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Hmmm...This sounds too much like the "happy wife, happy life BS", jump through all these hoops, and after all that if I have run out of excuses, then I'll oblige and tolerate you. Either you want him, or you don't. Somehow, it's expected of the man to do his part, (if it's not working it's because he hasn't done it), but it's ok for the woman to sit back and do nothing?
🤔 So after seeing a couple of Videos about this topic to me the only logical sulution is 1. never get married and 2. never get in a long term relationship. Swap your girlfriends every year or so...
What a load of word salad maze, in other words you have to have a degree in personality disorders to put up with a turd wife. Been there done it got the T shirt and it reads never again.
Leave. It won't get better without your wife realizing what she's doing to damage the relationship, and most women do not take accountability for their failings in relationships. Men primarily experience connection and closeness through physical intimacy, women emotional. You starve a man of the physical, don't be surprised if he closes off the emotional connection that you so desperately crave.
Sam Vaknin in Social dilemma video of 2018 explained how F.cebook wants men to look at advertisment of F.cebook, rather than looking at his wife, because they want his eyeballs to look at ads. He says greatest threat for F.cebook is if a man is in love with his wife, looking at her. because love and intimacy is ultimate addiction, or healthy addiction, which reduces the need for other addictions. It seems you have to experience true feedback from real life experiences and happy relationships in order to advertise it on social media to inspire people. not the backwards where people fall for false adveritisement that isnt experienced in real life, business or realtionships. then he is surprised why women dont like him..well because someone says to you things that were not experienced by majority of happy relationships. Just hope that people realise children shouldnt use internet much because of false advertisement may influence them, they need happy adulthood, to experience things by themselves. You can not explain child how chocolate tastes, they should experirence feedback in real life first, because it affects their adulthood.
Divorce her as soon as this nonsense starts. It will never get better!!! Never!!! She has already checked out. Men need to walk away from marriage. It is a losing proposition.
This is how Western women are. They don’t like sex and have no interest in it after the kids arrive or you have been married a few years. Any man who is foolish enough to get married better understand the reality that his sex life with her is over.
She informed me that she gets nothing from it, she married me for "other reasons" - once we adopted 4 children, she simply withdrew it over time (7 years) and nothing for over 8 years now. over 15 out of 23 years together. Almost all the children are grown, and I am reaching my end. what bothers me more than anything is knowing how she slept around prior to our meeting, the ease at which she threw it out to people who did nothing to deserve that kind of connection, but yet gives NOTHING to keeping our relationship together after she got what she wanted - safety and security.
In such a situation, you can do NOTHING. You have to leave or accept the situation. It will not get any better, and YOU make the choice. By entering into marriage, both parties agree to monogamy NOT celibacy. Refusal is BETRAYAL and a breach of oath.
Where in your legal contract to pool resources, does it mention that? Marriage is NOTHING more than a legal contract between 2 people registered with the state. Don't confuse that with what people say it is.
@@BloodySoup74 So that's not valid. Married in a church isn't actually married. It's make belief. What actually count is the legal paper you sign ahead of time. The ceremony is just a party, non binding and worth nothing. The only thing that makes you married is the paper you sign for the government. The funny thing is that it's often signed days before the party and people celebrate the wrong date.
You work on yourself, get the healing you need, pray for your spouse, encourage her to get the help she needs from the trauma she obviously suffered , and continue to have unconditional love for one another. Only God can work the miracles and people have free will to change when and if they so choose . No ultimatum works . No simple solutions or sit down discussions . Believe it or not , it’s the male here that’s done the work and made the changes and even gone to counseling alone . Sex is always a woman’s prerogative- when she feels up to it, and even then it comes with conditions . It’s really not that important a thing to focus one’s life and energy around . I used to think differently … now I’m like a nice cup of coffee and peace and quiet and no drama is best !!!
Sounds nice but God acts on grateful hearts. Unresolved trauma is not your responsibility. If they cannot be happy on their own, you are living in a fantasy of your own all alone. If you are okay with it carry on.
There's nothing to do except divorce or accept that it's how it is and know that it will be like that with someone else anyway. Work on yourself, live your best life and find your own happiness.
I lived in those awful states for 40 year's. From all the endless trauma... my brain waves were extremely hyperactive and I had to go to a brain Clinic for a year in order to normalize my brain waves ( neurotransmitters)
That's the other way around. The marriage is the legal contract only. There's nothing more involved. The moment you realize that, you'll understand it better.
