@@HeismyShepard I do completely agree. They do seem to be soul less but I will have to further investigate. However, they definitely have demonic attachments... Jezebel & Leviathan spirits have been mentioned most frequently.
@@lovin.lisa101 thank you so much for replying. You’re absolutely correct in your assertion because it’s what I’ve grappled with myself for a while. I gladly await for your soul tie video.
@@lovin.lisa101 without a culture that favors monogamous life long marriage to support the offspring, you have the animal kingdom. Porn + tinder + femenism = breeding season. Spoiler alert: The bucks always breed the does and never stick around for spring to raise the fawns
That addiction doesn't particularly have to be alcohol or drugs. A narcissist. Can be addicted to money! I find that more dangerous than anything because it doesn't matter who they hurt physically or emotionally.As long as their pockets is full and their bank account is fat.
@@michaelstevenson186 Yes, narcissists love money & will do & say anything to get it. They can have so many avenues of addiction; sex, money, cheating, gym rat, work, etc.
I had my narcissist.Tell me that they wrote the book on b.S and they know how to talk to people to get what they want. They even told me that I wasn't even supposed to be born. This raised the biggest red flag that i've ever seen. I'm fifty seven years old and I never heard of the term narcissis tuntil a couple of years ago. God is not the author of confusion.And the devil is the father of lies. Having bipolar and p t s d makes my fight that much harder. I was told to go no contact but to do that means I would have to stop contact with my ninety year old mom which the narcissist became their care provider which also scares me. I also learned that being passive aggressive is one of their major weapons that they use against people. Like I told other content creators here on this subject that I'm grateful for your channel because it lets me know of the abuse.I went through in the past, The abuse that i'm going through in the present and how to avoid the abuse in the future. I'm surprised you don't have more likes and more comments on your shorts.Because I know i'm not the only person going through this. Thank you and i'm a subscriber to your channel now.
@@michaelstevenson186 I'm sorry for what you have been through & continue to endure. I truly appreciate your support. I hope the content helps guide you through the turmoil & gain clarity in the storm. I did not hear of narcissism until my late 30's. It's helpful to be able to put a name to the abuse endured. Thank you for subscribing!
@@michaelstevenson186 I do enjoy shorts more bc I like to get straight to the point. I'm also a tactile & visual processor. I lose attention with too many words or if people are long winded. I also feel that content creators who do an introduction in every video is a waste of other's time. Also, if someone wants to know more they can find that information on my profile. Also, people who have been traumatized have a shorter attention span.
My narcissist came around me today. I can't describe how upset she was today. She took over the family home from my mom and let it go to crap. Now she's trying to put the blame on me. I just told her your house.Your problem. Everything is overgrown and she has the backyard full of trash and now the city is fining her. She's even behind on property taxes. I guess this is what greed and self-entitlement gets you. What makes it so bad?Is that my mom is still alive. SMH
@@michaelstevenson186 Yeah, Narcissists always have to blame others for the problems they create. They ego is too fragile to self-reflect & take accountability. It's completely delusional.
@@thereactionnurse Yes, that is the craziest factor. They think they are sane & normal & everyone else is odd. Even with evidence they can deny truth. That is a true sign of psychopathy.
I know a narcissist that hates a home body instead of being a home body themselves. It's something about the supply that they get from a home.Body that don't satisfy their needs.
@lovin.lisa101 I suffer from bipolar and p t s d. My narcissist fed off for that for a while until I got it under control. To this day they still try to make me Express anger and When I don't you should see how this person jumps around and has a tantrum like a baby and after that here comes the threats. Things like you have to move out of the family home which i've been in my whole life and statements like I shouldn't have been born. Keep in mind we're talking about a middle child.So I kind of understand some of her narcissistic ways. I can write a book about the things I have experienced with this person. Something.I've been known in my whole life but not expecting it from family.Is that you gotta watch the people?That's the closest to you. Family is more dangerous because they know your business intimately. Thank you for your videos.Because i'm learning a lot now
@@michaelstevenson186 Often we're are taught to overlook & not recognize abuse from family. We are pounded with the motto " Blood is thicker than water." We have to learn to recognize, not tolerate and block people who abuse us, family or not. Choose people who love you & treat you well.
