Full analysis article here with link to National Domestic Violence Hotline: www.grunge.com/611697/body-language-expert-breaks-down-the-police-video-of-gabby-petito/ UPDATE video here: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-b-pepchHnBU.html PLEASE SUBSCRIBE: ru-vid.com
Guys, this is nuts. The hyper compliance is weird. Her repeated apologies for his speeding is weird. The fact that he locked her out of her van until she calmed down is alarming. She had to slap him and climb over him to get back in her own van. He is controlling. He is putting her down and twisting her reality and making her think she is crazy. Shoving her face is not ok. This guy is a total Eddie Haskell. Why can’t you guys spot that he is Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde? His art work is weird. And him not talking to police is sick. It is so bizarre to me that you are calling this a baseline and saying there is no deception here and it’s all basically good. Or are we misunderstanding something here?
People love to victim blame and narcissists are as good at pushing people's buttons as they are charming. Him locking her out of the van is both abuse and theft because it's her van. They are in the desert. She'd have no way to go. He should have walked tf away not locked her out do the van.
I posted something similar. The panel's limitations are evident here. Their expertise is seemingly only for spotting deception, which in this kind of case isn't the pertinent factor. Yes, they were both being truthful, because their perception of what happened was the truth; she was blaming herself, he was blaming her, because in that kind of abusive relationship the abuser the and victim genuinely feel that way, but in fact that is a warped, unhealthy false dynamic that is usually obvious to those outside the relationship. The panel analysed this footage from a superficial, one dimensional perspective
@@chloef7092 how can you prove that dynamic simply by watching this video clip? Is it possible that the panel are simply trying to be as objective as possible given the limited information they have?
Everybody seems to lose sight of the fact that the van belongs to Gabby. Brian is locking Gabby out of her car. Brian is making the car dirty and disorganised. Brian is in fact in control of Gabby. Brian is super friendly and compliant and playing the defensive innocent party. He relaxes a lot when he realises the Police are siding with Brian and perceive Gabby as the aggressor. Family law simply condemns the violent reaction and refuses to consider what provoked the argument. The principle "There is no excuse for violence," always applies. I saw Brian as in control and Gabby not in control. As we say, "Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth." Gabby is trying hard but struggling to cope. The police seemed motivated with political correctness, this time the man had some scratches and the woman seemed unharmed, so they identified with Brian as the victim and the woman may given a restraining order. Brian did not commit to paying for a hotel room, the police demanded it. It suggests to me that Brian was rather cunning and manipulative, and not caring about Gabby. He got off by being super nice and cooperative.
Gabby was being abused, bl was “playing for the audience” as per usual with narcopaths. Unless & until you have lived/endured/persevered such an “arrangement” (because it definitely wasn’t a relationship ~ narcopaths cannot have relationships), most folks only see the glossed over snippets of what the abuser & victim allows them to see. If bl wasn’t involved in Gabby’s death, then he would have moved Heaven & earth to get help for Gabby. Not do exactly what he’s done ~ go into hiding. People with nothing to hide, hide nothing. bl is a textbook narcissistic abuser.
I was horrified when he says he locks her out of the car. It goes beyond that. He locks her out of her home essentially. She has no safe space from him, the outside world, or the elements. Truly terrifying.
You missed the crazy making manipulation. The tearing down of her work and self esteem, disrespecting her space and then punishing her for having an emotional response, locking her out of her home and threats of abandonment. Gaslighting her. Physical violence. Please educate yourselves and/or add women who are experts in this area to the discussion
Another example of men not getting it. Saddened to see the cops and these four not clueing into what many women see here. He DOES blame her, calls her the aggressor, and he says he’s the one who needs defending. They missed it.
@@dhurd4099 I mean they did have evidence of her causing abuse as well. They couldn't have known what was going on behind the scenes and what would happen later. They can only go by what evidence they have. I hope he gets what's coming to him soon
My career was with abused women, 20 years with victims/survivors of domestic abuse/violence. I also studied criminology & am qualified to work with perpetrators and I see Gabby's anxious behaviour as consistent with her being a victim of abuse from her partner. It's also don't think it's surprising her father didn't think she had OCD. She probably didn't show any signs of it while living at home as it's often a coping mechanism. Her minimising Laundrie's behaviour and taking the blame for everything that's going wrong is typical of DV victims, they don't want others to know what's happening or their partner to be angry. He however, is throwing her under the bus saying that she attacked him and he just "pushed" her away therefore painting her as the aggressor and himself as reasonable, calm and put upon by a hysterical partner. He gives himself away though when he refers to her vlog project as "little", surreptitiously giving away he true opinion of her skills and chance of success.
Thank you for your experienced input and pointing these signs out. Feels like these abuse signals were just swept under the rug, it’s important now more then ever to recognize and educate ourselves to what is actually going on in an abused woman’s body language.
All she had to do was tell the cops he was abusing her and all of this mightve been avoided. Seriously the cops are not experts on every single psychological issue and they never will be. When an adult is in trouble, its up to that adult to get help, no one can read minds and the cops cnat be experts on every human condition.
I think it´s worrying that she is upset, crying, hyperventilating and he is smiling and charming throughout. I´ve watched the entire police cam footage that goes on for ages, and he doesn´t once ask how she´s doing or if she´s ok. He´s too busy being chummy with the police. She gets the blame for being aggressive, but she looks like a girl at the end of her tether. If someone had tried to lock me out of my van in the middle of nowhere, I might have got a bit annoyed too.
Yes i also thought the same thing ...he only "says" he loves her. He doesn't show he loves her by at least asking about how she was?? Or ask would she be ok in the van alone overnight ???
Yes, And where she says in the rest of the police web cam that he grabbed her jaw - it reminds me of something else those of us in the UK will remember - Nigella Lawson's husband grabbing her throat at a restaurant. Horrible way to treat anyone.
Why would he ask her if she's okay? He already knows. They'd been arguing for days/maybe longer about how she feels. Both of them were clearly over each other in ever sense. Hindsight is 20/20 but you shouldn't criticise the guy just because he is calm and polite to law enforcement. Thats literally how everyone should be. We don't know the full story but at the end of the day, if she got out of the car with scratches on her face people would be outraged. When the guy gets out of his car, people say 'what did he do to deserve this'. It's double standards. Admittedly events have unfolded since then that tell a bigger picture but that doesn't take away from the way we look at the routine vehicle stop that happened a week or 2 before she died.
I knew that his calm demeanor was a red flag the first time I saw the video. It’s not wrong to be polite and cooperative to police, but he was almost too friendly. He should’ve been more shaken up if his life had been in danger just a moment before. She was clearly shaken up, he wasn’t.
Oh it breaks my heart. Any woman who has been with an abusive man will recognize this. The abuser always is the calm one when questioned and the oppressed woman comes off as the crazy one. Classic. She has been so diminished.
I can't understand why law enforcement isn't trained by having them talk to and listen to the stories of abuse these people have survived. The training with counselors and psychiatrists and psychologists is great, but it doesn't carry the weight that the truth of someone who has survived abuse brings. They are the bridge between those who seek to find and catch abusers so that they can meet justice and those who didn't make it through the abuse; those whose voices were dimmed. Survivors are the ones who bring those extremes together. The survivors are the trusting link that those who died at the hands and/or mind of an abuser, continue to have a voice and remain a link in the chain that will hopeful one day so this evil.
I hope the panel members will do some research on gaslighting behaviors. This is a classic abuse scenario where the victim/target has been fighting to exhaustion to hold on to their reality while the abuser alternates strategies to undermine the target until psychologically helplessness. He uses a lot of distraction, fishes for ways to influence the officer, and is barely masking contempt for the target (flicks hands dismissively, devaluing language choices), and is using a lot of minimizing talk and gestures. The confidence you noted is from knowing that he can predict/control her through manipulation and intimidation.
As soon as she said she could be too OCD that sounded like his label for her, especially since her dad said he never heard anything about that. I can imagine that scenario all too easily, she's trying to keep it clean since they're putting everything online, he was careless about keeping things clean which is stressful when you just got done cleaning. Instead of apologizing or trying to see things from her point of view, he protects himself by telling her she's ocd. I'm disappointed in this assessment, too.
@@amber40494 I also heard it when she told police she distracted him. Unlike whoever on the panel said it was a classic example of a couple having each other's back, to me it sounded like classic appeasement.
He locked her out of HER VAN! Not his van! That’s a controlling, emotionally abusive act. If he needed to distance himself, then he should have given her the keys and walked away. Also, her dad said that she had not been diagnosed with OCD. IMHO...He probably called her OCD so many times that she believed it when in reality, her behavior was normal. I was abused by an emotionally abusive man so I see many red flags in this video. So sad.
I was thinking the same thing. He has total control of the van and it's her van. He was afraid she was going to leave him because he knew he was being abusive to her. And they are such actor's . What's it called Dr hykle , mr hyde. I too was abused. People thought he was the nicest guy.
@@leeta56 I agree, “I’ve been there & if I knew then what I know now would never repeat or fall in that trap again! Young & naive she left herself vulnerable to more abuse & fear is why she didn’t dare tell what was going on! Experience is the teacher above any training but in her case wasn’t enough & ended in her death! Had she been placed in a safe house & advocates to talk to her & work with she would be alive today!”
Exactly, and she was probably having an emotional reaction to his verbal and emotional abuse. They cause the reaction and then use it against you and talk to you as if you are crazy and over reacting, gaslighting. He made it worse by then locking her out of her van and talking her to calm down. This may be why she was horse, screaming and crying.
@@jrs5784 Honestly, I tend to think she felt the situation deeply, having dealt with his control since the day before where the camping wasn't comfortable . . . I think she was hyperventilating realizing that the situation as it was would continue and perhaps even escalate, and she had no escape. She was so grateful when the police officer told her to sit in the police car and cool off, but when they put her back in the van with Laundries, I imagine things went from bad to worse.
As a woman who was in a volatile relationship with a malignant narcissist they have so many signs of a couple in this situation. She immediately blames herself. She is crying with tears and denies it. He is just way too cool in the way he talks to the police officer. This guy gives me the chills. I can’t tell you how many times he would cause a fight to get narcissistic supply and then make me very aware of how it was completely my fault. If someone interrupted us I knew there was a way I needed to act to get out of it without more pain later. Though there was always a problem with how I handled it. She apologizes way too much. The guy is way way too calm for someone who just got scratched in the face and was just fighting. He is way too accommodating to the officer and she does act like she’s in trouble with putting them behind her back. If your friend does these things and her boyfriend acts like your best friend. Have her come with you. The moment they are alone he will turn into a monster. My ex once threatened screaming to leave me at a train station with no way to get home because I got a hey how are you text from someone I hadn’t talked to in a few years. I actually showed it to him thinking it would be funny and he freaked out. The part where he wouldn’t let her into the car bothers me so much because it’s so common for them to use the car as a weapon. My ex started out saying “oh let me drive” in a gentlemanly way then it became a way to control me. He would lock me out or drive erratically to scare me. I hope these signs help someone get out of something awful. You deserve better and these actions are not normal. Normal loving relationships don’t involve constant heartache. Please learn what you can about narcissistic relationships and find a safe way to get away. Don’t confront them or fight back in fact the less emotion they get the better (unless they have put their hands on you, at that point you need to run away).
