I just lost my dog Dutchie last week

My pet kitty cat passes away tiday at 3 .. everyone prsy for his soul ..im devastated

Also, I wonder if you may consider creating a video about family alienation, estrangement, like when an Asian person (I’m not American 😅 but I think it’s universal) has been disowned by their family or have had to go no contact with their family due to abuse/continued toxic and harmful behaviours. There’s a unique mix of guilt - not only because it’s our family but also when our culture is one that hyper-emphasises on the importance of family, obedience and caring for our elders. How to process those feelings and how to find belonging when we no longer belong in our own families. I’m also currently exploring the issue of how to explain the situation (mine is that I had to go no contact with my family) to our children (esp young children) and how to share with/teach them our cultural heritage when 1) we have been disconnected to the main source and 2) it was a source of pain instead of pride for us. My children are biracial so if I don’t make a very conscious effort to overcome these often disabling feelings around my family and the misogynistic cultural practices that created a lot of my trauma, as well as to learn a lot of the language (I went from fluent to kindergarten) and practices that I wasn’t taught or have since lost, then they will completely lose that half of their cultural identity. Just some ideas. Really really appreciate your content!

All of your points are spot on. I esp love the point you made about the discrepancy that can occur when the elder generation expects us to fulfil a socially normalised role while they are not acting in a reciprocal manner that is needed/was intended to go with that role. For me the biggest one was the constant grievance my mother had with not ‘sending money home’ and eventually taking issue with me not agreeing to buying her a house. It turned uglier than I could ever have anticipated when she told my much younger sibling privately that she is cutting me out of her will because I’m an awful daughter. What she failed to account for and acknowledge was that I financially supported myself since aged 15 (or age 10 if you count all the hours of unpaid labour I put in to our ‘family business’) and fully financially independent when I moved out of home by age 18. Unlike her friends whose children she liked to compare me to, she didn’t provide me with any financial support to pay for my university tuition, rent or buying a first home (in fact she refused to even loan me $10k for my deposit). While her friends paid for their children’s tuition and most paid the deposit or even in full their children’s first home. I never begrudged her for not being able to financially support me as we were much poorer than those families, and it motivated me to work much harder than most of my peers so that I wouldn’t be a financial burden to her. But it also meant that I had more financial debt and could not get the head start to allow me to afford to have spare money to send home. The guilt and shame I felt, as well as the anger and grief, was all consuming. It took a long time to reconcile the hypocrisy in my mind because I don’t have a lot of Asian friends and those that I do have performed their role of the dutiful child perfectly and couldn’t understand why I didn’t. The “mind your own business” and “don’t publicise your family’s dirty laundry” mentalities prevalent in the Asian communities really hampered my ability to make sense of my situation and recognise the toxic behaviours within my family, it also ended up alienating me further from the Asian community. I wish more Asians would speak about these types of experiences and have conversations about the unhealthy traditions we may want to challenge when they no longer make sense in our current environment.

Appreciate this niche content (that affects *a lot* of people). I will hopefully be able to source your book here in Australia. I’m not American but I imagine a lot of the issues/principles will apply to other Asian immigrants that have had to assimilate into other cultures, who have experienced chronic racism (often in the form of microaggressions in the adult years) and have lost some or all of our cultural identity along the way. I certainly find an absence of addressing that both in psych content currently available and in the understanding of the therapists available (in my area they are mostly white…). After a lifetime of rejecting my own culture, I now find myself surrounded by friends and even family (my partner is white) who has no idea what I am talking about when trying to explain the complexity of being a racial minority and an immigrant on top of my existing mental health struggles that they are better able to relate to. So thank you for creating content on this as I have needed it for so long. On a related note - I stumbled upon a Latino activist named Julissa Arce who wrote a book called “You sound like a white girl: A case for rejecting assimilation” about her experience as a young Latino immigrant into America and how she lost (then subsequently reclaimed) her cultural identity. I recommend the following interview in case you’re interested… I watched it to try and learn about the experiences of a culture I wasn’t that familiar with but was so surprised and moved to tears after recognising that a lot of the experiences she shared was so similar to mine after migrating to this part of the world as a child. It made me realised that while there are unique differences, the loss of identity and the internalised shame and even self hatred may be quite relatable amongst immigrants of different minority groups.