I messed around and got a job that paid well. the day after I got my proposal he broke up with me… I guess he thought about it and begged me to come back THE VERY NEXT DAY!!!! He just found other ways to create reasons I’d “need” him.
@@terarorie5871 Yes, very much so. Avoidants men will not tolerate a successful woman. They only feel safe loving a project. They need their partner to not be able to function without them. In their mind it lessens the chance of abandonment. Your success made you too much of a risk .
it shows that they project their low self esteem onto their partners. all the normal things you mentioned that is a negative to them is bonkers. it’s pure projection & that’s a sad life to live out
OMG, this is exactly what I am going through and it’s tearing me to pieces because I was discarded and didn’t realize the narcissistic abuse that was inflicted on me until I took the time to reflect on the relationship. I haven’t been able to forgive myself for the abuse that I tolerated, but didn’t realize it at the time. Believe it or not one moment ago I was thinking why is there no videos about this on RU-vid and yours just popped up.
@@george-trad that is wonderful! What you experienced is common in narcissistic abuse. Most people do not realize their ex is a narcissist until they breakup, go no contact, & process it. It's bc the abuse causes cognitive dissonance, delayed realization, & you are in constant fight or flight, which lowers your functional IQ so you can't make fgood decisions for yourself.
@@lovin.lisa101 thank you for clarifying. I’ve never been in a narcissistic relationship so I had no idea what to look for and didn’t have my guard up. I didn’t realize the abuse until about a month after I was discarded when i went down the rabbit hole looking for answers. The sad part about all of this is that my ex has no idea that she is a narcissist. Her public persona and private persona are very different. No one would ever suspect or believe me if I said she was a narcissist. Part of me wants to reach out and let her know how she treated and disrespected me. In a way I believe it would give me some closure. If she ever does reach out, I probably will let her know. It’s been four months of no contact. She did bread crumb me a week after the abrupt discard and I left her on read. At the point I wasn’t aware that i was in a toxic relationship.
@@lovin.lisa101 One thing I've learned is that avoidants are kind of addicted to dopamine. And for example travelling together and doing fun things - it feels so amazing. But life is not constant dopamine. Thanks for your toughtful content. I usually watch stuff created by guys (more logic, less emotions) but I found what you say to resonate with me and I enjoy the way you present the topic
@@coach-piotr You are correct. Avoidants & Narcissists are addicted to dopamine. That is why they feed off chaos & love it. They lack contentment & inner world/emotional regulation. That's why they cannot handle a healthy relationship. They cannot handle Peace. Thank you for the compliments. I'm glad you appreciate the delivery of my content. I prefer a straight forward, bullet point delivery of information. Again, thank you!
@@coach-piotr To understand & heal from Avoidants/ Narcissists you have to use logic. If you use emotions they suck you into their emotional dysregulation & make you responsible for saving them from themselves.
@@lovin.lisa101 Thank you for your suggestion. I started practicing breathing methods and stoicism. And current situation pushed me to watch content like yours. Which made me realize many things which I did not realize before. Thank you
I wish more people were honest about it and said the truth. No matter how secure you are, how much you are able to understand and try to give them space, or how hard you fought to build your stability, the truth is an avoidant WILL make you insecure attached. Because If you are secure, you understand how communication works. When someone ghosts you, you WILL ask what's wrong. When that question rises more avoidance, you WILL get worried that something is wrong, that something is happening to them. And because you are secure, and you understand that they need space, you will give them space, which they will take as "They don't need me to talk about this, so I can just sweep it under the rug". And then when you ask again for clarification, they will get pissed because you are insistent and BAM. They will start to hate you for pressuring them and most likely mistreat you. Often I see people saying, "Avoidant get triggered by an anxious partner, but a secure one can help them." NO. If you are secure, you will know your needs and boundaries. And if you know those needs and make them clear, it will trigger them either way and the cycle will start. No matter how secure you are, you will get confused by their unhealthy behavior, and confusion WILL MAKE YOU ANXIOUS because THIS IS NOT HOW A PARTNER IS SUPPOSED TO BEHAVE. And good luck expecting them to realize. They will see every single relationship they have crumble, and they will be miserable about it and wonder why everyone else is able to be happy with others except them, but they won't seek help because they cannot take criticism in a healthy way because they do not trust other people's judgment. Truly.
