You can basically consider me your internet big sis - so grab your favourite snack and a blanket while I give you a peak into my life and share life stories and advice.
This is so relatable! I think all of us have gone through this several times while growing up. I can relate to having friends that whom you be your genuine, authentic self around, and having friends with a growth mindset. It's definitely hard to cut off friendships that we had since childhood though, I feel like it's way easier said than done. It really does take everything out of you and I'm also guilty of making every excuse in the world to hold onto someone because of our past and the years of memories and growing up together.
So hard to cut them off cause you’d never think it’d get to that point. You think these are your people and how could things change like that. But unfortunately they do sometimes and you have to put yourself first. It really does hurt so much to let go
Such great advice. I had to cut out a friend this year, there was so much jealousy and hatred towards me, this person just wanted the friendship to basically keep tabs on because she was so jealousy and scared that I'd keep succeeding. At first I felt sorry for her because all the male rejection she received but it's not ok to take it out on me. Even in her presence, I could feel this engery with all her digs and running me down comments. Thankfully I'm no longer her friend.
I’m so sorry to hear that .. very similar things happened with my friend so I totally get how draining it is. I’m glad you chose yourself first. I hope you find friends how bring out the best in you and celebrate you with lots of love ❤️
@@hemalimistry Thank you and thank you for sharing your experience, I'm glad to see you are now living your best life😊. I hope you continue to have all the blessings ❤
Went through the same thing. Friendship changed after I became a mom. The most important time I needed my friend of 15 years but she couldn’t be there. Thank you so much for sharing!! These breakup are never talked about. Thank you for your advice ❤
I’m so sorry that you went through that. Friendship breakups are Soo hard and not talked about often enough. Wishing you the best on your journey and hope you’re surrounded by friends that love and support you throughout your life ❤️
It’s heart breaking that you thought they cared but they didn’t. I went through the same. She literally could’ve driven 5 min to see me but she didn’t. She just blocked me. 15 years nearly. Down the drain.
Definitely was heartbreaking at the time .. it’s like I knew they didn’t care but a little part of me hoped they did. But once they confirmed they didn’t it was pretty devastating. I’m sorry to hear the same happened to you. Hope you’re in a better place now ❤️
This is so relatable! I went through the same thing with friends of 11-12 years who I grew up with and shared so many memories with. Sadly, people can cut you off so easily when we would have never done that to them.
My skin tone is very olive so most brands already look orange on me, so I just use a regular concealer to color correct the hyperpigmentation, then go in with my regular concealer that's less orange to neutralize it, and it works perfect. I only need to use a blue corrector on the non hyperpigmentation spots. I only do this when I have a full face on, a lot of the times I'll just not wear face makeup and just do my eyes cause that's more fun when playing with makeup. I also think dark circles can also look really nice like even when it peaks out of my concealer I don't mind cause it looks more natural.
The shame you feel for even doing normal teenager/kid stuff is crazy, it took me forever to unlearn it. Damn I have the opposite problem, being a lesbian and not being out and everyone trying to set me up with some random boys and the worst my mom being 1000% convinced I have a boyfriend that I'm hiding from her.
wow that is such a crazy story / glad you guys were safe and sucks that the necklace was never recovered- at least you got justice served! look forward to hearing more storytimes!
Justice served questionable - Hemali didn’t mention but doesn’t sound like they hold him accountable to repay them for the gold chain’ worth - all you know they’ll just give him a slap on the wrist & let him go after a few days - who knows the cops may even be taking a cut of this robberies loot 🤷🏽♀️
the most relatable video ever! many brown girls can relate to this. can you make a video of how you convinced them to travel and move out before engagement/marriage? Did you ever have to lie to travel or use your friend’s names? Currently struggling with this as a brown girl.
I do have a video on moving out before marriage it’s linked in the description! But I’ll definitely do one about travelling or maybe just how I convinced my parents to let me do things in general. Let me know if that’s something you’re interested in 🥰
@@hemalimistry yes I would definitely be interested! I think it’s so nice how you are so open about giving tips to us fellow brown girls because it seems that we all live the same life 😂 Do drop the vid soon! Looking forward to it.
You hit the nail on the head with this one!! It's insane how relatable this is from beginning til end. I was accused of being a lesbian too!! The hard part is containing the anger and frustration because they just don't understand the disconnect when it comes to the lack of communication between us and how uncomfortable it is to talk about these taboo topics.
I feel your pain! It’s definitely frustrating but hoping our generation breaks free from this way of thinking and feels more comfortable with their sexuality ❤️
I absolutely love this GRWM series! Can't wait to see what you talk about next, your so well spoken and I relate to every single topic you talk about- it's refreshing to have representation and it makes you sooo relatable to us who never had that growing up. I admire you so much!!
