Stuart Motola is a men's relationship coach who offers guys concrete strategies for how to get unstuck in relationship. With over 15 years working with thousands of men on their relationships and personal growth, Stuart utilizes a unique system that breaks the patterns that keep men tied up in frustrating relationships. Unlike many therapists and couples counselors, who can frustrate guys with excessive talking, Stuart focuses on explicit action. His unique process offers each man a clear and direct roadmap of progress to create lasting positive results.
I’m going tru this right now I’m feeling like a prisoner in my own home I’m so tired of not feeling like myself and constantly having a microscope on me, constant criticism, man I use to be the “fucking man”, confident, after 5 years I’m starting to believe all the negative arrows constantly coming after me. I’m told I’m cold as a ice box an I have no emotions when I’m dying and the women I love seems to be consumed with making me feel like shit constant expectations of the man she wishes I was. I was that man but now I’m pieces of him and after all maybe she’s right
How would she feel if all of a sudden I stopped doing all the things that she expected from me? If the sex drops I would tell her ok, you are now paying all the bills, maintaining the home and doing all the things I did before. I bet she changes her time real fast.
It's so sugarcoated, well-chosen wording, manipulative, smaltzy, "motivational" speech, that was probably written for a Hallmark chick-flick (or should be). But because of that, it may work. Once! for a while... After listening this, i'm pretty sure, "Confident" is from "pretty confident this is my last chance". 😁 Imo (confident) man is more like "my-way or highway", than divorce & than brand new sexlife with someone else (for a while, generally marriage/planed nr kids). Of course if he can handle that economically close to zero, and weekend/ ex-daddy stuff. If not... learn fishing, use private browser/account/calls like a respecful husband.
Thanks for chiming in. I appreciate your perspective. Hallmark, smaltzy may be just what I call authentic and from the heart. But we can differ. At end of day, a man can be strong enough to speak from the heart AND protect himself as well, knowing he may not get what he wants AND be ok. In the end, at least, he knows he's given it his best shot AND spoken up for what he wants. Maybe she'll open up. Maybe she won't. Each man gets to decide how much skin he wants to put in the game. Good luck, brother.
Mine I always have to watch every word I say to her. She takes every word with criticism or being attacked. So I just shut down because when I do express how I feel I get torn down and flipped that it’s my fault. Sad thing I took my ring off in 2022 and then after 1 week I decided that I didn’t want to leave her. Now in July 2024 she files for divorce stating she feels anxiety and trauma. Yet she says that the majority of that is from past relationship, glad I was the one to take the brunt of her psychological issues. Oh by the way, she tells me I need to move out of the house so she can work on herself while with divorce papers.
@@bufordman1976 I mentioned the book because you need to learn healthy boundaries, brother. They will help you stand your ground, not be attacked, and not withdraw. And/or show up to my weekly men's call. 1st call free. www.stuartmotola.com/mensrelationshiptools/
Mine I always have to watch every word I say to her. She takes every word with criticism or being attacked. So I just shut down because when I do express how I feel I get torn down and flipped that it’s my fault. Sad thing I took my ring off in 2022 and then after 1 week I decided that I didn’t want to leave her. Now in July 2024 she files for divorce stating she feels anxiety and trauma. Yet she says that the majority of that is from past relationship, glad I was the one to take the brunt of her psychological issues. Oh by the way, she tells me I need to move out of the house so she can work on herself while with divorce papers.
Do NOT forget about REACTIVE ABUSE! These people will yell, blame, accuse, gaslight, lie, and cheat until they have gotten a huge reaction from you! And then they will recall you yelling mildly once and use that to demonstrate your being out of control!
My partner is a bully she bullies me 2 or 3 times every day i don't know what to do . I m here because of my kids so they became something for their life
It's pretty simple, men would NOT get married if their "future wife" told them there would be little to no sex after the marriage. Women, hiding that before marriage, is wrong and pure evil.
And of course they don't know what they don't know regarding the future. We all get the chance to give it our best shot and when that fails, we get to decide to stay or leave. That's what being self-responsible means.
I have used that kind of language many, many times. LIke talking to a rock. Only worse. She takes my words and twist them into, "I am going to go out and cheat on her if I don't get sex." We have been married for 40 years. Been that way since 1992. Only gotten worse with time. We have been to countless counselors. It is hopeless. The only reason I stay is to protect my now grown children, and now grandchildren from the destruction that comes from divorce.
@@davidhorn5288 Thanks for sharing. Sounds like a tough situation. If you want support consider joining my Tuesday Mens Relationship Tools call. Would be happy to see you there.
Protect your grown up children...and grandchildren???? Come on, your little children are adults now,who statistically has 50% or more chance to divorce themself in a couple of years! You are 1. a super religious family (but even then is kind of BS), or 2.. you are used too much with the comfort of family life, or to have roof over your head,😁 to still stay in that "grow up sane children" enterprise, when it has no more purpose anymore. But if you coose this "noble" BS, it's your right, it's your life. Why this triggered me so much, because I tell this lie to myself for ten year, but I see how this cold, frustrated, conflictual, unhappy "marriage" fucks up my 10 year old girl's emotional well-being, her self-esteem, relational abilities etc. day by day, more and more..., but I have fucked up friends by divorced families too... So who the fuck knows what's the best for them? For a last sting: for 60somethings to divorce is not tragical imo, more like comical, or worst case, if you can handle it wisely at this age, than tragi-comical. Bro, if you still have the fire burning, do it! you are not in debt to anyone, anymore. If you are afraid to change, to don't lose more, maybe poverty, loneliness, be sure, I can understand that, too. Just be true to yourself, you know "The truth frees you".
