Hi it all kind of happens rather suddenly I apparently had some things in my body that I didn't know about I've had idiopathic hypersomnia since about 2013 I've had that diagnosis it's a progressive disorder it's similar to narcolepsy but it gets worse as you get older we're in our galaxy does not. I have had the discovery of the aneurysm condition the AVM condition the genetic condition known as Osler Weber rendu syndrome or hereditary hemorrhagic talonjastian since about 2015 when they first discovered it in my lungs I had two lung surgeries for it since I have had brain radiation because two showed up in my brain about 6 months ago. Now a new one is in my lungs so I have a new surgery consult the 26th for that. My body really started falling apart with all of the various conditions that I have after a severe belt with two different viruses at the same time it triggered an autoimmune disorder that I didn't know that I had any history or possibility of having post viral syndrome and the constant pain and exhaustion eventually triggered Central sensitization which is a central nervous system disorder where your brain processes pain differently inappropriately. All that began about 3 years ago after I got really sick one night for about a week sicker than I've ever been in my life and I never got better I've had a million viruses that may be a bit of an exaggeration LOL but I've been sick and you just get fine until I guess sometimes you don't sometimes it just destroys your immune system and creates all sorts of problems. Recently I've had a new Cascade of unrelated medical problems. Something showed up in my MRI indicating that I might have the starting of the central nervous system disorder hepatic encephalopathy meaning there's something wrong with my liver. A biopsy on my uterus also came back precancerous so I have a guaranteed hysterectomy potentially a radical hysterectomy I won't know until I wake up and I won't know if I have already advanced cancer or not until I wake up. Those things are additions. When I was in my twenties I had a precancerous colon polyp a throat structure and had to have an upper and lower GI and I've had one every year since then 2 years and now my 5-year but all these other things have gotten away so when things calm down I will have to go to a liver specialist and have an upper and lower GI where there's stretch my throat and check me for Colin polyps and do some more genetic testing. So various things happened at various times but I was still healing from things recovering and going back to normal in between until about 3 years ago. That is when I got really really sick developed a bunch of conditions at once that are everyday conditions and they never got much better. I finally got too tired to keep up with my RU-vid but sometimes I just ramble at the camera for too long and so I started saying what the heck and adding them up to my channel as well

@@happiness4beginners449 I developed CFS/ME two years ago and it’s robbed me of everything without any solutions so I’ve had to let me life slip from me and just watch

Well thank you for the compliment especially because my self-esteem is struggling due to illness and medication weight gain I'm trying to get used to my new body

Hello I miss my yoga so much. I have a few health conditions and they have impeded my ability to do it anymore I'm hoping that at some point I will feel well enough to pick it back up. I like yoga a great deal it is strength training and balance training and it is relatively easy. Yes there was some shaking My muscles are weak and have only gotten weaker. I've lost all my muscle definition since I stopped doing my yoga I'm just skinny now other than sculpted I like to being sculpted... But if I ever get my health back under control I will get back to it. That's why there were shaking due to my health that was getting near the end of my ability to do yoga

Also thank you for the kind compliments.

@@happiness4beginners449 Hi! Thank you for replying to my comments. I'm sorry to hear about your health problems and your weak muscles that prohibit you to practice yoga. I wish your health condition improves and hope you gain muscle strength. I think everybody including me would very much see you back on the yoga mat! All the best to you! Bye.

@@happiness4beginners449 You're welcome!

It's an interesting subject to me the doctor's Tinker with my chemicals and assume my bipolar is due to my chemicals that it is a biologic physiologic illness and yet no one really knows how psychotropic drugs work and then neuroscientist and internet gurus suggest meditation and other techniques to tweak your own neurochemistry. When no one knows entirely how everything works up there. And then because so much of our biochemistry and our microbiome control our mind how much of us is really in control and what is the US that is in control it got a little philosophic and it's honestly a little bit of a creepy question to ponder. As I do myself through medication breathing techniques goal-setting excetera try to modify my brain chemicals modify my happiness it's something I most certainly think about

@@happiness4beginners449 yeah, my ex was a manic depressive and they put her on Lithium, not really sure if it helped or not!!

