This channel is dedicated to supporting people in overcoming relationship insecurity, retroactive jealousy, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), helping them become the most confident and loving version of themselves.
The field is not level. And that is how it should be… men and women have different advantages.. men need to be smart and know it takes time to build your value… look for a woman who have kept her value..
Each situation and person is unique and different, I can’t definitively predict anything for you unfortunately. But for your own sake it’s a matter of practicing healthy attachment / communication and have a conversation with your partner about what happened. You gain perspective on her attachment style and what her core values are and if they align with yours. Then it’s up to you on whether you want to stay in the relationship or not.
I'm very glad you acknowledged it as a natural automatic evolved response. Many would go from the basis of it being completely unnatural. It is there but we can make choices of what we do with it.
Why don't you just dumped your girlfriend and find a new girl that hasn't been run through by Chad and Tyrone a million times. They're not easy to find but they are out there.
@@bassw1758 Because that’s the easy way out and it doesn’t solve anything. The way you view your partner and their past is primarily influenced by your own self image.
@@rjocdrecovery I used to think like that, then I found a nice girl and all those feelings went away, don't second guess your conscience, I've been on both sides
If she “loves you less than her ex”, then that means you are being settled for, you are a place holder. If she loves me less then she loved her ex……then she can kick rocks !
So some valid points. Again, you are telling your audience to take responsibility for their emotions and internal state which is good. However, whatever the reason, if one is being treated differently, let's say less passionately than a previous partner of theirs was, doesn't that indicate that there is at least less passion coming one's way? We all like some people more than others. If there is less passion being demonstrated, whether it is related to sex or something else, then I would say that this is an indication that they simply don't feel the same way about you as they did the other person. I don't think people go into relationships to feel like a second choice or an option. We want to feel like we are the number one choice for the other person. It is only about insecurity in so far as the other person making you feel loved and wanted and not like they can take it or leave it. etiquette tip, saying "Bro." repeatedly comes across as a bit condescending.
You cannot force another person to love you more. You can only improve yourself and choose who you want to be with. What you are saying is true, certainly people want to feel loved and feel like the best. But just saying you want to be someone’s number one choice doesn’t solve anything. It’s basically playing the victim and complaining about your situation - no action taken, giving all your power away to another person, nothing changes. If they don’t love you how you want to be loved, then leave them. Nobody is forcing you to be with anybody. Don’t do that to yourself. Find someone who loves you the way you want to be loved. Simple.
@@rjocdrecovery totally agree and I think you are becoming clearer. From your videos it often comes across as saying, "the problem with what you are feeling is 'your problem' because you are the one feeling it." It frequently sounds like you place the onus solely on the one with the issue rather than identifying what may be causing the issues, ie the other person in the relationship. It can come across as invalidating rather than empowering. Certainly, people can be the victim in a scenario however, simply discussing another point of view from your own does not mean anything other than another point of view. Yes, we all have power to walk away from an unfulfilling relationship to seek one that is better suited for us and I am glad you see that as well.
I made a video just last month about how dating an avoidant attached person can cause Retroactive Jealousy. Who you are dating absolutely has an impact on how you can feel. But your feelings are still your responsibility and no one else’s. Your feelings and perceptions about a situation are dependent on your own state of consciousness. Happiness is not guaranteed, and mostly comes down to you consciously choosing it or not. We haven’t evolved to be happy - we’ve evolved for survival. As difficult a pill as it may be to swallow, the truth is that nobody owes you anything. Nobody has a right to a mate, having children and lots of passionate sex. Life isn’t always fair in that way. But you can ensure that you get what you actually want by taking inspired action, which comes after taking radical responsibility. I appreciate you watching and commenting on my videos. I hope they are pushing you to think hard and question your assumptions.
@@rjocdrecovery I think you have some good content. I think it is important to remember that relationships can be nuanced and complex, just like the people that are in them. It's clear you have done some introspection and I commend you for that and for bravely sharing your insights and experiences. I believe many people will benefit from it. As far as your videos making me question my understanding... For sure and I find that I believe that what I have stated is correct. People show their partners through words and actions what they think of them and it is for the partner to determine if it is suitable or not. Keep up the good work.
I disagree with you sir. The past does matter. Especially when I comes to the past guys she’s been with. Ex….if she has been with a guy that has HIV, hepatitis or a few other std’s, then yes it matters a lot.
If you're having problems with RJ, it's because you're dating a filthy s***, get rid of her now the longer you wait the harder it's going to be, she's not marriage material, she's not your girl it's just your turn. Don't sell yourself short by bottom feeding.
I agree completely with the poor self image, but the problem is my wife gave that to me because she never complement never says anything nice and it just beat you up after many years
What do you do when your partner wont stay away from the gorgeous, female, single, drug dealer whos very clearly in love with him bc shes "just one of the guys"? Asking for a friend.
The problem is when they believe that they didnt do anything wrong. And, of course, as for the "one question", they will ALWAYS say that past doesnt matter for him/her, thise relationships meant nothing, dont even remember etc etc etc. For me, 56 YO, you should trust your gut feelings and intuition, know your values and limits, and do you decision without expecting any honest answer from your partner about body counting. In my opinion (born again Christian) it is a lot less about the past, but about what the person did about his/her past. If she/he is still holding it as "no problem", "didnt do anything wrong" etc. it is a red flag. However, if he/she is at least capable of discerning the right from wrong, and understanding that some things are wrong, it is far better. God is great and can forgive anything you have done, but it is your job to give the first step, witch is always admiting our own mistakes.
