I thought I was getting better, years of work and therapy just to feel like I've not progressed a single bit... at least everyone I know thinks I'm okay...
I fell in love but ik nothing will happen bc im not the looker and well my character is not the best, love is a beautiful emotion until its an imposible one, love is such a beauty of emotion but at the same time its a roten emotion, a emotion so easy to get but so hard to get rid off
I once said to my best friend when she was crying: “eveyone has a purpose in life. And Sometimes it comes later in live, happiness will come when it wants to and you can’t control when it does come, But you still do have a purpose in life, it will come one day. But in till then you have to hold on to life. Life can be hard, but you sometimes have to just push through it. You have to remember that you are loved. Even in your darkest moments and times.” - -⃝⃤ 𖦹𝒜𝓇𝓇ℴ𝓌-ᝪ𝖭~Ⲣⲁⲱⲍⲍⲍ 𖦹-⃝⃤ (me) But i just noticed that I never actually followed that myself or believed it…
I hope you are doing okay and everything is getting better. I know it hurts now, but you have valid emotions and feelings you need to let them out or risk tearing yourself apart from the inside out. You deserve the care and affection you want. You deserve to be heard when you speak, and I bet you have the loveliest, and the most beautiful things to say. Not only that but you have some of the wisest words of wisdom. I was suffering from dysmorphia and ed. Bullying in my school and domestic abuse in my house made it worse. My dad cheated on my mom and blamed her for being "not enough." I dropped school and fell into a strong depression and dissociation. I isolated myself for almost 3 years, it hurt me badly. I didn't know what to do or how to approach it. But I stayed silent about it for so many years, when I finally broke I had to be hospitalized. So talk to someone, please. You're important. You're not the only one who feels lost. You're not alone. You don't have to be like anyone. You deserve someone who will love you, and will miss you for who you are.
Being a lover hurts, either at times or eventually after time passes. But being a hater is free. Villains live with a reason same as heroes. But have stronger will
my abuser was the sweetest. he cared about me and never did anything to hurt me. he loved me more than anything. But he ruined my life. he told me he had been stalking me and that he was so obsessed with me. at the time i didn’t think much of it but now? i can’t sleep at night. i’m always watching to make sure that he’s not around. i have panic attacks everytime i see him. he also sa’d me. i didn’t want it but he convinced me that i did. i regret it to this day because i didn’t deserve that. he gaslit me into thinking that i needed him and turned me against my own family and values. i even tried to run away from home because of him. he ruined my relationship with my family to a point where it’s never gonna fully recover. he almost got me expelled by starting rumors about us that weren’t true to look cooler. i got called a slut for things i didn’t even do and didn’t want to do. after we broke up he bullied me for no reason. told me he only dated me for a dare. made my life hell, again. now he’s got a new girl but i know the truth because i lived it. he is just desperate for someone to love him that he doesn’t care who it is. he’ll pretend to love them, convince himself that he cares and then he’ll ruin her life. it’s not fair how he had no consequences for everything but me? my. life. was. ruined.
You know life sucks when you can't even cry anymore. When the only emotion you feel is hatred or anger and the rest of the time it's "meh", no care, no feeling. When your family is dying and the only thing you feel is "whatever". When you sit here and listen to those fucking asmr "I love you" videos just to feel something anymore. "It's just a faze" "I was the same way, you're just in your rebellious years" "everyone goes through the same thing".
I tried. I tried to get help. I only learned that no one wants to know whats wrong. They just want you to shut up and pretend that your ok. So now i know...i'll be fine. Until im dead. And they cant figure out why. "She was so happy!" But ive been self harming and dying on the inside
Vent: im 12 years old and i know alot of the world and i feel like its my fault that i have a bad temper and takes it out on everyone i love now they cant trust there own kid and sibling i cant hurt my family anymore i hate being this angered monster anymore i always fake being happy and tired of cheering up others when im not ok inside. Im on the way to a mental facility but i cant calm my emotions good.
Man I love everyone but I can’t go to my moms or my dads not the school not anywhere without having time to my self so I listen to music to calm down or else I become depressed
i'm struggling bcz i'm trying not to cut myself again but everything is just shitty and i don't wanna wear sweaters in the summer again but it's hard i'm trying to atleast last until fall..
