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Saying mother has to go back just because of economic concerns is so wrong. Women are more than being a mom and it is absolutely draining to stay with a baby at home regardless how much you love them. It helps the mother a lot to have a break during the work day. Regarding sleep training, my child never sleeps when I am by her side. She wants me by her side but just wants to play all night and never sleeps when i go to her. So, not going to her helps both of us sleep. I hate it so much and it is the hardest thing I ever did in my life, but she needs to sleep to grow and develop. So, going to your child at night whenever they want is not the automatic right thing to do for every child.
I’m Chinese, my parents could only have 1 child due to 1 child policy (now there is no limit). Everyone back then was the only child, so I find the idea of siblings is alien to me. I only have one child and I’m done. I didn’t have any struggle to make this decision because I knew from my heart one child is complete for me, and I know what only child feels like so I don’t have any fear. I didn’t feel lonely, I had lots of me time which was amazing to be in my imagination world I disturbed. I have friends who are supportive (most of them are only child), we have deep connections and life long friendship, I don’t feel a need to have siblings. My son’s friends are mostly only child too, but they have really good relationship too, they grow up together. And my son is the most generous child compare to other children with siblings. No one at home grabbed his toys, he never need to fight for toys. Every time we invite his friend to home, he wants to share his toys with his friend. My son value his own feelings, he can play with other children, but if there is something he doesn’t like, he can leave and play by himself too. I think it’s not bad, he can blend in or be alone. I think the only downside is he is not used to rough boys, but I’m not too concerned. From my own experience, he will be the same with others when he grow up. My home is always so peaceful, 3 of us are really relaxed and comfortable. So if you have only one child and concerned, I want to let you know it’s beautiful, peaceful, they are billions of only child in this world, it’s not that scary:)
I was shy as a child, and no one made me feel like that could be a problem. Teachers loved me because I was quiet and easy to teach. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized my shyness is a huge disadvantage. No one told me that I would have to learn how to make small talk with people I don't know so that I can keep a job. I wish my parents and teachers were less accepting of my shyness and encouraged me more to explore out of my comfort zone to learn valuable life skills.
I think about myself being more introverted, and my daughter, being very social and wanting to be everybody’s friend. I have a tendency to want her to reign in some of her boldness in approaching people because of my own fears. I remind myself to take a deep breath, realize she isn’t me and think about how I can learn from her. When I can look at it from a different perspective, she’s actually quite inspiring to me. I really appreciate this podcast, it helped me to think about how I wouldn’t want anyone telling me that I need to be more bold and put myself out there, because I am very cautious and like to take things slowly, so not honoring that in me would give me stress and anxiety. I don’t always get it right, but I’m gonna keep trying! Thank you!
My guess is that, like most parenting methods, this will work for some people, but as a children’s therapist who works with behavioral issues my guess is that this will work best for parents that are extraordinarily patient, and you should be aware that learning these skills takes most of childhood. That’s not a problem/it’s normal, and I think we should have patience with that slow process of raising children, but the problem I think is that when parents come looking for answers with parenting, they’re likely approaching their wit’s end and they need some quicker results. Also, posing consequences vs relationship is a false binary, you can (and IMHO, should) have both. Consequences without relationship has bad results, and I think that is something she is trying to help people avoid. But, the meta-analysis of research of what helps with behavioral challenges in kids always includes consequences (that are quite small/brief), but balances this with building up the behavior you want to see, and improving the relationship. They’re not mutually exclusive. In fact, I’ve often seen it to be the other way around, that getting parents some skills of how to respond with small but consistent consequences to inappropriate behavior both gets the behavior and check, and saves the relationship! My guess is the 16 yo had been being over-punished (and under-relationshipped) for a long time, which shows that escalating your consequences is a bad idea, and parent emotional control goes a long way-but I think it’s illogical to swing so far as to say that consequences as a whole do nothing. There are mountains of research saying that it does, but, you have to balance it with building skills and relationship, as she says.
I was labeled "shy" but now I know it was social anxiety. I definitely was not confident. I wanted to do things but was frozen due to my fears. Working on my anxiety would have helped.
But what about a 2 yr old PLUS. a 5 yr old ( 2 different homes) who regularly use tantrums to get their way. The 2 yr old is still " learning" BUT" the 5 yr old (2 different families & homes btw) won't use the emotional regulation skills taught....never ever❗
I found myself avoiding being alone with myself while listening to this . I saw my baby was still napping and the house quiet . So I decided to stop and go sit on the couch with a 15 min timer and actually sit with no distractions (tv, phone, book) before baby wakes.
