Resources to help you thrive! Jon Peters, MSW, LCSW, LICSW is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker and distills decades of experience as a therapist, coach, educator, and mediator and discusses a wide range of wellness topics to help you improve your life.
Jon has worked for over 26 years in private practice as well as for many years in inpatient settings of long-term care facilities, critical care units, an emergency room, and an inpatient psychiatric unit.
Jon is the author of Change Your Life In 15 Minutes A Day and The Coparenting Manifesto and has given more than 250 seminars to more than 6,000 divorcing parents.
Jon is licensed in Washington State and Indiana and provides therapy in those jurisdictions for anxiety, grief, and life transitions. Jon provides coaching to people located anywhere for coping with stress and end-of-life issues.
This content is for entertainment and education and is not meant to replace competent care from your healthcare providers.
Hello. Dread is my achilles heel. Its been something I've experienced all my life! A sense of impending doom or that I'm about to mess up really bad and can't fix it, etc. It's created so much pain for me! I thank you for explaining how I can help myself. ❤
Would you be useful in creating a think tank for me of how to incorporate adrenaline rush into my wellness holistic recovery boost for Long Covid? Arnold Mindell healed some physical symptoms with therapy. Sent me an appt inquiry please and let’s try. I’m free always, except this particular weekend. Very sick with Long Covid. My phone number is in your email. I suppose you are still on MDLive.!
I told my therapist about suicidal ideation and past attempts. She promised me she wouldn’t report it if I wasn’t in immediate danger, which im not. She keeps reassuring me that shes not doing anything behind the scenes. Its nice.
Right. You're giving accurate reports to her so she can be of best service to you. Also, as I explain in the video, inpatient treatment is fundamentally to keep you safe during times when you are in immediate danger. It's not needed when you aren't.
If you are thinking of harming yourself, call 988, 911, or go to the Emergency Department of the nearest hospital. Beyond that, if you are working with a therapist, talk with them openly.
I was honest about wanting to go to inpatient mental health. I wanted help finding a private facility, she didn't believe in that. She waited until I was out of state and contacted me. Using that excuse she told me she can't see me out of state and then discharged me from her practice. She was good about avoiding liability but an atrocious therapist.
I would find another therapist in your current state. If you need immediate eval, you can go to the nearest hospital's emergency department and they will see if you fit with their admission criteria or would be a candidate for a referral. Alternately, you can search inpatient programs in your area. Also, the people who staff 988 and 211 sometimes can assist in identifying a relevant treatment program.
@@wellnesswithjon You'd have to be really bad off to go to an American ER. I spent 25 years in US healthcare and I'd never ever engage with a US hospital. I go overseas for care. Yes I'd risk it.
As I explain in the video, not all reports of clients to therapists are reported. Many people cope with chronic suicidal ideation for years and get therapy without being reported.
It seems that in some families, people closely biologically-related to each other can share an increased level and tendency to have suicidal ideation which points to a biological contribution. Also, in adolescents, studies on clusters of suicides in people not related to each other points to factors that can increase or decrease the risk of suicidal behaviors. See: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207262/
I just pick up this book from my book shelf. Been sitting there for many years. Thanks for your review. Hope not too late to read this book. Retiring this year.
So sorry about your loss. That's a terrible thing to experience. Yes, you can heal. If you get into a crisis yourself, get some support to get through it.
I’ve lived my whole life with the mantra ‘don’t tell’. When I try therapy,it’s very hard to let go of the Cardinal Rule (don’t tell). Plus, I have a problem opening up with a stranger. If I do try, I feel like I’m being an idiot and I want to quit. So. Medication and when they stop working
As a therapist, I don't expect my clients to tell me everything. Privacy can be very appropriate even in that relationship. But, if my clients avoid sharing things that are highly relevant to what we're doing (especially if not having that information significantly alters what we agree we are doing together or should be doing together), then that's not optimal.
You can and will get locked up for at least 72 hours if you are in immediate danger of self harm or suicide. This is defined as having suicidal thoughts, and a plan to do it.
