Life Transformation & Healing Through Psychology-Based Insights Learn to understand and let go of the negative patterns that keep you stuck!
This channel offers motivation, support, and a compassionate, realistic approach to removing the toxic habits and mental blocks keeping us from living an authentic, fulfilling, and extraordinary life. It is time to set yourself free and become the person you were always meant to be!
Nena Lavonne holds a MA in Psychology and is a certified life coach, author, and motivational speaker dedicated to helping others lead more meaningful, joyful, and fulfilling lives. Nena also hosts a podcast called "Pathways to Happiness" which is available on multiple platforms.
I have too many clothes. They are piling up in the home and not organized. My escapism is going shopping. So I go shopping buy more clothes and shoes bring them home and then my clutter problem is even worse.
I havent been able to conquer my cluttered issues, is impossible to do, My parents are pack rats and somewhat hoarders and i do keep alot of things , my garage is full and i havent been able to throw away. I have ADHD. All my life I get extremely bored and hate it. I am doing it as we speak and seems impossible.
I hired a skip and then a cleaner to get me started. Depression l was overwhelmed. Then with minimal spaces....l can cleaner easier. I need support untill l am well. A clean, organised home is vital for mental health. Cosy minimal suits me.
🤗 I think you will be my next binge watch! I love what I have accomplished so far in decluttering, and I have found that different kinds of clutter require different mindsets. I really love analyzing what’s going on, finding the vision that will get me past it, and using that motivation to get me to the end. On occasion, I have employed negative and unhappy emotions related to negative and unhappy situation‘s to Declutter. Lemonade from lemons, if you will. The categories I’m facing right now are the ones I put off until last because they felt hard to deal with. And we have a family health crisis that is also helping drive me through procrastination to achieve A cortisol-lowering environment in every corner of the home 😊. I have used and number of the thought process is that you mention, but I have a feeling there are treasures in some of your other videos after watching this one. It is so true that sometimes the stuff drives the problem, and sometimes outside influences drive the problem, or a combination of both of them. In this last push, I will be dealing with letting go of the good in order to have the best, putting the pressing needs of people over a half hearted, desire to do good projects despite financial and emotional investment. Whittling down and being realistic about what I want to accomplish, and letting that guide the immediate execution of that product or whittling down the stuff involved. The memory clutter that needs to be cut down Is going to be interesting, and I’m honestly surprised, and pleased when I discover things about my life that I had forgotten😂 and was pleased to be reminded of! Maybe it will be as simple as a three ring binder, like I did, with letters of appreciation from my patients in the past. Having a mood board on my computer and in my photos is really helpful as well. Knowing how I want to feel in the space before I do the decluttering has also been really super helpful for me. I’ve also done the body doubling thing with someone else who needed help with decluttering, while I needed help with someone who could climb a ladder and help me with a painting project. Tremendously satisfying to work with someone else like this! This has been a tough summer, and right in the middle of a Marie Kondo style declutter, hurricane, houseguests, broken car, and loved one’s diagnosis came crashing down on me in the space of a few weeks. 😮 I have been praying for help and support, and a lot of people have offered to help me (but most of this involves decisions, I need to do myself). But I’m looking forward to listening to your videos as I go through my piles of Marie Kondo categories, and get to the point where my friends can come over, and we can do some of the physical work I need help with, and to put whatever remains back on the shelf in a minimal and artistic manner! Because my loved one is going to have a clean, fresh, minimal space for healing, to take a sauna, to take a nap by natural daylight, but with air-conditioning or a nice breeze from outside, And bounce on the rebounder, and I’ll be able to easily work on some much-needed sewing projects (but without the space looking like some craft rooms, you’ve seen online that are stuffed to the gills). I can’t wait!
Help! All those reasons for me - I watched this video a while ago; I thought I understood it and started to make changes and felt better. Then I was hit by a car when I was walking in a parkinglot - physically I am ok now, but mentally not so much. Things are now worse than ever, I am really frightened now since I am 75 and alone. It would have been better if I had died, I can/t stand the mess and resulting dirt anymore. The few "friends" I had are gone so it is just myself. I tried to think of doing it as if I did it as a job for someone else and am thinking I wouldn't want to do it. What is wrong with me?