This is a bit of a trauma dump. But I ruined my life and caused an innocent person to not trust society (No I didn't rape them) I lied I fucking lied. And now since them I have a obsession with sex and I'm only fucking 13..I ruined 4 people's life with my lies. I've committed 20 counts of identity theft. I'm a fucking federal criminal. I hate myself. Yet I can't stop finding please in anything that even brushes against one of my hyper fixations. I know I'm a terrible person I'm getting the fucking help for my head but I can't fucking deal with it. I had my dad get my window barred so I stopped throwing myself out of it. (Not to mention I'm a gay kid in a public school in a fucking town with literally 6 churches just in the town and every single derogatory term is my nickname)
Trying to hold in my tears as I share a room with my siblings and I need to stay strong for them but I think they don’t care anyways. No one did and my friends aren’t the same after they showed up, sorry for yapping I just wanted to get some weight off my shoulders ig idk if I wanna keep going in life, I just realized I have to bc I can’t just leave my family like that.
its midnight, raining, I have my curtains open, sitting on my bed watching the rain with this playlist, wondering why I feel this way. I had resorted to this playlist 2 years ago, back then, I wouldn’t sleep for days, and when I finally decided to, I’d sleep for 2 hours, then the cycle would repeat for months, somewhere along the line, stuff got better, I stopped. I haven’t been here since then, that is until till now, and here I am, back at it, this time I don’t even know why. I had finally fixed my sleep schedule and myself, now its broken again, not as bad as before, but still. life is great, yet, nights like these I feel empty. Why am I saying all this? I had found a comment of mine on one of these kinds of playlists frm 2 years agp, it felt weird reading it again, thus, I’m leaving a message for my future self, and to anyone reading this, don’t give up, hard times will come, js pog thru it
Please send this failure as an opportunity to continue living, you may think your depression is incurable and the only way to get rid of it is by taking your own life. That's lie, it can and it will go away. Life is not better off without you, God placed on you this earth to make it better, I'm so grateful that you didn't die. I'm praying for you, I urge you to come to Jesus to be set free from what's tortmenting you. He's only a prayer way.
I don't understand. I actually started crying today because my parents told me "You're a kid you don't need to do everything for everyone" when i was still living with my bio mom she had me take care of my younger siblings, cook, clean, pretty much just anything she needed done. I've been full-time living at my dads for around a year. I'm still not out of the headspace i had at my moms so i do most the house work at my dads without being asked because i need to clean or else i feel like a waste of space and a burden. Anyways my step-mom just had surgery so i was prepared to do the cooking and shit in my house (which i had to make breakfast today and yesterday so i was right) but my grandma said she was making dinner tonight. I started crying because i had this idea in my head that i was going to have to be the responsible one again, and then it got taken away from me... i should have been happy, but i couldn't take it. I genuinely forgot again that im just 14. I eneded up making myself dinner anyways because im vegetarian and my grandma made meat thinking that i was at my friends house... nope, i was just in my room. Im not mad at her, though i was supposed to go to my friends because im breaking inside, and i need a break from this house, but my friend canceled because her dads working.
addicted to playing video games, get shouted, not enough time out, busy, too many online classes, too much homework to do, being depressed (the worst), I'm 6th grade and miss my friends from 5th grade and all the teachers, stupid, bad grades, .... (everthing worse in my life). I'm... very... depressed...
I don't know who you are, but I care about you! Keep trying you won't feel like this forever. This probably doesn't mean much coming from a stranger online, but still.
