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I was a toddler (3-4) when I had my first experience of RSD in a specific experience (which in a neurotypical setting would have been a very natural and positive experience) in relation to my mother, in my supposedly "safe space" on mom's lap. The memory and reasoning of my toddler brain are still visceral and clear to this day (I'm 59). I felt rejected, and as if I had done something terribly wrong or inappropriate whilst lavishing my toddlers love and emotion upon my mommy, when she suddenly put me aside in the middle of my loving, without warning nor explanation to me as the emotionally expressive toddler I was being in that experience sitting on mommy's lap in the lounge. (She was most probably just getting up to answer the phone or check something on the stove) This left me feeling confused and ashamed at that young age! Explain that. My mom was what they used to call a "refrigerator mother" btw. So how as a toddler does RSD fit in? I know it was definitely RSD. I am now beginning treatment with the rare "gem" of a Doctor as Dr Dodson mentioned in one of his interviews. I am in South Africa.
Emotional dysregulation is caused by hyper-sensitivity to emotions imo. Highly sensitive people. I was a toddler (3-4) when I had my first experience of RSD in a specific experience (which in a neurotypical setting would have been a very natural and positive experience) in relation to my mother, in my supposedly "safe space" on mom's lap. The memory and reasoning of my toddler brain are still visceral and clear to this day (I'm 59). My mom was a "refrigerator mother" btw.
I see it as part of what I am. The software of my brain runs on a biocomputer that has been wired in a different way than “typical”. This wiring has given me options to run applications differently than “normal”. In some fields it goes faster and has more power than the rest, in others it just crashes. It doesn’t define who I am, but certainly is a factor that influenced it. Tools often drive the direction and possibilities of what is made. A plumber’s toolkit is different than that of an electrician. And while some tools may be the same, they yield different results in different hands. While some specialized tools may blunt or even break when used for the wrong application.
In the process of self assessment, post diagnosis, there comes a point where all you can see is ADHD. No personality, no tastes, no interests, no originality, just ADHD, ruling over everything. I thought I had a personality. Turns out I have ADHD and thus ODD and I rebel against everything. I turn 60 this year. I found out about this a little over 2 years ago after decades of blame, silly ideas, self disgust, and judgment from others. Do I have ADHD or am I ADHD? Seems a bit like hair splitting. Neither answer comes close to touching the heart of it. And as for getting out from under this. It is literally all I have ever known. I don't know what it looks like to not be like this, so cannot envisage it that I might move towards it as a goal. (I'm in the UK. A country that likes to take people with mental health issues and make them much worse.)
I see it as part of what I am. The software of my brain runs on a biocomputer that has been wired in a different way than “typical”. This wiring has given me options to run applications differently than “normal”. In some fields it goes faster and has more power than the rest, in others it just crashes. It doesn’t define who I am, but certainly is a factor that influenced it. Tools often drive the direction and possibilities of what is made. A plumber’s toolkit is different than that of an electrician. And while some tools may be the same, they yield different results in different hands. While some specialized tools may blunt or even break when used for the wrong application.
I had to belly laugh at the toilet seat story. I can so relate to the adhd person thinking of Disneyland whilst putting their hands on a dirty toilet seat. That's right! No, nothing will stop an adhd brain drifting to something exciting and imaginary. And that's what helps us love the adhders. Thanks so much for this marvellous video.
51:57 I couldn’t agree more. We need more research about hormonal effects on ADHD, particularly for women. And, as you mentioned, of course for trans people as well, and non-binary people. From my personal experience, I would even add that for some cis-gendered men, like myself, there may be hormonal effects. I started growing female breasts in puberty, only over several months, and they disappeared completely. But in my 40s and 50s, my ADHD got much worse (getting diagnosed only now, at 55). There may be hormonal effects even in cis-gendered men, so let’s not completely forget about them in these studies. (Maybe there is some genetic disposition for this; I have a trans nephew.) The other big area for research is: ADHD in older adults and in old age. And I also believe that we still have to improve the research about adult ADHD in general, and about executive functions (more details, how do they work, what exactly are the differences for people with ADHD), and a lot also about CDS symptoms, which are currently a subcategory of ADHD symptoms, but may become a separate diagnosis at some point. How to treat CDS, how does it “work” in the brain, etc.
37:11 Wow… I’ve had trouble sleeping since I was a kid, and I could never explain it until now. I’m not necessarily stressed or worried, just mentally unable to shut off. Focusing on a podcast has been the MOST consistent way to get sleep. Very appreciative of these tips in this video!
20:38 In my case, the mentioned environmental factors do not seem to apply. No prenatal alcohol, no TBIs, cancer in my mother appeared after I was born, no spina bifida. Also, middle class family, slightly at the higher end, no conflict in the family or with peers. Both of my parents were well respected (and my father still is, at age 85 - while my mother has passed long ago). Also, I don’t think that I fall into the subgroup of CDS people for whom it may be a copying mechanism. My internal distractibility was there as long as I can think. My mind could wander off at any time. I remember that as a young child, it would jump from any thought to any thought, related or unrelated. I found this distressing as a child, but I believed I just needed to use my mind right. So, I tried to stop my thoughts from jumping around, with limited success. Giving up on that, I next tried to nudge my jumping thoughts into connecting with my previous thoughts. (“No, don’t jump, let’s hold on to the current thought a bit more … aaand that makes it easier to glide into a related thought. Ah, good, thank you, mind. Come back now? No, need to run around a bit more? Ok. Let’s hold-and-glide into the next connected thought then. Ok to come back now? …” After a couple of seconds or so, I could bring myself back. And no, I did not have a complete internal monologue about this while it happened, it was more of a meta-thought / feeling thing that felt more like I was gently holding and nudging my thoughts.) I am currently being evaluated for ADHD (looks like I have it), and me and my wife believe that most of the CDS signs and symptoms apply to me as well. (Also, waiting for an autism assessment.) From my own introspection, I would say that this is another executive function problem. It gets worse when I have not had enough sleep, or am otherwise in a phase of low executive functioning. While I do not think that any of my relatives has CDS, my brother is dyslexic, and there are some signs of other neurodiversity amongst my relatives. One uncle shows some signs of autistic traits … he may or may not be diagnosable. And there is more, here and there. Therefore I suspect that the predisposition to CDS is heritable, and related to other neurodivergence. I also suspect that the neurodevelopmental triggers are more subtle than we know now.