It’s such a brilliant book and she is so insightful. My family is so toxic that the situation inadvertently disguised my partner’s very emotionally immature parents (and almost all of the aunts/uncles/cousins on that side) because they seem so idyllic ‘on paper’. Her talks and books helped us identify the ways that my partner’s adult family members are immature and make sense of the toxic behaviours and patterns that have become so normalised for them (because it benefited them, so no need to challenge or change it). I’m Autistic and tend to call it how I see it (with appropriate tact where possible, and sometimes choosing my battles to decide to just walk away). Being a ‘truth teller’ has made me a black sheep of my family and I’m now a scapegoat for his family too because he has increased his emotional and psych awareness exponentially through witnessing what I go through and receiving insights that I have learned through therapy, these types of content and books. But because we are the only ones working on our schemas and behaviours, and starting to exert healthier boundaries, I am seen as the one poisoning his ears coz we are rocking the boat. The saddest part is that both his and my families fail to see how devastating it has been for us to be on the receiving end of abusive comments and being othered. They can’t see that our reactions and efforts to maintain healthier boundaries came from a place of desperate need to lessen the pain we have been experiencing. They can’t see past their egos to be able to witness our pain and vulnerability. I used to think that Asian parents are less emotionally mature and able to grow psychologically. But our experience have shown me that at least in my limited sample sizes, my data has shown that this is a universal problem but some cultures may be able to disguise it better than others (within Western societies at least). I’m seeing a paradigm shift, particularly in the millennial and younger generations, that values personal awareness and growth of the emotional mind. Moving away from the previous decade or so of only valuing career and monetary success. I also love the increased recognition on the impact of trauma (both big and little Ts) on not just the mental health but also physical health of the individual, the cost to the economy and society, with real focus on the longer term negative impacts. Which makes me so grateful that this content and the Adult Children of… books not only help us identify and heal from the harmful behaviours of our parents, but also identify and change the toxic patterns that we have learned to adopt unknowingly.

Hi Dr. Helen Hsu, do you happen to have a business/personal email? I wanted to ask you a more personal question there. Please let me know, that would mean a lot to me if I could express to you what I am going through rn

Here is the dog's prayer to anyone that has lost their dog it helps me and it has for many years:🙏🏼❤ A Poem by Beth Norman Harris Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the lov­ing heart of mine. Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between the blows, your pa­tience and under­standing will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do. Speak to me often, for your voice is the world’s sweetest mu­sic, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footsteps fall upon my waiting ear. When it is cold and wet, please take me in­side, for I am now a domesticated animal, no longer used to bit­ter elements. And I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet or on your lap or laying beside you in your bed Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I should not reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side. And, beloved master, should the great Mas­ter see fit to deprive me of my health or sight, do not turn me away from you. Rather hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest - and I will leave you knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands.

Yeah people sometimes don't understand the love of a pet. My ex-wife loved her dogs and I rescued an injured Dove right around Christmas I brought her in and she ate out of my hand within 30 minutes. She would do the mourning dove cries laying next to me who, who, who... who... who... I named her Ginger, she died in a few months, but she loved me and I love her and my ex-wife said, I was just falling apart, and she said Jerry its just a bird and I said no it wasn't. The hardest thing about mourning for pets is that you mourn alone, when it's a person everybody Mourns, when it's a pet you mourn alone. I love animals and I love people that understand the Love of Animals. I know that's a good hearted soul when I see they treat their animals very well ...❤✌🏻

My sweet Snoopy went home to be with Jesus 4 weeks ago today. I miss him so much. Snoopy relocating to Heaven was worse than both parents deaths. My parents only loved me conditionally. Snoopy loved me UNCONDITIONALLY! I know he still lives but in Heaven with my Jesus and my other fur babies. 18 yrs though, I see him in almost everything I do. He depended on me for his food, water, etc. He slept with me and now he’s gone. Sleeping has been hard. I’ll NEVER FORGET MY BABY. I love him so much. I just wish Father God would have let them live longer. We had an Umbrella Cockatoo that we would have had to leave in our will they live so long. I’m not mad at Father God at all and the only way I can rationalize their shorter lives is over population? IDK I guess. I do know my Father God would NEVER intentionally hurt me or any of His children. And HIS ways are definitely higher than our ways. So I know where Snoopy is and he has a new perfect body and will be waiting for me when my race on earth for Jesus is finished. I love you sweet Snoopy and thank you for this page. ❤😢💔

I'm grieving over the sudden loss of my cat so intensely that I think I may have real mental problems.

