Schedule a Zoom consult? Click the link. Welcome to "Mastering Thought", where we explore the intersection of the mind, marriage, and mental health. With over 24 years of experience as a licensed marriage family therapist and a wealth of knowledge captured in four books and numerous articles, we bring a unique and insightful perspective on these crucial topics. Our channel delves into the complex inner workings of the mind, including concepts such as enlightenment, awakening, and being present, as well as the role the "voice in your head" plays in shaping our perceptions, feelings and behavior.
**Disclaimer:**
This channel is not intended to be a source of psychotherapy or mental health counseling. The content presented here should not be considered a replacement for consultation with qualified mental health professionals. If you are facing mental health issues or concerns, we strongly recommend seeking the guidance of a licensed therapist, counselor, or healthcare professional.
As you were explaining, I had a huge realisation. The owner of our company is always shouting and being aggressive in the office (never towards me) but I’ve felt so on edge because of it and I realised this is the same environment I had when I was a child at home. And as a unicorn, I’m clearly feeling on edge and claustrophobic in the office in that environment. I have a couple of questions: Would a lion in my position thrive in this environment? This environment at work started changing about 6months ago when the owner became more involved in the business so is there a reason for the sudden shift? Did my energy/self trigger something to attract this at that moment? Because a year ago, this dynamic and environment didn’t exist Finally, other than this realisation, is there anything I can do to let go of this energy/dynamic?
Wow! what great questions. First, a Lion would feel triggered and shamed by the boss. They would feel viewed as not good enough, criticized and attacked. 6 months ago when the boss showed up, your Limbic System identified him as the "parent" and that's when this emerged for you. Did you attract this? I'm sure your energy did not shift. This just uncovered your issue that had been there all along. So what do you do? Two things: Everytime you react to the boss, ask youself what does this have to do with my parent? Don't try to answer the question. Just let it hang in the air and let your nonconscious mind serve up the answers so you can connect the dots. This will lead to an ah ha moment where the association your Limbic System is making will be laid bear as it is happening. Number Tow: Your boss in probbly a Lion. Look through the shouting and aggressive behavior. Remember Lions want acceptance and approval. So don't shrink from him. He will view that as personal rejection. This question is so good, Kristina and I will do an episode and address this. Does this help?
Thank you, Mark and Kristina, for dedicating a whole video to breaking down my concerns. I think my misunderstanding was in the way you are using the term "thought". To me, a "thought" is whatever comes in to my conscious awareness. Some thoughts are happy, some sad, some neutral, some wise, some deluded. The journey of life for me is about arriving at greater understanding. I actually respect my thoughts, even though some are troubling. I've always been skeptical about Eastern mystical traditions that seem to preach transcendance of all thought for the reasons i mentioned earlier. I think you define "thoughts" as not originating from the Higher Self and therefore not to be respected. It seems like you would say that people should trust gut instincts or emotions, but not fleeting ones, rather those that seem to be guided by Higher Wisdom. There's nothing to argue with here. BUT, it would be fascinating to delve into HOW one can discern between trustworthy and untrustworthy guidance. The mere notion of "disidentifying" is unsatisfying, in my view, although I understand that you are trying to liberate people from needless suffering. In short, I wish not to just clear my head of thoughts, but to fill it with good things. Thank you again 💓 I will keep watching
Another brilliant video, thanks. I'm gutted I missed the webinar yesterday as I only got the link one hour after the webinar started unfortunately here in England.
Great video! I would prefer not to hold on any thoughts and concepts and rather be authentic from moment to moment. Like a kind of natural flow. In the end a positiv thought is still a concept that limits your perception. Still with the exercise of course😉👍🏻
@@DrMarkWaller Hi, thank you for asking!😊 I have had some difficult days, dealing with fatigue and a hard time to practice but I am back to the exercise. I will not give up. This is so important!
Amazing video as always! Thanks Mark and Kristina I have a question that touches on passion, would that mean our desires are coming from the limbic brain resulting to the fact that desires are really not my desires. Would that mean I’m not to follow these desires? How would that fit with ‘following your passion’ ?