Aww this makes me so happy! I’m glad you’re enjoying this series and can’t wait to share more. If there’s any topics you want me to cover let me know ❤️
So well said and relatable 🥲 but I really admire how you still tried to date and explore that!! I feel like a lot of the shame I’ve had prevented me from exploring that entirely :( work in progress for sure
Aww thank you! It was definitely tough but I was also one of those stubborn kids that was always like well “why can’t I” lol. I think your personality plays a big part in how you react to things. Wishing you the best with dating though - it’s always gunna feel weird stepping out of your comfort zone but that’s also when you grow the most ❤️
Genuinely love this video and needed to hear this message today. It is so easy for children (esp of immigrant parents) to minimize our feelings and let our parents' pressure and guilt overtake our reality, even as adults. Internalizing such a skewed perspective for so long disables our ability to know right from wrong and trusting our decisions in life to lead us to the best possible outcome because we inherently become prone to people pleasing (specifically in my experience). Unlearning this doubtfulness is a very tumultuous path and may even take years or decades to achieve. I'm just so so grateful to have a partner from a different ethnic background, who grew up with different parenting styles, help me understand my reality by acknowledging my struggles but also encouraging me to accept my childhood for what is was and forgive my parents for the damage they've cause, even though it is ongoing and they may not even care to apologize. I believe holding on to resentment and anger is a disservice to myself because it's like punishing myself for someone else's actions. Understanding all perspectives gives you a peace of mind and doing that work on my own has giving me more clarity and peace than expecting an explanation or apology from my parents. And that is probably the reality for a good proportion of immigrant children.
This is the hottest issue right now here in the Philippines as our Gymnast Gold Medalist Carlos Yulo's success was being overshadowed by his family's issue. Her mother put him into shame because of her gf who was on his side during his downtime. Where in the first place, his mother was the one who made a mistake and yet she has this audacity to tell him Carlos Yulo is very ungrateful. See, the whole family benefited from Carlos' prize but still her mother became very Unappreciative and at the same time blames his gf for "Grabbing" him from them🤣
Human emotions are not unidimensional . Gratitude and indebtedness both can go hand in hand. Even if your parents have been constantly reminding you of the sacrifices they made, you can feel indebtedness and still be grateful and appreciative of them. Same goes for caring and loving someone. You can feel obligated to take care of your parents/children and yet do it out of love.
Yes I agree with that … what I’m trying to describe is when one feeling is significantly stronger than the other. Many children have an overwhelming feeling of indebtedness which makes it hard to genuinely practice the gratitude if you get what I mean. When you’ve been made to feel like a burden and indebted to the person it can very easily harbour feelings of resentment.
I really doubt your parents see you as a burden. You are a beautiful, articulate individual. It may feel that your parents think that way, but as someone who works in the therapeutic field, it’s more likely that they desperately want a close relationship with you. They might be bewildered by your independence to the extent that it excludes them or often battles or belittles them. When you feel like they treat you as a burden, this is their response - why don’t you love me in the same way that I love you? Don’t you realize how much of myself I’ve given over to you? How can it be that you don’t feel as close to me as I do to you? It’s a sad parenting fact that no child will ever be able to understand how much of your life’s blood you’ve sweated over them. How you’d be willing to chop off any body part for them to live. They’ll never feel the same way because the secret of real love is in the giving. And a child doesn’t - usually - give to a parent. They take. I know people who fell on desperate times and needed a huge loan. A friend of theirs stepped up. You would think that they would feel tremendous gratitude , but instead they were shockingly resentful. I think it’s because of this power imbalance. Your parents love you. And you, deep down, love your parents. You can’t change them, so work on appreciating small things. Tell yourself one thing you like about them every day, and thank them for it. “Mom, I love that you used to make me sandwiches for lunch.” You’ll be shocked how quickly they’ll improve their relationship with you and vice versa.
I totally agree my parents love me but when you’ve been told things that made you feel otherwise growing up it’s hard to differentiate the feelings. Especially if you weren’t taught emotional intelligence. Now that I’m older and have gone to therapy I’m able to appreciate and understand my parents perspective and their inability to communicate their thoughts and emotional properly because they didn’t have the privilege of working on their mental health. Now that I’m in my 30s I see their unconditional love for me it just didn’t feel like it at the time - hence why I say throughout the video they just expressed themselves in the wrong ways because they didn’t know how to do it in a healthy way.