That's part of it, having suicidal ideation and a plan (or being a very impulsive person by character). But, risk is assessed by also having the will to harm yourself or desire to be dead and lacking inhibitory factors (such as, I wouldn't do it because it's agains my religion or something like that). Also, the risk that you demonstrate that might get you to the Emergency Department might not get you admitted because that risk will be assessed by psychiatry once you're in the ED. That process sometimes takes hours to get to that eval and some people resolve to be less at risk by the time psychiatry staff get to them.
I have recommended it to a lot of people and some have reported back that they find it helpful. Several of my clients have mentioned it even when I hadn't brought it up and said the same. I think one benefit from reading the book is having a much richer understanding of what it means to be emotionally immature vs mature. While the book has a primary focus of explaining this in regard to your relationship with your own parents and how that might have affected you, it is also focused on how you can assess your current and future relationships with others to be emotionally healthy.
My grandmother died when I was 6. The day after she died she came to me in my room and had to tell me who she was because the voice was a much younger sounding person. Was that a hallucination?
Can't see how it will help me. I've told her I'm too attached. I went to her about something else, but she knew I had attachments to older women. How can I open up without feeling even more attached. Surely I need to go to another therapist.
Maybe. Sometimes in therapy we identify an issue that presents in the therapeutic relationship and becomes something to work with without it disrupting the process. Sometimes it is too challenging to work with in that way and switching therapists is a good choice. I suggest discussing it openly to see what is best for you.
it's so funny that this video was in my recommendations right now while i'm going through the longest period of dread so far, it's been almost a month, I made couple of mistakes due to lack of life experience, things has been piling up and I didn't had a day break, I barely sleep, can't eat my stomach is like a not, i started biting my nails which i never did, i have heart palpitations and trouble breathing and i can't be motivated to get anything done or let alone do something for my own pleasure, get into my hobbies etc because i dread "the worse thing is gonna happen - so what's the point". I usually have a habbit of catastrophizing every problem or obstacle and blaming myself and then to punish myself i would deprive myself from 'nice things' cos i don't deserve it since i fucked up. I didn't even realized i had dread issues, i would always try to look into anxiety, survival mode, freeze mode, depression etc but once i saw the title of this video i realized this is it. Dread. And when I think about it it's been like this all of my life, i was always anticipating something bad is gonna happen, only now it's more serious since I have to deal with it on my own. Thank you for making this video, i haven't heard anyone else talking about this and i would love to learn more about this issue. Sorry for the long post
I'm glad you found the video helpful! When dread and anxiety is more severely debilitating, I suggest looking for an experienced therapist who uses ACT/DBT. Those are both forms of MCBT. Best, Jon.
I want to be concrete about getting the persons I love to be on the same page but we can’t communicate to talk about problems! They are evading the issues, not that they don’t care. But it seems that way why?
I can't say for sure about your case. In a lot of relationships...by the time the parties get to the point that they actually have some willingness to consider addressing their issues, months or (most often) years have passed and there are multiple issues all bound up in a complex bundle. Trying to unbundle that super complex, inter-related mess is often confusing and daunting. I think that's often a big factor in a person's reluctance.
I watched it. Morality and ethics are especially interesting to me and especially in congruence with psychology, because that’s how they should be studied in the new times, backed by interwoven facts at needed points. For example: The physicality of psychological traits is a rarely known, a rarely mentioned spectrum of scientific facts. It’s a rarely known spectrum of knowledge period. Anyhow… Good video. I’m sure that you had good reasons to crate it. However, the scenario about the letter denial sounds cosmically fucked up. Postmodernism crated the loneliest people, so knowing that a pet can decrease someone’s suffering should be plenty. If a person is asking for such a letter, such person has good reasons to ask for it. Also, adding to the point that the modern world is full of pressure, dehumanizing rules and arbitrary systems and conducts; all of that and more constitutes a cumulative, sufficient reason. Moreover, it’s not uncommon that those generic circumstances and whatever personal troubles one can be going through also a reason enough. It can be extremely hard for some people, who are less fortunate, because they don’t have sturdy enough genes or close-knit families. The latter can make any given pressure 100 fold harder. So those daisy-like, inner rainbows pooping, greenhouse therapists who deny people that, are not just inhumane, but extremely fucked up, and should not be practicing psychology in the first place. However, knowing that our seeming orderly world of full of arbitrary practices, I’m not surprised to hear about any of that fucked-up-ness. The professional symposiums must be a “must,” and not an individual preference. It’s still primitive times, bottom line. Haha! PS. I hope this year I will finish the book I wrote. I hope it will bring a meaningful ripple. Even one good ripple is better than nothing.
