Hey, I'm Forrest. I help people become who they want to be.
If you like this channel, you'll love the Being Well Podcast. Subscribe here: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/being-well-with-dr-rick-hanson/id1120885936
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Thank you for lovely sharing ,I was been diagnosed with depression 、anxiety in Taiwan ,after all I have been diagnosed BPD in Australia NT. but I know I am CPTSD ,I am so confused why the them told me is BPD ..
the stapler anecdote is such a good example of the phrase ‘accessibility is for everyone’ using a clear, easily readable font (not a ‘dyslexia friendly font’, that should be an option but not the default) helps someone with dyslexia, but it also helps someone with ADHD or vision problems, or just someone who is a bit tired that day…
It makes complete sense to me, that if people meet and are attracted to one another while they are unhealthy, they would quite naturally not want to stay together once healed. They joined under less than authentic conditions for needful reasons. Usually, one of the two people is much more into recovery than the other, and unless the one seeking fully can accept their partner unconditionally, it can be difficult to overcome the elephant in the room!
Both her book Secure Love and her podcast are wonderful. Episode 11 was incredible, listening to the change that occurs when someones shame bound feelings are recognized and validated. Incredible work. Love Being Well Podcast!🌱🙌💗🌊
Literally saving this link to explain my experience to those closest to me! Thank you. Also, it’s really nice to see you validating and supporting her experience.
I would love to see you and your dad do an episode/RU-vid video on IFS (Internal Family Systems) and Parts Work!! Specifically for mental illnesses, perfectionism, fears, or whatever else!
I really appreciate this topic so much. I have been working so hard on accepting my cPTSD and acknowledging my fear-anxious attachment style to my securely attached partner. Julie is talking as if she knows me and I finally picking up each of the pieces of the puzzles that what I thought my own demons because I was all alone all my life and never had present caregivers and I became a parent to my younger siblings at the age of 8, and those puzzles are shame, and my attachment style is my evidence for me to figure out my life as an adult and in a secure relationship. I was in awe when she pointed out that is common in a relationship. I am literally back to reality and feeling my feelings again instead of suppressing them and go back to my dorsal Vagal state again. It is quite exhausting to go back to my old habits just because it takes effort to learn. But I would rather be sweating while being authentic to myself than act still while I am burning pain inside. Thank you so much, Forrest for your hard work to support strangers like me.
It's also worth mentioning diagnostic creep certainly can happen but there are also questions like self diagnosis- and with the new availability of education that can be quite holistic -- many people can really consider their inner experiences when others talk and relate about theirs as well in this online market of ideas. Sometimes it isn't as much over diagnosis. That said, it can still also just be useful (since the spectrum is such a spectrum) to point out maybe the specific habit that creates the social difference, rather than just the diagnosis itself
I write a daily gratitude list, which helps ground me in the now and not into “would of, could have, should of, only if, someday when” which all put me on hold.
This man is absolutely correct. People want to bypass the realness of suffering and pain and LIFE. It’s humanness. It’s life. We often don’t know how to be human with another. Witnessing and feeling with each other is essential.
Just discovered you guys, i just started therapy a few weeks ago and this is really handy for the times i completely forget what i talked about in therapy. Also you look like vampires 😅
Loved it, I am reasonably knowledgeable about attachment theory… can we make episode specifically for fearful avoidance? I know it is rarest of the styles and the most complicated… therefore the least discussed… our journey towards secure attainments are riddled with pitfalls from both ends and generally unsupported by people in environments we created from fearful avoidant position ( except perhaps therapists … our generally only anchor point to secure person, very often emotionally mature person)… asking from personal experience point… thank you 🙏
"the time you can not escape all the things you have been suppressing throughout the month" So accurate and once you realise, it really does help shift how you experience it! I wish there was more education and support out there for women's health. Thank you for your contribution🙏 I had a similar realisation a few months ago (better late than never!) after some particularly bad episodes of scary complete emotional breakdown at 'that' time.. I realised that while I needed to get a better control over my emotions while my hormones shift everything out of balance, feeling guilty for not having control was not helpful. Compassion and curiosity are our friends here!! I found the feelings that were now screaming to be heard were not irrational at all. They were ignored feelings that were pushed down throughout the month.. 'Inconvenient' or 'inappropriately timed' feelings hushed down and not explored.. Of course I felt angry, upset, frustrated, unheard, unseen! In fact by not allowing those valid feelings to surface as and when they initially arose, I had greatly magnified their ferocity so that at that time I am less able to rationalise and feel in control, they come out in shocking extreme outbursts and it really does seem like the end of the world. I finally realised how important it was to feel and allow my feelings throughout the month, and how much easier it would be to manage them while they were smaller and more flexible, than leaving them to build up and brew until that time where my emotional regulating goes out the window and I have no rational check and everything blows up out of proportion.. Only to put myself down for being unable to cope with my emotions and repeat the cycle again. Yikes! I'm so glad I am finally learning this stuff, tracking my cycle, being aware and prepared helps so much to defuse and avoid complete breakdown. It is slow and hard work but I finally feel a sense of understanding myself and my cycle. If I journal and talk out my feeling, being self supportive, curious and kind rather than critical. I have a long way to go but starting to feel more in control which is something I often feared wasn't possible. I honestly don't know how I'd cope if it wasn't for the learning I've been able to do on the internet! My main struggle is I am so overstimulated by the presence of others. I feel so needy and weak yet also irritable and firey.. I wish I had a separate space I could retreat to for that week- or even the worst few days! I find it massively impacts my relationship. I feel so misunderstood and unloved, he feels like nothing he does is good enough. This time round was the best its ever been, I barely noticed any mental symptoms other than slight irritability that was caught early, acknowledged and apologised for. I feel self regulated and calm.. It gives me hope if I keep up the journaling and self work it really does get better.
