What’s the secret to a happy life? The research says it’s your relationships! But how do you create the connection, joy and ease you crave? You’ve got to think about your relationships in a whole new way.
Armed with humor, a ton of research and over 30 years of hands-on experience Dr. Abby Medcalf will teach you simple, actionable tools and strategies that you can use today to make all your relationships the best they’ve ever been (including the one with yourself)!
Abby’s a Relationship Maven, best-selling author and psychologist, who loves telling you what to do each week on her Relationships Made Easy Podcast. In her free time (what’s that?) Abby’s invested in loving up the people in her life whether that means cooking for them, spending quality time, or trying to control them (hey, she never said she was perfect).
Check out my website abbymedcalf.com/ for more free tools so you can move your relationship from stuck to happy and connected today!
What the cheater doesn't understand is what they do to the cheated partner is that after the divorce the cheated spouse will have trust issues with their new partner and the new partner hasnt done anything bad and is being treated like the Cheater
Yeah I'm on the verge of letting my female friend go. No effort at all is being given in our friendship. She has priorities but still doesn't even try. But she has time for everything and everyone else
What if you share feelings, and they say you are just manipulative. Example: if you say you are hurt they think you are passive aggressively attacking them and have to out you in your place to let you know it won’t work.
I’ve tried almost everything for my motivation, I just have no motivation to work. I work from home so I’d think I would just wake up and get ready and work. But something always stops me.. idk how to explain it.. it’s like work fatigue. I’m just exhausted from this job and I cannot leave it
I agree that asking how are you gives a common response of fine,okay etc. But many people will not feel very comfortable talking about their level of anxiety or happiness. It may even be vague to some.Also it will make us sound like a psychologist,which will look weird since all of us are not psychologists.
I’ve been with my wife for 37 years sex has a,ways been in the back burner from her point of view , well with me anyway.. but we have t had sex for 15 years … we are now both 59 … I can’t leave first because she can’t ,ook after herself and I would be so worried about her ..she can have everything, I would trade the house and anything E,se we have that woukd keep her going for a tent, backpack and my bike and the freedom and hopefully find some woman who would want me and I in turn could love and we both share common things that interest us.
If your friend offers you an emotional bridge to deal with a partner, that is having affair, I don't think that having a close and friendly relationship with her/him is an issue.
As someone with agoraphobia and panic disorder.. i got housebound by trying to control the environment and lessen panic attacks. When panicked though its hard to have this rational inner dialogue. I can practice it while i am feeling safe(ish) and the control pops up.
Someone should not be in a serious relationship and have an opposite sex confidant especially if they are an ex .my rule is no ex or hanging out / communicating with males or you are never getting passed with benefits status 😊
First off why does he appear to want a serious relationship with a 304 who has been run through by most of their social group . Someone like this shouldn't be put higher than non monogamous with benefits
I recently broke up with my boyfriend because i wanted marriage from the beginning and he insisted on a “relationship “ we stayed together for 1 years lots of drinking problems, shouting and calling me names , the whole relationship thing wasn’t clear or working.. lots of (blame and victim mentality , shaming , jealousy, controlling and possessiveness) + it made me do bad things i turned into him at some occasions i tried to “communicate” and i found myself in a position where i was feeling alone constantly, and i was seeking other guys validation and attention outside of the “relationship” it never really felt like a genuine connection where we were going towards “marriage” … i feel like a fool accepting the title of “relationship” in it wasn’t really discussed or explained well or communicated. I still get flashbacks of the ugly fights we had i saw him as a cute calm person in the beginning yet then i got hurt by so many chances given for nothing else but cheap sorrys and cheap apologies .. i had enough when i caught him talking behind my back with this girl online and apparently him and his family knew who she was and he had a promise to her for marriage… i feel so hurt, fooled and used ..
Dear Abby, thank you for raising such an important topic. Boundaries setting is really difficult for many people, me included. It took time to understand that and your videos helped a lot. I wish you all the best with Patreon!
@@AbbyMedcalfThriving , the fact that your RU-vid channel is struggling is so weird to me, I can't understand it. Both your content and your manner are unique and you're so authentic. I loved your channel from the very first video I watched. I'm very grateful for the fact that you continue with this platform though its algorithms seem to be so strange and counterproductive.