Right. Did they mention hearing her say ‘he wouldn’t let me in the car’ or words to that effect? That stood out to me. Also, I had an ex who was grabbed me by my upper arms and shoved me against a door (squeezed me so tightly it left bruises later). When I cried saying he was hurting me, he said to be quiet or the neighbors would hear, and that if cops came he’d just tell them I freaked out. I quote: ‘They’ll see me calm and you upset and believe me.’
@@sweetafton5655 omg this is exactly what I was talking about. We need to get better at seeing this because the victims don’t have any power there and they can’t “Just leave”. We as a society should be aware of how abuse victims and abusers truly act in public. This knowledge could change everything for someone.
My ex's father was a policeman, from a different city but he used that to his advantage too like he couldn't be abusive to women as he was from the same stock as they were :/ did you also find they were also good at buddying up with police. So calm, friendly and 100% amenable and cooperative. Leaving no physical marks so you look hysterical and probably exaggerating because nobody just nobody is listening or hearing you!
Exactly. If she doesn't take the blame, he will be that much angrier and she will be in that much more trouble when the police are gone. This is my first exposure to this panel, and I now think they are completely inept, because they misinterpreted EVERY SINGLE SIGNAL she gave that she was scared and that she was minimizing and covering for him and she most certainly DOES show that she feels she is in danger. The panel is saying the exact opposite! Separation anxiety? NO, men, that is FEAR. Chase missed the mark so hard... unbelievable.
I’m sorry to say, guys, you missed the mark here. A lot of commenters appear to agree. Brian WAS directly blaming Gabby for “assaulting” him. He never took responsibility in the DV incident, and his statements were also inconsistent. He shows a pattern of avoiding admitting culpability. He was also almost giddy when the police told him Gabby was being cited as the assailant. Perhaps his hyper-friendliness was a form of manipulation? A lot of women on here have also shared their own experiences with narcissists. Alas, I’m part of that group. Until “experts” like yourselves earn the signs of DV, our society will continue empowering narcissists.
that is so right on...i forgot about that and you reminded me...that when they were going to arrest Gabby , he showed NO CONCERN and was grinning ear to ear. But that wasn't in this excerpt. HAve these guys done an update yet?
He was just physically attacked by her. It's possible the smiling and joviality is his coping mechanism after getting hit with a phone and clawed, which is embarrassing and shameful. Why can't people consider both sides, why strip away half the truth? It's looking like he was responsible for the death, so why play off the fact that she was putting hands on him, which is not okay? If he killed her while/after she was hitting him again they could mitigate the murder charge down to manslaughter. I've been around male and female narcs, we don't have enough info to diagnose either B or G. I suspect he was getting hit again and snapped, the shame can build after being hit multiple times. If she was in fact hitting and scratching him, his anger would be building. It's sad they couldn't separate, and the whole thing blew up. That doesn't necessarily make either of them a diagnosable narc. She could also have Borderline Personality Disorder, we don't know enough to diagnose either. I think they were almost certainly both codependent, but the whole thing where she's either lying to protect him or clawing him and hitting him with a phone to break a chokehold is speculation. There are (at least) two possibilities here.
most of the women that met Ted Bundy in public thought he was an attractive man with a great personality, however I was really shocked at I think it was Scot Rouse on this panel that said he saw no signs of him being a psycho. I still think quite a few men think that women have those beatings coming.
@@lukea.907 Yes and the domestic abuse situation was going on before she died, so they really should have spotted the red flags/behaviours in the footage.
Well I hope "Part 2" involves you admitting that you were completely wrong and missed SO many red flags. I hope you acknowledge that you have an enormous knowledge gap when it comes to the dynamics of narcissistic abuse, and that you all immediately endeavour to educate yourselves. I hope you also apologise to the millions who are harmed and killed in abusive relationships, as you have contributed to the harmful narrative that enables this to keep happening again and again and again unchecked. I doubt that you'll do any of that, but I sincerely hope you all spend some time on self reflection, and at least have the decency to never contribute to this false, uninformed narrative again.
Perhaps we can all benefit from this teachable moment. Their views were supposed to be miopic, based solely on the human behavior they see in the specific clips, and they only analyzed a small percent of the full video. The way they speak to the visual queues, language, mannerisms, etc almost allows us to see HOW manipulative people can even fool trained law enforcement. This cop may be feeling horrible for missing the same queues we all have the benefit of having now; he made judgements in real time that may have changed certain outcomes (we’ll never know)… I think this video, and the panel’s assessment can actually help in the grand scheme of things. Also, wait until Part 2 and I’m sure we’ll see their views ‘dilate’ quite a bit. They were bold enough to record and release this when her whereabouts were still unknown so they can’t be putting out a video to state his guilt--that would be pretty irresponsible. We all feel anger and sadness about the tragic outcome, but I don’t get why so many viewers are displacing it onto these 4 guys. There’s gotta be a term for the instantaneous gratification-madness that the internet is causing unto our brains, geez louise… I really respect their work and try to remember they are only human. We make mistakes, get it wrong, but we can’t get angry at each other over the internet. No one wins or learns that way. IMO…
Both the panel and the cops missed a lot of signs (in her behavior, of her being abused and self-blaming; in his, of narcissism, manipulation, minimizing, changing the topic, etc.). Many of these are pointed out in the comments below. It would have been great to have at least ONE woman on the panel, or, preferably, someone with direct counseling experience with abuse victims.
You need a female's perspective because what I am hearing from you is very much slanted in one way. Some of you come very close to portraying her as a "hysterical female." You also seem to make lots of excuses for him and seem to get into his head interpreting what you think he thinks/feels ("he loves her") while your analyses of her are purely based on her external behaviour. I can tell you from years of experience that she is behaving like a women that has been belittled and is trying to figure out how she should be with a male. She alternates between wanting to show that she is strong but also not wanting to get him upset (maybe why she sounds childlike). This is a woman in an abusive relationship, probably psychologically abusive rather than physical. Also, it seems a majority of you are in very male dominated careers (or come from them) and regimented military ones. This really skews what one's experiences are coloured by, so overall, not a well-rounded group.
So grateful to see so many people saying what needs to be said. There's nothing "open" at all about Brian's interactions with the police at the traffic stop. He seems like he's hiding something and is more fearful than most white dudes at a traffic stop. Gabby is open and honest, and seems to become more relaxed as she talks to the police (someone who isn't her boyfriend). She's not erratic or hysterical at all, just upset-- and is clearly covering for her boyfriend. These macho "body language experts" are missing a huge chunk of the body language puzzle.
Someone save/record this video before gets deleted. This is a perfect example of gender bias and how patriarchy works. Elevate this to a femicide trial and you will get the exact same result: man empathizing and protecting eachother and and women being seen as the "crazy ones". This panel is such a bs.
@@aguedabedoya975 Before this recently took off with so many people calling out the obvious in the couple's behaviors, I was imagining that Brian or his lawyers would try to expand the clueless officers' absurd assertion that she was the aggressor here and pull up some self-defense argument. It's so egregious. And I'd like to see a true control video--hypothetical, because otherwise someone would die--with sobbing Gabby and a young black boyfriend who was just as jittery and word salady and had all the same mannerisms, responses, buddy-up attempts with the police. What would that police response would have been? Would they deduce his attitude was consistent with someone on drugs? Would they dismiss the eyewitness accounts of the slapping and go with what the man said instead, as these cops did? Would they fuss over and photograph the fine scratches on his hands from the shrew, as these cops did? What would the panel's assessment be? Would they be taking him to a hotel room for a little retreat night away and give him every benefit of the doubt? In the full bodycam video, towards the end I thought the cop was going to let Brian run the siren for fun.
I'm so relieved I'm not the only one who thinks they missed the mark here, because this seems like a woman who is desperately trying to downplay how upset she is because she's terrified. I have OCD, and people claiming to have it when they don't is something I've thought a lot about (because it drives me a little crazy). I've noticed that people who claim to have OCD do so in order to justify that they need or want something that they feel they shouldn't need or want--or have been told they shouldn't need or want. The story she tells is that she was cleaning the van and her boyfriend got upset, so it must be her fault because she has OCD. The idea that he would be mad at her for cleaning the van makes no sense, and it makes no sense to her, either, so she assumes she must be crazy. This goes right along with her trying to placate her boyfriend and lessen his anger--which is exactly what she does when they first get pulled over, saying, "I distracted him." She takes the blame in order to placate him.
Agreed. The internet’s fond of self-diagnosis; my-three-letter-acronym seems to be a means of defusing a potentially confrontational claim. (Not sure why dirt in the van would merit confrontation, but I’m not any of the people involved.) What worries me in this is the heightened state of her agitation-typically if I’ve been fighting with the man, the myth, the legend for hours or days, I don’t have the energy for floods of 😭, I’ve gotten my low-intensity seethe on.
Thank you for saying this. Exactly what I thought too when she said she had OCD. It is overused and she was saying it bcs she felt she had to apologize for probably what is normal annoyance. People, maybe even Brian, probably told her she had it too, and the illusion was intensified. I have neuroses that were diagnosed decades ago (not OCD, but I understand the psychology). Kids today say they have OCD, BPD, bipolar, panic disorder-all kinds of things that very well could be true but have perhaps become self-fulfilling. It’s also a way young people self-identify as they become older and are just working out how to contend with everything that comes with adulthood. Unfortunately it’s often the women that take the blame. Do you think Brian would have said, yeah, I have anger management issues? (Btw, I watched this when it first came out and the drubbing this panel gets is deserved. I commented how off the mark they were before the second body cam came out and cause of death was revealed. They really need a female on the panel or at least as a guest in cases like these. Their second video is a complete turnaround, but they should have junked that one and eaten crow and deleted this one and admit they got it wrong. The second body cam footage was released just hours after Part 2 was posted.)
@@Manicprogressive1 THIS. Why do they not have a woman on this panel? I've heard Greg say at least twice that women are natural interrogators because we're raised (or maybe hardwired--I wasn't quite sure which he meant) to read body language. When they're looking at footage of a woman, why not check in with one? Because I'm betting 75% of women looked at this clip and knew within seconds that poor Gabby was terrified of this man.
@@evieblessed Yes, locking her out of HER van. He's a piece of excrement with no job, no ambition, sponging off of his beautiful girlfriend, and abusing her to make his ugly self feel better. Now, he's most likely murdered her.
@@lorrainesmith.4995 I agree and im astonished to see so many women try to blame and shame this beautiful young lady. I pray for her family as it has to be so hard grieving with all this media attention.
