Loving BDSM is a podcast & kinky community hosted by Kayla Lords & John Brownstone. We help kinksters have happier, healthier power exchange relationships.
As a group leader myself, my motto is "sometimes ya gotta work with ppl you wouldn't want to eat with" which means I can be in the same space, but not necessarily interact, with someone I don't particularly like. However if it's a safety thing (which this sounds like it might be) see if there is a way to report these kinds of issues to that local group. Preferably from the person who was harmed directly. My local big group has an anonymous reporting feature on their website. There's also NCSF if it's a SA or continuous consent issue. I wish them luck! Even in my community it is hard to keep bad players out of leadership positions, and we have a place to report those issues.
The issue behind the question is very difficult to handle for some-one who has been “victimized” by or can not feel safe around a Dom who is closely related to event leadership. Even more so if you are new to the scene and/or the “local” scene. I have had a Dom, who styles herself as “Loving Dom”, be extremely domineering, verbally abusive, violating safe-words and inserting herself into other peoples play-scenes, but demand that everybody keep out of her play-scenes. As well as accusing me of being in violation of “community rules” and abusing others, when I was asserting my own personal limits and boundaries. In that final confrontation she became so abusive [and hypocritical] that it triggered a severe PTSD episode for me, and I have not felt safe associating with any people associated with that munch. And unfortunately they are also involved with most of the other events within my budget.
I know the feeling very well. That Dom evidently got himself entrenched or well connected in that local bdsm community. Yes, her best option which maybe temporary inconvenience but she may need to get connected with another who can sponsor separate group/munchie/play party. It’s easy to start one.
As someone who has been telling potential subs "I'm a mix of hard and soft Dom because..." and feeling awkward trying to explain it, this is an amazing conversation to find. I find the joy in making them do *thing,* but then after they do it, praising them not only verbally but by showing their beautiful body the appreciation it deserves. Thank you, definitely going to look into other posts you guys have :D
After my first scene which wasn’t overly intense per se… I immediately didn’t want to be touched, I didn’t want to hear the dominant or see the dominant. I took eventually took care of my needs however the initial feelings remained for several weeks. I didn’t want to be touched and I didn’t want to hear or see the dominant. Once it passed I was fine with the dominant but not overly close. When I played again with someone else… I had the same response and again this lasts for weeks. I don’t want cuddles, talking, etc. So any comments you’d like to share? I feel like this is normal for me.
After my first scene which wasn’t overly intense per se… I immediately didn’t want to be touched, I didn’t want to hear the dominant or see the dominant. I took eventually took care of my needs however the initial feelings remained for several weeks. I didn’t want to be touched and I didn’t want to hear or see the dominant. Once it passed I was fine with the dominant but not overly close. When I played again with someone else… I had the same response and again this lasts for weeks. I don’t want cuddles, talking, etc. So any comments you’d like to share? I feel like this is normal for me.
Good video, thank you. We always spend time together in bed before sleep. Even when my hubby comes home really late from work we still ensure we get some time alone before sleep.
It can't be said enough,how a routine matters. we book 30min every night to just be together in bed. Even if we just cuddle, that time and connection has been way more important then what we actually do. Ideally it would be play time a good number of nights, but if not then at least we are keeping time to connect
So, they changed battery brands from Energizer to one that doesn't keep going & going? I am here 2 yrs after your toy kept going... in search of buying. Only 1 seller has any, and it is no longer on T.D. website. Things that make you go Hmmm?
This is so SO timely. thank you so much for this. I'm going to have this on repeat for a few weeks. (brand new job overtaking my senses, Domme mindset out the window right now!!)
I just realized that I am one of those “lurkers” you were talking about! I love watching your videos and learning about your dynamic, but I have never gone beyond pressing the like button. I didn’t even realize! But I appreciate everything you guys talk about and the way you share your opinions and experiences. Now that I realize this I’ll try to be more interactive! Keep up the great content!
I enjoy free use more as like a fantasy roleplay to seemingly similar to how you two engage. I enjoy having a day where I’m going about my day, studying, reading, cooking and I consent to him being able to bend me over at any movement or engage with me sexually in other ways. It’s very hot to me to feel like I’m being “used” but consent can be revoked anytime and it’s not an everyday thing and he’s quite good at reading when I’m more in that kind of mood.
Kayla and JB, I LOVE you guys! Found you on YT a few weeks ago and have been making my way through your videos and podcasts daily! I’m a sub in a D/s dynamic with a wonderful dom! Kayla, I love the fact you’re my age! You both are very funny, and insightful and entertaining! Love the look JB gets when he has a paddle or rope in his hands, LOL! Keep up the great work! ❤
I just found you guys and I love you both. Imposter sysndrome keeps me from doing all sorts of things that I want to do and it's so good to hear I'm not alone. Thank youuuu!
Thinking about it in context of electricians you spend years of learning and experience to become a Master from doing the grunt work. And even as a Master electrician you're still learning something new.
I love this situation that we talked about on your podcast, but I’m so shy and fearful to type out physically my question on how to perform the dab that we would like to have.
Listened to this whole reorganizing and cleaning the living room while my pup naps and Sir is on a date with Babygirl <3 Service submission is where my heart is and I love hearing other people speak about it. Also, shifter erotica for the win!!
My boyfriend and I are long distance. We've been together for 5 months. We broke up for three weeks and now we are talking again and we both say we missed each other and love each other. I really want this to work I'm scared.
I think ppl treat safewords like they are an emergency exit, and they are for that purpose too, but they're also for preventing the emergency from occuring. Don't safeword once someone crosses a line, safeword to prevent someone from crossing a line. Safewords are for preserving the relationship, not only for once something has broken.
18:00 - FWIW, I got here from a front-page result on my search engine of choice. Congrats (and/or condolences, if you don't want the responsibility), you're now "the authority" on this (new-to-me) term! ;)
As an outside listener, the biggest "red flag" was the questioner saying things like "I want to get back what we used to have". Honey, you never had it. It didn't exist. It was never real. You can't "go back" to a relationship that was imaginary. John nails it: "there's nothing you can do". Enter the grieving process, and move on.
Inside or outside of BDSM I was the roll of the sub and i could never see my worth in the relationship. I would always feel it was my fault they left or or fkd around or ghosted me.
it's not your fault, no matter what side of the slash you fall on you deserve to be treated with basic respect and dignity-and a good Dom should help you realize your worth, not erode it. 🙂💖
We are so sorry you've ever been made to feel that way. A decent partner (regardless of flavor) lets you know you're wanted, that they value you. And if a person doesn't show you those things, they're a crap partner and don't deserve to be with you.
@@LovingBDSM THANK YOU 🥰! Through learning about about kink and the communication that it requires I have finally figured that out. I have figured out a lot about myself. Old me is locked behind a door in a very comfortable room but i must move on frim her. I'm a different person now. Kink has been my therapy the past couple years, now is my time to find a partner (Daddy Dom preferably). Would you suggest more using FetLife as a dating tool or going to the Woodshed (I live central Florida & that's the closest dungeon to me) or have you found munches to better meet people overall?