I new here, listening and founding this video very helpful, but one thing I can not understand - if this talk between father and son, so how it could happen that son of the psychotherapist has a fawn response problem? I see clearly that guy fawning all the time of the video, it's obvious with the voice and the habits to talk... disappointed
We answer related questions during the episode. In short, parental relationship isn't the only thing that matters. Social environment, relationship with other kids, genetics, and so on all play a role in our primary coping strategy. That said, most of what you're seeing probably isn't a stress response, it's just my general disposition.
Thank you for this topic. I live with 3 adopted people, my husband and my 2 kids. I have a history of trauma in my family of origin so we all have insecure and/or avoidant attachment styles! This was really helpful, as always with your casts!
0:43 even if you watch 100 RU-vid videos by health professionals, please respect that you are not the jurisdiction to diagnose people, and there is a harm and an entire disorder related to being misdiagnosed and then experiencing the symptoms you believe you have a disease
Just Wow! I listen to the podcast regularly, and this one was extremely timely and So Very Helpful to me! Thank you so much to both of you, for taking on this topic squarely and bravely. I could have been one of those people who'd emailed you weeks ago, about anxiety, dread, etc. ..about the World! So much to take in, and sort through these days. Too much. I had decided to go on a News Fast about a day before I listened to this. So, doing that, combined with your wise tips here, has literally lowered my cortisol. I have so much gratitude and just want to say, please keep doing what you're doing. This episode was so needed. Oh, and I'm getting ready to re-listen to it. That's when I give a podcast 5+ stars!
This is what I'm dealing with, too self aware of how toxic my behaviors have been in this lifetime, too aware of everyone else's behaviors and pain, too aware of how backward the world is... I definitely feel paralyzed, but I'm beginning to make moves, I know I've done some healing and inner work, there's so much more I want to experience, I've experienced the bad, I'm ready to experience the opposite, but that can be hard when ur outlook on the world isn't great. Trust the process I guess.
Isolation is one of the main reason you stick with immature relationships. If your parents are immature and your other relationships mirror that one becomes trapped with the stark choice of being alone of continuing as you are
A dysregulated automated response is nothing like choosing to be more congenial or doing more work in a group. We're dealing with overwhelming feelings that one has little control over and shouldn't be compared to "options" of behavior. What you do when dysregulated feels completely overwhelming and you don't have control over your nervous system. I grew up freezing and still get stuck in freeze no matter what I've tried, including decades of exercise, dance, yoga and meditation. My nervous system is so programmed to freeze/panic and hide, I am overwhelmed until I allow myself to retreat, isolate and slowly come out of it. Most videos on dysregulation is useless. They know there are physical changes or damage to the brain from early chronic stress. Understanding it does nothing to change it. Very few professionals relate and rarely have any real solutions to retrain ones nervous system. Nobody has a clue what to do. Sitting in a therapists office does not relate to real life either. Comments often point out the futility of seeking help. Most say they've tried every type of therapy to change this pattern for many years to no avail. I'm at the point of seeking out psychedelics. No amount of therapy (decades) talking or listening has any positive effect on the damage and lifetime effects trauma creates. I'm tired of videos claiming they have a solution, ie "install, establish", whatever lol, alternative ways of being. Please. As if that works. These videos rehash what we already know. I don't need to hear all this psych jargon, analysis, or to keep re-educating myself (aka beating a dead horse). I need practical solutions.
Our culture says we value Emotional Intelligence, however corporate culture and social media is grooming us to be insecure narcissists, who need the latest materialistic trend to fit in and feel “ok”.
Thanks for this… A RU-vid video by someone who actually understands what the DSM is, and why cptsd is not yet in it (I truly believe it will be in the DSM-6, but only time will tell). It’s not like they come out very often. Keep it up, will definitely check out some of your other videos.
Só freeze can go into depresseive state? In my case I am autistic (adult selfdiagnosis after years od issues) and when I go through crisis I go into my old depression mood which is feel deeply then coming out of it
This is really good info. Very helpful thank you both. I am unable to follow Simone on tiktok for some reason. I will keep trying!! I enjoy your podcast Forrest.
At age 40 my mother shared “I didn’t know you could have fun with your own children, until I saw the maid playing with your baby brother and laughing.” Misattunement in a parent creates a preventable course of events for a child’s life.