@@GeraldH-g8t You are so correct on so many levels. I too have heard do many coaches say that secures will help avoidants but it works inverse. Secures can help anxious. But if a secure tries with avoidants it will make them anxious or psychotic. That is why I teach people to recognize the signs to not even date them. And you are correct they never see anything wrong with their actions so of course they will not change. It's not the secure & anxious job to rescue avoidants from themselves bc they don't want to be.
@@lovin.lisa101Exactly! I am securely attached, my childhood was a good one. I am confident and reasonable. I have a very clear communication style, I am understanding, conscious about my wording not to blame the other person, not to hurt. And guess what? At 30 got to experience a relationship with an avoidant for the first time. Two months in and he triggered me to the point I couldn't recognize myself! I thought I was going insane! The amount of fear that something was very wrong, the cognitive dissonance pushed me into anxious meltdowns! Something I had never experienced before in any relationship, work or stressful situation! They disarm you with love and then pull it away leaving you stunted, and since they won't communicate, you feel so confused you start to doubt yourself. I gave him space, tried to establish a day so he could think and we could talk. "Let's chat about this in 5 days more? no rush. Don't worry, it's nothing bad, we just need to adjust. We just need a schedule to rely on. We just need to find a middle ground" Not even talking about feelings, but facts. It was pointless. He would sabotage any communication attempt, and then ghost me for days without leaving, coming back just to make check in and withdraw again. Thank god I was secure enough still to leave, but the damage was already done. I cannot imagine how tortuous it must be for someone who's actually anxious. They will ruin your emotional balance, it's absolutely not worth it.
@@GeraldH-g8t , A lot of coaches are former avoidants & over sympathize with other Avoidants & project on others the responsibility of saving avoidants. However, these healed avoidants are usually females who have studied psychology professionally for years, and are on the lower end of the severity scale of avoidance. I strongly object to following such advice. My advice is to recognize & avoid Avoidants. It's not your job to save someone who sees no flaws nor does not want to be saved.
@@GeraldH-g8t , My #1 question to ask in the dating to spot avoidants is if they are friends with exes. You will receive various excuses of why they are friends. However, secure & anxious people answer with a resounding, no. Only date those people, never try to reason with or help an avoidant understand why this is unhealthy. They will chalk that up to you being immature & insecure. That is the mindset of someone who cannot function in a relationship.
This video is good, I mean relatively, for comparisons with ones own experiences. Thus it is releasing and in fancy words, is "cathartic" . Sorry for my former critical view. I Just had a secure DA flirt for five years and he portrayed mixed behaviors also of well-mannered spirit. It is hard because i know how burned these avoidants would feel if they heard this tiktok video. But as it evident: Many secure and anxious people have been severely burned by silence and obnoxious negating as the response they receive from Fearful Avoidants (FAs) and Dismissive Avoidants (DAs). The avoidants perhaps cannot always see their own shade and darkness, that they withhold within themselves as very traumaticed avoidants. That is why healing therapy is self-hurtful to them. + (1) No one likes to realize how cold and icky their own social circle and family circle actually is, if they try to think outside themselves as healing target ... (2) also because realizing so about their family and social circle would make them feel more at bad odds and miserable within their own social lives.
@@equalitarianbiologist2327 Very true. It seems most advice is how to work around avoidants issues & gaslight yourself into seeing their toxicity as love. My advice is find someone secure or anxious that you can actually have a relationship with. I don't encourage people to play savior, rescuer, or captain save-a-hoe to avoidants.
@@lovin.lisa101why is being with an anxious so much better? I’m FA so I’m a bit of both and so much ppl talk like anxious is superior when they’re just as traumatized.
What do you mean healing therapy is self hurtful to them? Healing is difficult for everyone I’m sure. Trust I see “my own shade and darkness”, do anxious people though? The both have similar trauma that caused it they just get more sympathy, is it because they’re constant need for reassurance is seem as “oh they must love me so much”? Cause that ain’t love that’s attachment and codependency. Do they not have a “darkness”? Curious because I find my anxious side more annoying to deal with (I’m FA).