Gentlemen, I believe you missed the boat on this one. Even to the untrained eye, this poor young woman was in an abusive relationship. She’d been bullied to the point where she was afraid to say anything which would upset her abuser. You were all so wrong on this one and missed the mark big time.
That’s because these guys have never been in a abusive situation with manipulation I would have loved to hear a woman’s point of view they were wrong on so many parts !!!!!!!!!!
I agree. With all their experience, diplomas, published books, classes, high paying clients, etc. They really failed on this one. Time to get a woman on the panel and reevaluate their thinking. Just very disappointing.
I watched this video and I didn’t see them ever say that she wasn’t in an abusive relationship, they had just barely begun to break down Brian‘s behavior. Their analysis of her seemed right on to me, and even though they were only a few minutes into Brian it was mentioned that his ring finger and index fingers gave the appearance of someone who had been exposed to a lot of testosterone, that people with high testosterone are more likely to be aggressive, that he was so hyper compliant maybe this wasn’t his first run in with the cops. I think people are getting hung up on the things they described that they thought he was being honest about, but if you watch them analyze serial killers they will point out the things that serial killers are being honest about. Sociopaths and psychopaths can tell the truth sometimes, that doesn’t make them honest people.
@@sallya7375 The stuff they've put out since this video is major back pedaling. I swear they've taken stuff from these comments and used it in subsequent posts/interviews/etc.! This was a big fail for the BP. Big fail. And that's okay, as long as they fess up to it.
I am her age and our generation often says “I have OCD” when referring to being organized or picky about something. A lot of people our age don’t even know the clinical definition, but it has become a buzz word. I believe that is what she meant when she said she has “OCD” she doesn’t actually have it .
Exactly!! I have two teens. It's a word that they use daily. Also, if you go back and listen she actually says, "sometimes I think I have OCD", therefore she is referring to her need for organization and order not a diagnosis.
Every abuse victim knows that when an outsider sees the abuse the predator punishes the victim for it. Gabby is trying to cover and deescalate so that she doesn't get punished later. As we all know, she still got punished later.
Same. Abusers are excellent at getting you worked up while they maintain a reasonable and calm facade. And you will cover for them because you are convinced you "need" them, especially when you are young and vunerable and believe love is unconditional and magic.
39:30 SCOTT you speculated maybe he took the keys because he's afraid she might drive off and leave him? My guy you put body language aside here, along with common sense. One of the first things she said as she's hyperventilating is he wouldn't let her in the car earlier. I rewound it 3x bc I thought there's no way you came to that conclusion. Y'all need to do a makeup video after you rewatch this and see how giddy and impressed y'all are with this guy. It's embarrassing. Fanboys FR
@@courageousmisfits I was looking for a positive comment just now and couldn't find one. It would be cool if they become aware of it and consider the criticism. I love this channel and it seems like most of the commenters do as well.
@@bcharlieee I’ve learned a lot on their channel. The BP are clearly at the top of their field. However, mistakes were made and it would be nice if accountability and a do-better attitude were eventually shown. I’m staying for Part 2 before I make further judgments.
I just don't get how behavior/body language experts do not, to a person, see their interaction and the couple's behavior as problematic. The 911 caller told the police what they had observed and that description did not match with how the couple behaved when stopped. The contrast between his erie calm and her obvious great distress screams controlling abuse to me. I smell a rat. I am a retired psychologist and I have seen enough abusive relationships to know when someone has been intimidated and manipulated into feeling that they are at fault, when in fact they are the victims. I also understand why the police did what they did, but I wish they had talked more with the dispatcher to get a better feel for what actually went on as it was observed by the 911 caller.
Yes! I also wish the cop who took Brian to the hotel, asked him a bunch of questions, and waited for the answers to get more information. Why did the conversation all focus on the cop's wife, and where to travel? More answers were needed from Brian. We miss you, Gabby xoxo
I smell a rat, too! Her being so distressed and upset and putting all the blame on herself. And him being so "smiley" and also putting all the blame on her. He is stressing her out and then says "look how stressed she is, lunatic". I've seen it before. Often the calm one is the abuser enjoying the situation.
Hey Mark, toward the end of the video she describes in detail to the officer how he grabbed her face hard and even gestures how he grabbed her. She describes how it hurt although it is difficult to hear clearly what she is saying. The officer is questioning her, asking if he hit her. So the caller that reported this incident to police actually gave the same account as Gabby. Brian mentions it to the officer a couple of times as shoving her but he is minimizing his actions towards her in his account of it. He isn't certain if she has said anything about it so he is covering himself before she has said anything to the officer about it.
She clearly struck him in the face. Pushing someone away who is hitting you isn't a crime, it's called self defense. If anything she should be the one going to jail but Brian minimized her assault.
@@DeathBlossom867 Borderlines tend to hit in order to provoke being hit. Brian made excuses for her, and minimized her assaulting him. He is a magnet for disturbed women who are addicted to aggression. He is the perfect target.
@@Cyndi159 Yes I completely agree with @joker34 and Keven Hornbuckle and you. Nothing he did at all raised any flags with me. Can't say the same for her on the other hand. She straight out the gate said she was the reason he had a hard time driving. I just get the feeling she is the cat and he is the mouse and he truly does try to stay out of her way.
...victim blame much??? ...there is no equality of actions when it is the power of a man against a woman. whatever she did is irrelevant to that inequality!
After I saw this video, my first thought was "this is a young woman who is deeply gaslighted and abused". But our behavior analysts suggest she was not showing she was in danger so everything is cool. Maybe our behavior analysts need more estrogen and less military on the panel because it seems most of the women picked up right away she was in danger. Clue #1- the severe disparity between her distressed behavior and his very, should I say, overly calm. In fact, the analysts seem to line up on "his side", not questioning the irrationality of everything being her fault. The only place where you seemed to show at least an inkling of insight was when you said he minimized her efforts with her web blog/vlog. He's so compliant he was one who might be talked into falsely confessing? Really? He was so compliant to mask how much he controlled her. If they were standing side by side, I bet he'd grab her just the way we saw in another video where the man held his girlfriend by the neck. You missed big time on this one guys. None of us were surprised when she turned up dead. Not after seeing that display.
EXACTLY! The huge difference between his & her demeanor was the first thing I saw and this panel didn't even mention it? How can one person be sobbing while the other is eerily calm? And - he locked her out of the car?! This is a couple spending most of their time in remote places. That is a huge red flag. She is not safe with him. period. This panel missed the boat on this analysis. They need women in the field. stat.
@@alittlesewing + Precisely! It's infuriating to see your comment dwn here while the guys are up there onscreen crapping on uselessly. This story has broken my heart .
Yep they have no idea. Saying she would take off in the van and leave him stranded cause she is angry. Wrong, he had taken her keys and phone and was threatening to drive off.
I really - and I mean REALLY - hope the Behavior Panel guys read this comment section & take it to heart. They have an obvious blind spot with regard to this situation and where the signs of potential abuse lay. It seems to me that, at certain points, each man identified red flags in Laundrie's behaviour/demeanor/language but then retreated into taking him at face value, mirroring how law enforcement handled the situation at the time. This culminated with Scott at 40:00 , (somewhat dismissively, I'll add), describing their altercation as a, "fuss they had," stating that he doesn't think Laundrie is a psychopath and even speculating, "I think we're seeing confidence in this guy because he knows this isn't his fault and he didn't do it and he probably loves her. You know, maybe he loves her..." This statement is problematic enough to negate this entire analysis for me, given that none of the other three pushed back against Scott's deeply flawed assumptions & assertions. Given that they indicated they're planning on continuing to examine this case, I cannot place much trust or credibility in their analyses unless they 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙪𝙡𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙡𝙪𝙙𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙚𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙚𝙫𝙖𝙡𝙪𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙖𝙗𝙪𝙨𝙚 and analysing abusive relationships.
The Behaviour Panel's overall experience has been studying/working with mostly men in confrontational/agressive/competitive environments e.g. war, occupation, incarcation, corporate, poliltical and entertainment. I couldn't agree with you more. I confess, my toes curled when Scott made that remark. I too hope they take our comments seriously, for it appears another woman has died from domestic abuse. If Chase, Greg, Mark and Scott don't, then what hope is there for all who suffer from domestic abuse?
@@pamelaearl7191 Ugh. The more I think about it, the more disgusted I am by what Scott said at 40:00 - I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt & assume Scott was trying to convey Laundrie's state of mind. The problem is when I go back & re-listen to that segment of the video, it really does sound like it's Scott making those assertions on his own behalf. At a minimum, neither Scott nor the other three panelists made it clear that what Scott said doesn't represent what they believe. Why, in the context of this video, mention that he doesn't think Laundrie's a psychopath? Are we to infer that only psychopaths are capable of murder? While I don't think that's Scott's conscious belief, I do think it's an unexamined bias that's leaking out of him. Otherwise, he wouldn't have connected absence of psychopathy to the notion that Laundrie, "loves," Ms. Petito. Most abusers profess & believe that they, "love," their victims; qualified domestic abuse experts know to ignore such claims.
Yes, thanks for your point. Those comments, simplifying and minimizing the situation are gut-wrenching. And in addition to everything going on, they've lost sight of Brian grabbing her face in a painful way and shoving her off, by her FACE, which I doubt anyone would categorize under "a fuss they had." Brian absolutely omitted that detail as he multiple times minimized his "shove off" as some little minor harmless act. Never mind everything else like him threatening to leave her, locking her out of their "home" where they were living, and pretending Gabby had a problem for doing everything she could, crawling across him in the DRIVERS SEAT to get back in to the van so she wasn't left, etc, etc.... These guys lost all credibility in this video. I hope they pay attention. This analysis of theirs is superficial and way out of their league, and draws red flags to what they truly believe. I wonder if they will have the humility to really learn about narcissistic abuse and the whole view of the domestic violence wheel.
@@goreyfantod5213 It is clear this is both a blind and weak spot Chase, Greg, Mark and Scott share. This episode must mark a constructive turning point. The Behaviour Panel must get someone truly qualified to address what is dismissed within all cultures world-wide. If not then shame on them.
Scott Rouse laughing..."He's just afraid she's gonna drive away and leave him out there in the desert.." Wow. Who left who out there in the desert? So many red flags missed here. Mark Bowden came closest to getting this right but as a whole, this entire analysis was way off. Especially when accessing Brian. Ugh....😔
How wrong y’all got this one and this goes hand in hand with the police getting it wrong. What they all have in common is their gender. All these highly skilled men could Not recognize a woman in obvious distress , that is shocking. And shows how men if they want to be taken seriously in these professions need to educate themselves on domesticated violence and coercive control. Brian Laundrie played you all like a fiddle . A total Disaster for everyone involved.
According to Gabby’s only friend, Brian was a controlling and jealous partner who didn’t want her to socialize with others; stole her ID so she couldn’t hang out with her friend, and made her delete a tracking app so her friend can’t locate her.
Yeahhh, why would a friend want you to install a tracking app unless she was concerned? You can instantly share your location with google maps, so why use a tracking app? She knew something was up. There's a fine line between minding your own business and not intervening at the right time, it's a super tough call to make.
