Leaning to show interest is just lying. If you are really intetested your whole being will show it, NO NEED TO USE FAKE GESTURES. No wonder we have fame media, fake politicians and fake communication experts and expers in fake communication.
What if they want you to speed up and get to the ‘central point’ but you have to give the idea behind it first so they understand it better and they just don’t let you speak
1. I say Let's take a break, but he keeps talking and insulting me. If I decided to really go into separate rooms (we don't live together yet), he decides to leave entirely because there's no point in being together if we're apart (he wouldn't mind if it's for some reason, it bothers him if it's in the fight) and he says Bye sarcastically etc. 2. If I say Let's stick to the thing I brought up first, he - again sarcastically - let's me finish, says something just to get it over with and doesn't at all think about how to change my issue Anyone wanna try to help me figure this out? I don't wanna stop trying, even though I don't really believe he can change. But bettering the communication might help our relationship. If you, the author, could please try to look into my comment :) I would appreciate it a lot. Here's some more details: He really cares about me, but he doesn't think of that in these situations. In general, he's often sarcastic and raises his voice only because he didn't like something, something I said, and he gets VERY mad so easily. AND, in general, he doesn't really listen to me always, he's impatient and interrupts me. Doesn't see and denies his mistakes. He's a very complicated person to communicate with
I’m a new mom 10 months I was out of town and he brought flowers and put them in a vase. I had been home for a few hours and didn’t know he placed the base of flowers in the living room. I tried to make it known to him I appreciated his kind gesture just my mind was thinking about a million other things. Visually I didn’t see the flowers at first but when brought them to my attention I was so grateful to have them. How to handle such a situation?
Okay on the "yeah but" statement. WHy is it hard for people to listen to the why they did what they did and accept their appology? I don't understand why explaining to the other their actions is such a bad thing. it feel crippling to just say "your right there is no excuse I am the problem" it feels really bad and the other person just thinks your an ah for doing it in the first place. Why aren't people accepting the things that lead up to what happened so they can better empathize with them? You can just promise not to let it happen again.
Lol. If you feel like you should be saying yes to someone ask yourself why that is. Did they come to something you invited them to? Then you need to make an effort to show up for them. Listen to your conscience instead of trying to pull this "I'm so popular I need advice on how to decline all my invitesSSsss" hilarious nonsense. Obviously, no one on this channel, including the guy in the video, are getting their doors beaten down by anyone. Let's be real :-)
What? No, you just say "no thanks, that's not our scene, for x reasons" Otherwise, why are you turning the person down? Do you have a good reason? Life is about showing up instead of sitting at home. It's almost like some people turn down invitations as a way to feel superior. But really, it makes you the opposite of that.
a lot of people here are giving examples of conversations with someone who is supposedly being aggressive or defensive....but I dont see it. It actually seems like its the people giving examples of how OTHER PEOPLE get defensive who are the ones being defensive. Just my pov at least.
I do all this, and it helps in navigating out of the conversation. But when I actually need to come to some sort of solution with other person, it doesn't do anything.
Right now I'm waiting for my boyfriend to get home so we can talk about something that bothered me in our relationship that is important to me, but he's always incredibly defensive. He does all of those things pointed out in the video. I was baffled. Watching this was very helpful and wish me luck!
Perfectly defines my sister and other people in my family howver the examples you used in each poijt was not accurate like a defensive person usually makes excuses justifies theur actions, with zero evidence. The examples you used shows the victim of defensiveness has done something wrong for him to hear this BS
We all make our bed, we all have our own fate, destiny. Everyone learns and knows things at different times, and we can't all expect to know the same things at the same times, we have to be patient with defensive people, all we can do is let them know we are there for them.
But what if they're attacking you a lot while being defensive? It's so hurtful when my partner does, and when I cry, he blames me some more, of faking it, and afterwards when he calms down, he doesn't even apologise. I don't know how it would be helpful to remind him that I'm there for him. I do it though, during the fight, at the beginning, so that he doesn't fall into extreme defensiveness and blaming
I really resonated w/ the key point of workability. You have a very animated face and it was kind of intense from that distance/ angle (said w/ kindness and candor). Thank you for putting out content!
WOW, you just described me ! Unfortunately, I am myself defensive , close to the end of my relationship cause i cant stop being defensive, no matter if i tried , its like at the moment i cant control it!! I really dont know what to do!
Kudos to you for being 1) able to notice it and 2) being able to admit it! Those are the first key steps to become less defensive. These are instinctive, automatic, biological reactions. The best thing to do is to continue noticing when it comes up and, when it does 1) relax your body and 2) apologize to whoever is around. It's as simple and difficult as that!
Write yourself a note about this and that you want to stop it and why….something for your future defensive self to read in that moment that might get you to quickly snap out of the behavior. Title it “(name), stop! Remember your true self wants….”. Then Show your partner what you wrote and ask your partner what they would appreciate you did or said instead of defend in those moments, write those suggestions on the back of the paper. Title the back of that paper “things I’m committing to do in place of defensiveness.” Laminate it and keep it somewhere you communicate often with that person. Tell them the plan is to try to communicate there and ask your partner to pick up the paper with the “stop” side facing you and hold it in front of their face as soon as they notice you getting defensive. Then tell them you’ll read it and try a replacement behavior on the back to test out instead. You can also ask for a time out to just go read and reflect and journal about what it was in that moment you were thinking and feeling….then share the journal with them. Whatever comes out in the journal is the personal work you need to commit to in therapy to address the issue at the root. Keep using the prompts in real time to help create a new pattern of responding and the positive results and feedback you get will help encourage you. You can do it!
I grew up with overly OBSERVANT younger sibling. HE payed attention to like EVERY little thing I did . I felt like I was living with paparazzi. And my mom did NOTHING. About it. He even kept up with things I did in the PAST And brought it up in the present
Good points and I watched this because I was looking for a way to describe my grandson's defensiveness. You should do this in a more fun way for kids and teens. This is great for adults but I need this for kids
Maybe you cen retell it to them. I'm 19 and I think I would appreciate this exact style at 15. Try to give them this, although you KNOW them maybe they're really young, not older teens
Thank you so much for this it's weird because I can communicate so well with strangers and friends but it's like my mind goes blank when I start communicating with my husband and that really makes me sad I'm trying to accommodate to him and to me as well so that we can have the best communication
Shouldn't we stand up to passive aggressiveness... " why didn't you flush the toilet!! ( grumpy face ) " when a 999 times out of a thousand times you do... I found my self being defensive in a straight up way. " cant people just ask nicely "
Thank you. I'm gonna take all that info and use it the best I can to try and improve my relationship cause boy do we need to lol Thank you & God bless!😊💕
