It’s hard to deal with moms. He didn’t get this way from her having a drink now and then. But them getting hysterically defensive and denying doesn’t help either.
You are right and also, perhaps, a bit wrong in the statement that I didn't 'get this way' from my Mom having her Saturday martini with her other lady friends. (It was the late 1950's, and they didn't even know about FASD for another decade or two!). That being said, that is one of the IMPORTANT MESSAGES regarding modern FASD advocacy... every Mom is affected differently by alcohol. Some can drink a case of beer a week and nothing happens. Some can have ONE weekend of some beers around a campfire and that will be enough to affect the embryo. SO: safest route forward ===> if you know you are pregnant, or if you know you WANNA be... STOP ALL ACOHOL intake. (And I personally suggest stop all unnecessary medications and other "recreational drugs" too!) I'm the way I am due to MANY MANY things. I'm not just an FASD creature formed by confused DNA structuring and such. I'm also a human being with a mind that has been affected by ALL the VERY MANY THINGS in this current world that can 'mess up' a person's mental health. I've done my best to deal with these things in as wise and conscious way as possible. Some things have worked, some things... not so much. As many folks have said, regarding FASD moms, "Shame is NOT gonna help here". Period. Shame is always WAY too late in helping the situation under review. AND... WARNING folks about the possibilities of alcohol (and other drugs) causing fetal damage IS helpful. I turn 65 in a few weeks. I'd like to say I've had a totally fun and enjoyable life, and that it gets better as I get older. I can't say that because it is NOT how it has been for me. But if you ask me "are you wiser?" I'd have to absolutely say YES. And that wisdom has helped me get through the tough times. ;)
@@ReinMan1959 that was well written. And you’re correct, shame isn’t going to help. I go to AA. Have 20 years. I have noticed that being able to broach the subject with newcomers regarding drinking it’s just to keep it non-accusation, or and not focus on quantity, and they open up.. and there is a difference between a heavy drinker and an alcoholic, either way it can affect the fetus. Your mother may not have been an alcoholic, but was just doing what ladies did at the time.. it’s great that she was open enough to admit a certain quantity, and not get angry about you pursuing an FASD diagnosis, so you both triumph. I guess you can imagine the other extreme, of her, maybe being a severe alcoholic, and not admitting anything. It would be hard to move forward with your own treatment when you couldn’t even share with the people that love you the most. The reason I bring this up is I have seen the other end, I was at a meeting with a 60-year-old female alcoholic, and putting out books and helping clean up was her 29 year old moderately handicapped daughter, who had a speech, impediment, difficulty hearing, and a mental age of about 10 years old. Teary-eyed her mother told me, “I did this” and “what I do now is live with it, and try to do everything I can for my daughter”.. she proceeded to tell me what she did, and how often and how much, of course medically at the time, being honest helped with the best treatment. She was born about 1980. Mom got sober not long after. It was just refreshing that was all to have an open and frank conversation, her of course being a sober alcoholic who understood that she was in active addiction at the time.
@@ReinMan1959 I’m sorry also that I made a generalization in my first comment that doesn’t represent you as a person. I was attracted to be honest, by the way you speak. I work in a neonatal unit where we do sometimes learn about these things about the maternal history. I’ve seen a few cases of children with impulse control, but I was curious how the adults turned out so I searched for that and got you and a few others. I’m most impressed how introspective and articulate you and others have been. I’m sorry I said “get this way”. You’re a human, and incredible tbh
@@MyPigeonMilo Ah, my dear Milo the Pigeon 😁 I did not hope to sound shaming in my own way, as I did not assume your comments were mean spirited or attacking in any way. But I wanted to be clear in case some other readers might start thinking along un-helpful ways after reading them. <3 It is interesting as in the fairly recent past not very many FASD children ever made it any kind of a 'functional adulthood' :( Either dead, usually by their own hand, or in jail - just really hard at times feeling like an alien most of the time. And not a "fun and cuddly" alien, if you know what I mean. So I'm glad there are more and more of us around! And, yes, if we've gotten this far, we are usually very interesting and somewhat enlightened folk - it's those qualities that helped us keep going through a challenging world. Thanks for replying to my reply. It is also good to see that dialogue with heart is not totally dead in this world ! 😌🙏🏼
has anyone ever thought maybe vaccinations are not responsible for autism maybe because your mother used alcohol or or illegal drugs... quit trying to find a scapegoat and just face reality.... alcohol and drugs are a bad prescription for pregnancy.. before or during
Sometimes I wonder if my mom drank with me. It doesn’t matter much because she was a crap mother and raised us so badly that we might as well have developed this.