Thanks Nena. Finally went ahead and chucked several 'maybe' boxes that I went back and forth on. Amazing how quickly it goes but getting to that point can be dreadful. Your videos helped a ton. Things that have value but aren't easy to sell. It will save you time and money to just dump them. Done... Phew....
I just came here today and it’s wild how I ticked off every single symptom 😔 I want to get into self caring again so I this mental exhaustion doesn’t effect me physically but it already did hah
Been watching mostly your videos on decluttering. I vacated my shop after 17 years and just became aware of my ADHD. Your videos are always engaging and helpful while using a gentle approach. Thank you
My direct colleage and slightly senior is very structured, with detailed lists (excel), standardised texts for everything and now a shared planner. I have to use them , but I hate it, I get lost in everything and I feel like I'm in a straightjacket, it depresses me and I don't know what to do or how to think of some other way(s) of data-/info- management. Any suggestions?
Hi There! I wish I had some specific suggestions on different ways that your colleague would find acceptable, but it is hard to speculate. Is it mandatory (currently) to do things in the way they have outlined? Is there another way that comes to mind that might be acceptable that you could present to them?
@@NenaLavonneUnfortunately, no (not (anymore) at this pace, I'm 52, menopause + ad(h)d so I'm just going to (have to) say NO, either to the pace or to the (new) tight regime with every month new processes, programmes and/or systems, thought up by others, and no time to.. well, anything.
I have problems with PDA and to-do lists (even ones I make for myself) trigger my defiance. Instead, I use habit stacking. It's fun to gamify habit stacking.
I also hate to do lists. I like scheduling, though. But I'm not good at time estimation (how long a task takes; I always think 'oh, peanuts' but any task always takes (way) longer than I thought
One coping mechanism that has worked so well for myself (and others!) was to start a monthly (2 hours) support group. At first it was in person, now it is on-line. ( since Covid) It has branched out to form other groups who wish to meet more often. I like to use all sorts of gamification "challenges" to motivate me to get started on something. I also use the "buddy" or "accountability" system with a a couple of friends, setting a mutual time, usually 90 min. to get some odious task done.
Do you have any missing puzzle pieces? I was actually shaky on all four of these for a long time, and finally addressing them fully has made a HUGE difference! I'd love to hear your experiences! We are in this together! :) ADHD SUPPORT PLAYLIST: ru-vid.com/group/PLkVTKW7Z-_4z6xKIaCmwEkFt6mhN19qM6
If anything, I'd maybe say just being more self confident, relatable, and just being able to self-regulate especially when the going gets tough - but sometimes I'm easily distracted, though it's not to say I don't disregard my strong level of intelligence and my artistic ability 😅👍
I should note that micro-aggressions are something that doesn't get the attention like it should; and I used to be soooo bad with being able to confront certain situations properly, however a lot of it could be past trauma and disappointments; but push come to shove: I often try to give others the benefit of the doubt. In such instances, I believe it is important to be forgiving and honest without being offensive.
I am very happy I stumbled across your video. I have heard many talks on the topic before and I was prepared to have my brain fried yet once again by the assertion of how my clutter was a reflection of my internal trauma. Kudos to you for not leaving it at that but trying to nudge out differentiated answers to the questions of what that ‘reflection of trauma’ might actually mean. I have heard so many appeals to throw stuff away when I am now convinced that it might actually be way more sensible to soothe my internal need first and that the letting go of superfluous things will then naturally follow. You spoke on this very empathically and non superficially, I really appreciated that. Thank you & all the best for you too! 🌼
I'm so glad you found the channel, and I'm very happy you found the video helpful. I've totally been there and do agree that sometimes we really do need to address our internal needs first. I wish you much healing on your decluttering journey!