I wish people would look into the nuances of what you are trying to say instead of straw-manning you as "the girl that hates her parents and is ungrateful." I love my mom and the sacrifices she made for me to have the life I have, but that's not to discount the times where they've held me back from certain experiences and growth due to their limiting beliefs and guilting me so much to where I always felt like a burden from a young age to the point of having dark ideations and wishing I never existed at times. It can be so complicated though since I know they didn't have malice in their heart, it was just how they were brought up being a product of their patriarchal society and dealing with generational trauma. This veers into another topic but it's why so many aunties feel the need to gossip and police young brown girls cause they envy the freedom they have. These conversations are tough but needed, thanks for sharing as always. Also, I sent a testimonial for you for sephora squad! <3
This! It’s so complicated when you understand that there was genuinely no ill intent and they didn’t know better but then also being made to feel like you were a burden to your parents. The journey of healing and having empathy and grace for our parents can be difficult but possible. It’s important to hold space for our own lived experiences/feelings and theirs as well as they are human too ❤️
By this logic, no one should take on jobs or spouses or take on any commitment, because per this video - any commitment requires perfection. And if it's not perfect, it's not worth doing. You're making the perfect the enemy of the good. Clearly you are an articulate, successful adult, and you are able to take care of yourself. Your parents may not have been perfect, they may not have expected the extent to which they needed to sublimate their own desires for yours, but they did go into parenting with the expectation that they needed to give up of themselves for your sake. And you turned out great! Isn't that worthy of gratitude? The reaction to feeling like you don't measure up to your parents' sacrifices to a knee-jerk "I owe my parents nothing" is also another example of an all-or-nothing approach. Just because caring for your parents feels like a chore (as does caring for a child!), doesn't mean it isn't worthwhile. Just because you feel like you can't meet their expectations doesn't mean that they're wrong for having them. Just because your relationship with your parents isn't perfect doesn't mean that you shouldn't spend your life trying harder to be better at it. Giving up isn't the answer. Gentle parenting may not align perfectly with permissive parenting, but it sure comes close. It gives the child the impression that they're on equal footing with parents, and that's just not true. It's an uncomfortable truth that you will never be able to repay your parents for what they've done for you (to the internet: this is provided they weren't really abusive). That doesn't mean we can't sit with that uncomfortable truth and acknowledge it. We can't get rid of it because we don't like how it makes us feel.
What a great discussion - thanks for sharing your thoughts. I can totally see where you're coming from but I guess I look at it from a different perspective. Having children is a different level of commitment - there is nothing in this world you can compare it to. Unlike a job or spouse, children have no choice in being born. They cannot just leave their situation or easily make their own choices because they are dependent on the parent. So when a person decides to become a parent they need to understand it is their duty to provide everything they can to ensure that child thrives - physically, emotionally and spiritually.That's why it's so important to really think through having children and have honest conversations around if you are able to provide a child with those things. Having kids requires more than just being physically/financially prepared - it also requires emotional intelligence which many parents don't have because our society does not place importance on it (but that's a convo for another day). Unfortunately like I mentioned in the video many immigrant parents were forced into having kids when they actually weren't ready to and I wish that wasn't the case. I truly believe majority of them gave up parts of themselves to give us a better life, but that in turn sometimes creates a level of resentment in them since they weren't truly ready to give up parts of themselves at that point of their life. I think those are very valid feelings. On top of that they didn't have access to mental health resources and even if they did they probably wouldn't have had the time to pursue it because they were too busy surviving, so they just weren't able to express these feelings in a healthy way. That's often why they used manipulation, fear and guilt based tactics towards their children. That's not their fault and I think many of them did the best they could with what they had, but we still have to acknowledge that they created serious pain and damage. Like I mentioned in my video and throughout my comments I'm grateful for all my parents did for me. I've told them that countless times and even wrote them a letter sharing how much they have shaped me into the person I am today and that I wouldn't be here without them. While I can see how the "you don't owe them anything" comes off as an all or nothing approach it's really not. What I speak to is moving out of a place of feeling indebted and actually practicing genuine gratitude towards parents. That's hard to do if you don't acknowledge the hurt they've caused. Like I mentioned two things can be true at once, you can genuinely love your parens, feel grateful for them and want to care for them but also at the same time harbour feelings of resentment because often times there are things they've done that were traumatizing to you as a child. That part is the uncomfortable truth because many of us think if we acknowledge this pain then that means our parents were bad people, when that's not the case. Our parents, like you said, are humans and make mistakes. But just because their intent was good doesn't mean they didn't have a negative impact at times. That's okay to recognize. And when you do acknowledge that you're able to hold space and have empathy for both yours and your parents lived experiences. When you don't acknowledge these things it can very much harbour feelings of resentment, anger, sadness, etc which can lead to negative energy lingering in the relationship. Why would you want that? I never said anything about giving up - actually quite the opposite. I said to heal so that you can have a healthy relationship with your parents and yourself. When you get to that place of radical acceptance and feeling at peace it's so much easier to care for your parents with genuine love and have a healthy relationship with them. At the end of the day isn't that the goal? Being there for them not because you OWE them but because you WANT to, because you love them, and because you are genuinely grateful. I use the word "chore" in the context of viewing something as an unpleasant task to do, but when you get to this place of peace and acceptance caring for them may be hard but it doesn't feel like a chore because you love them and want to do this for them. I am not here to repay my parents because they did what was required to raise me when they decided to have kids. Rather I WANT to take care of my parents because I genuinely love them and feel honoured to have been loved and raised by them. I am here to love and care for my parents because I value you them as people and not just for what they did for me. It is my honour to love and care for them - not my duty. Finally gentle parenting doesn't give the child the impression they are on equal footing - because gentle parenting requires boundaries that parents set in place. Otherwise it's not gentle parenting. Anyways thanks for a great discussion and hope you're open to hearing my perspective
@@hemalimistry wish I could show my mom this video but I know as an immigrant parent she won’t appreciate it but just know that every thing you said is so right however it takes only open minded parents to understand it
