knew I couldn't be with her even if she wanted to be with me. She was totally absent really told me no feelings of thoughts at all so it was all one-sided and lemons on my part I guess, but I'm still so angry at her for at least not being nice to me about it after I tried to tell her what I was feeling. she just got passive aggressive and then discarded me over a little comment I made.
@@dr.beckyspelman it is a little more complicated than that but I'm already annoying like five of my friends that I'm sure are tired of hearing about her so I have to let it go, now that I think I know what the lesson was🙂🤍
@@dr.beckyspelman I just resent the fact it took me till 62 to discover I was a victim of narcissistic abuse why my mother and others and my whole life I thought it was ADHD,anxiety, OCD, codependence, PTSD. Now I discover all of those things are caused from narcissist abuse. It's so strange and ironic that a person with this so-called love addiction never actually gets to have a relationship or sex because I only picked the wrong ones😁
Excellent video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
She have a Lot og Awareness And talk Compassionate about working on her self this I have never seen in a Narcissist, Sooo you are Doing Great Work, remember your Life it’s a Belief System, Soo if you Want to Change and can see yourself in The Mind Changing I definitely think you Can with this Awareness, I Do think you need Start Meditation Visualising you are Hole And Loving And Healed and Goo to the Emotion of That , Remember the Body Don’t know the difference of Visualities it or you’re Doing it then you will install a New program in you’re Brain Mind ❤I Would differently Start to Focus what you are ! There are many Good things in you ! and what you want to become instead of giving All this Energy to the Past Plus you keep installing the same program of hurt if you talk about it , because the Body Subconscious Mind remember this feelings exsample , and extra when traumatic events, Soo it keep Giving the Feeling more and more , this you Can only Break in Meditation with a New Feeling , this it’s the only problem with this ! focus and give the Energy in how you want to be ❤ Start feeling Safe Loving Holenes , inside in Meditation ❤ Then it must Come To Evidence in youre physical Life Every Thing It’s Matter , Physical Low , Look joy Dispenza up if you Don’t know Him ! I’m sure Lot Of All this Can be Healed, Doctors Want You To Keep Relieving the past The only Problem With this it’s your Never Gonna get Over it , it’s Good Your examining Your Self , but then You need To shift your Focus and Give All your Energy And Focus To The New Future, when Relax in the presence, Ho you want to Be and Start Making your body costume to a New feeling and after it will become Normal, it’s Only Normal for you to accept you are this person because that what you had been conditioned to your HOLE LIFE ! Only a New Being Can be Created When it Have Been Created in the Mind First, else it Not Gonna Happen ❤
