Today hasn’t felt like a real day. My great grandpa passed away, I felt like I lost my friend I’ve known for my whole life due to drifting apart, and even an attempted assassination on a former president. All I could really do is listen to this album and talk to one of my closest friends. I talked to her for an hour and she’s one of the reasons I keep living yet I can’t even tell her that I love her through text. I harmed myself a few times over the past few months because I lost so much of my self worth because of being in abused in a relationship for over a year. Venting to a RU-vid comment section at 1:00AM is definitely a choice I’ve made now and I’ll probably get reminders every few months when I go back to listen to this album and hopefully I can look back and see how I’ve improved along with all the other comments getting small edits over time
this might be weird, since i don't even know what you're going through and i'm just a stranger and all but... if there may be a lot of things that drain you silently, thoughts that provoke you badly, you might have a lot of life struggles that have been there for so long. you deal with so many frustrations, fight with inner demons, survive through harrowing situations. i want to say that you're worthy of something. i want to say that everything is going to be okay someday, but it sounds a tad too selfish when i can't see you up close. and i don't even know you. because telling people they're good when they're not, does not help that much. telling people that they shouldn't because they're unique does not help because those people know they're not doing okay. those people know they're not good. those people know they're not unique because there's someone in the world who's just better than them. so many people come through this tough time but no one seems to be able to convey the right message. it's not about being good enough for yourself, it's about being good enough for other people. that's why they want to end up their lives not because they're not good enough for themselves but because they're not good enough themselves. the one thing you have to think of yourself is that you don't have to be good enough for everyone else, if you don't even have to be good enough for yourself. and thinking about that is so hard, like breathing feels so heavy and painful, everything is so stressful, and despite you trying your best, something else, or maybe something you thought you had conquered before started resurfacing again. it's heartbreaking when such experiences drives us to feel that we're uncapable of being loved. nobody should feel that way, and whoever made you feel like that haven't seen your worth. they want you to feel like that to hurt you, until you're left thinking maybe you deserve it after all. that in itself is painful and feels exhausting to deal with everyday. we feel so broken inside. but you know... there's this cool japanese technique about fixing stuff. it's called kintsugi where broken plates were repaired with gold. they sure aren't the same as before, but became something else just as beautiful. oftentimes, beautiful isn't just about its physical appearance. because the most beautiful things are fragile and easily broken, hurt, destroyed. and you know? if something's exterior have been ruptured so much it deems unrecognizable, there's always the inside. the true beauty is in the inside. but the sad part is that we can't acknowledge this part of ourselves because we're already in too deep of telling the mirror's reflection, "you're ugly. you deserve this pain. you're nothing." but darling, that's not you at all. it's hard not to mind other people's judgments, but trust me. sometimes when you're in too deep with their bad opinions, it creates an illusion for you to think that you're what they say you are. it also creates a chasm, wherein you don't hear all the good things other people say because you are too focused on your bad. but i know that you're a lot more wonderful, beautiful and special than you ever give yourself credit for. and even so, for you to be here despite everything you've gone through, i am so so proud of you for still hangin on. i may not know you, but i know for sure that you deserve a lot of good things in life. your existence, despite me not knowing you personally, is really wonderful. know that you're loveable. that you matter. that you're valid. even though a part of you says you aren't so. that part of you is hurt. it's scared. it felt like you deserve this pain. trust me, you don't. let's take some time to heal, though it's hard to be with the circumstances, know that you'll reach a place, or someone, that would make you feel safe. tell yourself you don’t deserve the bad things that happen to you. you never did, okay? don't make yourself feel guilty about something you can't do, or what people said about you. you might not be perfect, but that's because no one is. you're a human, dear. humans have limitations, and humans aren't meant to be alone too. that's not how we're made. so that's why you don't have to do this on your own. you don't have any reason to live anymore? then i'll help you make one, something that'd make you happy... and while we're still not on that part yet, please allow yourself to take some rests, and take care of yourself, even during the bad days. It's alright to cry. but please please please don't hurt yourself, if that may be the case. you may not feel good today, you may feel inadequate and worthless. life would really suck right now, but truthfully, that is what life is. everything would be alright in the end, if it's still not okay then it's still not the end. i want to see through this with you, i want to see you be happy and successful and safe. i'll pray for you. you'll be okay. please trust this random person in the internet. i want you to live. but i don't want you to just exist. you deserve to feel alive. you deserve food, pleasure, rest. you deserve the stuff you have and love. you deserve life. you deserve the sky, the sun, the stars and moon above you, to which you look at and think what's good about you. and you know what? it's everything. you deserve everything, even if you think you don't. you can't always be strong and happy... sometimes being alive is just enough. i'll pray for you everyday. i want you to know that i care for you with my every being and i want you to realize that you're important not just for me- who doesn't even know you personally- but for everyone else who is yet to know you too and loves you genuinely. i love you dude/ dudette/ non-dude, take care of yourself okay? just this once. you'll get there. a good tomorrow is coming, and i 'm hoping we could see it together. i love you.
_Timestamps for all 40 tracks_ 0:00 One 7:36 Two 10:47 Three 12:35 Four 19:08 Five 22:16 Six 25:17 Seven 31:56 Eight 36:50 Nine 38:18 Ten 49:21 Eleven 59:00 Twelve 1:01:31 Thirteen 1:02:51 Fourteen 1:04:17 Fifteen 1:10:27 Sixteen 1:12:48 Seventeen 1:14:29 Eighteen 1:19:35 Nineteen 1:22:40 Twenty 1:24:10 Twenty-One 1:27:16 Twenty-Two 1:30:39 Twenty-Three 1:33:10 Twenty-Four 1:36:45 Twenty-Five 1:40:16 Twenty-Six 1:43:04 Twenty-Seven 1:54:19 Twenty-Eight 1:59:13 Twenty-Nine 2:02:29 Thirty 2:04:56 Thirty-One 2:25:38 Thirty-Two 2:31:59 Thirty-Three 2:35:21 Thirty-Four 2:41:28 Thirty-Five 2:44:55 Thirty-Six 2:48:15 Thirty-Seven 2:51:36 Thirty-Eight 2:59:38 Thirty-Nine 3:04:48 Forty I just now realized as I'm writing these that each track likely represents a year in Kirby's life up to year 40, since it was released on his 40th birthday.
Tapes still available via Bandcamp for another week or two, each will come with a lil unique clay duck figurine: anameforbothofus.bandcamp.com/album/and-seem-to-make-promise-of-meeting-again-tomorrow
I remember when I found this video seven years ago, I fell in love with it. I bought the album on iTunes and always listen to it on the way to work and college. But I used the art in the video art in place of the actual album cover lol
haha so cool, I'm glad I thought to use this random image from tumblr when uploading the album all those years ago, everyone always comments they prefer it to the real album cover. I just wish I knew the source of the image, no one's been able to find it yet
i (also) like to think the OG pressings of these GAS albums had exclusive tracks and longer mixes to both the vinyl and cd editions because... having a forest as their main concept (konigforst especially, the one which inspired the artist to do this whole thing and the one he used to have lsd trips on), its like, whatever path you take ona forest it'll lead you to different places, but you'll still be under the same trees. so depending on the 'path' you took (cd or vinyl) you'd get a different experience. right?