@@TiaLei-e7c BC anxious people have an ability & natural desire to self reflect & heal to function in a relationship. Therefore you can actually grow together despite the annoyance. Avoidants avoid growth bc they avoid self reflection, emotional processing & accountability. Therefore, there is no growth. And you cannot grow a relationship with a person whose basis of foundation is "It's just the way I am."
Research attachment styles. I suggest when you realize someone is avoidant to remove them from your life (if possible). They will cause nothing but hurt. It's exhausting and draining. They will discard you and you will be left empty. This is different from narcissistic personality disorder but both are damaging. Protect yourself and your mental health.
Love languages too. Procrastination styles. Avertions. Idiosyncrasies, Aromantic type. Asexual type. Philosophical liking. Belief systems, not just psychological belief systems and religion, also societal beliefs not to go too deep in steep politics (... compatibility)
@@equalitarianbiologist2327 I agree with you. They fear being close to people & only choose to open up to people who will damage them & therefore retraumatize themselves to justify their subconscious fears & wounds. It's a vicious cycle.
Sounds like something unprocessed; Like a problem-prone cycle of irritation-tantrum accepted and hurt unattended to... It could be impersonal, spiritual haunting energies too, "entities"; - in those dwelling in dissociative coping states / heavy core-brain fog states; - in those complex traumatized and suffering from severe undeveloppedness, all giving rise to a handful of harmful negligence behaviors, of holes, gaps, misperceptions and misconstrued judgments. Its the missing coping skills that give rise to those malplaced, dystopic perceptions..⚗️🧯⚔️🩹🚪🚩🏳️ the Power of Discernment is the rescue. 🧿
My ex to a damn T and I just realized it. She stayed friends with most of her exes (divorced 4 times) and dumped me when I was the one going through a hard time medical stuff with my back and not being able to work as much and needed her support the most. Told me she had nothing left to give and had no empathy or sympathy for me anymore and was done. Among other things and red flags I didn’t see until it was almost over and I was looking back on it. Dodged a bullet and now I’m single and at peace. Staying that way for a long time unless one of those very very rare ones come along to pull me out of my singleness.
I wish I had seen this 5 years ago. I went through 3 years of infidelity counselling and recovery only to have him do it 5 more times. These programs victim shame you into thinking there’s something you didn’t give him if he cheated. Bullshit. Immature avoidant men will never receive or appreciate a high value woman and if he stops cheating he’ll start violence instead. There’s no way a woman or even 10 therapists can mature a man. Only he can do that. And if he’s made it to 40 doing this crap well good luck to ya cos he’s just gotten better at hiding it and gaslighting everyone…
@@ellebelle3812 Yes, I completely agree. After age 25 their frontal lobe is formed & they are not changing. Subconscious misogyny blames women for everything, including making a man be a .an. Believe a person the first time they show you who they are. And it is never the betrayed person's fault. Cheaters have issues that they need to solve.
Hey, intellectual narcissist here. This is mainly in the larger categories such as malignant or grandiose narcissism. I am know some covert narcissists and other intellectual narcissists, and something I’ve noticed about the whole argument thing is that they will never think they were completely in the wrong, but they can see place for improvement. Personally, I have to think back first in order to see that room, but it can be hard for me to dismiss other’s reactions. Just wanted to say this so the smaller kind of narcissists aren’t boxed like this. I am in no way excusing my actions or saying that they are right. :)
@@Iknowmorethanuknow Also bc you love the thrill of the chase bc you are still chasing/earning the love of the mom/Dad that always made you feel not good enough.
I do know this. I'm familiar and I've heard this one before and forgot all about it. This phenomenon really messes with my head. I've somehow had back to back npd plus raised by a couple and if I'm to be fully honest I have plenty of narcissistic traits. I've Damm near been convinced I'm a narcissist. I have empathy and compassion but feel I may be a dark empath. out necessity. Hi 👋
@@DivergentCreation2 Lol! I love your thought process however narcissists never consider they are narcissists. Being raised by a narcissist energetically calibrates you to attract narcissists in your life. Check out Ho'oponopono.
@@DivergentCreation2 , Aaron Doughty provides a great explanation of how it works. The video is titled "How I healed my younger self with Ho'oponopono."