Desires and passion definitley come from the Limbic System, more specificallly the Amagdala. You can certainly follow your passion. But the point is that you are not passion, you are not sadness, you are not thoughts or perceptions. You are not your mental or emotional activity. You experience all of these things. Therefore your are the knower of passion, the experiencer of emotion. You are free to fully embrace passion without identifying with it. So follow your passion. It's your choice to go on that ride.
@@DrMarkWaller Wow! There is something so freeing about your answer. "the knower of passion, the experiencer of emotion." - that's so powerful. Thank you Dr Mark for your response!
But what if my thoughts are telling me positive things? Then I can't believe those either, eh? So then I am just lost in a morass of confusion and lack of understanding? This can't possibly be good.. This exercise seems to be encouraging people to be morally and spiritually adrift, "not believing anything", and just "going with the flow". This is very convenient for outside manipulators and tyrants to take control and convince us of things, since we are being trained to disbelieve the "thought" that says "this is wrong". If I'm disidentified with all thought, then what???
This is such a smart question! Imagine if you confused youself to be your shirt. Would it matter whether it was black or white? The fact is that your are not a shirt. The same thing applies to thoughts. It doesn't matter if thoughts are positive or negative. The fact is that you are not your thoughts. And in fact you are not lost as a result. We are only talking here about verbal thought. Most of the brain is nonverbal, especially the right hemisphere. When I recognize your face, this is done by millions and millions of parallel processors in the brain. I nonverbally recognize you. I don't have to say, "That's Larry," to know who you are. So our moral compass and so much of what we rely on to guide us in life comes to us nonverbally. Waking up from our identification from verbal thought brings clarity and focus rather than shifting the earth beneath our feet. Please feel free to continue this dialog. You are obviously a seriouis person and I appreciate the opportunity to interact with you.
Thanks for addressing my question. It has still not clicked. Maybe because I am a very heady person and the mind thinks: there is no way this can be so easy. But l don't give up.
Hi Dr.Mark , I have sent you an email few days ago regarding couple sessions and I have applied on the form twice but no one responded back. Can you please let me know how we can schedule a session with you?🙏🏻 thanks a lot Carine
HI Dr. Waller! FYI, I've completed three forms to be contacted and I've never seen a response. Can you tell what is the best way to look into having private sessions with you? I love your style, thank you both!
I seem to be having prob;ems will my main email. So please try either one or both of these alternatives: markwaller.com@gmail.com or mail@markwaller.com
I seem to be having prob;ems will my main email. So please try either one or both of these alternatives: markwaller.com@gmail.com or mail@markwaller.com
Eckhart Tolles Strong Intuitive Impuls, was Forced by his emotional crisis, therefore it became un-harmonic, twisted. Hes age 26. at the event, indicate that it is his second incarnation, of having strong Glimpses. In first period after his experience, people left his speeches in large numbers, because his intelligence was missing in his presentation. Well he found his harmony, and got order into it. Sadhguru was also 26 when he had a very strong glimpse, sometimes he also miss his intelligence, and confuse the matters. But both have the experience of being Eternal Living, had passed the major Mile-stone.
We repeat earlier stages from sperm-cell to age of 30, four last from 19, 2-2½-3-3½, so from about 26-30, marks our last Life. First time people have a strong Glimpse, or Impuls, is just before 30 year old. So having Strong Experience as 26, indicate, previous incarnation. Walter Russell had his first at 7 year old, and every year i May, strongest as 49, lasted for 39 days, outside physical body. might be the most markant example, and be the Great Birth. Cosmic Consciousness.
I have been trying since a year to have that recognition. Can you please tell me why I should not practice this as often as l can, but only 3 times a day? 😮
The more casual you are about the practice the less ego involvement there is. People tend to overthink this exercise and turn it into a project. or talk back to their thoughts. That will absolutely block the results. The exercise is very abstract and simple. It is not directed at trying to solve a problem like a bad thought or feeling. All you do is gently notice that you are having a thought. This detachment creates a permanent separation. Feel free to reach out if you would like more help.