Yeah, if I could, I'd just throw a blanket letter that covers all of us and states "we are emotionally supported by the animals in our lives and let's act like that's true and matters."
How are you doing? I will remember our first appointment forever. Good times. I like your friend, who’s somewhat similar to me. Weather is wonderful now! Amazing. Enjoy the spring, John!
I was seeing a video about avpidant tipes and intelectualicing emotions (i think im not like that), but clicked this by accident and defenetly dread dominates my night, my dreams, my life. I have controlled thw fact that i will die and thats okay but even if i feel positive i am scared and wake up running at night when i have those dreams of not feeling nothing. I feel i do nothing in my life and im loosing everithing, like if i dont start now i know im not living, i have nothing but myself and im scared of loosing me just for the confort of my family, becoming a tool/mascot/propiety. I dont want them to be angry at me, or stop loving me even if i feel that im not loved. Ile im sustaning an ilussion, i feel that im being loved conditionally and now if i do things for me or got any indempendence i gonna be hated. I was anxious because idk what to do, but i thing i will reach out as a firt step, every partial solution i have made has backfired ot being in vain. I need sense of where i am
The things you wrote in your comment are what we call existential issues in therapy. Therapy can help a lot with those. However, my general recommendation is that you look for a more experienced therapist. New therapists may be technically competent to identify existential issues and support you in working constructively with them. But, more experienced therapists are often much more helpful (this is true of a lot of different issues clients bring to therapy). I do think working on reducing anxiety (which is the focus of the video) will likely help AND working with a therapist to sort out existential issues like those you listed will get you the best result.
I’m fairly sure my cortisol level is high. I’m very anxious. I’ll be trying these new skills. Thanks for sharing. I don’t ever drink alcohol or coffee or sodas. But the breathing techniques will come in handy. And I really do try and watch my diet closely. I definitely need more walking and better sleep habits. ❤
I think for those of us suffering from CPTSD and trauma and low self esteem and anxiety. Myself as an example, I’m a senior and disabled person, I don’t have many resources or people I trust or safety nets. I live from one check to the next from a retired separated retired spouse who is over 80. So talk about being on the edge. I don’t have any savings. There no credit cards. My grown children are not people I’d want to rely on. So I’m dreading when or if my spouse dies first. ( I’m 13 years younger but not in as good of health) I wasn’t able to work with my disabilities) and he doesn’t have a will with me in mind. I do own a home but it’s a disaster. I am in therapy. I took a break but I’m so glad I’m back. ❤ thanks for your video.
As you point out, we can have things that deliver us stress beyond the traditional idea that there's something wrong with us. Life is stressful. I have empathy for what you describe. Good news...the techniques I talk about on this channel work no matter what the source. Thanks for your comments!!!
how does a therapist do it when he offers real empathy and intimacy and it doesn't affect him on a personal level and he do only his work and isnt really connect with the client??
Good question. This can be confusing for new therapists. It can cause burnout for therapists if they don't figure out how to be in that role, how to relate to clients, and how to work with how those relationships land on them as the therapist. The short answer about how therapists can do it: You come to understand the unique relationship which is really connected and can affect you while maintaining appropriate and healthy boundaries. Consider that you might say that you are really connected to your partner, some of your coworkers, people in your social scenes (like friend groups or a church congregation), and extended family members. But, even if you are connected to those different types of people, you relate to them differently with boundaries that you work out that are specific to each type of relationship. All those people can affect you, too. Make sense? You connect but knowing that there are different boundaries than informal relationships and also that that relationship can end in any moment. But, it doesn't mean you don't connect. Just like when you connect with a dog as a pet knowing that you will most likely outlive the dog. Knowing the dog will die before you and you'll lose that relationship doesn't necessarily mean the quality of your connection to the dog is diminished (pardon the analogy...not saying I relate to my clients the ways I relate to my pets).