I am a retired police officer from London, England and I specialised in sexual offences and domestic violence. The young ladies behaviour reminds me of the behaviour l had witnessed on many occasions where an abused person would deflect attention away from themselves and also take the blame but also be very aware of what the other person involved would be thinking and how they will react to this incident afterwards I.e assault etc. I have seen snippets on the news but I know nothing else about it
I was in an abusive relationship and used to do the same thing..I knew hed hurt me later on, if I didnt take the blame, it became a part of me, instilled within me..but hed still harm me, afterwards because his ego couldn't handle being questioned by anyone ,especially cops...
An overly distressed woman who constantly apologizes, takes all the blame is a huge red flag on itself. If they would have listened instead and asked more tactical questions she might have told.
thank you for that ...i wonder how the body language interpreters do not touch at all on that ...I know what you are referring to ..and i have seen it so much in my life and in my work as a teacher and counselor. And this is so important for folks to realize that potential possibility .
I'm still stunned and just can't stop thinking about this video. It's incredible that all 4 men have apparently fallen for Laundrie's 'nicest guy in the world' persona. These abusers all have such a similar playbooks and it appears that those tactics really can fool anybody. Another, not so surprising element here, is the devastating number of comments from people who have escaped, or are still in dangerously abusive relationships. To everyone here, I feel you and see you all 💕 It's beyond sad that so many abusers will continue to get away with the abuse because their gaslighting con-job tactics are not recognised and continue to suck people in. Society, as a whole, must do better.
You would think an idiot would see the gaslightning and narcissistic abuse. He showed no fear, distress and emotion either which he would have if he was the one who was abused, he seemed calm, cold and totally in charge of the situation and very happy that no one seemed to be suspecting him but the girl getting the blame. She on the other hand totally behaved like an abuse victim in bad distress (specially as a victim of gaslightning), she definitely was not the one who had the power or was in charge. Are these people blind or.
I was married to a psychopathic narcissist, he even tried to kill me. Laundrie didn’t display any of the signs or body language that I’ve witnessed in my abuser and other abusers. The entire situation is a tragedy and if he did kill her I doubt it was intentional. I’ll be the first to say that men killing their partners is an epidemic in the United States but I don’t believe Laundrie was an abuser.
It’s very evident each one of you have an enormous amount of education, experience, and research under your belt. However, if you want to reach and relate to people on this topic, PLEASE include a FEMALE perspective. It’s really crucial! I will gladly sign up. I’m a board certified behavior analyst that can provide another glance into this analysis.
what is the purpose of having a female behavior analyst? wouldn't all expert behavior analysts have roughly the same analysis? are you saying you disagree with what they say in the video?
Watch you all the time. Usually in full agreement. But, I think you need to add a woman (professional) to your behavior panel. It's clear in this particular analysis that you aren't well educated when it comes to domestic violence and abused women. Abused here both physically and emotionally. An abused woman gets so indoctrinated by her abuser to believe EVERYTHING is her fault. Count how many times Gabby is apologizing "for everything" even confessing to the officer that she had "already apologized to him earlier while cleaning up" she says. (Like it's just an everyday occurrence. I'm sorry,...I'm sorry...I'm sorry.) You know? You hit a puppy enough for doing nothing, it'll cower in fear, being compliant constantly, while doing nothing. Well, she's dead now. He's on the run. If these officer's had been more in tune with domestic violence in women, how they act, how they even protect their abuser, they would've taken them in. But she, in this abused state most assuredly would have conceded fault and been released, and we would still end up where we are today. So, so sad.
Chillingly makes me remember that Jeffrey Dalmer also claimed to the police called by his neighbore that his "emotional" boyfriend and he were having a fight. Later, the guy was killed.
YES! I was thinking the same thing. THEY need to add a woman or two to their panels. Just alone the "moving her hair back" is because of "grooming" or "perception" or "heat" made me a bit mad. People with long hair will do that just to get it out of the way. I know they are professionals in their field but a woman is highly needed for cases like these
Absolutely! I was thinking the misogyny in this video is just depressing. When the one guy says, "Tell a woman to calm down and that's the quickest way to get her angry." I am paraphrasing but something like that. That is such a typical misogynistic comment. Tell anyone, male or female to "calm down" in a patronizing tone is going to make anyone upset, male or female.
You guys have missed so many red flags. This guy is the classic act of a domestic abuser. Trying to minimize the situation and acting like Mr. Goody Two-Shoes and portraying Gabby as unstable and needed to take time out. He’s a insecure, jealous and doesn’t want her to be successful, because then someday she will leave his worthless ass.
I totally agree with you!!! Just listened to the 911 call about the Gabby and Brian fight outside the organic coop. The caller specifically says that the guy was hitting the girl. Not sure if these guys had listened to the 911 call before this discussion......guess obviously not. But even without that call i feel as though this panel is just as swayed by Brian as the cops were ?? I just don't understand ?? I feel I see right through Brian..
@@persephonerulestheunderwor5188 Me too. The question now is will they get themselves an education in narcissistic abuse or just continue on, self satisfied.
Agreed! I was shocked by how they read Brian as calm and friendly. Maybe they need to bring in a female panelist for perspective or do some more research on abuse and gaslighting.
I don't think Brian threw the keys to the officer, I think he passed them to Gabby who handed them on. Gabby is overly compliant because she is used to being abused, and that is one way to avoid some of the abuse. Brian, on the other hand, is overly compliant because he knows he can't afford to have the police search the van, or perhaps run him for wants and warrants. I see a lot of "heads I win, tails you lose" in his behaviour, with things like locking the van and walking away with the keys. I don't like how you're behaving, so you can just go sit in a corner and wait until I decide to let you exist again. No food, no drink, no electronics. . . That's not a boyfriend, that's an abuser.
His excessive compliance and constant apologies reminds me of an “Eddie Haskel” type. You are right he probably didn’t want them searching the van or something. Or maybe his wounds were from her trying to get out of his choke hold and he didn’t want them looking too closely at them.
@@Mairzydotes007 @FogWeaver Agreed with you both. Just wanted to add, does anyone know if Brian has any prior convictions? My ex was convicted felon and in the system for years. After seeing him deal with cops/probation year after year, Brian's behavior almost mirror's my ex's with the cops. It's like a switch, learned behavior.
I'm going to disagree with you here. First, hindsight is 20/20 - we know *now* that she was abused - but it wasn't as blatantly obvious at the time as people are now (conveniently) claiming. Second, I've identified abused women many times in my job. I'm a woman, I'm a physician, I've dealt with abuse cases and I've also been abused. For God's sake, my ex- left me on an island overnight in an area endemic for bears and wolves, so that I could "think about what I'd done." And that's just what I'd be willing to say here! Now unquestionably it turns-out that the dude has a propensity for violence - again, hindsight makes a difference. At this point, though? This is fairly classic pattern I see with couples fighting - I think the police would agree - and in fact, the female is often initially the aggressor, as seems to be the case here. I've seen plenty of women hit men right in my office, whereas I've yet to see a man hit a woman in front of me. I'm not suggesting men don't hit women - they clearly do, and when they do, they care obviously inflict more damage - I'm suggesting that women don't see it as a big deal to hit their partner in public - after all, they'll say, "It's not like I hurt him." Do I think he's controlling? I do. There are signs of this here already - for eg. locking her out of the car until she "calms down." He might be narcissistic; there's not enough here on its own for me to say. I do think he was probably emotionally abusive to her - I'm not sure what role she played in that, and it would be crass to analyze the faults of someone who's now dead. I will say that, to me, it's far from obvious - as you suggest - that this is a classic portrait of an "abused woman. Unfortunately, your comment can't carry much weight, since you're penning it with the knowledge that he killed her. We can't "unknow" things we know - I'm suggesting that your opinion is being influenced by what you now know. If you saw this sort of encounter on a regular, weekly basis, you might be less-likely to see all kinds of red flags. Just something to consider. Cheers.
@@Lionforaday You disagree that experts ought to receive more training to spot signs BEFORE hindsight becomes relevant? Did you do anything to "play a role" in your ex deliberately putting you in danger? If anything, your comment proves that even female medical professionals are willing to overlook domestic violence when it's occurring (literally) right in front of their faces. It seems you tend to prefer the idea of women being abusers or "playing a role" in their abuse, even then, the men being slapped around by their girlfriends are also being abused. No intervention in those cases also perpetuates the problem. We as a society would love to pretend that random dudes (or women) emotionally abuse or murder their partners out of the blue because the victim burnt the morning toast, or they had a bad day at work. It makes us feel better, less negligent. However, it's very generally not the case--they are OVERWHELMINGLY malignant narcissists or people with antisocial personality disorder, exercising a dynamic called "coercive control," and often repeat offenders. Check your biases and learn the very-subtle-but-distinct constellation of signs. Things won't change until we stop the minimization.
@@Lionforaday i agree. hindsight is always 20/20. i guarantee most of the people who say this was a "clear-cut" scenario won't be so sure when presented with a current scenario where no one dies. there are definitely suspicious signs, like her being super emotional, her getting locked out of the car, reports of her being slapped, etc. cops would've benefitted from having more exposure to abuse behaviours and cases. but hypothetically, even if the guy was detained/arrested in the video, they would've just gotten back together when he was free, and the co-dependent/unhealthy relationship would've just continued. the only way things would've changed would be with an intervention. sitting both of them down, having a restraining order on one of them, and forcing them apart for their own good.
@@trawlins396 actually, if you looked back on the older comments, everyone was calling them out BEFORE she was found dead. Myself included, in this very comment section. We knew. It’s not our problem that you and this panel got it so wrong, and are now trying to save face.
I really think you guys have missed a lot of things here. Makes me wonder if narcissistic traits and mental abuse were taken into account on this one, because I really see a lot of similarity to my own experience in my relationship with a narcissist. I wrote this on another video, but I think it belongs here as well. Another thing I noticed when he was explaining the incident at the café, which I often experienced in my own mentally abusive relationship - he says he started being loud to make her calm down and to be like "look everybody's watching" - classic narcissist manipulation tactics. Bring the focus to her and make it look as though she is crazy in front of other people, and to make her FEEL crazy in order to manipulate her into submission. Also, the state of the van in the bodycam footage in comparison with the previous videos, and the fact that she was saying "sometimes feels like I have OCD" (she didn't actually say I have OCD as if she had been diagnosed, but as if it's the way she perceives herself) and continues on to say she was cleaning and tidying the van before the altercation. I think there's a reason she made a point of mentioning that, if you look at the back of the van in the bodycam footage (you can find this on news sites) it is in complete disarray, as if someone had completely trashed it. I wonder if he flipped his lid at her being overly tidy and probably taking too long on her website in the cafe and then again when she's tidying the van, as he mentioned a few times that they were trying to get away to go hiking and "we still might go hiking", which is strange considering the time stamp on the bodycam, seems a bit late for that. Narcissists always look the "nice guy" to the outside, they're very convincing at showing a facade of an open and friendly person. And the person on the recieving end of the abuse behind closed doors often protects them in order to avoid scrutiny and altercations when they're alone again. Also, the 911 call witness didn't say he pushed her, he said he slapped and hit her. This doesn't line up with his story and in this clip you say you don't see any deception there, there clearly was a lot of deception. I see this was a couple days ago though, so that information may have not been available when this was filmed. Just goes to show narcissists can fool anyone.