@@DrMarkWaller thank you so much for your answer! This makes sence! I am happy to have a simply practice after beeing exhausted for a year! After your description this seems to be attainable to "normal" people like me. You dont need to be special like ET or Osho 😉 I will let you know when it happens, beeing positiv. 😉Thanks for taking this down from the pedestal.👏🏼 This was the missing peace, l can sense it.
you may find this video helpful. And please let me know how you are doing with it. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-2V_3B7cx8Yg.htmlsi=FRPmp7Q9K5tPPUW_
@@DrMarkWaller this was the first video from you that I discovered 😉since then l immidiately started with the practice you described. It's my second day😊
Tolle's awakening never left him. There is always a spaciousness operating in the background of his life. When a challenging situation arises, the spaciousness deepens
Can we re prgramme these perceptions from our childhood ? are these programmes permanent in our adult life ? There are many videos on here that teach you can change this by saying affirmations and re programming your subconscious mind.I have not seen this work for anybody only stories of nothing has changed despite all the effort for months saying affirmations.
You don't need to reprogram distorted childhood perceptions. What you do is recognize them for what thy are and then they loose their grip over you. Self awarenss is the key and that's why we teach the thought watching exercise. It results in an awakening. After that you can easily see these patterns. I see little or no benefit in affirmations. They are like putting lipstick on a pig. If the child brain is trying to survive something it perceives it must respond to, there are no amount of affirmations that will override that. Please feel free to reach out if we can help further.
@@DrMarkWaller Hi Many thanks for the reply.I can identify with the 5 year old brain and before 5 years old and the violence and abuse from my Dad that i witnessed at a young age.This continued though right into my adult life and i am aware and am awakened to see the patterns that keep working out in my life now.Patterns that will not shift and are harmful.I recognize them for what they are yet they do not shift ! Could i mail you please ? Thanks
I understand exactly what you mean! Disidentification from thought is only the first step. You are absolutely right. Disidentifying from the sense of self posing as the watcher is the next.
"the awareness of the pattern is the release." I have experienced this before. As soon as I identified a specific tactic in my behavior, I never felt compelled to do it again. As SOON as I recognized it, that very moment. I felt a sort of lift, or unlocking, or like a tangled up cord was set straight. 😂 I was learning which presenting behaviors were considered to be a specific negative trait (I don't remember which. Maybe dismissive?); I could tell my understanding of it wasn't properly identifying the behavior in the people around me. For example, when I would tell someone what was happening in my life, they felt comfortable saying "that behavior is selfish," whereas I didn't feel comfortable making that determination. To a fault, unfortunately. I know most struggle with negative judgements; I struggle most projecting decency where there is none, in others. So, as I studied up on what these traits can show up as in every day dynamics, it sort of revealed itself to me. I had been frustrated about someone else engaging in the behavior, naturally. I was cleaning the house later that day (after having found and grasped a solid definition), and it suddenly dawned on me, that *I did that thing.* I didn't immediately go into shaming. It was a sort of realization WITH acceptance, I wasn't going to put myself down for my patterns. It wasn't until self acceptance (informed by Kristen Neff), that I was able to identify a pattern like that, and then feel it lift away. In years prior, when I started to see something in myself, I feel like I would pretty quickly get sucked into the shame cycle, to unconsciously avoid looking at it clearly.
Absolutely stop the mental, physical abuse going forward. I is ok to cut out the evil from your life to raise your vibrations and stop the generational cycle.
ok, I put some more up. Let me know if you still here n echo. We posted a new one today: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-3_sdUbGiKt8.htmlsi=F9cS4TemJ9lQzqTi
I Really enjoyed the three of you. Thanks so much for sharing. I recall starting the search with Elkhart T. book "The Power of Now "... my journey was a very slow gradual process ...life seems to know just what we need every moment of the day ...I used to try and figure life out. NOW I know there's nothing to figure out ...I am Life EVERYONE IS THAT !!! love U ALL.....Maura ...