Must mean that all of us come from a long line of people with FASD considering that it’s only now that women know not to drink alcohol when pregnant. I wonder how that has made our world different considering that most everything around us was built or discovered by people whose mother drank when they were pregnant. Just interesting to ponder.
its so weird i found this video, i have always thought i was different.. everything in this video i relate to. im a 21yo male and have really been trying to figure out why im different. is there any way i can connect with you more? im really interested in possibly my next steps to figuring this out
It took a very very long time for me to forgive my biological parents for their behavior. It took a lot of counciling and aceptance.I never met them and I chose not to. I was removed from that home at 14 months of age because of abuse. I was born reeking of alcohol . (that was hard to read as it was on my birth records) It has been a nightmare for me to live in my skin with this F.A.S. and F.A.E. (FETAL ALCOHOL SYNDROM AND FETAL ALCOHOL EFFECT) However my adoptive parents are the reason I am a sucsess today. I still live with this at 66 years of age and the worst part of it is I never really grew up to maturity like most adults. I was able to come to terms with myself at 35 and make the turn around.I was very lucky to have had a very good job the last 26 years of my working life and did get a 26 year pension. It was very,very difficult for me to hold a job for 26 years and had to get a great deal of counciling to do so. The worst part of this was my inability to make good choices. I was able to get lots of help handling my finances for retirement..oh boy did I have to work on that! I was never able to have a meaning ful relationship with a woman because of trust and my inability to get close. (fear and trust issues) Tremendous problems in school (did not know how to make friends or keep one) could never concintrate on the lessons and always acting out so I left at 15 but years later I did get my highschool credits and get trained late in life for a good career. Again I credit my adoptive parents for saving my life and giving me a good home and never giving up on me as there was times that if they would have given up I now would not have blamed them. THANK YOU AUBREY AND FLORENCE YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS ALWAYS AND I MISS YOU TERRIBLY.
I’m so sorry it took so many years to find out but I’m glad you know now and are thriving. I think everyone should learn to recognize FASD In people so we can be more understanding. And it’s certainly not a condition that can hold a person back - there’s a number of celebrities with it, ie Reese Witherspoon, Bernie Sanders, Jim Carrey and though it’s my assessment, I think Greg Gutfeld (his mom was well known as a drinker per her obituary).
Is That You Playing All Of Those Parts? And You Layed Down The Tracks your Self? WOW! Buddy! Your Music Is SPOT On. I Am Around your Same Age. 55. YIKES! Where The Heck Did The Years Go. WOW! Anyway I To Was Born With FASD & I Have Herd Your Story & It Was Like I Merged My Self With YOU. Your Story Was Mine To The T + & - The Growing Up Areas About School , Being Bullied , Just Wanting To Be Friends. And You Know What My Friend We Use Our Talent Together & Form A Tool That Is So Employable. Your Wonderful Musical Talent Would Be AWESOME Addition To My Brand New Puppet Theater. Heck With LIVE Music As You Being The Musical Director For All Shows , Mine Is In The Creative End Of Lightings, Set Designing & Scenic Building. I Have Been Sharing Your Story With SO Many People Including My Own Folks Whom At This Point In Their Lives I Think Just Want To Be Left Alone & Be Done With Me. Of Course Years & Years Of NOT UNDERSTANDING ME. Oh Well I Did What I Had To To Survive & Let Me Tell You We FASD People Are The Smartest Creative People you Have Ever Gotten To Know. And THATS The KEY! Getting To KNOW US! With FASD It Has Really Made Me Quite Famous In My Home State. I Would Love To Chat With You. Hope To Hear From You Soon. Your New Friend Paul.
I was diagnosed at birth. I have FAS. I am almost 33, I have managed thus far, I have 6 kids, I am a stay at home mom. And I just Recently began looking into what FAS is and how it pertains to me. Everything makes sense now. My birth mother abandoned me in a bush behind a building and I was there outside in the sun, for 6 hours. I am also a “meth baby”. And yet, 32 years later, she still doesn’t feel bad and is currently raising her grand kids!😢
To this day I can not sit through a play ! I am jealous of people that an sit through a play. I always felt like I don’t need anybody! Is this FASD or just being a fruitcake!