I agree with you guys too. I’ve been exposed to the f*ckery of the narcissist myself. The panelists, however, are not trained psychologists, or psychiatrists with the needed specialization to speak to narcissistic or toxic patterns or manipulations. Chase did pick up on Brian’s devaluation of Gabby’s ambitions (the “little” blog), which was a telling slip of his ‘nice guy’ mask. Greg Hartley at least did say that these relationships don’t end well… They really limited the discussion to subconscious body language in relation to the stress of being pulled over.
I see a narcissist skillfully B.S. his way out of a situation by acting calm with an authority figure. Of course he's compliant. Narcissists know how to play so many games. I was married to one for 17 years. I see a young girl who doesn't realize she's a battered woman. He has her convinced that she's "crazy' "OCD" and a myriad of other things I'm sure. This reminds me why narcs are always so successful. SMH.
Except he is the one who was assaulted, who has bloody scratch marks on his face and his arm (and upper arm)… which she admitted to causing. In the end the police by law were required to give her a citation as being the assaulter, to separate them physically for a minimum of time, and he was considered the victim. You will see all this if you watch the entire bodycam video
I think it's very telling when you have groups of women in the comments telling you how obviously there were signs of emotional abuse and just a bunch of dudes who call themselves professionals missed over it completely. As someone who was raised in homes with abusive partners to my mother and grew up only to get into an emotionally abuse relationship for 7 years; i completely see myself in Gabby during this exchange. It's so incredibly infuriating and upsetting to hear some of the comments these guys made. I'm glad I'm not the only one to have felt this way.
Counterpoint- they're just analyzing the tape. That he may have ultimately killed her doesn't mean that there were signs here that were missed. That's the mistake I keep seeing people make- not everything is like a novel where there are little hints/clues dropped everywhere that predict the future or encapsulate the entirety of someone's personality or the dynamic or a relationship. We are seeing a snapshot in time. It is possible that he murdered her days later, and that he isn't a narcissist, she isn't OCD, etc. They could just be 2 relatively normal people whose relationship broke down and he snapped and made a terrible mistake in a moment. To be clear- I'm not excusing anything or implying that it would diminish his guilt. I'm saying that the online amateur psychologists want to see certain personality disorders, traits, etc. and read that into things so we can make sense of terrible situations. The women are doing it a lot, and so are the guys. People are not 100% good or bad. She could've freaked out on him and gotten physical with him. He could be annoyed by her and demeaning about her new blogging profession. There's lot of "blame" and conduct that could be mixed in with normal people. She ended up dead because she's physically weaker. Again, he has legal and moral culpability for that, but that doesn't make the analysis of this footage wrong because these guys aren't "seeing" stuff that women are "seeing" here. 99.99% of relationship fights would not bode well for the participants if scrutinized by the general public in a vacuum. Everyone is diagnosed as a narcissist, etc. when 99% of the time someone is just being an asshole and trying to win the argument/situation because that's usually what people do.
@@Jomanka100 No. Not at all. Go back and review the comments- many from women, clearly spelling out the red flags prior to the body being found. We knew what we were looking at and we wrote it down. Your energy would be better spent fixing this pandemic of femicide, rather than trying to gaslight women in the comments section. 1 in 3 per day. Those are the stats.
@@rowindownstream Thanks for the support. It’s a difficult topic to face up to, but if we agree that there is an issue in recognising the signals, we have a chance to make a difference.
As a DV survivor, I can tell you I was always a hot mess (with injuries) by the time cops showed up, my ex calm as a cucumber. They treated me just how these officers did Gabby, even though, after my divorce, he showed up to my home and broke my heck in front of my 3 kids. It was my fault always. I’m going back to 2004, I’d hoped things and views have changed. Sadly, on this panel, they haven’t.
@@patricias5122 No. I can't. Because it WASN'T "illogic". A person who has been abused or THINKS they were abused will always project those feelings onto other ppl. Especially when it comes to women and men. It's called having a BIAS. The scary part is when ppl like the OP end up on jury's. Every man is "GUILTY". They are no longer able to judge a situation impartially.
I would be interested in the comments from the four of you tonight, September 20th. Also, have the 4 of you been trained in domestic violence? There is a great deal none of you picked up about Gabby's words and behavior that are clues women under duress of domestic violence may exhibit. No matter whether they are young, in love or anyone construes they can tell from a short video that the missing boyfriend is a good guy,, it is categorically not ok for him to shove her face and slap her. Nor be assumed to be a good guy sfter doing so. None of you had much if anything to say about that. Astonishing.
I doubt if she really had OCD, but it seems to me she's using that as a description of her basic nature, which is to be orderly and tidy. She seems to be viewing it as a negative trait; I wonder how much of that Brian put on her with his disapproval/criticism.
Thank you!! I’m willing to bet he’s told her many times that she’s “so OCD” because she is clean & tidy, and he made it out to be an (unnecessary) issue of contention in their relationship that she believes him & adopts it as a negative trait. I’m so sad how manipulated she was by him; this whole case is just heartbreaking and I’m disappointed with their analysis.
I find it highly reasonable that her insistence on cleaning and sticking to her 'work' routine, which was irritating to him, was devalued by labeling it as a trait of OCD, a mental illness, instead of being valued as dedication and persistence. So much so that she believes she was, in fact, inflicted with OCD. That would also explain why there is no history of OCD with her family. I know many young people who are afflicted with OCD, and everyone that knows them knows they have OCD. It's not something that's kept secret.
If you look inside the van on the bodycam footage, it's a mess. Her wanting to tidy it was completely legitimate. The ocd thing sounds like something he'd use to gaslight her. A way to try to stop her from keeping on top of what she needed to do for the business she was trying to set up, to keep control of her.
The panelists completely missed the narcissist abuse and domestic violence. That this was a domestic violence situation was so obvious to those of us who have suffered under it. The panelists either need to do some serious training on this topic, or shouldn’t comment AT ALL on domestic violence situations. This is too important a topic (many more deaths and injuries to women, girls and children) than man-on-man violence. It wouldn’t have mattered how she handled cleaning the van. If she let everything get dirty and messy, he would have been screaming at her for that! That’s what abusive narcissist do! A person in a narcissistic relationship can’t ever do anything right. I know! I tried for 30 years to try to stop my husband from belittling me, from accusing me, from gaslighting me, from screaming at me. The abuser makes up reality and the abused is always at fault! And I always apologized! And I cried buckets of tears. When I called cops to our home after he held me down and threw whiskey straight into my eyes, he was so cool and collected. Told the cops he couldn’t understand why I was being so unreasonable and upset; “My goodness, officers, I was just trying to understand her and help her.”
I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through. Thank you for sharing that, and for using your voice to bring attention to this unfortunately common but 'hidden' issue. All the best to you x
As a woman who watched this video before the new findings had come out. Brian's body language gave me the creeps - he was flippant and laughed inappropriately. The Panel thought he was open and engaging but I felt he was a pure con. He conned the cops and the cops completely misread the situation. As a woman, I could see Brian's ability to manipulate Gabby and the cops. In the Update Video from the panel, Scott and Mark are revisiting some of the video clips but perhaps it might be good to get a female or a counsellor of victim's of domestic abuse, body language person to help out.
@InSomnia DrEvil Totally normal??? No way! It’s really scary to me how many people he duped. I immediately saw big red flags. Even in his body language. He was sheepish and laughed inappropriately. I get that he was likely nervous from being pulled over, but he knows that he was just physically abusive in a public setting. And he looks like he’s hiding something (with his body language). Yet he acts angelic and fails to take any responsibility for anything like a typical narcissist. He puts all the attention on Gabby by immediately blaming her for everything! He starts by saying she gets worked up, she was responsible for him bumping into the curb, she’s at fault for the scratches on his face, for him pushing her. Like, geez! Was she responsible for him speeding too? Goodness! NO real man blames their fiancé for these things, I promise. Men want to protect their significant others; it’s instinctive. They just don’t throw them under the bus. He seems guilty of something. He also calls Gabby’s project her “little blog.” It’s so dismissive. He’s minimizing something she really cares about and works hard at, which is what covert narcissists do. Red flag! Watch Gabby’s behavior. She is distraught; it’s really hard for me to watch. Do you think this is normal? It’s not. She didn’t get this emotional on her own. She instantly blames herself for everything. This is typical of abuse victims, who are always apologizing. Maybe because I’m a survivor, I saw right through his behavior. He probably shattered Gabby’s self-esteem. I knew at the very least, she was a victim of emotional abuse. Nothing about his behavior seemed normal to me. Watch the video again.
Agreed, he was pulling a Jedi mind trick on the cops and painted her as out of control. She was trying to get the keys to HER van back from him because she was afraid of being left behind in the desert. Ultimately, he left her behind in the desert.
Oh geeze…Scott Rouse (speaking of killer boyfriend) He’s confident…he’s not saying anything bad about her…dealt with her “fuss” 🙄…he’s NOT a psychopath…he probably loves her…WRONG! Totally blindsided by a manipulative psychopath!
@@christopher_martin EXPERTS at what? Body language analysis isn't a science, it can't be used for legal proceedings as it is highly unreliable, you only have to watch the Chris Watts video followed by this video to see how inconsistent it is..
@@carlyjones2392 do you have any idea how many things body language works for?...there is a reason the FBI the CIA and NATO and our US Military use it....but if you think your smarter than all of them you need a good nights sleep....and thats me being nice about it!
@@christopher_martin these guys disclaimer a lot of their videos by basically saying they cannot accurately determine deception and it's largely based on their own opinions. I think scientists are smarter than all of them, show me one scientific study, or one scientific expert that says body language analysis is scientifically accurate? It's a pseudoscience at best and if you watch these guys videos very closely you will see how inconsistent and subjective and largely full of confirmation and hindsight bias they are, and they are and these are the worlds leading experts? The fact that they are peddling all of this off as entertainment shows just what a joke it is and it's pretty sickening to me that they are presenting themselves as experts whilst making so many flippant remarks and judgments about real-life issues and people, and not properly explaining the limitations and downfalls of this 'science' - especially in cases where there may later be a jury trial such as this one..
I watched this hoping to gain some understanding of how I can be aware of women who need help, but man yall didn't do that. Interstingly I haven't seen a single woman who thought that Gabby was ok. I don't know of any woman who is stunned that she was found dead. Watching her apologize over and over, hearing him say "little blog" and marginalize her, seeing her deny that she is crying WHILE SHE IS CRYING... gosh, we have all been there or had a sister or a friend who has been there. I respect that ya'll are the experts but I have to think that you are missing a female perspective on this. We are raised in these warning signals. I guess even expert men are just oblivious to them?