If someone were to ask me what the points you raised in this video were in 2 minutes time I wouldn't remember them. Yet whilst listening I can see exactly what you mean.
I don't think anybody can control their emotions - We simply have a degree of choice at the behavior we select in response to emotions. Some groups (ex. children, women, and people with ADHD and cluster B disorders) have a lesser degree of choice, on average. I believe ADHD is a disorder of time perception, at both the infinitesimal and macro levels - And choice is all about present actions having future effects - Whether it's interrupting a conversation, or applying force to a steering wheel.
In my forties I survived the myriad jobs and relationships with the help of my parents and my lovely kid and my sense of entrepreneurship and so much effort
I believe that's one of the main problems with traditional schooling these days. Kids that are not "average" or slightly above in all subjects/aspects of learning end up focusing only on their weaknesses, the subjects/aspects they're struggling with. What a nonsense approach to life? We do not and should not live our lives like that as adults, why do we make kids learn these patterns? You (as an adult) wouldn't continuously try to make yourself learn accounting if you're not good at it and you hate it. You wouldn't continually try to date aggressive or introverted or otherwise unsuitable partners... so that you "learn" to put up with it. You're not going to always wear clothes that don't suit you until you figure out a way to "put up with it" or get better at it. Why are we putting diverse kids into an environment to force them to perform in a standardized way?... and before anyone comments that's the way to make everyone literate or achieve minimum maths skills!? No it isn't. You can acquire these skills at your own pace and still focus on your strengths first... Your strengths will lead you to your purpose and fulfillment, not your weaknesses.
I have been lucky to find work that suits me very well because I am almost always moving, there is a lot of variety and I also get to use my brain. I am very good at it so, of course, my bosses want to promote me to management, which does not suit me at all! After many years, I have finally realized that I have to say, "No." People wonder why I work a job that doesn't pay very well and sometimes think less of me because of it but I have to remind myself that is their problem, not mine.
3 important factors to take into consideration for when you are in the military and have a learning disability 1. The military does not provide accommodations for learning disabilities and soldiers are all taught the same way. So, if your use to seeing teachers with different teaching styles to captivate and help retain information this is a rude awaking. 2. In the military there is a culture of having uniformity with an emphasis a dog and pony show. This means that it is not so much what you do or say but how you make the leadership look. 3. Many individuals were able to excel academically prior to joining the military because they were not defined by short comings and in the military there is more of an emphasis on what you did wrong. I say all this as someone who has a learning disability , served 3 years in the US army and used military benefits to pay for my Bachelor’s and Master’s degree in Social Work.
Diagnosed aged 56. I'm in the UK. Biggest barrier to diagnosis was the NHS - two and half year wait. I'm medicated now, though supplies of the medication are patchy, but, there is no support beyond that where I am. For men. There's a support group for women. For me there is medication and, " now go away and sort your own issues out. Here's a leaflet with some website addresses." Have the symptoms changed? Yes, post diagnosis they are worse. Partly as a reflection of understanding myself so much better and unmasking, and partly because the medication shows me what a much quieter, potentially more useful head can be like, for a few hours a day, then back to "normal", and the contrast can be stark. So it's not that the symptoms are demonstrably much worse because part of this is me being more aware of them.
I had to double check I hadn't written your post it was so familiar. I waited about three and a half years for my diagnosis on the NHS. It took another year to settle on the correct meds. Now I'm having to look into paying for private ADHD coaching because I'm totally stuck. Absolutely no local groups or anything. I'm not working so it's gonna be expensive.
I get the reasoning behind it (it's similar to a positive feedback loop) but it seems unnecessarily convoluted. At the very least they should add an accompanying word instead of just "negative punishment" and "positive punishment". At the end she even says 'adding positive creates more negative'.
Thank you for covering this topic! I was diagnosed in my late 30s after my kids were diagnosed. Now I have the medical power of attourney for my 94 year old paternal aunt. Now understanding the nuanced expressions of ADHD symptoms, I am fairly confident my father and most of his 8 siblings likely have undiagnosed ADHD, and that their depression and early onset dementia are either misdiagnosed or not managed as effectively as could be had ADHD been considered and addressed properly. I sincerely hope more studies are done and clinicians pay attention to presentations like this one. Thanks you again ❤
But WHY are ADHD people more likely to end up in toxic relationships? One reason is that they've always been "told" or at least shown by their community and often family that they're not good enough, don't or can't do what's expected of them. That will always be a breeding ground for narcs to manipulate and get a hold on someone's psyche. A sense of self-worth, self-efficacy helps to establish and maintain boundaries. These protect against @ buse.
I agree with what you've said. I also think that there is a lot "wrong", extreme, imperfect about "normal" society and school. Why do we have to focus on the reasons ADHD kids/people don't fit into the often grating, competitive, materialistic, unempathetic square hole society has decided a child needs to fit through? Maybe we need to find other paths and create a different community where magical people like my daughter are welcome and shine? I think the world would be a better place.
I don't understand why using technology and not using it has to be mutually exclusive. I take online classes and some things I love doing on the computer and some things old school. It's the best of both worlds.