In memory of my love my baby my sweet adorable Foxy, forever and ever in my heart . Love you to the stars and beyond ❤🙏🥀💓

My dog Jimmy a Pomeranian 16 years old went to heaven yesterday I’m so sad and feel alone without him. Today is the first day without him and I’m already looking for him knowing he isn’t there. I know he was in pain and I did the right thing but it’s so hard without him…😢 I’m trying to keep busy but a night it comes back to me because he use to sleep with me. Just want him to be remembered.. I will always love and cherish him forever. Need time to grieve for him..😢 Thank you

Dr. LaWanda Hill's insights on the mental health challenges of high-achieving Black women are incredibly valuable. It's crucial to understand that success doesn't always equal mental well-being, and your discussion highlights the importance of self-care and balance. I appreciate how this conversation brings awareness to the unique pressures faced by high achieving Black women and the risk of neglecting personal health. Thank you for shedding light on this often-overlooked issue and for your dedication to mental wellness!

I lost my boy, Ghost, on Monday. He was an 11 year old white german shepherd. he was gorgeous, smart, and protective. I am so broken hearted that I feel I might never stop crying!

Thank you for this doctor. I’m currently going through stages of grief stuck between anger and depression. My cat wasn’t even one that I wanted, he was given to me so his owner did not have to give him up to adoption center where I know he was unadpotable. I decided to sacrifice my selfish desires and take care of this cat because I had to put down my baby girl only 1.5 years prior to this. I knew this new guy was sick and that he would have issues, but I never expected just how quickly things would progress. He had regular vet checks up from 10-11 years old no real issues other than very overweight and likely thyroid disease because of it but levels were okay until they dropped then we put him on hyper thyroid medication and that worked for about a year until recently. A few months ago he had a bad jump and got some knee damage. We talked about a pain management plan instead of surgery because I was worried he would not survive surgery. He was doing great, limited mobility but he was still my normal cat for the most part. The last weekend he was trying to interrupt my gaming time by jumping in my lap and I’m so happy I decided to put the games down and spend some time with him. A few days later he was eating much less. I didn’t think much of it at first because I was finally on the dieting stage of his health improvement journey. Unfortunately, I should have taken him to the vet that day but in hindsight I’m not sure it would matter. Then next day Tuesday of this week, July 2, I go to give him his medications and he bites me. Never has ever done that before. I got upset and ran out of the apartment mad because I felt unappreciated and wronged. I came home and I thought my dude was not happy with me because he was hiding and not eating anything at all really. I tried to coax out him under the bed but he was not coming out. I knew something was wrong. I get him a vet appointment the next day. He was coughing a bit so I said maybe he has the flu maybe his food is just getting nasty because he’s not eating as much, so he got bacteria in his system or something. I figured okay a few antibiotics and he will be okay. But I was blindsided when they x rayed him and showed me his lungs had fluid. I did exactly what they said. He was put on lasix to drain it. We waited 2 days between July 3 and July 5. I spent my entire Independence Day watching him from midnight to midnight. I was so tired that before midnight I started to ask my friend and family what I should do. A lot of folks said ride it out but my mother told me this may be sign it’s his time. I thought “that’s crazy how can that be he was just perfectly fine two weeks ago.” I was so wrong. The fluid did not drain and he only got worse. He refused to eat, he was drinking and peeing but he was clearly not wasting out any fluid from his lungs because he was still having a hard time breathing. Eventually he got so tired that he could barely move. But he wasn’t able to sleep a wink. He kept going unconscious with his eyes open, a sort of half sleep. He needed to focus on breathing and nothing else. We go back to the vet on friday, yesterday, and we do another x ray. Now there is solid material as well as 75% of the fluid still there. The vet said there is small chance if we give him some fluid and let him be sedated for a bit so he could rest he might bounce back. I said no, no more. He has suffered enough. I put my baby down yesterday at 2:00 PM and I’ve never felt so much loss in my life. I never even asked for him but I’m so lost without him. I know it was going to happen probably even as early as the day I first took him in but it’s such human nature to want to have hope. I was so optimistic the entire time and even though he wasn’t being himself I treated him the same and didn’t let him see me be upset. I did everything I could for him. He was able to sleep finally. I know I did a mercy and the right thing but how do I pick up the pieces of myself without a fur buddy around? I have lived alone for years, people generally don’t like and I generally don’t like them. I’ve told myself I want to just work a lot of extra hours until I can pay off some of the vet costs and then save up and get myself a new born kitten to maybe not set myself up for disaster so soon again. What are your thoughts?

