𝐁𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐞 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐝 shares his life story and Coming Out to friends and family as a gay man challenges. / bloosspringfield #gayhistory #comingout #gayrights
I came out in 1968, at the age 23. Boy were the times different. You could still be fired for being gay. Restaurants and bars almost always had entrances in back alleys and not visible from the street. I was even denied a rental once because they thought I was gay because I wanted to rent an apartment with a male friend of mine. Moving to West Hollywood was the best thing I did. I cultivated friends and family that stayed forever. I haven't spoken to my own sister(2 1/2 years older) since 1989 because she couldn't accept I was gay and in a relationship(which by the way lasted 40 years, until they passed away). Such is life. I have NO regrets. Only love for who I am.
Yes, l very much relate, Bruce. Being "out" as a younger guy in the later 70s early 80s was less definitive. There were so many consequences. The first time l had my heart broken and couldn't discuss it with my family just wrecked me. I knew then l truly had to be the captain of my own ship so to speak. I moved away to a big city and began my adult life. Since then l have never felt awkward, ashamed or apologetic.
I came out in the 80’s too. I graduated from high school and took a break from education. I got a job in retail which I enjoyed, then decided to attend a local college and work part time. I had 2 friends who I met through my first job in high school. A beautiful young girl and her friend from school. The 3 of us had great times together. At the local college, I noticed a handsome guy in his 30’s who was taking a few courses. One night during a break he approached me in the cafeteria, asking if he could sit with me. I eagerly said yes. We started meeting during break at the same table when we were in classes. He was questioning me about what I wanted to do in my life, and he told me he’d like to open his own business one day. Things began to get more personal, he told me he was gay, which shocked me. He just didn’t look like what I thought a gay man should look like. One night I told him I thought I might be gay, I just wasn’t sure. He asked more questions, I told him about my friends and how close we were. He asked if I’d like to go to one of the nightclubs in the area. I wasn’t sure. He said if I ever wanted to go, let him know and we’d go together. My two friends began to be suspicious because I didn’t want them to meet him. He was 14 years older. I finally decided to go out with him. He took me to the largest gay club in the area. I was shocked as we walked in. There were several hundred guys, all having fun, dancing, drinking, a few women here and there. I wanted to see more. We began going out more often. After a few weeks, one night he turned off the car as he dropped me off. He said he’d walk me to the door. I said o.k., as we got to the door I went to unlock it and suddenly his arms were around me and he began kissing me. “I’ve want to do that for a while now”. I was in shock because I was attracted to him too. He had just given me my first kiss. I can still smell his cologne. After a week or so, I considered we were now dating. I was happy. My friends noticed my mood change. I asked him if I should tell them. He thought maybe not. It was a risk I would lose them. I felt I had too. One night, one of the girls was over, we were watching “Love Boat”. I told her I had something to tell her. I couldn’t get it out. She said “why don’t I start”. I agreed and she asked “John, are you gay?”. I nearly passed out. Then she said something more shocking “John, it’s o.k. because we are too”. WHAT?. We talked non stop all night. She said the two of them would like to meet who I was seeing. I told my b/f and he thought this was the other situation that might happen. He agreed to meet us at the large dance club. My friends and I arrived early. They had never been to a gay club before. After an hour I saw him come through the door. I went to bring him back to our table. After hellos all around, the laughter started. We had a good time We started going out more frequently. After almost a year my parents were suspicious. One night the following spring, they came home from the yacht club they belonged to. My mother was in a mood. Suddenly she blurted out “John, are you gay?”. I confirmed it. Then the shouting began. We were getting nowhere. Out of nowhere they both said I had 30 minutes to pack what I wanted, and get out. Leaving my house and car keys on the table. I was in shock, but I moved quickly. 