Oh, please like you came around When I needed it So then, why should I? That’s why I’m freaking Respectfully Hey, on my mind, I’m going to Carolina and you see the moonshine. Can’t you just hear the moonshine and I just like a friend of mine and behind yeah I’m going to Carolina in my mind
The title is unfortunately my life, and I despise it. (How much it describes my life, I mean.) TW for vent below: mentions of Traumatic flashbacks, COCSA, SA, rape mentions, death threats, and generally bad things. I’m a victim of COCSA - Child On Child Sexual Assault - and it is horrible. I was first assaulted when I was 7-8 years old, by another my age, who knew what he was doing *entirely.* I am still haunted by the trauma to this day. The Wednesday this week, I unfortunately was plagued with a horrid flashback to that time, that I had long forgotten, yet it resurfaced vividly. I’ve also unfortunately experienced COCSA 3 more times this year alone, twice online, and one recently at school. I’ve received rape threats, wishes that I would get raped, death threats, and wishes that I’d be murdered, all for just existing. Alongside all of this, I am dealing with the loss of 20+ friends, who brought me so much happiness and joy, as well as a sense of belonging, before losing them all at once, because of a misunderstanding around something I said. Since losing my friends, my grades have dropped majorly. I have a failing GPA, I’ve missed assignments, I’m failing classes, and just not doing well in school. At all. I can’t focus anymore, due to everything, and all my energy for school goes fully into just getting out of bed, getting ready, and getting on the bus, just to be at school. I desperately need a break from everything, I’m barely coping anymore with any of this at all. I cannot do it, yet I have to, it’s expected of me to push through all this, despite just how traumatising it all is. I wish people in person - friends and family - could see just how horrid my life is right now, and how badly I’m struggling. Adding to this, I’m only 14. I turn 15 this September. That’s my little rant done, any kind words are appreciated, but not needed. Please don’t say “I’m so sorry”, I don’t want pity, I want understanding. I want to feel heard, not pitied. I hope no one goes through, or has gone through, what I have, especially being as young as me.
This is also really just my 2024, my life went to shit in 2016 really, it’s all just setting in for me now. Edit: before anyone asks or hopes I’m okay, I’m genuinely not, at all. Far from okay. I cant do this anymore i cant keep up with all the trauma piling up for me, its just trauma after trauma after trauma, and now im being targeted in a raid offsite, and the raid is gonna have nsfw in it apparently and its in like a week from now i just cant anymore
I’m going to try and sleep now, there’s a storm ongoing currently which is keeping me calm, the rain and thunder is soothing. May update this when I can/remember.
Been a week - here’s my update Been slowly getting better lately!! Starting to cope more, and just overall becoming happier :) Still in a shit place, but small progress is better than none :) I’ve been looking into possibilities of me having a type of CDD; Complex Dissociative Disorder - looking into OSDD 1-A specifically. This started today, really, so nothing I can say about it yet.
I really can reminisce with this, I really bad childhood and I just want it back so I can make it better. Music is the only thing that can give me that
I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It's tough when we look back and wish we could change things. Music can be incredibly powerful in evoking memories and emotions, and it's great that it offers you some solace. If you ever need to talk more about what you're going through or just want to share the songs that resonate with you, I'm here to listen.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of frustration and sadness about the state of the world. It can be incredibly tough to see so much suffering and feel like there's nothing beyond it
Thank you so much! Your support means a lot. Sometimes, it takes a bit of time for things to get the recognition they deserve. I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement❤️
That makes a lot of sense. Music can be incredibly healing and comforting. I'm glad you’ve found something that helps you feel better. If you ever want to share more about it or talk about anything else, I’m here for you
It’s great to hear that you’re enjoying typing to this music! Music can really enhance the experience and make tasks feel more enjoyable. If you need any more help or just want to chat, feel free to let me know!
