Alex Dirdara | Tactical Charisma Coach | It Only Takes One Conversation To Change Everything
A decade ago I became obsessed with understanding social dynamics and human motivation after spending the first 20 or so years of my life clueless and friendless.
I ultimately came to the conclusion that the greatest changes in people's lives and my own, came from moving forward with the conviction of a clear, deeply significant goal.
That people become naturally charismatic when equipped with this conviction.
That's why I post a mix of personal development advice and social skills, because combined they have a life changing power unlike anything else. New goals and a new way of living requires new connections, social circles and personal networks.
For many it can take a lifetime to start from scratch, but with Tactical Charisma I focus on finding and making those connections in a fraction of the time. Isn't it time you started to enjoy the life you've always wanted?
For sure! It's just school doesn't really reward you for improvement, the final grade is all that really matters. In real life you can fail the whole time but still be getting ahead bit by bit.
@@mirrorkirby123 for sure, there's a time and place, it can just be helpful to realize when it might be someone you care about, as the other comment said it can be easy to be swept away by the argument and create long term bad blood
I totally get it. I have gotten in a few arguments that have made me feel like I had to always be one step ahead of someone else, which defeated the purpose of the argument and extends it beyond belief. Thanks for the tip, the easiest way to end an argument is to listen and respect the other person and their time.
Exactly! That's a great point, the argument becomes the purpose instead of whatever originally triggered it. We're not just meant to make sense when we reach that phase.
👉 calendly.com/dirdara/strategy 👈 Science-backed strategies to develop natural charisma by aligning your brain's autopilot to the goals most important to you. Book a FREE strategy session to find out how.
👉 calendly.com/dirdara/strategy 👈 Science-backed strategies to develop natural charisma by aligning your brain's autopilot to the goals most important to you. Book a FREE strategy session to find out how.
To add some supplemental info: prior to the event, the amygdala and prefrontal cortex are basically trying to brainstorm threatening scenarios. After you say hi, it's like a whole new system activates, your sensory cortex which provides cues through your senses. This basically puts you into the present moment. If you find yourself still triggered once the conversation starts you may still be in the anticipatory stage and there may be something you still need to let go of. Alternatively if your amygdala is too noisy, it may just require you to keep going until you feel safe enough to keep going. This is when it's good to keep up the small talk and low investment conversation like asking simple questions to allow yourself to feel more safe and comfortable while you're doing the same for them.
Yes, excellent idea! I had a similar thought recently. I've still got a few theory shorts and such scheduled soon but in the coming weeks I'll work on some live demos. This is really an area where demos are most important.
I agree with this Alex. Ive seen this happen in everyones life but my own. Im an introvert who never leaves my house (except for work as a nanny). I shut down in social situations. Any wisdom or advice?
Hey thanks for commenting, I appreciate you checking out my video! When I first started off it literally felt impossible, without knowing too much about your situation, what I did early on was start with baby steps. Literally I would just walk down the street and try to make eye contact with people even for a moment longer than I was comfortable with, and when I got more comfortable I just smiled at people too. I would also try to have little conversations at the grocery store or coffee shop, even making a statement like "oh man I'm still half asleep, this coffee is just what I need" it was statements where I didn't care if I got a reply. I also used meetup and Facebook groups a lot when I first moved to find people who had the same hobbies and interests as me and went to some where the groups weren't too big so it wasn't too intimidating. Some of this advice may seem simple but the reason it's important is because I learned later, when the mind sees social interactions as a threat, it's what makes us anxious and like we have to leave. By taking small steps like the eye contact, smiling, small conversations, it shows our brain "look, see, it's not a threat" and after some time, our anxiety doesn't see social situations as a threat anymore and doesn't show up in the same way. If you ever want to talk about it in more depth, there's a calendly link in the video description, feel free to book a slot, it won't be a sales call, can just talk and I'm happy to provide more personalized advice if I can.
@@AlexDirdara I like this advice, because thinking about it it's such obvious advice that while reading it i thought "yeah that's normally what you'd do", but at the same time before reading it, it didn't click to me that... yeah, that's just what you'd do. I work in customer service, and that's how a lot of people try to interact with me and vice versa, even the dumbest and most random comment can be a conversation starter with the right context or delivery, so it's not unreasonable to make a connection with someone this way (Even if it's just as strangers who acknowledge each other's existence), it's just a matter of figuring out if we both WANT to make a connection, or if we are just being polite to each other.