I have seen some good observations made by victim advocates. I haven’t watched this one yet but I might not after seeing this comment. I’m so sick of men and even women victim shaming in situations like this. This is crazy.
Because their methods focus on mechanical cues. This physical action = that emotional or psychological state. I agree that a woman could bring expertise on more abstract signals.
Great Comment .... Look up Narcissism and Gaslighting .... That will help you understand..... Both men & Women can do this ....But Brian is a master of both
“He is calm, compliant and confident” : he is way too calm, too compliant and too confident for someone who just argued so much with his girlfriend. He must be so manipulative and overconfident that he actually manages to stay calm, look candid and like a good buddy. And, he “LET” her time to write in her LITTLE blog but doesn’t let her get into HER car. Snakes are cold-blooded, over-calm and over-controlling. Her behavior is also very meaningful :While in the van, she takes the blame right from the beginning (red flag). She actually looks scared of what could happen if she does not behave as he wants her to.
It concerns me that some of you men teach interrogation skills for terrorists etc etc, but can’t recognise gaslighting or domestic violence when you see it?
I was in an abusive relationship like this when I was around their age. And the one time our fights got physical, he was covered in bruises, and the only wounds I had were bruises on my hands from hitting him. But, what wasn't evident, was that the only reason I was hitting him so hard was because he had literally picked me up and smashed me on the ground and then kneeled on my chest so that I couldn't breathe. It didn't leave any marks on me, but he was much closer to killing me than I was to even hurting him (he also later killed my dog in a similar fashion, so there is no doubt in my mind that he was capable of (and seriously considering) killing me in that moment). I believe my boyfriend at the time was probably so worried about what I'd say he'd done that he didn't call anyone. And I was worried that no one would believe me if I told someone what happened, and that I'd get arrested. So I don't buy that she was the only aggressor in this incident, just based on his injuries. And him downplaying this fight wasn't because he loves her, it's so that she doesn't say what he did to her.
An ex shot our family dog (5 1/2 years old), in front of our children & me… That was after holding a gun against my head every night before I went to sleep ~ I had to pretend that I was sleeping as not to give him any “narcissistic supply” ~ he would eventually grow bored & leave… He denied killing the family dog for 14 years‼️ Of course, telling everyone how I was always the problem & he’s just been a “victim” the entire time… Victims do not go around stating that they’re the victim, victims tend to downplay the abuse in order to keep the abuser from igniting again…
Exactly. These guys know how to hurt you without leaving marks others can easily see. Many times, when the police would come when the neighbors called , he would tell me before I opened the door if I said anything he would kill me. So I was the same way as her, very apologetic, very emotional. Acting like I was the crazy one so they would just go away. Them not knowing that he had just been smothering me with a pillow ten minutes before trying to keep me quiet.
Yes. They know how to life-threaten without leaving marks, and the survivors or victims know better than to tell the truth and also to take all the blame. They are trained on the acceptable script to follow and no one will pick up on any of it, as clearly demonstrated in this Behavior Panel Experts video.
From what I hear, he got the marks because he locked her out of the van and she was trying to get back in, right? It boggles my mind how that escapes so many. How can you say she is the aggressor when he was literally locking her out of her only vehicle who-knows-where? I wouldn't even say she's being aggressive inn that situation even if he's the one with wounds - she as likely scared an desperate to not be locked out, not aggressive.
She said: “we have been fighting all morning… this is a rough morning…” he said: “we’ve had a nice morning… i hope she’s not complaining a lot about me”
These guys are cherry-picking to help their interpretation that Gabby was the one in the wrong. The evidence against Brian was abundant but somehow they missed it all.
Brian is a Narcissist. Never once does he ask if she's ok. He loved it when they told him he was the victim of domestic abuse. He was smiling so big when he got dropped off at the hotel. This experience validated and empowered him.
One of the 1st things she says is "I was distracting him". You have to pay very close attention when a woman offers to take the blame for her man doing something wrong. It is not always but can be a sign of fear, abuse, and just a general idea that she might be extremely passive, enabling, and co-dependent. His "hyper-compliance", I think is from guilt. He doesn't blame her for anything because he wants the police to move on. He knows that if he has a story that needs to be investigated, the police will keep prying, searching, and maybe things will be uncovered that he doesn't want them to uncover. He is a narcissistic prick imho lol. He thinks he is smarter than everyone. His calmness and her anxiety tells me he humiliates her, taunts her, and dismisses her. She is the type to let a guy do things to her she doesn't want them to, but she doesn't want to say no. A people pleaser, and he loves it. He hurt her smh.
So much there. But let's start at the END. If he's such a People Pleaser. Why didn't HE HAVE HIS OWN,.. social media videos he had to Post of their trip? Instead of planning and doing Hiking like these TINY TIDBITS of video show. Hey. It was a Cross Country Trip. And if you believe that one dude about the Shear Involvement of doing your TOE NAILS. I got a Buck That's also Problematic in a Cross Country Hiking Environment. And again. They have 4 dudes. Expert Dudes supposedly. Doing a Multiple Part video,.. Series. If there wasn't more to see. AND IF EVERYONE HAS THE ANSWERS. How many of you are going to watch PART #2. ... that says it all
And I should add. Morals or not. Just by reading Your Comment. Anything that dude saif to YOU, would automatically be Suspect. Instead of information. It's Obvious there is a Situation. Attorneys being involved makes That argument. And it's Funny. None of you have mentioned HER ARMS. Looks like wounds from the same type of Jewelry she is wearing. Medically from what we see here. Not many things that could causes such wounds. Other than her own jewelry. ...from what we see... Maybe she had a problem with self mutilation. OR. Maybe the dude wrapped her arms around her, and the struggle caused said wounds. The dudes wounds ??? Woman Swing for the Face First. ... RU-vid it 😬
It's interesting how you get "people pleaser" from a girl who was hitting, scratching, and berating her boyfriend. Why did you leave all of that out? I didn't hear her take the blame for everything. She took responsibility for her actions, which were violent. I'm not saying he's innocent. I'm just pointing out your clear bias. There is a bigger picture.
@@VioletJoy Exactly. And like I said,.. probably 😂 This is a Tiny Part of the Whole. They have 4 expert (supposedly 😏) experts doing multiple part. AND BASICALLY JUST ON BODY LANGUAGE. Not the other million things involved.
This is the first time I’ve disagreed with the panel. His behaviour reminds me a lot of the 9 and 10 year olds that I teach. When they’ve done something wrong and they’ve been called out about it, they tend to be overly apologetic and compliant. Also they play down the role the other child had in the fight as not to expose their own. Later he fishes from the police what she said about him, saying something like ‘I hope she didn’t have too many bad things to say about me’ with a nervous chuckle. In my opinion he is worried about what she may have said to the police.
Doing the 30 years my sister taught elementary school she developed quite a few management tools. One of her tried and true methods was to ask to feuding children “Which one of you did the right thing?”
MariaDavis- I don't agree. She seems very upset, but not like a child. Like if she had been tormented for a while and now she is letting go the stress and explaining without restraint of emotions, because she feels she can, with the police speaking calmly to her. But notice that though emotional, she remains calm. Not out of control or loud or uncivilized and just trying to state the facts.
They call it like they see it. They don’t call it based on their own “feelings” about the situation. They read the body language, leaving all judgment aside. Just because his body language THIS TIME didn’t show he is a jerk, doesn’t mean the guys don’t think he is a jerk. It’s just what they saw. We all know the boyfriend is a narcissistic abusive a hole, and I’m sure the guys know this too, they aren’t stupid, but they don’t base their reading off how they feel, it is solely based off what they see.
Ouff… this was real hard to hear, from educated men, in the heals of her remains being found. I’m so sorry Gabby, that we have not evolved more, that we’re still making excuses for men who are violent and then run and hide. Rest In Peace, you deserved so much better.
Exactly! Even before they found her, this take was terribly upsetting to hear. It’s like even the intelligent thoughtful men you look up to are part of that toxic bro-culture. 😞
@@dazeyday5699 yes!! And before we’ll be called hysterical, which shortly we will be, I’d like minute 40:00 to be deleted from earth and the universe and also beyond - forever. So devastatingly disappointing to hear them, the bros.
Gabby puts her hands behind her because she has white shorts on and when she leans against the van she doesn’t want them to get dirty. It’s a female thing.
I don’t qualify as an expert but as a domestic abuse survivor I see this in a different way. I can see her mind racing because she knows if she says or does the wrong thing he’s going to interrogate her. I saw her calmness when talking about her job as being something she felt she was “allowed to talk about”. I think they both are so compliant because they know the gravity of the situation should the officer have any inclination of domestic violence taking place. I haven’t got that far in the video yet, but I will say scratching is usually a defensive act- and the abuser will use those marks to their advantage and try to generate compassion. I feel like he wasn’t saying bad things about her or blaming her because if he opens that can of worms he’s going to be the one in trouble. I have much more to say, but I will continue watching instead.
In so many police interrogations, the person with scratches on their face, arms, and hands are thought to be bearing wounds made by someone defending themselves against the person with those scratches. The person first reporting the altercation at the co-op said the male was attacking the female. Gabby said he GRABBED HER FACE (!), and it HURT. Why was he trying to take her phone? Her fear is so obvious. The buddy buddy “we’re all in this together” BS with the police is disgusting, and, as anyone who has been there can attest, all part of the act. He knows he’ll punish her later. 🤬🤬🤬
Agree with you completely. When she was talking about her job it was clear as day that she was relieved that this was a question that was easy for her to answer instead of the other questions where she had to tell them what was going on with their relationship. I have lived in a vehicle with a man who frequently left me stranded at all times of day or night in an unfamiliar area when he got mad at me and it was terrifying. It's so obvious to me that something similar was going on here.
@@caseyw.6550 I'm sorry you had this experience. Anyone who has been involved with a narcissist knows what she was going through, had to do. I was almost stranded in a town. He left the hotel with his vehicle and decided to come back for me only because his relatives were expecting me. The PTSD from that relationship...I still have nightmares.
The driver, Landry was speeding up, was Gabby trying to stop him by pulling in to the kerb? We don't know the awful thing he could have said. Abusers do this to scare into control. Also, abusers lock you out of the car and threaten to leave as a way if control. He may not be violent at this point, but manipulative. Manipulative people are dangerous and may be that's why Gabby is all over the place. Every day your life is at risk with a manipulative person. I think Gabby shows signs of the crazy mixed messages she was getting. She appears to be an abused person
Just incredible, right? These so-called "experts" can't even figure THAT obvious threat of Brian taking her keys to her van AND locking her out of the vehicle. The bias by this panel toward the male was embarrassing for me watching this. At least Mark Bowden pointed out that Brian's behavior of over compliance with the police was in stark juxtaposition of him not reaching out to the police AFTER RETURNING HOME IN HER VEHICLE WITHOUT HER. And this panel ALREADY KNEW THAT WIDELY KNOWN FACT!!!!!!!!!!