30 minutes later I was walking down the street dragging a suitcase behind me. I was in shock, it was shocking after all. I called my b/f from a pay phone. He said not to move and he’d be there as soon as he could. I called my friend to tell her too. She was crying. After half an hour, my b/f drove up. I didn’t say much on the way to his house. When we walked through the door I started crying. I cried for hours. We went to sleep. I woke suddenly to find his nose pressed to mine. His eye looking into mine. I asked “what are you doing?. “I just wanted to see if you were alright”. More crying. I feel asleep. I had to find full time job quickly. I dropped out of school and quit my part time job. I found an opening at the most expensive restaurant in the area. I had never waited tables before, but I had the manners. Things weren’t great with my b/f. He didn’t want to live with anyone. It was tough, I moved out. Things were hard. I worked day and night and went to clubs in the evening. My b/f and I tried to see each other again over and over. I loved him, but he liked being a bachelor. This went on for a few years. We were on the phone when he told me he had a new job. He hadn’t been feeling well and his insurance wouldn’t start for a few months. I was concerned, but could do nothing else. I told him I had a busy schedule for a week or two and would call him when things were normal. A week and a half later I called him. No answer. Called many more times, nothing. Started going to his house, late at night. House was dark, his car not there. I didn’t know what to think. A few days later the phone rang. It was his brother. I’d never met him before. He told me he was sorry but he was calling to tell me my b/f had died. It was sudden. Leukemia. He told me that his brother looked so bad, he didn’t want anyone to see him. I was in shock. I called my friend to tell her. She was in shock as well. She took me to the funeral. Closed casket with a photo on the casket. I felt my life was over. I began seeing a shrink. It helped. I was getting along better with my folks. I started dating again, but they were mostly losers. I met a beautiful guy, in his 30’s. Very handsome, tall, shoulder length blonde hair, frameless eyeglasses, and a scruffy beard and moustache. We went out a few times and then my life fell apart again. He had to tell me. He had AIDS. That’s why he moved back to his parents from the east coast. He was fired for being sick. He didn’t want me to go through what had happened to me a few years ago again. Continued with the shrink. It helped. One night I wandered into Tiffany. Looking around at everything. Someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around to face a tall, dark haired guy with a moustache and the biggest smile. He was dressed all in beige. “Do you see anything you like?”. I thought “why is someone screwing with me?”. We talked a few minutes, then he asked if I’d join him for a drink. I agreed, we had a nice night. He smiled the whole time. The following Monday he called asking me to dinner, “anywhere I’d like to go”. I said I was busy and asked maybe some other time. He sounded disappointed. I called him 15 minutes later and asked if I could change my mind. Another evening of smiles. We began dating seriously. My folks liked him, his folks liked me. After 3 years we decided to move in together. We had a wonderful time being a couple. After a few years he was offered a job he couldn’t refuse. But, it was 800 miles away. Both our parents tried to make us stay, but the opportunity was too great. We moved, picked a new house to rent. Settled into a new life. The next few years were hard. Our folks started dying, one by one. We were suddenly orphans. My dad was the last to go. About 5 months after his death, I started feeling weird. I saw many doctors over about 4 months. We were given a referral to someone who was a specialist. About 3 days later I was wheeled into an operating room so she could look around and find out what was wrong. I woke up in recovery. My husband was holding my hand (yes we did get married), there were tears in his eyes. He said “it’s cancer”. My eyes wouldn’t stop crying. I started treatment 2 days later. I was scheduled for surgery 2 months later. I was scared, I thought is stage3 cancer bad. I guess it was. I was in the hospital for 2 months. Finally released and started chemo. I’ve never fully recovered. It’s been tough. A few years ago I was diagnosed with lung cancer. That was easier, just radiation. It’s been a long road, my husband has been by my side the whole time. The day after Christmas we’re going to a little cabin we rent. Stay there for a week and relax. It’s been a wild 33 years. I wouldn’t change a thing as long as i have him next to me.
John, thank you for sharing your amazing story of love, loss, and love again. Life has its many twists and turns for us all. I am so happy that you married and continue to be happy in your loving relationship. Best wishes, Steve
The 80's.. Were The Best Time Ever!.. Gay, Bi, Straight.. No one cared.. You could be who ever you want to be.. Music was music! from Rock to Disco, Punk, New wave, Glam, you could dress up wear makeup be whoever you wanted to be. And nobody would give a Damn!! And most of all you could go to a club have fun! drink meet your friends and meet others.. Now you get shot!... And videos music made Artists and fashion. You could be anything you wanted to be.. (Amazing!).. I always ask myself if I ever had a chance to go back in time!! It would be the 80s.. It was a amazing time.. How I remember it..... We need to take a page from the 80's especially in our music today..
Civil Rights probably sucked back then, but you're right about many wonderful things that were happening then. Music from that era definitely stood the test of time. People seemed to communicate better face to face.
I came out in 87. I held no punches if you was in my life you knew. Lost some friends and family I get the mother thing. My mom was convinced she did something wrong.