Excellent video... I recently discovered an affair between my husband and his coworker 7/20. He says hes had 1 foot out the door for 3/4 years now. He says he still loves me but is unsure how he feels about anything. He's willing to go to individual counseling and marriage counseling. While I'm grateful for us to both get this counseling, I'm having a hard time that he still has to work around this person every day and its causing a lot of arguments. Your videos are helping me understand my husband more, so I'm hoping you could do a video on something for our situation.
Repair, repair, repair. So key. You need to be completely heard in the pain it caused you. He needs to witness that. And you need to be open to the repair as well. Chances are he had the affair because his needs were not being met in the marriage. And he may need to change jobs but that's for you both to figure out. That's a short summary. Check out the work of Esther Perel on infidelity.
My wife stopped having sex one month after marriage. We have no kids. Plenty of time. There s some kind of affection like hugs but we sleep separate (we wake up different times for work ). And she is extremely childish. Makes weird noises and silly talks which is good once in a while or most of the time but not when we are trying to make out in bed. It’s been 2 months since last time we did it. Coz I stopped initiating it. Even when we used to do it. Her face was blank and she just lies there like a doll and her face covered
@@stuartmotola her response is “people are different” or “there’s nothing like that” . I’ve had a few relationships before her. I’ve been with 4 to 5 women in my life. I kind of somewhat have an idea. Anyways, because of her nature of communication I finally requested multiple times before she agreed to a couples counseling. She just told the counsellor that she’s not that interested in having sex and it’s not very important to her. Also, she mentioned that her career is more important to her right now or something along those linesright now I’m stuck and not knowing what to do. I might throw in the towel in November when our lease ends.
@@user-hn4ki8su6e If you stay in a relationship where your partner is unable or unwilling to even try to meet your needs, you've betrayed your self, and you're living a small life, which you are clearly feeling the impact of right now. I suggest you check out my book as it speaks directly to this theme of self-betrayal. www.stuartmotola.com/book/
Women like to talk, more than listen, in general. It's a good idea for men to listen, let them know that they've been heard, and try not to fix their issues.
women already know that they are hurting you when they dont want intimacy, so no need to talk. A really confident man... not a simp... walks away. The very moment you bring the subject to the table the woman knows that you are weak... for they its like you are begging.
Don't make assumptions. Ask questions. Most of the time she's desperate and doesn't know how else to get his attention. There are a smaller percentage of the cases where what you speak is true. I beg to differ. No need to argue. A wimp walks away from decades of marriage and doesn't put in the work, imho. If she's not responsive to the script I speak, then it's time to use what's called leverage - as in this needs to change or we have no future - and that to needs to be handled relationally and delicately. Good luck, brother.
When I first heard this, I thought that his advice sounded very Californian, very new agey, a bit simpish. But as he went on I realised that this could be an excellent approach. Most people don’t respond well to a confrontational approach; in fact, it would probably make a woman go even colder towards her man. This is way that looks like teamwork, and so it could be good.
There are so many men today who are being beaten down (verbally/emotionally) by their wives. It's something that we don't like to admit or talk about, but it happens a lot.
Very true. Even could be called a silent epidemic. Men must step up relationally and lovingly to create a healthy dynamic in their relationships and marriages. :)
@@stuartmotola that is why the scripture says husbands dwell with your wives and an understanding way so that your prayers may not be hindered. Many relationships suffer due to a lack of knowledge it’s a bummer when men are harsh with their wives and then expect them to open their legs when they’ve had to close their hearts, we need confident men, but we really need wise men
My father was good looking, extremely successful, loyal, goofy .....and a complete doormat my my hyper avoidant hyper agitated unsatisfiable mom. absolutely blows my mind my dad easily EASILY could have found other women. thank god for the internet. im sorry my dad never learned any resources to man up at home
Hi How do you relate to your wife if she chooses her parent first over you? I use to driver her parents 3 to 4 hours almost free of charge each week over one year. When i found out my wife does not respect me or provide for my needs even when i ask for a little. I was so disappointed. It was then i realise i needed to put boundaries on how much my in law should be allowed to accept a free ride on me. What do you do in my situation? We are now seperated and i cant fix that she prioritse her parents first.
I am sorry but please understand its easy not to take responsibility of your spouses behaviour...maybe you are keeping quiet while she is yelling over a reason...find solution...no one wants to be bad...
He makes a good point. What would happen if two male acquaintances engaged in an abusive and insulting interaction? We know as men that there is a high likelihood of a physical altercation. Nothing more abusive than an unstable woman who knows she won’t get socked in the mouth by a good man. It’s a power thing and a form of intentional emasculation
He makes a great point. I’ve always said, what would happen if a male friend said something as equally abusive and ugly? We as men KNOW lines because there is always the threat of physical altercation. Female abuse is in large part due to knowing they won’t get socked in the mouth by a good man. It’s an intentional emasculation
After the kids are born monogamy should end for men. Too many women pull this bait and switch crap. What is the point of having to constantly work at keeping your wife’s interest while simultaneously having to handle all the other family responsibilities? It’s an uphill battle that most if not all me will lose. Why should women be permitted to selfishly unilaterally and arbitrarily end someone else’s sex life?
@@MD-xl1sq I appreciate what you’re saying but many men don’t want polyamory. Work with her, confront her, challenge her, challenge yourself, both people need to do their inner wound work, it’s courageous work, not for everyone, and if all else fails, and she won’t do her work, then it’s time to do your best to uncouple in the kindest way possible, especially if kids are involved.
why women are worst than we men, i have married and its only 4 months and oh God i am not able to bear her abusive nature. Its beyond my expectation, i am looking for divorce becasue we cant stay this way and sad things is we become powerless.
