Hello. I take my hat off to you for making this video. Thank you for sharing your experiences. As a man, I found this super helpful. It takes me a while to get to know someone on a deeper emotional level before I am sexually attracted to them. Throughout my 20s I thought I may have a sex phobia, or a low libido. But when I had a relationship with a woman who was very kind and understanding and we took our time, I realised I had a pretty high sex drive with this person. Being 'in love', or at the very least having a strong emotional bond with someone, is my aphrodisiac. Now in my mid-30s, I realise it is a fundamental requirement. This has meant that, like you, a lot of challenges with dating. I have dated people who did not understand and moved on to other people, by which point I had developed a crush on them and had to deal with the pain that entails. Since I have only just discovered the term 'demisexual', and I did not really understand my sexuality that well until recently, I never was good at communicating with these women my true self and even tried to mask it in an attempt to appear more 'normal'. I lacked authenticity. I lacked an understanding of myself. I thought I was broken. I even attempted a couple of casual sexual encounters in an effort to break out of what I thought was a deficiency within me, which only resulted in anxiety, confusion, and shame. Casual sex is simply impossible for me. My body won't allow it. I began to self-sabotage and withdrew entirely from dating as it became more stress than it was worth. I got depressed. I became lonely. I crave intimacy and affection. I have a basic human need for companionship. It's just that it is extremely rare for me to be sexually attracted to anyone. And I've had my heart broken a couple of times... There is always a risk of getting emotionally connected to someone only for them to move on, or the relationship doesn't work out. And that really hurts, deeply. As men I think we're expected to have casual hook-ups. Find em, feel em, f**k, then forget em. But that is impossible for me. And it's not exactly common among guys to boast about how long they waited before sex or how close and connected they are to their girlfriends, right? I think the first step is understanding, the next is acceptance, and finally embracement. I'm currently navigating acceptance.
When is is suppose to get easier? Ive found myself to always be doing it at max all the time only to make others lives easier not my own. I cant just stop either cause i go from reliable to disrespectful. Reputation is hard to build and easy to destroy.
Great video. Love your explanations. I’m a fellow demisexual and I agree, it’s rough and gets tricky. Fortunately I’m not sexually repulsed, so it’s easier for me to get into relationships, but they usually end badly because my partner gets sexually frustrated. 🤷🏽♀️ Hang in there! I’d say it gets better, but I’m a bit older than you and my boyfriend of four years started packing his stuff after I told him the reason for his frustration is that I’m demisexual. Which I’ve tried to be upfront with him when we first met, but he didn’t understand or take it seriously. Now look. 🤦🏽♀️Another one bites the dust 😂
Thank you for sharing. It's a journey I'm learning to accept, it was my most hated quality during my entire 20s, and I never spoke about it, but in my 30s, I might as well learn to accept it if I can't change it. Hugs and love to you⭐