After three miscarriages, I told my son, “ I tried three times after you to give you a brother or a sister. But God only wanted me to have you. God wanted me to give you all of the love and attention that I could possibly give to you.” I am 49 and a single mother of a 10-year-old. I am a practicing stoic and do the best I can and in trying to raise my son. He is a gentle and sweet soul with a defiant streak. Absolutely perfect. Oh- sharing is overrated. I always want the entire piece of chocolate cake. No sharing.
Kids “act out” when they don’t have their needs met. Basic needs 8:00 1)Secure attachment -emotional 2) rest -knowing they don’t need to constantly do something in order to make the relationship work “I love you if you’re compliment” 3)the ability to experience all emotions 4) free spontaneous play in nature
I am a single mom and have one beautiful boy who is 8 years old 🧓 i am turning 43 and my mom often says things that are really hurtful when she tries to predict our future
Thank You both so much I cried and smiled cried again and then ☺ So much Love 😍 My hand is on my heart and even though I struggle on the outside I remain good on the inside Have prepared a special breakfast 🥣 for my 8 year old boy and my 65 year old mom I really really really needed to hear this talk Thanks Again and so many blessings to both of you your families and all the others and theirs listening 👂 into this talk . You are loved From #SouthAfrica
This is all just a marketing ploy to get parents signed up for this crap, just trust me. This is parenting 101, because at what point is it validating their feeling that turns into the child kicking and spitting other students and teacher. Oh if you think that will stop by telling them that you believe them and hear them, it won’t because they will get older and life demands are not the same. Be a present parent and stop letting applications like this tell you how to raise your children and raise them yourself!!
Me to my 9 yr old daughter: since you didn’t put your filthy uniform in the laundry basket but instead chose to leave it on the floor, you’re eating your dirty socks for breakfast. 😂 JK: she’s usually awesome. Thanks for the suggestion. We do something similar but don’t write it down, so sometimes, I forget and having raspberries when I promised strawberries makes her grumpy. Paper=good idea.
Love this! Especially for our “deeper feeling” kids. My wife has them write out their breakfast the night before. It works great as long as they don’t decide in the morning that they wrote something different! 🤯 ☠️
I love your advices but is it really ok to give this many options to the kids for breakfast or any meal? Shouldn’t we work towards teaching them to like and have the single meal that is provided in the house to everybody? I am a working mom and making breakfast that needs cooking or long prepping during the week is challenging but also I do not like to teach my kids that it is ok to have your parent wake up way early to accommodate their likings for food vs them learning to like whatever is available. Please advise
I have super picky eaters and I am trying to break them out of their bad habits. If I did this they would pick the cereal or bagel option every. Single. Time. I just don't think thats a good enough breakfast.
I agree with you, no chance that I'm gonna cook different things for my kids. However, I still think the idea is good, we may just need to adjust the options. I think more realistic options for many would be cereal A, cereal B or cereal C. Or maybe, "do you want an apple, an orange or a banana with your breakfast?".
We do something like this, too. Total game changer. We printed one out and put it in a plastic sleeve so the kids use dry erase markers and we reuse it all year! 🙌🏼
8:48 I just often feel like I don't enjoy motherhood at all. That it is not what I expected and the fact all the tantrums and boring horrible work is on me. I still feel so much guilt because if I'm touched out, exhausted and don't enjoy anything.
5:20 😞 dear God I forgot the nightmare that was COVID. I didn't even have an upstairs or downstairs. Just a two bedroom apartment with a newborn and a toddler.
❤ parenting is a non-stop learning🫶 amazing content 🤩I had goosebumps 🙏🏽 I am so happy I am doing the right thing to my son , knowledge confirms our instincts 🫶
My 6 year old constantly wants to negotiate. Glad it's not just him, but it's so frustrating. Today he said he wanted to leave the park and walked to the car. Then I said okay we're leaving and had his little brother walk to the car (he listens well). So my older changed his mind and refused to get in the car. I sat in the car with my younger and waited for him, top of 5 min bc he doesn't want to play alone. Then he got in the car screamed/cried and lied saying he never said he wanted to leave. I yelled bc it was all I could take. Apparently the boundary was kept which is good to know. But I still feel like he's not learning appropriate emotions or actions. It just seems like something is missing. Do I give consequences or was leaving the park the consequence? What is a consequence for blatantly lying?
It would be great advice to close your eyes and ask for the remote control.....if your child would just follow your direction. Many of them probably would run away or wouldn't give you at all. What now? How to negotiate? How do you make the situation clear, this is the right thing to do? Many of them probably would protect the controller with their body. My son would do that for sure. I don't want to wrestle with him! If you can't negotiate with consequences, I can't see a good outcome from the situation. I think kids need consequences!
Well, they need to give up the remote before the TV goes on. If they run away or want to wrestle for it, it stays off. And if your kid then switches on the TV with said remote by themself, then pull the plug. You set the rule, and you hold the boundaries.