@@wellnesswithjon thank u for your answer... I have strong connection to my therapist female... childhood pain, erotic feelings, jelaosy to her husband... its hard for me to deal with it... because I feel her empayhy and its like real love...
Pleas help I have morning sickness every morning I have to vomit I can't accept that my husband is gone. He is gone over a year and i have this symtoms for 4 monthd
I suggest seeing your General Practitioner MD as soon as possible or going to the nearest Emergency Department. Grief can be very hard to cope with. If you're not seeing a therapist already, that could help.
I was arrested for talking to a therapist about this. I was having a bad month, I lost everything I had. I didnt say that I was going to commit suicide, but that I thought about it sometimes. After being locked in a hospital room so that I couldnt leave, the police swarmed the building and arrested me, and took me to a mental hospital. I had to spend a week in there before I got to talk to a doctor. It was like a prison cell (literally). A concrete room with a single small barred window, a metal bed with only a thin scratchy blanket and no pillow, a miniscule meal every 8 hours with no meat. After FINALLY talking to a doctor for five minutes (a week later), we had a 5-minute conversation and he let me leave. You can be sure that I'll never talk to a medical professional again in my life.
This is an unfortunate situation. I wish that hadn't happened to you. In general, we don't take such actions when someone doesn't demonstrate or speak a current threat. Also, even with a welfare check or police taking someone to the hospitals I've worked with, the psych ward generally ignores what the therapist and police might say and they do a new eval to see if they think you should be admitted. Otherwise, they send you home. You seem to have been a victim of overreach and incompetent care. That's not the norm.
@@wellnesswithjon Well, a big factor might be that I live in Canada. I don't know how things work elsewhere, but here we are in a state of national psychosis. I want to add that the police who accompanied me were very nice and easy to talk to. The staff at the psych ward talked and barked orders at me like some kind of farm animal.
Yup and this can cause job loss, loss of home and maybe your car, if you are separated with kids then the ex can use that in court too. So much for help.💩
I admitted myself to a psych hospital last year for SI. 5 days, food was bad and I refused to go to group therapy. I’m self centered, esp when I want to die, and I wouldn’t sit with a group of strangers and listen to how fucked up they are. 5 days, $23,000. Got an uninsured discount, but can’t ever afford to do that again.
there are things I would and could never say to a therapist. Not just about suicidal thinking, which I actually do not ever have. But with other very dark thinking. I cannot trust anyone because everyone always thinks people are going to act on the things they think inside, and that’s not even reality. I also wish therapists could not report people who wanted to die, or thought about it, or wanted to hurt others, or any of those kinds of things. Then everyone could be 100% honest and maybe actually get some help for once. I also worry about if the therapist I talk to will hate me if I say something wrong. Not because their opinion matters so much to me, but because if someone hates me I can’t trust them.
It's okay to be guarded until you think you can trust people (including therapists). In re not reporting danger: yes, it would allow people to be more open. It would also expose many people to the risk or harm or death. It would also allow many therapists to be incompetent in responding to real needs for support for safety. I can say that after working with thousands of patients, I haven't hated any of them. I haven't liked all of them to the same extent or in the same ways. But, never hated any of them.
The problem with therapists is due to the rules, therapists would rather fix 1 person, leave 999 at the same place, than fix 999 and have 1 end it, and also they can keep secure money makers in non healed clients. They're way too risk averse and fearful of actually being honest and putting in the tough love/realistic perspective to their clients. They coddle them and siphon money with no progress. This is especially true for male clients. Also, there are too many politically correct boundaries keeping good potential therapists from getting through school, and practicing in a way to help clients like older or more rural males
My father shot himself 3 years ago. Ive atruggled with ideation since childhood. Both my parental Great grandparents died by suicide . I'm seeing a new psychologist. I want to be honest about my ideation but I'm terrified. Thank you for this video
Thanks for your comment! Have courage. Many people with family history of mood issues and with chronic depression do improve! Find a therapist you can trust. Trust yourself and that process.
