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That’s why I ended my relationship,pride,arrogance and ego was the person downfall,it’s exhausting always saying you sorry .The person never takes accountability for their actions.You always putting in all the work in the relationship and your the one always talking and they just deflect,they don’t want to deal with problems that they are cause.It was draining and I realized this is not from God.
9 years 🙋♀️ (in-officially +9,5 years). We're both 31, known each other half our lives, we're best friends etc. I know he wants to get married but no action and I'm getting to a point where I feel it's taken too long. Don't feel positive about the whole topic anymore, which feels really sad. Don't know how to handle that feeling.
Sounds similar to when we got together when we were 20 years old. I can understand waiting much longer in your 20s because of maturity and the many changes of the 20s decade, but at some point there needs to be action towards further steps and further commitment to each other even in your 20s. 9 years is too long, especially if one partner such as yourself is ready to take that next step. Now that you and him are in your 30s it’s time to really focus on the things that matter with longevity, and your 9 year relationship is up there at the top of priority list. It’s time for him to propose to make sure the relationship continues to be fulfilling and growing.
Just have an open honest conversation. Don't pressure him but just get a good idea of where he stands and how you guys can plan for the next chapter. Again I repeat don't come off as pressure.
Facts 💯! I believe the timing of communication is also important. I like to call a “safe zone” meeting. That way our brains prepare to analyze, accept, comfort, etc. instead of being caught off guard after a long day and then get defensive or come off angry.
What do you do if you’re the one who owns your faults, and your partner uses that as “proof” that you’re the problem and continues to refuse to own their own part? I’m constantly changing, but nothing is ever good enough. They’re always right, I’m always wrong… Me speaking up about any of this leads to an argument.
That’s a tough situation.. don’t feel that you have to constantly change. You need to stay true to the root of who you are. That’s what is going to keep you happy for yourself. If you get to a place where you feel that you don’t recognize yourself because of all the changes you are making for them, then that just leads to you getting disconnected with the genuine you. As for the “proof” part, it’s not fair for a partner to always throw wrongs in your face and think that they don’t ever do any wrongs. As humans, we are flawed, and we all make mistakes and errors. In a relationship both ppl have to understand that both ppl will make errors. But it’s about how you communicate and approach those errors as a couple. Rather than it being met with anger and finger pointing, but should be met with “how do we grow from this?” Working together is a place where you need to get to with them. And that won’t happen overnight, but focus on non confrontational convos of growth and eventually more productive convos can occur. “Find Joy In The Journey”
I’m a half assed gf. You want back rub? Sure honey, I’ll give it to you for 10 seconds then stop. You’re in the mood? Sure, let’s have some sexy time, but when you’re close, I won’t let you finish. You want me to do the dishes? I’ll just do mine. I’ll give you 100% when YOU give me 100% commitment. Marry me and you’ll get what you want.
Yea, been trying with love and calmness from the past 26 years. Every single time we had a disagreement or arguement, I am always the one to mend things. No matter what the issue is whenever we talk it ends up that "it all started because of something I did". And if I ask him question that makes him realize that he was at the wrong, he lovingly tells me that I am the better (bigger) person in this relationship. He never says sorry. And now after 26 years I am getting really really tired of being the bigger person.
That’s understandable. And 26 years, that’s a long time! Pride and ego can really block a person from seeing clearly. Find ways to break through to him without him getting defensive, find ways to get him to sympathize with you. In this way he possibly will approach an issue with less “well u did this” and more “this is how we can work on this for a better outcome next time”
That’s understandable. You know what you want, and he should know what he wants. In your 40s, both ppl should be at a mature stage in their life to prepare for marriage with someone in that 3.5 years yall been together. But every relationship is unique, so there is now blanket answer to when you should. Just make sure both ppl are completely ready to make that leap, ready to commit, and ready to love one another for the rest of your lives. It’s a big decision and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Certainty and clarity. 🙏🏽
You are very welcome! and yes, the content that we make is to serve as reminders of the things we can do better in our relationships from both peoples perspective... its a journey and we can all continue to learn and grow as our relationship/marriage continues to mature
But a lot of times a partner doesn't want children, but the other in the relationship wants. In this case, one cannot demand to give up on their "ego" and give in to other person's need. This is a difference one cannot overcome, so it's better to respectfully split no matter how much painful it might sound.
this is one of the biggest differences between some couples. and you are right, if you can't come to a mutual understanding on kids, it will be hard for the relationship to flourish.... but everything starts with healthy communication around topics of major importance.. and you go from there to try to work out any and everything..
It’s kind of an oxymoron. How do you know that you experiencing unconditional love if you’ve never experienced it before? How do you know you’re not just experiencing a hormonal reaction that causes you to want to protect your offspring? it’s just an instinct. The same with the behavior that the baby shows toward you. They are instinctual. It’s just another selfish reason Women have children and a way to place the burden of loving a grown woman unconditionally on her baby.
If your 30+ woman. Men know what they want by 6mo- 1yr. If in that year he ain’t mentioning marriage or nothing cut your loss. These men already tell yall they don’t want to pick 30+ women first. Your second choice. They string us along for money or sex or cuz they see we are desperate to be loved and wanted. Just stay single after they show you by one year that they aren’t giving you a ring. A ring is less than 200$ it ain’t complicated. By 1 yr if he ain’t done anything he’s wasting your time and if you stay just know you ain’t the one and your temporary until he finds the one and she’ll be younger too 😂
Not all men are created equal. There are alot of men who just play games and that’s totally not fair. But there is also many good men out there with great intention to look for quality women for a quality man. These quality men move with intention and clarity and don’t play games with a woman’s emotions. They understand the seriousness of dating to marry and are 100% on board with commitment and loyalty to want to grow exclusively with the woman he chooses to be by his side. These guys do exist out there, and if you haven’t found one yet, that is ok, it’s just about being patient and keeping perspective open to the notion that there are good quality men out there and not looking at every man as a person that will just eventually hurt you emotionally. (Speaking broadly, not specifically to you) 😁🖤
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