I had to euthanize my beloved Clyde, my constant companion, my baby doggie buddy, this Monday, and I am grief-stricken beyond measure. He was 14, which is a good run I know. But our home feels empty now. My life was centered around him. I have cried buckets, and will always be grateful for our life together. That doesn't make it one bit easier. I am still in stage 1. But diversion, getting back into my routine, eating correctly and going to the gym all provide momentary diversion. I have never hurt this badly. I refuse to succumb to self-pity, but my despair and sense of emptiness are enormous. Is the pain worth it? For a dog like him, and the joy he brought to me, there is no question. Thank god for Mozart, my hero, who never fails, but even he is not Clyde.

I just lost my budgie Susie of 11 years 💔

One of the worst things is to "replace the loss" when grieving any lost connection or relationship. You must grieve and work through the emotions before you can give your heart fully again.

Thank you for your video. Just lost my doggie yesterday!

I never thought a video like this could really help me with the pain, but I watched it anyways, and somehow you managed to make me feel something like a virtual hug. It still hurts, as it should. But thank you so much for this help. Baby girl Sharpay, I will always love you ❤ thank you for teaching me what unconditional love is. I hope to see you again. Thank you for 15 years of pure love and happy memories. You are deeply missed.

So what this lady is saying is White's should not fall in love with a Asian woman because its yellow fever and its racist smdh

Long Live Rocky my baby for 16 years Maltese’s mix dammm I’m still crying he pass 8-13-2007 to 6-12-2024😢

Thank you very much!!

not loud enough...talk louder or increase volume,me

My sweet beautiful Cinder died a couple hours ago. She was an 18 years old Australian shepherd. I’m an emotional wreck right now, but these comments and the video helps. I’ve lost my father and brother recently too, but Cinder was with me for half my life every single day. We did everything together. RIP sweet girl, I’ll love you forever.

Thank you for this. I had to send my beautiful 14-year-old Bentley across the rainbow bridge yesterday. the pain that I feel is on a whole new level now💔

I just lost my chinchilla buddy of nearly 20 years :( the day before I was about to get to go visit him and see him after so long too. That HURTS. I am in the process of building a house and he had to live with my gf while I try to make this all work out. I am so grateful for her because she created such a deep bond with him and brought out aspects of his personality that had never showed before. He didn't have to die alone. She was with him the whole time. I feel for her so much, having to hold him trough that. At least his last years were his best years. But I think both of us are hurting from it more than we really think. It is very painful still. Unfortunately I think her wonderful cat isn't long for this world either. :( that's going to be rough. I am personally done with the animals. As much as I love them. It's so true basically nobody gets it. Even fewer acknowledge it. I certainly can't handle another loss like that. Especially with my human freinds dropping like flies as well. It's a cold, cruel world. There is light and love in it though. Very grateful for my gf and the wonderful memories both her and I will always cherish with him. He was so cute it hurt just to look at him sometimes. He would laugh, he would cry, he would talk in his own little language. It is amazing how intelligent chinchillas are. Anyone considering a chinchilla for a pet, make sure you do some serious research into keeping one because they are very high maintenence. And the loss will hurt ALOT. Especially if you take good enough care of them that they live to the later stages of their lifespan. You will develop a very profound bond if they are taken care of properly. Heed this warning but also know that chinchillas are amazing pets but only if you are responsible enough to give them the care they deserve! He lived to nearly his max lifespan but I still made mistakes and oversights in caring for him properly. They need a specific type of cage, they require daily care, maintenence, cleaning, exercise and attention. They need alot of love to make it that long. If you can do that, I recommend chinchillas. If you can't, please do not get a chinchilla. They are not like mice or gerbils. They are very intelligent, emotional, needy creatures. It's easy to 'want' a chinchilla. It is hard to give a chinchilla the care they deserve. Heed this warning because it is probably really bad karma to get a chinchilla and not take care of them properly. I will be racked with guilt forever for the things that I didn't do right. They are precious creatures. If you are reading this and are also suffering loss, I wish you well and hope that you will have a good comeback from the pain. Sometimes I am not sure if it is morally good for us humans to keep animals as pets. But st the same time, they are being bred and genetically mutated for people to covet them. It's pretty messed up. So if it's happening anyways and there's nothing we can do about it, providing an animal with a home and love is a wonderful thing to do in our time here experiencing this thing we call life. Just be aware of the seriousness of the whole concept. It really is messed up when you think about it. Fun factoid; supposedly the aliens find us humans fascinating because of our love for animals lol as we are allegedly the only known species that keeps animals as pets to love and care for. ^-^

My 17yr old cat passed 2 days ago. It’s been so hard being home and not seeing her. Wishing you all the best through the healing process.