Many people likely don’t want their most personal things going on therapist notes or doctors notes, even when it’s supposed to be confidential. People have fears over what’s on their notes on a computer system
I agree that this is a legitimate concern. Just because you're talking with a provider doesn't mean you have to share everything. However, the provider can only respond to what they are aware of. I made a video about this topic here: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-qRQRN0qMmCU.html
Anxiety, dread and depression are all connected. If a person has enough anxiety, and dread over something it will tip over in to depression as it’s mentally exhausting to feel anxious all the time, throw in some insomnia too and depression will increase
This is one of the reasons why I hate therapy. I can't be 100% honest about certain things. I have to keep certain things to myself because I don't want the therapist to misinterpret what im saying and call the cops. What's the point in going to therapy if you can't be honest? Im paying $100+ dollars a session, and I still have to keep my guard up. Waste of time and money.
Whenever my therapist would ask about that at the end of each session I said no every time even if I was that day. I knew even at 16. It was all just a waste of time and money
Yup that's a big problem. The after effects of getting 'help like losing your job, visits with your kids and even your place to live really do a lot to help suicidal ideation. And not on the right direction 😢
You are absolutely right. If we’re honest, we get locked up either in jail or in the hospital. I’ve been struggling with this for 41 years now I tried all that good shit self admitted myself. My family admitted me. I don’t know actually no I just self-admitted myself thinking there would be some just a very expensive psychology lesson but I actually could afford insurance then. I go to get high blood pressure medication yeah I wish that I have anxiety, depression and PTSD. You know there’s a whole rig anybody’s been in the system for more than a little while. You cannot tell the truth if you want to not be locked up you need to be locked up , take a very expensive vacation. I don’t like being locked up. You know I can sleep it off. Hospital or no hospital therapy or no therapy will actually therapy made it worse for me because I was programmed to feel like shit for an hour a week. I don’t need a program myself to feel like shit and pay for it if you’re lucky enough to have family or friends, that are so ignorant that they actually want to help you or will call I don’t have this family and friends save my life
Man, I went through decades of therapy besides giving me some titles already knew about chronic clinical depression and then I get the PTSD title was diagnosed with anxiety, which is very accurate. Took a lot of money to get hospitalized hospitalized dental research on my own had enough savings didn’t have to work during Covid now I’m broke broke broke, but you know, why if you have to if you don’t have one friend or a pet that you can talk to then go to therapy thing to therapist and then especially if you’re on a limited budget just like they pass around or discontinue services or call the police don’t get close unless they’re cat or a dog you know if your family believes in mental illness or not DNR necklace every single day I don’t plan to commit suicide sure shit don’t wanna be revived and this is coming from somebody that…. It aggravates the living Academy when you call every single number is this is a life emergency call 911 well what the fuck did you call 911 you know you’re gone to the hospital or jail or you called 911 to help with your child, you know they’re gonna kill them or lock them up least people aren’t trained .
Its not necessarily about force. A healthy human being doesn't have a death wish. This is an illness. Now at least one MUST try to save a person like that, we cant just let people suffer and die. Its like someone with an accident - you can't just go away and leve them on the streets. Only in very rare cases I think the wish to die should be respected like a deadly disease, pain or sth that can not be cured.
If you don't want to live, why would you go to a therapist and tell them that? Anyone who actually wants to die just does it, people go to therapy and say that because it is a call for help whether you see it that way or not.
Let's be honest. Therapy doesn't really fix you. You will always be fucked up. And to some, that is not enough of a reason to keep going. Broken is broken
You can learn to handle yourself better. It doesn't take what happened away but you can learn to stop making your life even more miserable yourself. It's an important tool and a chance to learn.
Therapy is a tool to help you get in into a better mind space. A broken person doesn't remain broken, our brains constantly change that we may one day be whole. Therapy isn't for everybody is true, but broken isn't broken forever, there is always a chance for growth
I do think a lot of people with chronic suicidal ideation discount the risk and need to address it. The best thing for someone with suicidal ideation is: stay safe. This means reach out for help if there is any level of intent to act on the ideation. That person would also be well-served to work with a competent provider to address it. A tool for this is developing a safety plan and I am going to publish a video on that topic in the next few days. Stay tuned.