This presentation will bring sooo much relief to a lot of people around the world. I am in Aotearoa New Zealand and at the age of 57years, I have recently (1 month ago) come across information about FASD. Although I haven't been assessed, I relate 100% to most of the indicators I have researched and I got this innate feeling of relief, followed by, "is that why I" and then "everything makes sense now" and to top it off "I'm ok", my brain is just wired differently. Yes, life appears a lot lighter and easier to navigate. Now to share this information with my children and grandchildren so the cycle s not repeated...
Fuck yah man, keep on shining that inner light of yours out on the world. just wanted to see a few things about FASD and ended up here. stayed for the whole thing. and idk what cool sounding company that was I think you said you made a vid for but I hope you got payed, because even though its kind of elementary seeming (your video editing/production style, that is), there is also this palpable sense of calm, simplicity, etc... that is really smooth to watch, and seems like it would be great for communicating a wide range of ideas/messages in a very believable and honest--seeming way 👍
Thank you for sharing your experience with FASD. I have a relative who's conducting research for her PhD and i'm hoping to learn more about it. Your "lack of peace" comment struck a sad chord with me. If i may (and who knows, you might have other gains in terms of community etc), see if you can attend services at / find an Orthodox Church of America (OCA) parish near you. Look up Eastern Orthodox Christianity and who knows, peace might not be out of your grasp after all :) since the peace and love of Christ go beyond the contraints of physical empiricism. Some good channels here on RU-vid would be Patristic Nectar, David Erhan, Orthodox Teaching of the Elders, Orthodox Ethos, Uncreated Light Press, Insitum Verbum. Not trying to recruit or anything, totally up to you. If you check Eastern Orthodoxy out and attend some Divine Liturgies (church services), maybe it'll "click" similar to how your diagnosis helped clarify things for you.
Thanku for bravely sharing your story. I got pregnant after I was told categorically that I would NEVER conceive a child by fertility experts, even with rounds and rounds of IVF. I was so sad. I found out I was pregnant half way thru my pregnancy. My son is 7 is has been incredibly challenging and incredibly beautiful all wrapped up in one. I am now very suspicious he has FASD bc I drank heavily up until I found out I was pregnant. He steals from us, hits us, talks about suicide, it's honestly just devastating. I'm throwing EVERYTHING I have at helping him and I really appreciate all the content online bc it helps me understand him.
Ah, that is a tough situation, "my Queen" ;) <3 Do your best to get a diagnosis - which can be challenging in itself, depending on where you live. For me, that info opened doors (in myself and for others in my life) and will help greatly to help you choose the best path(s) for helping your son and (JUST AS IMPORTANTLY) yourself. Good luck and lots of best wishes on both of your journies. Don't give up. Take a break every now and then - but never give up! (That goes to BOTH of you ❤🙏🏼)
Literally sounds like my mom when we was growing up. She still steals here and there, like stupid stuff from stores even though she has money. My aunt said when my mom was little she always talked about wanting to kill herself. She still does here and there in her adult life. She didn't raise my brother and I because she had us at 18 and 19 and never grew out of the teenager phase it seemed. She chose having multiple boyfriends instead of raising us. She would disappear for months at a time and we wouldn't know if she was dead or alive and then when the relationship ended with whatever loser guy it was at the time, she would come back to my grandparents house and they always let her come back. Literally did this my entire childhood until I was an adult. We never knew she had FASD until 12 years ago and a bunch of tests were done and my grandma even admitted she drank heavily back in Cambodia when she was pregnant with my mom. They immigrant here because of the khmer rouge genocide etc. Long story short, I love my mom, I have a great relationship with her even though she causes me stress. I'm way more patient and understanding with her even though she's told me to kill myself at times and told me she's hated me at times. But I will always love her and have compassion for her and will take care of her when she's old. Some of my family members don't have the same love and patience as I do. Like my aunt doesn't. She even knows about my mom's diagnoses but thinks it's just an excuse. My mom is one of my best friends now. I know she wouldn't steal from me but she's stolen a couple checks from my brother in the past and another family member years ago. She's a great liar and con artist but I've gotten to know her so well over the years because I never turned my back on her.