I love this reframing.

"That part is not on you." I needed to hear that. Thanks!

Thanks for this video. Such a great reminder! I did make those assumptions, putting myself down in the process.

Yessss

You are so pretty and beautiful

My Roxy girl passed last night she was only 5 years old. She was rescued at 8 months old so I didn't get the full 5 years with her or more. It was traumatic and unexpected. She was fine eating and drinking etc her daily activities. Wednesday she threw up purplish but my thought was mulberries since she loved eating them and maybe a few were bad. She stopped vomiting and the next day full of energy. Friday we cuddled she ate we walked. When I took her out for her evening walk we played Frisbee which is her favorite. We did one round and the second time I threw her Frisbee she seizured and collapsed. I did compressions and mouth to nose but she was gone. My only consolation is that she left playing her favorite game and she was not alone. I am heartbroken but I know I gave her all I could.

Thank you for this helpful video! I have been struggling with anticipatory grief for a long time, which has intensified with recent health concerns regarding my aging father. Even before this, I would often worry about the loss of loved ones, even though there was no immediate concern for their health-thinking about the “what if’s” if the loss happen. I have tried many ways to help with this, including some of what you have talked about in this video, and it is helpful. However, this nagging worry about the future persists, taking joy away from the present at times. Do you have suggestions about this type of generalized worry/grief about future loss?

My beautiful boy Buddy. I completely underestimated just how awful it would be without him. I knew it would be sad, but I honestly think I feel traumatised. His euthanasia wasn’t peaceful like I thought it would be and I just can’t get the whole episode out of my head. I loved that dog so much, I still love him and I don’t know what to do with that love now that he’s not here. I’ll meet you at the Rainbow Bridge my sweet boy! 🐾🌈🐾

My very close and needy Dachshund, Luna had to be euthanized this past weekend. She gave us thirteen years of happiness. We miss her so much. If I close my eyes I can see her looking at me. I thank God for such a beautiful companion. She was diagnosed with congestive heart disease. My wife told me that the Vet told her that they usually last about a year after diagnosis. My wife asked God in prayer to please give us 1 to 2 more years with her. By the grace of God she lived 3 more years. We were with her until she passed and we praised God during the whole process. I still haven't gotten used to not having her next to me, but I have faith and talk to my wife everyday about it. 💔

I like walking but the people outside make me even more depressed. Also my environment is not safe which creates anxiety. I feel tensed when I am outside. I'm in danger zone. Prior this country I lived somewhere else where people and the environment was healthy. But due to circumstances I am stuck where I am now. Can't tell the details but for me staying inside is many times better than being outside unfortunately. But in general I understand the concept.

Nice video

Shooting a video sitting in the car is a must if you want to be succesfull on YT, haha. That one is now checked.

Political disillusionment. LOL

Lost me at internalized racism

Do you support israeli terrorism?

Thank you so much for this video. I lost my little sister, a Lhasa, after 17 wonderful years. She will be missed and cherished.

Such an important topic. Thank you for sharing and keep up the good work!

Binky my Rabbit died today I don't know how to cope without him it's broken my heart

Interesting interview. Thank you. Yellow is also my favorit color, always was. But I have no idea why. As for the Asian who left their homes and moved to the West, any Western country, that in itself is a traumatic experience. The East is not only a different world, it is a different planet! People can experience a huge cultural shock when living in strange territory where you are a relative small minority. And if the environment is not safe the trauma can prolong and intensify. This will affect also the children who will live in two different worlds like their parents do creating identity crisis. It is more comfortable to live within inner circles. But also social pressure keeps us locked in and stay loyal to our backgrounds.

I lost my sweet little baby Oreo a few days ago. She passed in my arms after collapsing 😔💔 I’m so sad … and what’s worse is i feel like i couldn’t save my baby , i hope she knows i love her so much 😔😔😔

You post so much great information here. Most of all you validate many pet owners feelings about their loved ones. I have had cats in my life for 44 years, and even though my baby girl was very senior in years, to lose her a few days ago has left me lifeless and listless. I still have a cat family to take care of, for three of them, it is their birthday tomorrow. Well, every day is a cat's birthday in my home :) But oh....how I miss my baby. Thank you again x