@@Alexander_Sergeyev thank you for saying that. I don't see myself as struggling but do realize my following here on RU-vid isn't nearly as big as my following on the podcast itself (via Spotify, Apple, etc). It's OK with me - as long as I continue to help people, I feel great! Sending much love to you today and thank you so much for supporting me. xx
oh boy.....It has been my reality for about 2 years now, the entirety of my relationship with someone I still love very much, with him having chosen to push me aside for the sake of protecting his relationship with his married female bestie. She and her hubby were cold and quite rude from the very 1st time of meeting me. ..// They claim to love my bf dearly so I couldn't and still cannot understand the cold treatment I received, being the girlfriend of their beloved friend. Her hubby insulted me on the first time of meeting me ever ( my bf doesn't know about it, I have only told him my pains about the woman and he has ridiculed me about it so I never got Courage to tell him about her hubby) for no reason and every other time after that both he and his wife remained totally disinterested to mingle with me and get to know me...they just been cold.. When I tried to tell this to my boyfriend, he brushed it off and told me I'm being insecure and jealous and need therapy (!!!) . While he was enjoying himself in those get-togethers and bbq''s that they organized (I stopped attending them after several times experiencing same coldness and them pretending to be too busy to talk to me and not being able to, when they could all along perfectly understand and speak English (we live in Europe, my bf native language is different than mine coz we come from 2 different countries, we use English as our contact language, nearly everyone in his country is super fluent at English, tho I understand some stuff in his lingo, I am not yet able to have conversations with people in it, so i can only use English, he knows that and his friends knew it too even before meeting me, plus they all can speak English well, but with me chose to not do it! / )but chose not to, to ostracize me in front of my bf to which he never reacted ), he did not care to address even once how those people avoided to talk to me and I can count on 1 hand those very few people who were friendly and open to talk to me, while hosts of the party- his great friends- were being cold. Now we are practically broken up.I still love him very much and being a crying ugly mess for the last several months grieving even the crumbs of love i could get from him before he punished for speaking up with anger against his friendship with her. Married bestie has removed quite a bit of herself from him since our relationship really started to crash down, interesting huh? she was always lingering around so she knew//knows what mood he was in and how it was going between us coz he trust her with everything...before she was all over him , calling him any time of day/night. Now, when me and him are over, she knows that, she also has not much interest in him anymore like she used to. After all - mission accomplished.🔥She wanted to show me how she can take him if she wants to and yes, she can, because he chose to ignore how his own friends treated me from day 1, to avoid rocking the boat with them over me .. He chose to bask in his female friends attention while I was crying for him to stop drawing close to her and prioritize us and our relationship instead. I know if she was a true friend to him, she would embrace me so differently and be happy for us as a new couple but instead she made him her sole focus and he was always more than fine with it.also her husband has been very ok with it, all he needs is a bottle of beer and a join and he doesnt care much about the rest... It still hurts like mfkr, he has had no remorse, nothing.. from what I know -in his stories now I'm the "crazy girlfriend" who was unreasonably jealous to his "just like a sister to me" woman friend. 💔 rant over
I'm not sure but I think I am. I think I'm being gaslit into thinking I'm the gaslighter. Idk...maybe I've done it too. We get into fights and she yells at me about she allowed to share how she feels but when I do the same and say the same I get told "there's the door, use it" or that I'm just being whiney bitch. I don't think I do anything like that.
I know someone in my circle of friends who is a taker, not a giver. You see, I found this out the hard way in 2022 at a dinner she put together for us. I was going on my first ever solo trip to Las Vegas to a convention to meet one of my favorite actors as well as this group I knew on Twitter. Anyway, she came on a Friday and we had the dinner on a Saturday. What could have been the absolute best evening of my entire life, ended up being a total flop for not only myself, but for several other members of the group . Although the dinner itself wasn't too bad, the resturant was obnoxious and the more extroverted members of the grpup got way too loud and didn't let the introverts have their time with their favorite actor at the table! She is very extroverted and overtalked the entire time, focusing on him(our fav actor) getting an officiating license to offficiate her future wedding. All she and her best friends did that entire evening was to brag about herself, forgetting that there were more than just one person at that table. In that moment, I realized she was making that dinner about herself and didn't care about anyone else in the group, especially those who had never met our favorite actor before. I had never felt more left out and unincluded in my entire 43 years of existence in this world. Walking back to the hotel after the incident occured, I couldn't help but seethe inwardly when one of the ladies politely brought it up as she too felt awkward and very out of place there! So the group gave it about a 24 hour period, then decided to DM her to kind of let her know our thoughts.Although the entire group equally agreed that what she did was irrational and uncalled for, only THREE of us actually spoke up to her about the whole thing. And, in turn, we were all made out to be the black sheep and our friendship hasn't been the same since. What I would call "constructive criticism", she would call "being ungrateful, unkind, and