Mark completely revolutionized my world in my darkest hours. it was like he unscrewed my head and shook out all the trash. 80% of this happened in the first session. I went back a week later; he polished me off and I have never looked back on that old operating system. He should be the most requested therapist in the nation.
I’m at 17 min. We are 1st created from the energy of stars (the I) and the animal came next (predator). Animal makes up the matter and survival. Most everyone creates inherent bias and built to survive. Most animals and plants are more conscious than humans. Water is more conscious than humans.
Hi there. Thanks for covering this topic. In my own inquiry and observation, it is unclear whether I am spiritually bypassing when I am not in anguish and I see through an exalted spiritual lens. I look at free will, and see my self acting and cogitating. Sometimes experience is unpleasant and I resist it, so I suffer. But it seems once free will is seen to be illusory, the lived experience is less neurotic, less self-conscious. I have CPTSD, so it may be a lifetime of shedding old baggage and giving love and presence to old wounds... I suspect there's a realization/liberation/disidentification with self that I still have not experienced. But, I do see the greed-hatred-delusion that binds this being here to the 3D struggle.
Thanks for the well articulated comment. The realization you seek is a direct result of doing the exercise oiutlined in the video. I know it sounds too simple. But it is elegant and effective because it is simple. So, no, you do not have to spend a lifetime shedding baggage. There is a stream of thought with which we identify that recreates emotional/psychological problems. When you dis-identify you go free. If I might assist, let me know.
@@DrMarkWaller Thank you again, Dr. Mark Waller. It is indeed a simple exercise and it makes sense. I have observed this before. Perhaps there's an entrenched belief in self that is triggered and bound up in CPTSD. I can put the narrative down, over and over and over again. I will keep practicing this, and see if I can really let go. Thank you
@@ericnewport941 Remember, do the practice on simple, everyday thoughts. Do not try to solve the problem of trauma or any other issue. This makes the separation from thought easy and keeps the ego out of making an effort.
This is a great explanation of the voice that never seems to stop talking in your head. I had a realization of this voice that seems to be me a few years ago, and this is one of the better ways I've heard it explained. ❤
I very much enjoy Mark & Kristina's videos. What I find enjoyable is how insightful these videos can be. Each time I watch one of these videos, afterward I have felt a measure of growth. Counseling has never been so inexpensive. I do have a question, though, did you bill Kristina for a session? Just kidding. Please keep these videos coming so I can continue to grow.
Self Disovery is not complicted, awkward, or painful. In this video you will find an easy way for self inquiry that requires nothing more than asking a simple question.
Mark, this concept of the shadow self is fascinating. I have been discussing it with my wife for the past hour. Incredible and eye opening. Would you say then that we are born both lion and unicorn and it is in the formative years when the shadow self develops, and we settled into one or the other? If so, then the "real self" is only a construct of convenience to help us "survive" childhood? So, now that I can identify my shadow, what do I do with this knowledge? Is the idea here to be aware of it so as to not delve into too much emotional upset when triggered by partners, co-workers etc.? This is a very valuable insight. Thank you.
We are born either a Lion or a Unicorn. It is literally a biological difference in the brain. Then whatever happens during the forst formative years sets the trajectory of how dramatic those patterns become. The Shadow become those parts of us that our caregivers signal are not accceptable so we bury those tendencies. We then project those on to others and attack when we see our shawdow part in them.
What do you do when you know this is you but can't seem to control it? What type of therapy or practice helps with passive aggressive behavior? I don't do this with my spouse, but I have a real problem doing this with my in-laws. I'm finding your videos helpful. Thank you!
The antidote is self-awareness. When you see it happening in rel life, right in front of you, you can immediately pull out of the behavior and see where it actually comes from. I highly recommend ouir videos that tlk about the voice in your head. The thought watching practice leads to a breakthrough in self-awareness. Feel free to follow up with me if you want to go more in depth.