CLUTTER, ESCAPISM + AVOIDANCE CYCLE 2:27 - - clutter 2:54 - - ESCAPISM 3:31 - - AVOIDANCE BEHAVIORS 4:05 - - 2-way street 4:08 - - research = clutter can trigger avoidance tendencies 4:29 - - clutter can trigger anxiety, depression, stress 4:33 - - clutter raises level of the stress hormone cortisol 4:45 - - can affect self-esteem + toxic messages 5:07 - - avoidance (+ escapism) can give temp sense of relief 5:17 - - it creates an AVOIDANCE CYCLE - - 5:22 - - this behavior becomes reinforced 5:27 - - VIDEO link in description box 5:38 - - short-sighted bc it INCREASES anxiety + stress 5:50 - - can cause us to lose confidence in ourself + abilities 5:59 - - 1 way is = CLUTTER begins escapism + avoidance 6:05 - - 2 way is = ESCAPISM = nothing to do with clutter; 6:13 - - avoiding difficulties or challenges we can’t deal w; 6:24 - - or are not ready to address 7:21 - - escapism + avoidance can lead to clutter 7:28 - - clutter + AVOIDANCE gets reinforced continuously 7:38 - - more it continues = more difficult it feels to change 7:45 - - GOOD NEWS - - IT CAN CHANGE 7:48 - - AWARENESS of the behavior/cycle is the 1st step 8:00 - - 1st step - - which way did it start? 8:05 - - 1) overwhelmed + defeated by clutter? - or - 8:10 - - 2) escapism + avoidance tendencies CAUSED clutter? (its number 2) 8:17 - - TAKE A SMALL ACTION
I hate my job. It sucks up too much time, leaving me little time to do anything other than what desperately needs done on a daily basis. Just trying to keep my head above water is enough. The covid lockdown was the ONLY thing that helped me get out from under a mountain of junk left from when my mom passed.
i have a cousin who developed with fault finder/overly critical habit. He won't admit of his past faults, asking me to teach me how to cook but always criticising what i did, he critic my artworks, crochet projects, and my recipes. That the fact he was take the picture of my own painting and claimed of his own. I well aware when he (probably impressed) he seems insecure, remain silent and start criticising and call my works weird (zero constructive criticism) (i will take it if his skills above me/more skillful to me, but no) His behavior is inherited from his parents, talk trash about what people do, lack of emphaty and surprisingly they always asked for help about living to my family anyway, Wow! The best thing i can do is to cut off their connection and block them forever from my life. These people draining my energy
I often live with a feeling of dread. I am also a master at catastrophizing..Some of this may be a result of some things that have happened that have left me "gun shy." Maybe a combination of that and adhd tendencies. Ive never been diagnosed but strongly believe I am on that spectrum. I wish I knew who to see about testing.
I can relate to this! I hope you found the video helpful! If you already have a doctor, you could try speaking to them first, and if they aren't able to do testing there, they may be able to refer you to someone else. I wish you the very best with this!
I have spina bifida and have recently been told that its really common to have similar struggles (particularly with executive function) as people with ADHD and ASD when you have spina bifida. I find that interesting, and helpful to know because I wasn't really told that when I was younger so all my life I just thought I was lazy and forgetful🤷🏻♀️ and I was TOLD multiple times by people all around me as a kid that I was just lazy and forgetful so it has really affected my confidence growing up and now as an adult I unfortunately find that hard to change and cope with
Thank you so much for sharing! I did not know that similar struggles were common! I'm so sorry that being told negative things has affected your confidence. Thankfully, this is something we can change and work on! I wish you the very best!
Thanks for the video and specially tips. So many of these points are behaviors my wife exhibits don't get me wrong, she does not constantly do this come up and now I know it for 30 years, I've seen this on a number of occasions when she gets in conflict with others, occasionally myself Pirates she grew up in a very Dysfunctional Family which I think is the basis
Thanks for sharing! It can be really helpful when we understand where this behavior may have stemmed from and what the motivation for it might be! It is not always intentional.
