Dementia Carers Count is a national charity, offering a range of free services that give family carers the opportunity to learn and understand more about dementia and to connect with others in a similar situation. We offer practical advice on the reality and challenges of being a carer.
Thank you Viggo for sharing from your heart and family the experiences that you have been through! I know that so many people will benefit and take to heart what you have lived through! 🥰
no matter how much you try to bring reality back to them they're in a state of mind where their brain won't accept it you don't have to flat out lie or get their hopes up or whatever, it's just giving them a comfortable setting to talk in so they're not panicked i love how this is becoming more common, I've heard horror stories of people being so mean to people with conditions that affect their sense of reality. unless they're engaging in harmful behavior just work with them, if they're trying to do something dangerous then you safely redirect, calmly don't yell or freak out, they need you to be a calming stable influence for them, even if they don't remember you
Micheal addressed many interesting issues re how to reduce the gap of generation by connecting the generations and learning from each other. The society and institutions should do more on those topics
Honestly I would talk if they spoke first basically otherwise I would pay attention to their nonverbal body language and I ain't serving anyone except the highest power tyvm I appreciate it
Hi Everyone ... If you have a loved one with dementia, please listen to Viggo's advice. It really is a regret that I did try to correct my loved one. They passed away recently and one of my regrets is the times I corrected them. They were a highly intelligent person and they even said to me the same thing Viggo said, how did we know that their perception of reality was wrong and that mine was right. Don't correct your loved one with dementia. The cost to you and your loved one is too high!
In my own experience, I've found listening to the person and trying to transition to a new conversation topic really helps. My patient consistently likes to talk about her mother and father and when she gets stressed about where they are I try to transition the topic to something more light-hearted. We generally try to talk about horses or farm work or anything that brings about a happy memory and by the time we're done with that conversation she's almost always happier and has forgotten what she was stressing out about.
I worked at a care facility for a time in an accounting role and I was always unsure how to handle speaking with residents with dementia until I was told this secret. It made my interactions with those residents so much better and no longer awkward. You are helping them feel a part of things still, and comfortable.
He is absolutely correct. They live in a different reality. You don’t correct them, you either just go along with what they say or redirect them. What they think at that time is real to them at that moment. My dad had Alzheimer’s and I tried to never argue, belittle or make him feel badly. When he couldn’t find the car keys (which were hidden) I simply pretended to look for them then said I would look again later by which time he would have forgotten about them. That way he kept his dignity about no longer being able to drive.
I feel horribly about how poorly I cared for my grandmother dealing with dementia. Thank you for this insight. I am sorry for having so little patience and I love and miss you grandma. Forgive me Lord
My great grandfather used to confuse my grandmother, my mother and me because we have similar facial features. My grandmother would continually correct him and he’d get very quiet and withdrawn. My mom and I used to just go with it and he’d tell us great stories that began with “remember when we…” He let me record some of his stories and even interviewed him about his service in WW2. He couldn’t remember yesterday but he could remember the 1940s in razor sharp detail. I’m so grateful I got to share his memories.
When my beloved Great Uncle developed dementia he thought I was my Mother (I was in my early 20s) He called me by my Mothers name every time I came in the house and he would ask me about my brother ie my Uncle the funny thing was I never once thought to correct him as he seemed so happy thinking I was her. So I just played along with it and told him I would say hi to my Dad and Mom ie my Grandparents one of which had already passed and we carried on like this until he passed. I learned later that what I did was the right thing and I am glad even in his confusion I was able to still love him and not make it worse. Love you always Uncle RD. Thank you for sharing this message because its an important one.
My dad passed having lived with dementia for about 5yrs. I had good days and bad days with him. Sometimes I'd be both sad and frustrated by my limited relationship with him and others where I just went along with his creative stories....you can simply marvel at the creativity sometimes
Some of this applies to other causes of milder memory issues. Im autistic and have chronic illness that makes me fatigued. I constantly forget things or get confused because of that combination, and there's definitely a right and wrong way to respond to that e.g. I know I have memory issues. Making me feel bad or stressed about it won't help at all. I find having things I'm likely to forget, or confuse, written down or drawn very helpful! Even my psych advocates for that
I am currently sitting with my mom who has alzheimers. She is currently crying for her mother and she doesnt know that I am her daughter. Even though its killing me...I am trying my best to comfort her...but there is no comfort for her...its making my heart bleed to see her this way.
I am a nurse and have worked with (and still do) dementia patients. We were taught to always reorient them back to reality but find this creates more frustration for the patient; you are doubting the reality that is very real for them. It is so much better ( unless their safety is in question) to 'play along' and allow yourself a glimpse into their world, if for anything just to comfort them in that moment.
While good advice, if you really want to help people then it would be good to realize that these diseases are preventable to a large degree and not become one of them for someone else in the future. Also, studying to the best of your ability so that you aren't sympathizing with sick people but actually fixing them by helping develop cures rather than treatments is more meaningful. If someone didn't develop antibiotics we would still be saying this about lepers.
People my sister knows, have a mother in hospital, he husband died while she had dementia. Every visit she would ask where he was and every visit they would tell her he had died and every visit she would cry hysterically till she went to sleep. So cruel. I hope people pay attention with what you are saying!
Been struggling with my uncle (lewy body dementia) having Aragorn guide me has definitely changed my perspective and enabled me to be a better support for my uncle and his family.
Its situational. My 95 + yr old grandmother said one day that her husband ran off with another woman. She was very upset with this notion....my grandfather had died some15 years prior after 57 years of marriage to grandma. He never left her all that time. My mother gently told my grandmother that granddaddy had died...she said "he did?" and mom said yes, you were at his funeral, do you remember? Grandma paused for a few moments and said , she felt better knowing that. She never brought it up again. Maybe its not correction, its re writing the narrative.