@@FlyFreeS7 There’s a video where we heard the dispatch talking to the police. The dispatch indeed told the truth that Brian was slapping and hitting Gabby. These darn police officers disregarded that info and instead decided to buddy up with Brian.
This is probably just part of the 'nice morning' he said they were having. If she is to the point of tears and he says that is them having a nice time.... HOW IS THAT NOT A GIANT RED FLAG?????????
As someone who was raised by a narcissist who constantly gaslighted me, the bodycam footage was very difficult to watch. You guys all missed the red flags. My former stepparent was calm, collected, charming...always knew exactly what to say. Doctors, teachers, and other adults never believed me when I told them I was being mistreated at home, once they met him and he showed him how "stable" and "wonderful" he was. I'm sad that someone with trauma can notice red flags that professionals completely missed.
@heykelilah, sorry you had to go through the harrowing pain of having a narcissistic parent. Do you know the channel of Patrick Teehan. He is a psychologist who does amazing work on this.
Unfortunately I cannot agree more. I was also raised by a stepdad with classic Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Of course back then we didn’t know what it was called; only that he was Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde. Charming and warm to the world (all my friends used to tell me how lucky I was to have such a wonderful dad), while walking on eggshells and fearing for the next explosion at home. I was 8 when I told my mom that I had nightmares of him killing us in the middle of the night and getting away with it by saying a stranger did it; he was so convincing. No child should have to live like that. Sending you solidarity. These creatures are aliens among us, and it’s disheartening and frankly scary that experts can’t see the obvious red flags here. Much more education must be done to teach people to spot these frauds.
He doesn’t “retreat” because he is a con artist. He is compliant because he knows the game. He doesn’t blame her because if he does, then Police might get suspicious. He knows how to work the game.
He doesn't blame her because he's not a jerk. He's a really nice guy that doesn't want any trouble in this interaction I can see he doesn't want to hurt her character at all he just wants to explain what is relevant to the situation and not make anything more out of it.
@@brittanyanne4614 No, he wants to prove to the cops that he's a nice guy so he talks about distance himself from her. He NEEDS to prove to the cops he's a good guy and blaming her wouldn't fit that profile. He's manipulating the situation so he looks like the good guy and she appears to be the typical crazy female
He only had a basic understanding of how to come off like the good guy... he still had bad body language like duper’s delight, crossing arms to protect himself, laughing smiling being buddy’s with cops during a clearly stressful, violent situation. I would not be smiling. I would not be laughing and joking with the cops making friends. I’d be explaining the truth and show how I care that gabby is so upset. But then again I’m a great normal guy not a controlling, manipulative, belittling, violent narcissist so....
The story is he had the keys and climbed in the car and locked her out. That's what the witnesses saw. So she was the one worried he was going to leave her in the desert. Brian tells a mixed up version that makes no sense and skips that part where he locks her out. Amazing how easily the cops and everyone buys his vague version without asking any further questions.
Have you seen the full police video? I think the police did a remarkably good job! But the officer also has a wife with anxiety that is apparently difficult to deal with and may have been quick to relate to that point of view.
@@tami3411 Oh, you are so right, and thank you for your comment. Twenty five years ago, after my sister was beaten (clear hand marks across her back, swollen face, and tufts of hair strewn about the floor) and her boyfriend was arrested, they asked me to take photos of her wounds (disrobed in the bathroom of the monster's house) because there was no female officer and no evidence technician available that night. No one called another city for help. I had to do it. They called her later that evening and asked if she had access to his keys and if she could go back to the crime scene and lock up his house. I lost her to cancer in 2013. The grief never leaves, as we all know. It's the bile, the anger that comes up in me to toward those officers that I still carry, that surprises me. Turns out he worked out with several of them at the local gym.
I said that because I had heard someone said he was abusing her. I also heard he had her keys, and that he was trying to take her phone. That is pure panic, in a town you are just passing through to be alone, with no car, no money. And I bet it wasn't the only time he threatened to put her out of the car if she didn't obey.
Its called reactive abuse. The abuser pushes and pushes. Then when the victim is at the breaking point fight flight or freeze happens. Then the abuser immediately calms and says oh look at how crazy you are and how calm i am. They sit back and get off on the reaction they cause..relishing how much control they have over the victim.
You explained it perfectly. I was in a relationship like that, my first husband would needle me, make little comments demeaning me, insulting me, and wore me down to a tiny little nub. Then when guests were there, he could make one comment putting me down, and I would know what he meant, but the other people wouldn't know. I would get really pissed at a seemingly innocuous comment, and I'm sure they were probably thinking "what's she getting so upset about?", which is exactly what he wanted them to think. It drove me mad. I had to grow up enough, and give up everything to get away from him. It took years of therapy to build myself back up again.
BINGO!!! i’m actually surprised they didn’t bring this up at all. the one thing that made this immediately come to mind, was how Gabby immediately said his driving was her fault.
Narcissist are great at gaslighting. Before I finish this video, my impression was that Gabi was (prior to van trip) mentally and verbally abused. He knows how to push her buttons and come at her at different angles to elicit an irrational emotional response only to come out to say, "See? You have issues. There's something wrong with you. You're fortunate to have someone like me". He is proficient at lying and/or deceiving.
@@MammaTroll GMTA. The abuse was outlined by her stating that he thought very little of her vlog/blog/podcast idea and he discouraged it. Her self diagnosis of OCD was probably giving her the only way to feel she had control over something. Once she gave up her job, she left herself into his manipulated and isolated hands.
That could be true. Perhaps her home life with her parents was abusive, which is why when the cops gave her the chance to escape, (by separating her from Brian, giving her the van, and telling her to call her parents) she didn't.
Maybe @the behavior panel will finally examine their biases around women! Scott about everyone every week; "He/she's a psychopath!!" Scott about the guy who comes home without his girlfriend (in her van) then disappears again: "I'm seeing nothing psychopathic here........"
i alwayd thought he was the least interesting of the 4. i hope he'll shut up now and that they'll invite as many women as there are men. many of us here had much more insight of what was happening than the whole of them...
Yes. Scott really missed the mark -- all of them did. She said, "He wouldn't let me in the van" so he was IN the van and locked her out. Imagine how desperate that would make a woman feel. Scott says flippantly, "He locked the van and distanced himself to let her cool down and took the keys with him because he was probably afraid she would take off without him." YAH, RIGHT. How did all 4 of these guys buy into Brian's "yeah officer, you know how it is, she's just a crazy girl and I was trying to get her to calm down" story. I've watched nearly all TBP and thought to this point that Scott was a reasonable and even compassionate analyst, but his reaction here is really disturbing, especially in light of the fact that now she's DEAD.
@@conniemartin4878 i always thought Scott was the more macho of the 4. each time he talks after 20 seconds i'm waiting for him to stop. He thinks he has more things to say, so he talks more,... without realizing he says less. in the macho mind, they are always right , thus more worthy of being heard. that's the basis of the bro bond that happens between the cop and the killer here. and each of them, in the shoes of the cop, would obviously have made the same mistake. you wonder why we so much get killed in high numbers? perfect demonstration here.
Guys, I appreciate your expertise and analysis, but, you guys really need to learn about narcissistic abuse and gaslighting. She is clearly a victim of those things. Watch some Dr. Ramani videos. She would have pegged this absolutely accurately. What happened to her is egregious! Rest In Peace, Gabby.
How is it that the behavioral analysts on this panel are so utterly unable to understand human behavior? A woman who had survived any abuse at all would have nailed this behavior in a heartbeat.
It’s so obvious to us that have been there before, maybe the panel can’t comprehend how an abuser can turn it on and off, be calm and cruel, even appear really cool to the officers. While the victim is a crying mess trying to protect the abuser. Abuse is very devious, it even fooled these guys
I had the same thought when I watched it last week. He minimizes her vlog, she immediately claims responsibility for the van hitting the curb, and Brian becomes a buddy of the cops. I read that one of the female park rangers spoke to Gabby about being with Brian (during this traffic stop while she was in the police car). The ranger seemed to see that she was likely in an abuse e relationship and understood Gabby's anxiety was much more than just about being pulled over. I love the Behavior Panel but think they missed the mark on this one.
Yep - so many ‘tells’ we females have tuned into from being in abusive relationships and intuitively pick up on. Pain is a powerful teacher and those ‘tells’ are how many of us survived by recognizing and understanding the full implications of what the man is really saying with those small slips and with his body language.
One of my exes slammed me against a concrete wall , that’s when I said “ if I stay , I’ll most likely die “ . Some women just never know when it’s enough , it’s sad !!!
The father didnt know she had OCD because she didnt. Abusers convince you there is some flaw in you and youre lucky they tolerate you. This is horrifying to watch knowing how it all ends.
I watched some of the cop cam footage and feel like a voyeur knowing her fate. It is vomit inducing where Brian 'joked' with the police saying Gabby was 'crazy'. He was bro bonding with several officers over how hard relationships are - where one officer said that he was married for 5 1/2 yrs and he and his wife have had spats. It was nauseating as their neutrality was gone. The all assumed that the van was Brian's. Why was that? He had been controlling her with the keys to her own van at this point.
I also felt ill from the cop's words as he drove Brian to a motel. Men do not realize they are controlling. They think they are just trying to do the right thing. Men and women do not think alike at all. Men need to spend the most of their time with other men. Women need control over their personal space. Nature built us this way.
It is so clear that she is scared of him and worried she is going to do or say something that will make him mad. This panel's interpretation misses the mark so hard, their credibility should take a massive hit. I certainly wouldn't trust them with anything that might have the tiniest influence on a woman's safety.
Okay so I watched the rest of this post after being frustrated at the panel not understanding what is going on here. The fact that they are in a van, isolated, is actually part of the domestic violence pattern. The fact that she gave up her job is also part of the pattern. What job is he doing? The van - was Gabby's van. So we've got gabby working to pay the bills while this pos is driving her van and telling her she's not good enough. He is withholding the keys, that's power play. He doesn't love her. He is calm because he is receiving narcissistic supply from her behaviour. You guys need to be educated in domestic violence and coercive control. Ps I am a lecturer in mental health and community services. I know this from a personal and professional perspective. I'd be really impressed if you replayed another analysis of this episode using a DV framework.
@@humansponge I don't think that's the case. I see tons of comments here with constructive critiques. I'm certain the Panel is open to them or they wouldn't be here for us to see, and comment.
@@humansponge They would have to delete 98% of the comments, lol. The system does not train for this NPD/master manipulator and it shows from their bias toward an obvious victim. I think the Phil vid was on a different portion of the body cam where the monster is covering his gonads, that he should be hanging from right now.