@@BW20532 yeah exactly, in part I'm trying help break down some of the absolute basics so people who feel particularly anxious or maybe even on the spectrum may find something helpful too. I have a Starbucks near me where the staff seem to be particularly trained at this social aspect, they all remember names and shoot out conversation starters that could lead to a little chat or just a one word response too, so it's like I feel the connection and also not obligated to get into a conversation if I don't feel like it. Definitely working in customer service would be a great training ground for all this!
Woooo!! Honestly such a great and well done video. Literally felt so comfortable and watched while i was organizing my closet. You are awesome my friend, keep making great videos❤
Yeah! Like it can be frustrating when 10 new people you meet ends up going nowhere, but it's absolutely possible for the 11th to change your life still
Thanks for this video! I totally relate to a lot of what you said. I'm struggling with something though. I get into these negative spirals where even simple things like reaching for a spatula feel like too much. Do you have any tips or steps to help with that? Thanks again!
Great question, I've defo gone through a lot of that too. Where I've been in situations where it feels like all my "wisdom" is so inaccessible I can't even make myself do those initial self care activities. Let me put some stuff together and I'll try answering it in next weeks video, thanks for the inspiration and let me know how it goes if you try the stuff in this video!
I love your approach on this topic. I seem to be having trouble getting back on the horse also and your videos are giving a greasy perspective. Thanks!
**Alex's Core Message:** Discipline becomes effortless when you clearly connect your actions to highly motivating, tangible outcomes. **The Analogy: Finding $1,000 in a Bar** * **Scenario:** You're at a bar and need to find the person who picked up your lost $1,000. * **Effort:** Talking to strangers (initially uncomfortable). * **Payoff:** Recovering a significant sum of money (weekend trip, bills, etc.). * **Analysis:** The clear, valuable payoff (20 units) significantly outweighs the effort (1 unit), making the action (talking to strangers) feel easier. **Applying the Analogy to Dieting** * **Challenge:** Eating a salad instead of a more tempting hamburger. * **Effort:** Choosing the healthier option (requires willpower). * **Traditional Payoff:** "Doing the right thing," "being healthy" (abstract, difficult to quantify). * **Alex's Approach:** Tying the action to concrete, highly personal goals. **Alex's Personal Payoffs for Eating the Salad (5,000 units):** * **Comfortable Travel:** Avoiding the discomfort of needing an extra plane seat and being able to fully enjoy trips. * **Active Lifestyle:** Having the energy and stamina to engage in activities like sightseeing and dating without limitations. * **Fulfilling Relationships:** Being able to participate in active dates and build a relationship that isn't centered around food. * **Inspiring Others:** Using his experiences to help others achieve their own health goals. **The Power of Quantifiable Goals** * **Simple Math:** Our brains understand and respond to clear equations. * **Concrete vs. Abstract:** "Living a long life" is less motivating than "traveling comfortably" or "having the energy to go on hikes." * **Effortless Discipline:** When the payoff significantly outweighs the effort, discipline becomes automatic. **Key Takeaways:** * **Identify Your "Why":** What truly motivates you? What are the tangible benefits of achieving your goals? * **Quantify Your Payoffs:** Assign a value to your goals to make the effort seem smaller in comparison. * **Make it Personal:** Connect your actions to outcomes that deeply resonate with your values and aspirations. **Conclusion:** By shifting your focus from abstract ideas of "discipline" to the concrete, meaningful rewards of your actions, you can transform the way you approach your goals and make progress feel effortless.
Those Cola commercials are ridiculous, except for children, no one parties with soft-drinks. Unless they're 50% alcohol!...But more importantly, great advice, and easy to try. I feel like even the best executed actions (working out, studying, learning a skill, etc) can be hindered with a faulty or negative narrative.
Removing myself from temptation or something that I know will be a negative influence on me, if I stick around, also works well. Can't eat snacks, if you don't buy any. And are you really going to go to the store just for a Mars bar? Or not going out with a certain friend when I know they will be drinking that day and they're a little pushy when it comes to others drinking too.
Yeah those are all great points! I've even been making some high fiber / high protein snacks that still have a bit of sugar from fruits and stuff and that ends up satisfying the craving too. Thankfully I don't have any pushy friends on drinking but I'll sometimes do something like getting a single shot vodka soda and sipping at it for a couple of hours too, if it's like a special occasion and I don't want to explain not drinking.
It's honestly been a weird transition to go from 8 years of close to 0 progress, to such big progress in 4 months. I've decided to slightly shift focus to sharing more of the strategies and telling more stories of how its going in the future. I'll be sticking closer to 5 minute videos in the future, I just got overly excited with this one!
Put the main video on pause this week to put out a little bit of a rant. I had to talk about this subject because I don't hear a lot of people mentioning it in this context. It's also possible it only happens to me, but I figured I'd share the story anyways!