@@ElimEx1 Thank you, Elim. So if marriage is nothing more than a legal contract, what's the point of getting married? To me, it's a bit of a conundrum.
@@HansKillius What's the point of the legal contract? To pool resources. Why pool resources? To benefit both parties in the contract. In modern times, it means providing a stable foundation for procreation, household or other objectives based on common ground. In the past, love and procreation were not connected. It was for lineage and inheritance. Today, it's based on love but the purpose of the marriage hasn't change. But going back further in this, marriage was invented by the Vatican to control European nobility. An argument can easily be made that marriage is still pushed as an agenda by churches and governments to control the population.
Furthermore, it enters into taking advantage of the other in a despicable manner if you deny your spouse intimacy, and yet you expect all the other full benefits of marriage.
The expectation of your spouse being faithful is good, right, and necessary. However, expecting your spouse to be faithful implies something to be faithful for. It is grossly unfair to deny your spouse intimacy without good reason. If one doesn't compromise, then it's doubtful there was actually love. Love isn't just mere feelings and words, it's what you do. Marriage does involve respecting the other's rights, but that's not what love and marriage us all about. It's about giving of yourself, and sacrifice, to and for the other. I gave up after 2 years, and am in the process of leaving. I'm lonelier now than when me and my partner first met.
I find it odd that when challenged a withholding spouse, will generally get very uppity and pontificate how it's "my body and my choice". Yet at the same time they expect you to remain "faithful", which means they demand authority over your body. This is hypocritical; either faithfulness goes both ways, or it goes neither way.
LMFAO, what she fails to admit is that ALL those layers that lead up to intimacy were intentionally sabotaged by the woman to avoid intimacy in the first place. There are videos out there from honest women, which flat out admit, that women, kill off the playfulness, the gentle touches, the playful banter, all the stuff they CLAIM they need as daily foreplay to make them ready when the night comes, for the sole reason that they are afraid those acts will lead to physical intimacy. So, the whole premise of this video is wrong. You didn't lose intimacy from a willing wife, because you let all these foundational elements fall by the wayside, rather the WIFE, systematically destroyed those foundational elements for the sole purpose of killing intimacy.
1,000 %. she has you captured and you are either in debt or have children - you are no longer needed other than to provide - if you dare leave, you are enslaved until all of the children are grown. She has you - and no longer wants you.
New subscriber here. I just found your content. What your channel discusses deeply resonates with me and is very helpful so far. (I’ve only watched this episode thus far.) This is something I’ve struggled with my whole life. For context: I’m a man in my mid-30s.
Insightful. The advice makes sense, plus people all around me who "play the game" masterfully, as you describe, leading the ex-narc., parent, or boss to condescend from a place of superiority, have gotten fantastic results. I didn't and haven't. I don't even know how to play it, which has proven quite dangerous in a highly narcissistic culture (as you mentioned, narcissists are everywhere).
They can say or do whatever. You just be you and dont mind them. You do not have to play their games. Do not play. Just be you. Think of them like silly toddlers. Be the adult in the room. They will not want to compete with someone who wont play along. Its more aboit competition to them than power. If you do not compete there is no game. But propping up their false image makes them feel good.
My wife has had all kinds of medical issues the last five years and she shut down our sex life. I can't leave her to deal with this alone, I want to take care of her.
. Most people develop trauma precisely because people don't come to help, because there is a lack of attuned and responsive relationships. This is clearly part of the self care nonsense....without realising that preaching this stuff is exactly how we fail people and indeed whole societies.
Leave, and within 24 hours of it becoming clear there is no nookie. Life is too short to put up with such nonsense from such selfish controlling women. A woman will never truly respect her man, unless on some level she knows she will lose her man. A side benefit I have found with being respected by your woman is that lack of nookie is never ever an issue, unless there is some temporary physical reason such as immediately after birth, the mom is in no fit state for nookie, but if she truly cared and respected her man, she would find ways to take care of her man's needs without normal intercourse. That's my two cents worth.
@@BFku36 Relax, sit back and drink a coke, stop taking yourself so seriously. Your comment is not worthy of a considered response. Any one can let fly with insults, and, your comment is the opinion of one person. Opinions are life arseholes, everyone has one.
With how men are treated these days; incompetent, worthless, invalid. Men need to stop dealing with sexless relationships. Go where you are treated best.
