Finding out I suffered from mental illness scared me. I felt like I wasn't a person but just an illness. Even though I knew myself, I suddenly did not feel like I knew who I really was and if there was anything unique to me. How on earth was I going to be better through only therapy when I had tried to be the best person I could already? What would be left of me after therapy? Would it make a difference and would I truly be better or learn to hide my true feelings. I want to shed an honest light on BPD through my journey and therapy(since April 18') and hope to help someone who is going through it somehow.
Is there such thing as taste hallucinations? When I get really stressed and I drink anything (I've tried milk juice and water) it tastes like blood and it freaks me out. I also sometimes hear breathing next to me when no one is with me. I've held my breath so I know it isn't me. Is it even my BPD?
Your husband is correct. When you’re married to someone who exhibits borderline personality traits they get better sometimes and then they return back to that old way. Therefore you can’t really know even if they’re in treatment when they’re going to be reverting back to borderline. So you can go for a long Time thinking hey things are better now. She’s not going to act in a chaotic way this is great. As soon as you think that often you’ll get surprised. So that’s a reason why once you’ve been married to someone with a borderline personality disorder situation you may not be able to trust them for a long time. The behavior that manifest from borderlines causes the intimate partner to distrust. It takes a while for that to be worked through. So your husband is probably still remembering how he had to tiptoe around you. I’m happy you’re sharing your story. There is much hope for people with borderline personality disorder.
I’m so glad I never ended with the BPD ex and there’s no way I could have ANY patience with a nutty wench. You will only survive a BPD wife if you have no self whatsoever. She wasted so much of my time, money, and sanity. I found out that the crazy making bench ended up with her ex codependent from years ago while she was still trying to hoover me back in her life. Glad I’m out of that shit hole. RUN!!!!
She doesn't take responsibility for her actions. She says things happen. She should say she starts a lot of problems, like all the time. Bpd are all liars and manipulators. Never forget that fellas
I think it’s very difficult with family members to look closely at them selves and others with BPD, when my x wife just exploded out of the blue one day! She went from being the sweetest thing to god knows what, I knew it could only be down to her BPD, However when I tried to reach out to her family and friends they stuck by her excusing her behaviour. I knew the reasons my x wife was in denial, but couldn’t figure out why her family who must of known deep down something was wrong stuck to their guns. Needless to say that was the beginning of the end! But in my humble opinion not admitting something is off is their maladaptive way of coping, simply a defensive mechanism.
Enjoyed this, personally I feel your being too hard on yourself in regards to your impulsivity, and Normal if it exists... we’re all normal your as normal as anyone, but you happen to have BPD, doesn’t mean your not normal.
Hi just wanted to say I feel for you! I have trouble worrying if my logic is logical, if that makes sense? But to have my emotions trump my logic would be just too much, but if it’s worth anything I would give your logic priority but that’s just my humble opinion, keep battling on you have my respect and support.
Hi. Yes, to choose logic is always the goal but I have noticed that if I choose logic without any consideration for my feelings, I become a robot unable to understand why others do not understand my solely logical stance. I have upset and made people feel bad by my trying to cut out emotion all together even though I did it to control myself. Both must work together. It is a balance that plagues my mind daily.
@@mymentalhealthjourneybpd7531 Hi I hope you’re doing well today, I chose to say choose logic due to your video! I don’t know if you’re like this but I have been led to believe that borderlands have emotional deregulation, I do know that when my ex-wife devaluated me and split me she was very angry and very emotional and this seemed to overtake her logic. I myself try to stay in touch with my emotions rather than letting logic dictate, however I don’t know if this is possible for borderland due to such intense emotions I hope that makes sense I’m just about to look at some of your videos I will let you know what I think of time take care.
I found this very interesting, no one except her family and myself know about my exes mental health issues, this is a good thing and a sad thing at the same time!! Please follow through on helping people it’s very rewarding, I am looking forward to looking at your video on challenges of separation and divorce,I’m steadily working my way through all your videos as I feel they will help me understand more about borderline personality disorder thank you for posting them.
Hi just wanted to say I like your videos, I have subscribed! The reason I look for videos is to try and make some sense of my x wife’s thinking and coping mechanisms, I still love her, however I can’t walk away because we have a two year old. And it’s my fear that sometimes she may not be coping, and my son my suffer as a result, in my heart I know she a great mother, but I fear she my split our son when he grows older. So yes I’m a fan! And I believe anyone who is a borderline and has the courage to go one line is great, it helps people like me understand so much more, because there is no better reference than someone who is living it.
I see you answered my question before it posted. Funny. And your reasons are exactly why I do this. I find that it is down to the most core needs as humans, the comforts and security we seek as children...that is what borderline's need. Something happened to where we do not retain that comfort and security so we are often in a state of crisis. It is hell. Does she know she is a borderline? Sought treatment?
@@mymentalhealthjourneybpd7531 My x does know she’s a borderline, however she was Diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic also, unfortunately all the time we were married I only knew her as a paranoid schizophrenic, we had to battle to keep our child and it was only through court documents that I found out she was borderline. It’s a long complicated story.
@@mymentalhealthjourneybpd7531 Sorry forgot to mention she was in treatment when we first met and for several years, however I never questioned her about it because I was under the Misapprehension that it was for her paranoia schizophrenia And not her borderline, it really upsets me but I didn’t know about a borderline diagnosis because if I had it done maybe I could’ve helped more to say about marriage. SORRY HAD TO EDIT RE READ
Very sorry to have to point this out BUT your doing a similar thing that your mother did, yes it’s hard balancing with kids! But you should be making a vid or seeing to your child’s needs not both, if you need proof when this vid reaches 601 as you pause, freeze the vid just before you come back on and your face says it all! I don’t need to elaborate.