not the friend she thought I was". I was quite taken aback by her words because they were quite harsh. She not only pushed my feelings aside, she literally spit on my opinions and then, in turn decided to gaslight me for having a voice. She then decided to throw her own father(who was ailing at the time this occurred) under the bus and use him as an excuse for being in a hurry, not to mention, having several different deadlines from work 24 hours before this occured. She basically went all "drama queen mode" on me, blew up, then stormed off taking my constructive criticisms about the dinner as a means of a personal attack on her. It literally threw me for a loop that she would think this way about me as a person. Then she left the group for five days and ignored me online. I spent the very last part of Saturday night in my hotel room crying myself to sleep because of it. I felt the most alone I had ever felt in my entire life because of her words. And on Sunday, she made some snarky comment in her Twitter feed..she said and I quote: "This trip is what you make of it. And if you're not having a good time, that's on YOU!" That comment alone was enough to set my blood inwardly boiling. I decided to be the bigger person and do TWO things: 1) DO NOT respond to her words as she doesn't know the meaning of the word "constructive" or "true friendship" and 2) Before you arrive home, try to explain yourself in a manner that maybe she will understand. It took me being stranded in an airport for 20 hours coming back home from my trip to conjure this long and lengthy semi-apology to her explaining my actions in an adult manner and tone. Did she say thank you in return? NO. Did she as so much as respond to anything I said at all? NO. I took that as a means of a rejection by her but then did not converse with her any further as I got everything I wanted to say to her across. I've spent too many countless hours at home, crying, angry, confused, left in the dark, alone, etc, worrying about what she will do next when I see her again in 2025. I have also spent countless hours questioning my own position in this group and whether or not I should disappear permanately from it altogether myself? I feel I can't punish an entire group over one thoughtless individual who only cares about herself. You see, in the end, I KNOW for a FACT I am better than she will ever be because I will honestly and openly admit my faults and will take responsibility for what I do or don't do.In this particular case, I blame her parents for raising such a self-entitled drama queen like that and am THANKFUL I had two wonderful parents who taught me right from wrong and what to do and what not to do in certain sitiuations! Thank you for reading and sorry this is lengthy but, my life's lesson is this: Just because you are three years older than I am,(this girl is 3 years older than I am and has the maturity of a 15 yr old!) doesn't necessarily mean you are smarter than me. Unfortunately, this girl lacks common sense about certain things and was never told NO by her Mom. And, another thing: It may be true about a trip is what you make of it, but if a so called good friend gives you constructive criticism about a dinner and you aren't willing to even listen to what she has to say and takes it as a means of a personal attack, then THAT is on YOU TOO!
Its not about your partners reason. It’s knowing the motives and intentions of the other person and not feeling comfortable knowing the nature of a person. Why be open and understanding to that? Jealousy is not always the key its boundaries …. And your also correct at times the person your partner leaves u for or have some type of feelings for be closer than you think. A person will do what they want but why leave the front door open?
I always get so caught up in my head that he might find someone else or I may not be perfect for him but no matter what my brain always goes back to us putting our best for each other and even if I have fears or him leaving me and those things. I know it would hurt me so much for it to happen but I want him to be happy no matter what because it takes the smile off of my face even when I see that he’s hurting, I want to keep that smile on his face and I hope it’s with me but if it’s not then I have no doubt with how amazing he is that he will find his happiness. the idea of him not being mine hurt me and I just crave to even see his face or be in his presence. I don’t know what love is but I hope this is it.
Wow... so simple and insightful. When my therapist asked "What are the good qualities of (your ex)? Why do you love her?" My response: "Well, in the beginning..." "And, also in the beginning..." "Oh, and here's some more good memories from the beginning..." 😳
Can the same be said for the other way around? If it's historical, then it's hysterical? Like in a relationship with someone when a fight happens, there's no sense in bringing it back up because it's already been dealt with before, so there's no sense in re-visiting something that's already happened in the past (hanging things over someone's head).
I never cheated on my boyfriend i lied to him and went to drink and a friend even after i said not to come came with me and i couldn't resist due to my situation and when my boyfriend got to know he just broke up with me what will i do now🥺 i was affraid of losing him and went out to drink now i lost him because of that .i hate myself
The ideal relationship is to live apart if you don't have to build a life together. Both are established in life already. He has his house and she has her's. They spend time at each other's houses and just support and love each other. Once you move in other issues start.
My partner has lost all of his family, and the only ones alive are his two adult children, who i believe dont like me because im quite a few years younger than him. I get the feeling they are wierded out or grossed out by our relationship, and they are distancing themselves from their father, which i think will hurt our relationship because he is becoming depressed. His friends have also distanced themselves from us, and i feel hopeless. I just want us to have healthy, happy relationships with people in our lives but i feel like people judge us and our relationship negatively.
