If it is true that theft is evil, wrong and criminal, then how can a normal human being of sound mind say or prove that a theft of one dollar is morally excusable but NOT a theft of 10 million dollars? If we apply the same reasoning to physical force, then how can a normal human being of sound mind say that a (fierce but occasional) slap on the face or bottom is (perhaps) justifiable physical force but NOT caning someone a hundred times? A theft of one dollar is just as sinful, execrable and reprehensible as a theft of a trillion dollars and the same logic applies to VIOLENCE!! Only idiots and monsters love violence!
Hi to all who may be following me This is Bernardo from the video. I made that video 10 years ago and only now realized that I've gotten views and comments over the years. In reading some of them, I see that I should indeed make additional videos to answer the various questions, comments and in some cases, complaints made mostly by men. I will begin by making one specifically about the guys who are upset that my video is one sided and doesn't address female abuse. But until I do, let me say this, We're not talking about that here!! Yes there are female perpetrators of DV but I am addressing MALE batterers with whom I work with. And just the fact that those kind of comments keep coming up seeking to blame or include females in the mix shows how deft, dumb and blind we men can still "choose" to be. "If the shoe fits" THEN REALIZE IT YOU!!! if it doesn't then move on. There is no excuse for abuse, PERIOD! if you want to change then keep your focus on and about you, you and you. And for those that say she's the problem, then I would ask, why do you keep picking the same type of partner? More of the blame game, and other topics to come. And thanks to those who have viewed and commented in any way, shape or manner. Helps keep the conversation going.
I am a male survivor of domestic violence. My ex-girlfriend repeatedly assaulted me. I watched this video even though it's geared toward a different demographic. It's striking how similar the behaviours she exhibited were to what he described here. Power was definitely a huge focus of hers. She couldn't tolerate me standing up for myself, or even walking away from arguments. She was so manipulative. Sadly she ultimately won.
I think what you guys need to I think you guys need a new study because me myself actually have experience you know I'm not married to a single woman I've had more than 20 relationships and I can honestly can honestly count in my mind that about I want to say 15 of those 20 relationships when I was younger the woman would always tell me shut the f****** b**** n**** you're worthless drug addict piece of s*** no good so but so I've realized that your studies are incorrect becathey're incorrect because in my experience women always yell 1st you mean always yelfers hit 1st slap 1st I've been slashed in my neck jumped don't tell me that it's always the men no let's be honest we have to be honest it's both
That's a lie 95 percent it's more like 50/50 every relationship I have been in the woman cut me hit me punched me. Until recently I hit back and I'm glad.
What about the woman starting he never mentioned the men who get slapped kicked bit and cut in the neck like me. Then when we hit back we are the abuser. What about female abuse ?
If they are a narcissist there is no help. Control is their right in their twisted mind. Therapy does not help, they don’t see what they Do is wrong!!!
I like this info but he should not dismiss abuse carried out on males from females. It may not be physical but could well be emotional, verbal and coercive control. Otherwise I loved this video
I thought I was so tough and could handle anything….. I was wrong….. I feel like I will die alone after my experience. I hope I don’t, and I can find myself again one day, but I don’t even know who that is anymore. I feel like a dark sickness is inside my soul, and now I’m nothing but a shadow of a person pretending I am ok. I try hard everyday to figure out how to heal but I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I feel so lost in the darkness. Thank you for this video.
I can relate to this feeling. U can heal slowly by focusing on your self and self growth. Can be simple like diet, exercise, reading, study. Learn to relax the best way that suits you. Stand up for your morals. You will be ok :)
Wow. It even started this way with my grandma who punched me two days ago. She told me to be quiet. I can't think straight since then and her voice gives me nausea. Don't laugh at me, I could easily overpower her but being abused by a weaker person is still a nightmare because if you defend yourself, you become the "abuser" much faster according to others because you're stronger. Even if the weaker one started it. It's a nightmare. It hurts deeply, especially if you have to think hard about who to tell it to and who will just ridicule you. You kinda have to suffer in silence because "My grandma punched me" sounds rather funny than sad to some people. But as I said, it's a nightmare.