Just gonna rant here. Sorry for the rant, it's pretty pathetic stuff...just me upset about life not being fair to me. Ig I'm an attention seeker for even writing this. I sound even more like one for writing that. Fuck why does venting have to be so hard? It's hard enough to tell ppl my problems and society makes it even harder. Anyways, below is my vent I only remember from five years until now. I didn't realize at the time, but my mother was neglectful emotionally and often verbally abusive. When I was five, I had one friend who I'll call Mike. Mike was really my only friend in my neighborhood. I'd play out with him a lot. Mike was friends with the other neighbor who bullied me. I was a stupid kid, I didn't know how to deal with bullies.so, I ofc went to my mother. He response? "Shut the fuck up, you're a child. No way you have bullies" so, I sucked it up. A year or so of that passed, six birthdays came around, my mom one, didn't even invite my friends, instead she invited my older brothers. School started again soon and I had a classmate who I'll call lisa. Lisa often physically hurt me and would cry when I threatened to tell. I tell my mom, she tells me I'm bullied because I'm a spineless coward. That school year passes with now two bullies (school and neighborhood) which also meant I had no reprieve from the torment. When I was seven, Mike moved. We kept contact for maybe three months. He didn't tell me why, I asked my mother and she told me it was because I'm not good enough. So, I started thinking I was the problem. I quieted down. Stopped talking, and was colder to my friends. Forget to mention Im extroverted. My dad died of cancer shortly after I turned eight. My mother worked a full time schedule so she couldn't care for five kids all on her own, due moving states so we can move in with my grandma. Once my dad died, I became I parent. I started getting handed extra responsibility and jobs. My new friends want to hang out? "Sorry...my mom needs help babysitting again" . Long story short, those friends left me. This is fourth grade btw. After a while of being a parent, I start wanting my childhood. I wanted to be able to play with my friends. Fifth grade rolled around and I was at yet another school. I had to leave my fourth grade one bc stuff I can't legally say happened there. In fifth grade, I was frequently bullied. By now, I had a severe inferiority complex. I was convinced everyone hated me. I also developed anxiety that year, had my first hyperventilation too. The anxiety started when I failed a major test. I started crying in the class. It was hard to breathe and I felt like my skin was burning. The teacher wasn't much help. She just told me to breathe. That kept happening over and over and I became known as the class crybaby. I made friends o with a seventh grader, who know looking back, was pretty creepy. Had a crush on me and would constantly ask if I liked him. It was also about this time I realize my best friend was toxic. She'd manipulate me using the 'give and pull' method and a few others. Once I built the courage to drop her, she started rumors about me. And things back home weren't good either.my grandmother fat shamed me when I was a perfectly healthy weight. I stopped eating and she still shamed me. School finally ends and my 11th birthday rolls around. I start losing motivation to stay alive, I was tired of all the responsibilities and the fights, and the bullies, the crying over tests, all of it. My mother started calling me selfish for not smiling and wanting me time. Summer ended and I started middle school. My grades were perfect yet not enough. My older sister got all the praise because she brought her grades up from failing ones to c's and b's. I smile for her of course, I'm happy about her achievements...but I wanted my own to be brought to light. I told my mother and she called me jealous and bratty. So, I felt I didn't deserve recognition. So when classmates or teachers praised me being type of my class the compliments felt fake and more like insults. Later, I find out my friends are talking about me behind my back. And cause I hadn't leaned my lesson by now, I went to my mom. "So? Go solve it yourself." So I did. And she got mad at me. My mom wonders why I never share my life with her anymore. I feel like shit and want to end it. I won't, bc my only friend left is too important. But...is it really worth living? I just move again so no one here knows me.. Sorry again for venting about my pathetic life. It's not much band I know most of you ahve it 12x worse. I left out many things so this vent wouldn't be too long.
You're not an attention seeker for posting this. It probably doesn't mean much coming from a stranger online, but I'm proud of you. Genuinely. From that description of your life, you seem like a really strong person. I believe in you!! If there's anything else you want to "rant" about, I'll read it.
@@BellyTheGoob502thank you so much. Your word of affirmation...? Words of kindness actually were really comforting, even if I don't know who you are. Thank you
My parents complain that mg grades slip and that I’m not excited all of the time anymore. Well I wonder why. They complain that all I ever do is come and lay in my bed on my phone. I wonder why. My phone is my only comfort. I can talk to my friends, I can vent, I can listen to music. They complain about me being in my room all of the time but do they ever come in here and ask if I’m ok? Do they ever see me crying? No. I hate it. They complain that they don’t want people to make fun of me but they are the worst at it. I was happy for the first time in forever today bc I lost 6lbs finally and ik that’s not a lot but it is to me. Well then I tried on my new uniform, too small, my new top to my old uniform, too small, my old top to my old uniform, too big. *cheer uniforms btw* I have nothing to be depressed about. They have me a home when I didn’t have one. They gave me a family when I didn’t have one, well then why do I feel like this? Idk I CANT WIN OR BE HAPPY OR BE GOOD ENOUGH
“Well why didn’t you tell us?” “Idk maybe because every time I tried to tell you something you just dismissed it as ‘typical teenage problems’? Maybe if you listened to me for once I would trust you!”