@@ReinMan1959we live in Washington and I was told it's one of the best states for FASD. The only reason my mom got a diagnosis done was because she got in trouble and had to go to court etc
Also, my mom never got into drugs and was never a drinker. She was addicted to men. Now she's finally doing so much better in her mid 50s and is content being single. She's finally living on her own and paying bills and doesn't have to rely on my grandma or a man for support. Of course I still help her when she needs it. She's on mental disability and also is a full time nanny for my cousin's 2 year old and 9 month old. My brother doesn't fully trust her to watch his kids but my cousin does and if I had kids I 100% would have her be the full time Nanny. My brother is finally starting to come around now that his daughter is 5 and the other is 2 and he actually let my mom babysit them alone for a few hours. It went from him saying, "no matter how good mom is doing, I will NEVER EVER let her watch my kids." and now he let's her here and there.
Diese Art des Erfahrungsaustausches.Würde ich mir für alle Sprachen wünschen.Damit alle Lernen können\dürfen.Das Alkohol und Schwangerschaften.Niemals eine intelligente Idee ist.Das zerstört nur Leben.Die sich.Nicht wehren können..
I'm still trying to understand the impact this has on people's lives every video I'm going to call so far only says it can cause birth defects and it's caused by The mother drinking but no one really explains the impact it has on the person's life there's every person I've seen on RU-vid so far talking about it either you're going to have major issues or you going to be seemingly normal you just had a troubled youth. I'm only seeking answers because I am dating a guy who says he was diagnosed with ADHD and FAS. When I asked him how has FAS affected his life to try him better understand what it is every symptom he described would be practically the same as ADHD. I'm just trying to understand my boyfriend better. For the most part outside of the obvious ADHD stuff he seems like any other human I've ever run into.. But now just has me questioning how many humans are walking around with non-neurotypical dilemmas and might not even know it because if he seems normal to me that means everybody else around must be similar.
What I would like people to know most importantly about living with FASD: We live past 40. We can have careers, complete diplomas and degrees. We do not always end up in jail. As with any human, each challenge and solution is going to be a unique undertaking.
Hi. I am from Finland and all that you told this video is just like me. Thanks a lot. I am 41 yers old. The doctors has always treadit my broblems that thei are just mental health problems. I have just found that my mom drink alcohol all prengned time.
Unfortunately there are not many videos on YT about FASD!!! Very little programs in my area and very much misunderstood as if its swept under the rug...... My Mother told me back when I was in my 20 She drank her entire pregnancy I DID NOT THINK MUCH OF IT TIL MANY YEARS LATER and back then I know they were not educated on not doing that!!! I found out only recently a few years ago right around 50 as I watched people talk about FASD it was like one day that memory came back of my Mom saying that I started googling and reading and watching others talk about it and OMGGGGGG It was such a relief like THAT'S ME!!!!!!!! THEY ARE JUST LIKE ME!!!! so I called my Father who was divorced from my Mom ...... Did my mother drink while she was pregnant with me He said yes she drank a lot and over the years too and stopped --- Everyone is different that has FASD as for me I was in Special Education all through Elementary School it was where I was bullied that I was "dumb" etc!!!! I was just thinking why can I not do math or read or other subjects like everyone else ....... I could not keep a job for manyyy years like this young man says I probably went through 30 plus jobs not totally understanding many of them on how things worked!!! I thought of myself as a failure and so did my family and friends and that's what I was called my whole life!!! Your lazy etc! so I thought they were right! I still cannot do math I have NO Comprehension as to remembering what I read and it goes into my life where I forget within seconds with many things what I said etc its frustrating! I cannot cook on my own or I will burn it!!! so I got a new stove mine was very very old where I could time what I was cooking on the stove! not just the oven! that has given me so much freedom to cook because I love cooking! My everyday life is RETRACKING MY STEPS AS TO LOSING EVERYTHING NOT REMEMBERING!!! THIS IS NOT JUST YOUR NORMAL FORGETTING THIS IS CONSTANT!!! HARD TO EXPLAIN!!! PLEASE DO NOT DRINK WHEN PREGNANT YOUR CHILD WILL FOREVER BE DAMAGED IN THEIR BRAIN TO NOT BE ABLE TO FUNCTION IN LIFE PROPERLY IT WILL SCREW WITH THEIR EMOTIONS AND MENTALITY -- THIS WAS SHORT FORM LOL SORRY SO LONG --------- THANKS YOU FOR YOUR STORY WITH FASD THIS IS EXACTLY HOW MY LIFE HAS BEEN