@@diamondgirl7997 Thank you for your kind words! Yes, I don't want to go near her again and I avoided her since then. And I'm moving away from her. I lived with her and my grandpa.
@@diamondgirl7997 Thank you! When he makes little jokes at her expense, really mild things, she punches him. She overreacts a lot. She's a very insecure woman. And I didn't even make a joke at her expense, she just feels threatened by every day conversations all the time.
I have a situation, my ex husband is a previous domestic violence offender. After over 10 years of marriage he started cheating and divorced me. During the divorce I found out he was using my electronic signature and my identity for his finiceial gain. I had no idea. He was in absolute control. He refused to fallow the court order to provide the financial documentation. He listed me and my 3 children as renter's in our family home and then I was arrested as trespassing. I am now facing 3 mistametors and became homeless. Domestic violence funds and grants put a roof over my head last December. However because of his bad acts, false reports and pure evil I am unable to get a job. It was a divorce without children (step children) two under age. He spread rumors which caused my 16 year old daughter to be placed in dhs custody for 15 months. My daughter During Covid was moved a dozen times and traumatized severely. I also found that my ex husband placed a 3rd party in my life to keep me quite and obedient During the divorce. There was a arrest in May 2021 at my home where this 3rd party was arrested for making a IED which the police report and news state he planned on using it during a domestic dispute. This man was released and my ex husband has not been investigated. The facts are that I believe my ex committed spousal fraud and identity theft. My children's along with my information was used for his finiceial gain. He had hidden his stock investments, multiple retirement 401K's and it is out of control. He's whereabouts are unknown and is avoiding imprisonment.
Wow! Profound and powerful! Thank you so much! I wish there were more videos from this therapist! He is amazing and the world needs more men like him! Thank you!
They know they are being abusive because they always makes sure to hide it infront of others! What people hide they are highly aware is not ok, like domestic abuse!
This is good stuff appreciate it really I’m well a man I can see it throughout my own life, having a brain tumour and survived, I can see that this can reverse 🔄
These stories very disturbing, This was absolutely terrible and Very difficult to watch Men keep your cool, Men mind your temper, Men breathe, relax, and whatever you are upset about... it is simply not that serious, Men DONT hurt your Lady, Never beat up your Woman, Never beat up your wife, girlfriend, or any woman, that’s NOT is what being a man is. Beating up a Woman doesn't make a man tough... Beating up a Woman doesn't make a man strong... Beating up a Woman doesn't make a man cool... Beating up a Woman doesn't make a man a man.... Beating a woman is Not masculine Beating Women is NOT sexy Beating Women is NOT manly Using abuse, and force for sexual gratification, intimidation, by harmful behavior for sexual intimacy with someone doesn’t make a man, strong, tough, cool, or, manly. I believe in the Safety and Well-being Women, Children, and Men WOMEN Have the RIGHT to FEEL SAFE and BE SAFE This is a reply post regarding a article on Assault Against Woman: For what is statistically true, or accurate, and even what is not included statistically, and all other crime such as this is what is ( violence against women) Always unacceptable... Women have the Right to Feel SAFE and be Safe... No woman..., or person....child...should ever have to experience this kind heinous personal intrusion in their lifetime, this seems to be occurring at least according to news reports more, and all to often. Actually this activity should be in a stage, or state of Reversal, and NOT Increasing, I am continually upset as well as greatly disturbed in hearing such stories, as I have always have been... My Heart Always... goes out to any person which have experienced any such similar experience of intrusion, attacks, and, or invasion of their personal well-being... due violence, and or violent behavior, I will continue Praying for the Safety and Well-Being of Others... Keep everyone SAFE PLEASE BE SAFE Your Life is important Advocate of Humanity, Author, Writer, Poet, Safety Advocate Jason Sandifer, Michigan MESSAGE REPOSTED 10/28/2021
True words not nearly spoken enough: “Domestic violence always starts with the words ‘shut up.’” In my case, “shut the fuck up.” And then I knew his statement was really a marker of “the beginning,” but I just wouldn’t leave. I did manage to survive, though, and am safe and single ever since.