No. If they did a very intimate thing with someone else, yet they won't for you is telling. Behavior is a language and what is being said, is this, "I like that person enough that I would do this thing with them. However, I don't feel the same way about you and so I won't do this thing with you." It is simple really and the emotions that this creates is more than just jealousy. One might feel rejected or like the others person second option and not their ideal. You can't pin all of this on the person feeling these emotions when the language of the other is saying that they are not as loved or desired.
My RJ flared up incredibly because of this exact thing. My spouse went out to lunch with a group of 8 people she went to school with, one of which she hooked up with years ago. I lost it. My spouse said they were all just friends and then I see the Facebook messsenger group chat she was in with these people and she was flirting with the guy or at least what I thought was flirting. It’s only trouble to bring an ex into present life.
Hi, Thanks a lot for what you do. I have mostly been able to have my RJ under control, although it did lower my spirit a lot and my self-esteem. I'm a guy, and my partner's past used to haunt me, but now it is way less aggressive thanks to your help and other youtubers and reading, etc. Could you maybe talk about this feeling of being less than other people or like less than your partner especially as a guy for having limited experiences prior to your gf it feels like I should have had more in this area, for example I never had a hookup or anything of that sort, it didn't ever used to bother me but I find myself stressing out about growing old and having feelings of regret for not experiencing more sexually with different partners cause I am 22 now so I am at my peak years if that makes sense lol, I stress about this a lot EVEN THOUGH my goal was always to experience life and have all these sexual experiences with one partner was what I always strived for, thanks so much!!!
I'm still with my GF... Sometimes I think we should break UP, but I see this is not her fault...I just ask one question... I want to see her normal again and feel myself.
Hey, Alex. I really need so much beat RJ. I'm starting feel better, but i need more work and maybe guidance... If I buy your courses, following the steps I can Overcome RJ? I have a Lot questions...
Hi Higor, that's great that you are feeling better! Yes, you can overcome RJ if you continue working on yourself. The most severe cases of RJ require a comprehensive approach, which my courses offer. The more angles that you attack RJ, the better. Remember you can always DM me in the Skool group and I can answer questions for you :)
Hi alex can you make a video on limbic retraining/brain rewiring. I can’t afford therapy. I’m trying my best to overcome RJ/OCD all by myself. Please help.
I'm assuming that you mean does the partner share specific details about their past to make the person they are dating feel retroactive jealousy. Yes, absolutely. Maybe not intentionally (unless they are truly traumatized or psychotic). An avoidant attached person will unconsciously do things to maintain space from the anxious attached person they are dating because they feed off of the attention they will get from pushing their partner's buttons. An anxious person may not have had RJ in the past but have it because they are dating an avoidant partner who's behavior is fueling the jealousy tremendously. I have plans to make a whole video on this scenario in the future.
More specifically what i am saying is. If there is lack of passion in a relationship, RJ artificially creates passion because it evokes emotions. I know for example if I am having a bad RJ day, I am more attracted to my significant other that day. Even more so sexually. I think there is a propensity for relationships that are not the strongest at the beginning to use RJ to stimulate the feeling of true love. If I am not feeling attracted to my significant other on a particular day, nothing like RJ to stoke the feeling of love or what appears to be love. I kind of got what you were saying in your response, but the video would help clarify.
What you need to do is become aware of what is actually fueling the jealousy underneath. Jealousy is a tricky emotion because it is always masquerading as some other feeling. Scarcity beliefs when it comes to love, sex, and relationships can manifest in any number of behaviors or patterns, including the one you are describing. You do not need to feel jealousy to feel love. Though there may be a part of you that believes that to be true. Love can be as simple or as difficult as you want it to be. It could also be the case that you are carrying a state of apathy or lack of feeling, which is the lowest or most painful state of consciousness there is. So subconsciously you are triggering the feeling of jealousy because it feels better than the alternative, even though it is still not the most ideal state.
Hey man was looking for some help. Some advice you’ve given me that seems to help was changing my diet to keto. That seemed to keep anxiety more manageable but due to lack of discipline and convenience (hard to eat keto at restaurants) I quit keto. I was hoping after 2 months on it and nearly symptom free I’d be okay but my symptoms gradually returned. So is the change to keto meant to be maintained long term for stopping symptoms? Also is weed usage a bad thing for rj? I honestly can’t tell. Thanks!
Keto is a fine protocol to manage OCD & anxiety symptoms, but not necessarily something that will address the root of the problem (deep chemical imbalance and toxicity in the body & brain). The fact that your symptoms gradually returned indicates that you haven't made a lasting impact on your physical health in the ways needed to be truly free.
I’ve been looking everywhere for someone to help me see this in a more positive life because of genuinely love her, but keep seeing that damned number.. Knowing it’s my own fears and insecurities Knowing I have my own past I’m ashamed of Almost in a sense, punishing her for it Even though she’s PROVEN to be a completely different person than she was back then.. Very glad to see someone positively encouraging people to do something other than leave someone because of some stupid masculine bull..
Hey man, I really appreciate you sharing all of the information you've put out so far. I watched all of your videos in the past few days cause there was a hard conversation I had on Monday with my girlfriend. I need your help, man. I think I'm more on the spectrum of navigating through this process relatively easily, but I need input from a neutral party. Please tell me how we can chat. Again, I'm grateful to have found you in these tough times.
Happy to help bro. Sign up for a free consult using the Calendly link in the description of my videos, or on my YT channel page. Looking forward to meeting you.