@@kittykat-bv3ow half the time I can't tell whether the meds they give me work either

I'm sorry about that I wish more people understood that's part of why I made this video. Even after you explained the whole spectrum of everything you can feel and think the whole spectrum of everything you can people are so used to relying on their eyes alone that if they don't hear your tone of voice change and see the expression on your face they think that what they see is what there is it helps if you're in tell them it is a side effect of medication even if it's just portion of your disorder people seem to understand medication side effects better. Things that alter our ability to communicate Spas great difficulties with other people they assume it has our personality that has changed not our ability to vocalize or make facial expressions I am very sorry that people are misinterpreting you. It's not easy to live with that condition

If only lol. I still have to work and hold a house and a relationship down. I do try to rest as much as is possible anyway

I think a lot of us feel that way. Very detached from our true selves. Just acting and interacting going about our daily lives as we are supposed to "whatever that means" anyway. Until we get to know ourselves truly get to know our true selves non-judgmentally objectively and embrace ourselves as we are without shame or guilt we don't know what we need to grow in to like ourselves more and until we can truly like and accept ourselves and know ourselves we can't truly like except in no others

@@happiness4beginners449 Yes, it is like who am I really suppose to be. Myself or what society wants me to be. It is so frustrating living this life of lies.

@@andrewrodriguez7465 first figure out who you are. Observe yourself. Develop the capacity to observe yourself like a scientist observing someone else watch what you do watch what you say and then ask yourself why why am I behaving like that why am I thinking those thoughts is that true etc and just figure out where you're at right now and what motivates you. Who we become what we do with our time is entirely up to us. The video I posted today was pre-recorded. The quote was we are all stars in the sky and the world is watching. It made me think of your first comment when I posted it and rewatched it today. We have to know who we are in this moment. That comes first. But the rest of it is your choice. You can not control the world but we can always control how we react to the world

@@happiness4beginners449 I am always on the cusp of things. I can never affiliate with one group. I am very open minded and see all sides. I tend to agree and disagree with many people. It is like I feel like an outcast everywhere I go. I do get rather bored fairly quickly with things. I can never stick to one thing. As well as my emotions they blend all randomly. I get so confused by my own self.

@@andrewrodriguez7465 I get very confused by my own self too lol. I think that's normal. It's also normal to get bored by things. People think that a passion develops naturally we just have a spark for something and it sticks with us like early romance relationships. The truth is having a passion or an interest in something that isn't passing and doesn't get boring and you drop it it's similar to maintaining a long-term relationship. Once the thrill is done and it becomes boring you have to develop consistency and discipline and make yourself continue to do that thing even when it is boring and you will find a new love and appreciation for it eventually. It doesn't mean you have to make yourself do things you don't want to do that are not serving you anymore but if it's something you want in your life some hobby you picked up or some interest you had but then you lose the passion the feeling surrounding it The same thing happens in long-term love and marriage you develop a commitment a discipline a devotion and a different kind of love develops for that thing. We can't develop our skills and grow in any area if we constantly let things go we have to push past hurdles of boredom loss of interest lack of motivation and stick to a thing in order to get over those plateaus. You feel like an outcast everywhere I feel like an alien lol. There are no perfect people. So there will be no perfect matches. You will like some of what people offer and dislike some of what people offer. It is normal not to feel 100% in sync with those around us. And we came into this world alone we will leave this world alone there is an inherent unspoken loneliness that comes with life. A sense of separation. The more you get connected and vulnerable and deep into relationships with other people into service of something larger than yourself the more connected you begin to feel and the less strange you feel the more you feel that you do belong and you are integral and that everyone else feels fairly similarly to you that that aching sense that we don't know what we're supposed to be where we're supposed to be and that we do not fit. It's part of being human it's an unfortunate side effect of our consciousness. You find yourself to be in enigma. Observe yourself and then ask yourself why. Try to come to understand yourself. As if you were someone else getting to know you who are you and what are you about really. Don't feel so strange for being strange or having feelings of ostrichization or like you don't fit because that's normal. Try to develop deeper connections with other people even if it's not a perfect fit The more deeply connected we are to individuals to groups to service the more we feel like we are an important part of the puzzle a piece of a much larger hole. Like a snowflake and a blizzard each one is unique but without each one there would be no blizzard we are all connected we are all made of the same stuff we all came from stardust. Hopefully at minimum you'll feel le ss strange and give yourself less of a hard time for not having it all figured out and for feeling different because of the knowledge that almost everyone feels as though they walk alone no matter how close they are with others because no one can be in our skin no one has had our own personal experiences no one lives behind our eyeballs but us. But fostering depth of relationship and sticking to projects past the boredom point will help you

I have tried so many quote-unquote guaranteed treatment herbal remedies so much garbage that I have bought that has been ineffective I'm skeptical try anything other than that which comes from a doctor

The squirrels agree. It is a yay worthy video