Today, the heaviest punches I can remember. Thank God I didnt get fractured skull. But black cauliflower ears and massive bruises. My face swollen. I have no income and Have a daughter. I decided to stay for the economic and financial reason for time being. Pray for me and my daughter
It's been 2 years. Have you been able to get away? Did something change? I hope you're both doing ok. May you be blessed with good luck going forward, and be safe and healthy!
It's the flowers at the end of the video for me. Forgive me flowers are the worst to receive. A woman wants "just because flowers" not "forgive me flowers".
My ex husband banged my head on the cement. Thank guy a friend of the family saved me. I was awaken in my sleep with a loaded gun in his hand he was so drunk when he try too shoot me. I guess the bullet hit the floor & got stuck on the ceiling. The last words that made me dip with my 2 sons with me. He said he was going too bury me 6ft under I got the hell out of dodge real quick. I got married at a young age in 1994 - half of 2007 that's when I separated from him. I divorced him in 2017.. I think got I made it through every bad thing he have done too me. I forgave him but I will never forget cause right this day 2021 he's in bad shape. You just can't abuse anyone & except their life too be better it doesn't work like that karma is a bitch. I developed so many mental illnesses because of that even ptsd some nights I would stay up all night with no sleep at night. I'm medicated for that now also with my other mental illinesses.. I still have those miserable bad dreams that still awake me out of my sleep.. Even though I take my meds at night. I would read a bible or just get on my phone until I fall back asleep again. I dont trust any men anymore. I be damn if I get abuse again. I dont even want a man too touch me anymore & that's the way I feel. I don't care what any men say.
It is easy to call someone an abuser these days. People can get carried away with frustration and anger in their relationships. My wife did it to me And I to her, but i never hit her. She claims I am the abuser when I felt strongly that she was doing things that were innapropriate in a marriage. I like this video because he discussed the evil and possible good in people. It may be too late, but i have learned , since we seperated, That both people do need to give an unconditional love for a relationship to work. That is a very deep thing for most people to know when they are in the relationship with hurt feelings and emotions. Men tend to yell and be more physical while women ten to manipulate and play games. That was missed here. Anyway, people can change but they have to want it. Therapy can work if they want it. I have a degree in psychology and still overlooked important things because of my emotions. Control and discipline become key until you have a full cognitive change. Most of these comments sound like you are dating rude jerks. There is a difference in people and their reasons for arguing. Abuse is not the correct outcome and definately hitting a woman can break bones. However the other forms of abuse are on a different level for me and should be treated differently. One big lesson is from Jesus. Love others as you love yourself. That does not work with very bad people with deep seeded anger issues and hitting though.
First 5 min I see You are part of the problem in the way women us there situations to say men are the abuser when in most cases it is both party's most dominant but in threw a woman's actions and maybe gets turned over through escalation to the man ... What is your justification to always state that the man is the abuser or are you trying to sale your self on a plateau to know your thoughts you have not been in any other person's position for you to put a image in society that only men are the abuser. But in most cases you will never change you're just as bad as the women that only us the words domestic violence as a shield but is the abuser of the situation in most cases just because she's not physical maybe emotional so what is the out look that can show who wins out of the situation no one especially when you have children.
True. After many loud arguments being called a verbal abuser, i relized that my wife was setting me up. I chose not to partipate and she got worse trying to provoke me. Even jokes about a boyfriend. I just learned to shrug it off now that we are seperated. she always wants to know if i still care about her and wants to see a reaction. of course she told her whole family that she was abused. A girl at the pool laughes at her when she told our story and she got mad. The girl told her that her ex broke 2 ribs and a cheek. She wished they just argued.
@@deanhill5002 this is not about when people argued woman played games or manipulated this is about different than yours situations where physical abuse becomes a norm and if u separated without hitting your wife all the glory to you
Reach out to people who care for you. Don't stay silent. Surround yourself with people who will give you strength. Abusers take your voice, strength and you become weak. I know.... 22 yrs of it!
Please get out asap...I can feel you when you say this...It just takes a one strong move...after that each and every thing gets better..You will pat your back ,I can guarantee .