I really didn't like making any videos when my kids were around. I kept my channel from my husband so this was a rare time I had a chance to make a video. As much as possible I waited until they were sleeping for naps or bedtime. I do see how it looks neglectful on my part.
@@mymentalhealthjourneybpd7531 I’m so pleased that you responded, my x was a borderline and I’ve done a lot of research on the subject, I think your doing fine as a mother and a person with borderline. You have my respect and if I can ever help please reach out, good luck.
@@trevsedgwick3324 So what are you seeking with your research? Closure? Understanding your ex or yourself better? And about yourself I mean what may have drawn you to that type of personality.
@@mymentalhealthjourneybpd7531 excellent question, I know I will never find closure so that’s not it, I have since our split, learned that I’m a codependent and this stems from childhood trauma, but since we broke up I’ve been on a journey of discovery! And this is my quest to develop my own best version of me!, I do want to understand my x wife more but I know I can’t help her unless she reaches out to me,
@@trevsedgwick3324 Hmm...I do understand the not really getting closure. It seems impossible when you lose someone you loved. It sounds like you are in a good place though. I myself need to dig into reading up on mental health to gain better insight and perspective on how to deal with people in a better way. That is great that you are willing to do the extra work. You should find the "Negativity in Relationships" video interesting. Codependency reflected in it since borderlines struggle with it. If or when you get to that one, let me know your thoughts.
By the way ... your beatifull channel reach to Mexico ... so.. hopefully more people with this bpd can be able to reach you ... thank soo sooo much again...
I just found your channel.. i can not tell you how much helps me and understand myself all this that you share...and omg!!.. just thank you.. i just knew a few weeks ago .. that i have bpd.. and ... just thank you soo soo much for all that you share.. if is not to much to ask ...can you make more videos about how you and your husband was able to deal with this??.. im on point of divorce i guess.. and he is just going away and away every day .. i know its hard for the people around us.. but i really dont want to lose my marriage.. i already did a lot of damage... and im trying my best ..
I am so sorry to hear that you are in such a rough spot. My husband and I haven't been together for over a year now. Not divorced but we will be going down that road. I wasn't able to make it work. I wouldn't blame it mostly on BPD though, my husband had/has issues and thinks it is all me so he never grows. From what my husband did tell me, do not be desperate and push. Relax and be patient. As borderlines we panic and fight for what we love but sometimes we are so extreme it pushed people away. I can be a sounding board if you like...but again, I failed.
I understand there needs to be more people talking about the condition and how if effects them. I've had 2 major episodes, which lasted for months at a time. Thank you for sharing your story.
Men are malignant narcissists while females are covert narcissists malignant narcissists men are mixed with antisocial personality disorder the angry damaging borderline male is often a malignant narcissist they have the fear of abandonment and they use it as charm to manipulate innocent people.
Damn, I'm someone dealing with BPD too, and in this video both extremes -highs & lows- can be noticed. I'm really see that you are working on to be better, to feel better. Congratulations for searching help and I send you a big hug. Thank you for the video.
It is very brave of you to come and share your views on this. How did you realize that you had BPD? Did your husband help you with that or you explored the path yourself?
Thank you and I really appreciate your interaction. My husband had explored it privately but not in depth and we did not discuss it. I became aware he looked into it while we were new in our relationship and I was extremely upset he thought I was mentally ill. Years later, I began to have the inkling that I was not okay. Privately I began to look at possibilities but not in depth because had no idea where to start. I didn't even know what my symptoms were in honesty, only that I was strugglingore than I thought I should. I happened to see a tv show where the main character was diagnosed with BPD. I couldn't believe I hit all the symptoms so I referenced WebMD for detailed information. I waited a few days to come to terms with it before I talked to my husband and sought therapy shortly after where I received a diagnosis. I am a higher functioning case, so I don't need medications but the struggles and noise is still very much there. I hope this answers any questions 🙂
I ended up a relationship of 10 years and I’m not gonna say that all was my fault but definitely bpd had much to do with it. I wasn’t aware at the time.
It hurts to look back at struggles in relationships before being aware of BPD. What can you do though? Accept it, make amends if possible and do the best you can to get well. I need to apologize to someone who put up with me at my worst when I had no idea anything was wrong with me. You are clearly looking to learn more and that is so great. I encourage to keep fighting, creating a life that is healthy and happy. I really appreciate your support and honesty. 🤗
That is a very broad, simple thought. Do you have complexities? Do you not have your own weaknesses? The world is full of people fighting different battles, how we fight those things is the best judgment of us. I cannot imagine being with someone with unchecked BPD...BUT I would say that of many conditions. As I have pointed out someone else, please turn your attention to someone who does not promote therapy and accountability. But thank you for participating
@@mymentalhealthjourneybpd7531 not really. Your husband is most likely knowing you will cause problems for him his whole life. You more than likely will act like a toddler your whole life
@@brianclemons5375 I always find it odd that some of you bitter souls come after me as though I'm the woman who hurt you. I do not know you Brian and you should not punish others for someone's mistakes. Not very emotionally mature, wouldn't you say? My husband was a great many things that I did not talk about on the channel because I thought it was unfair when he couldn't defend himself. I risk people thinking I'm the montlster who tore the family apart and I played my part but I was not alone in the failure. I just don't think talking trash and saying poor me helps me as a person or anyone else. I believe in personal responsibility.