I figure they will say we know this from the benefit of hindsight, but that is not true. Had the cops listened, she told them she was locked out and so did the pos. It was a threat he used against her and it shows in her behavior/hyperventilating when she said it. These cops and panel are placing her in the 'crazy wife" category without even giving her a chance... so freaking wrong. Excuses will ensue... just not sure it will suffice in my opinion.
Absolutely! It feels like no one is mentioning the fact that he was in total control of the environment (the van), wouldn’t let her clean or tidy inside of it (or else she has OCD), and just prior to this video was *locking her out of the van on purpose in the middle of nowhere*. This whole situation is abuse, but sadly it seems to only be women with experience of this behaviour who are calling it out...
When I first saw this video, I saw it completely opposite than you did. I saw a girl taking the blame and the guy expecting her too and laying the blame on his “crazy” girlfriend. I always thought he seemed to be trying to be too nice and likable. Didn’t trust him from the start. I think all 4 of you got this one completely wrong.
Yeah it's a shame. I love the BP boys but damn, they got pretty duped by Brian. In light of what happened to Gabby, I hope they can take that knowledge and apply it to similar situations in the future.
@@theresaromero2855 I just think they're getting a lot of flack for giving an honest opinion. He could be an abuser yet also being honest in this specific situation. Either way I hope he gets what's coming
A psychological abuser makes you dependent on them and makes you hate yourself. These dangerous "nice guys" are everywhere. She seems genuinely convinced it's all her fault. She might not even have known he was being psychologically abusive. It's so subtle.
When a woman finally gets out of a relationshp like this, and after eventually finding her balance, the first thing she will ask a trusted counsellor is "Why was it always my fault? Why was he never at fault? I've never understood this." The second question is usually, "I was always so proud of his success. Why was he so contemptuous of my small victories?"
Am I the only one who sees his use of having the keys, locking her out and such, as a control tactic? She probably panics when he threatens to leave her in the middle of nowhere. She said she apologized for having a bad vibe, which is a typical complaint from a controlling partner; she isn't allowed to be frustrated. She probably does have legit anxiety, which is what makes her fall into his bating tactics. I'm not a behavior analyst, but I am a therapist who works with situations like this. Also, he may have unofficially diagnosed her with OCD because she likes things extra tidy, especially for her blog, which means she may have to tell him to be cleaner at times, which he won't like. These people don't take directives or feedback well from their partners even when asked politely. I wouldn't be surprised if he lectures her regularly and belittles her to keep her under his thumb. These people don't like watching their partner succeed; if she gets her blog going, he won't be the all-knowing primary person in her life. They usually like someone who is dependent on them because that gives them purpose. I think the police did what they legally can do, so I don't blame them, but I wouldn't be surprised that Brian was pissed they had this embarrassing event... which he would feel is her fault, and then got angry enough to harm her.
My thoughts exactly! I definitely seem him as controlling. And if you actually want someone to calm down, don't take the flipping keys and walk away, reminding them that they're physically powerless against you. If she took the keys, he would have just forcibly removed them from her, but she wouldn't have been able to do that.
You are definitely not the only one. My spidey sense was absolutely tingling over Brian's comments and behaviors in that video even before Gabby's best friend confirmed how jealous and controlling Brian was of Gabby -- like when he took her drivers license so she couldn't go out with her friend. That body cam video is exactly why police officers shouldn't be doing the jobs of social workers and counselors. But I do agree they should have been separated, I just wished there was someone there to advocate for Gabby.
I think the saddest part of this video is when Gabby tells the cop "he doesnt believe I can do any of it". 😭 If any young women see this comment, your partner will be your biggest fan if they really love you. Your partner should believe you can do anything you want and help you on your way, not discredit your dreams. ❤
@@catheenmason Exactly and absolutely Cathleen!! When conducting a “body language assessment,” don’t throw the baby out with the bath water, gentlemen. That is, follow the language too! Did you miss that one? Apparently so. As women, we see the signs, especially if you have had experience or study in coercive control. That one slipped from Brian’s mouth unconsciously. RIP GABBY. 👼🏻🙏🏻👼🏻I pray that this tragedy may helps others to get help from proper professionals that can protect anyone in this situation, to show them the signs over space and time in a toxic and potentially harmful relationship….to get out while feeling supported and empowered. Look at his artwork in the Sun article found online. That tells everyone and anyone, that this man had a dangerous and dark mind at the time of creation. It adds up. Godspeed, they find him soon.
@@terabyte6166 I hope and pray this can be a shining example ....though there have been so many in the past especially in Utah....I hope one of these tragedies will finally hit home. I actually experienced trauma all over again just watching these videos and then watching this absurd commentary on it. I'm just so sad.....but then I guess it is also a good thing a lot of people don't know and understand it because you do have to go through it really to actually realize what it is....it's always a mindblower. You just don't want to believe it it's so serial..
How can she be so stressed anxious sad and crying while her fiancé seems like nothing happened like they weren’t even fighting? It shows how insensitive her fiancé is towards her. I don’t see any empathy from Brian. Narcs doesn’t have empathy so maybe he is one. Another sign of him being a Narc is him devaluing her.
And we see this because he is running now. He'll be found. His family is horrible to have allowed his current behavior and the lack of concern they have shown towards Gabby. They knew the truth and they will regret. My heart goes out to Gabby's family.
With regard to starting up a blog, Gabby says "He doesn't really believe that I could do any of it." And then she bends over and rests her hands on her legs to get some air. That, to me, is the crux of this story. He does not allow her to be anything or do anything that he has no control over.
And if you go to the blog Gabby and her Dad were working on - on it's front page is ''Brian and Gabby'' - his name is first, when it was HER blog. That is how manipulated and twisted up, that psychopath had her.
She looks like someone who has reached the end of her rope and has the tendency to blame herself. This is the countenance of someone who is repeatedly pushed and pushed until they fight back, then they get told, "Woah! Calm down! You're freaking out!" That's why shes gasping and sobbing. This is not thr tears of someone who simply got into a fight or argument. She is confused and has a clear tendency to take blame for things. Unfortunately she was a perfect target for someone like Brian. ☹️
Exactly- TBP are showing their misogyny with how they framed women's tears and they're woeful lack if understanding of DV and coercive control. Super disappointing😢.
I was originally very interested to watch this video by body language experts, but am shocked by how many stress cues are missed. The fact that the cops in this situation were already looking for the van due to a 911 caller stating he witnessed a male slapping a young woman in the face several times, should have already have made this traffic stop present with a different tone. The fact that she automatically takes blame for his driving erratically is a major red flag, along with the crying. Brian immediately blames his behavior on Gabby, taking no responsibility and throwing out cues to police officers to disparage Gabby, and set the stage that he is the victim. One of the panelist brings up this deflection by Brian but then quickly changes his opinion when it is refuted by one of his colleagues. This panel doesn't seem to function as a real panel of experts that would bounce theories against one another with case study to back up their opinions. If he felt it was a deflection and someone disagreed, where is the discussion/ argument backing up either viewpoint? These four men appear more concerned with stroking each other's egos. The panel continuously reiterates that Gabby stated she has OCD, when in reality her first comment was " sometimes I just feel like I have OCD", indicating that her later OCD statement is more likely a figure of speech more than any diagnosed condition. Many people use mental health terms casually, and do not have these illnesses. She stated she was trying to clean, which is not abnormal. OCD manifests in many more behaviors than the need to be excessively clean. The cop which the panel keeps praising, latched on to this one statement by Gabby and put her into the "unstable" box. The way Brian offers up some of the same language Gabby used makes me believe he might have labeled her need for cleanliness as being "OCD". These statements, along with the panel stating Gabby's father stated he was not aware of her having OCD shows that she most likely did not have the condition. The panel also totally misses many DV red flags and laughs them off in a misogynistic manner. The panel's whole approach to reviewing the video appears to not be very serious nor professional. All the aforementioned not withstanding, I cannot take any analysis from this panel as "expert", when these four men, laughed and made jokes regarding serious issues and behavior, while knowing the entire time, Gabby was listed as a missing person. Even if they truly believed Brian knew she was "okay and fine", there should be a concern about why Gabby and Brian would want to keep her whereabouts unknown, what their ultimate goal is by putting on a farce, with police, their families and the public. Of course we all know now, that this panel was way off- base, both with their analysis and with the horrible tone of this video. I truly hope this panel will take this as an opportunity to expand their knowledge regarding body language in more diverse situations. Also, by the amount of outraged comments made about their behavior, I hope they learn to have a higher sense of decorum and professionalism with their videos.
You guys completely missed Brian’s narcissistic response when the police officer said that he was the victim. He smiled and showed he was really happy to hear that! A true victim would have acted serious and depressed. As a woman who has been abused in the past, I also recognized that Gabby was quickly taking the blame and making herself small (in the police car) so that she wouldn’t be abused later. Next, Brian was completely willing to blame Gabby for the curb incident! A man who truly loved his partner would have taken the blame because he wouldn’t want to add to her being upset. I also don’t believe that she was OCD because there was no history in the past. She said that because it was probably her way of excusing herself because she couldn’t please all of Brian’s demands upon her. Having a clean home is NOT being OCD. Her comments about Brian being unsupportive of her with her blog, etc. showed us that HE was the manipulator and controller. Why did he want to walk away and lock her out of the van? What loving and reasonable partner does that? Because he couldn’t take any responsibility for hurting her and he obviously didn’t know how to lovingly comfort and encourage her. Classic narcissist! Suggestion - Maybe in the future you could spend more time helping women who have been victims of abuse so that you could become more insightful and intuitive when analyzing their behavior.
Completely agree with all of this. I also noticed the chuckle when they told him he was the victim of domestic abuse. That was a HUGE red flag missed by everyone. What psycho finds that amusing? He was amused because it was ironic, him knowing that he is actually the abuser. It was a moment of him letting down his guard. Also not once during the whole interaction was he concerned about her. He blamed her for everything, yet still trying to downplay the whole situation to not cause more police interest. He was nervous but calm and smiling and joking and laughing. She was crying and sad and blaming herself for everything. That behavior alone should have said everything to the cops. This is why we need to invest more money into other areas and not expect law enforcement to be domestic violence experts or social workers in addition to everything else they do.
I rarely have seen Duping Delight this clearly. His sister has the same sinister laugh on her face when interviewed. Looks like its part of the Dirty Laundrie gene
Yes! Yes! Yes! I think people who have actually been abused and/or lived with a person with narcissistic personality disorder can clearly see the truth of the relationship in body cam video. For those who have never experienced this personally, they just don't get it. This panel should add a psychologist who would have picked up on this immediately.
Seems the panel succumbed to "appeal to authority" of the police - perhaps their default settings are set to benefit of the doubt going to police. Panel could have used a female guest panelist. Their analyses of the situation were shockingly bad. Let's see if they redeem themselves at all in Part 2.
Disappointed in Scott’s interpretation. Maybe some sensitivity training in domestic abuse is needed. ----- Important lessons to learn from Gabby’s tragic life and death. 1. Based on the body camera video posted by the officers who pulled Gabby and her fiancé over for suspicious driving, some viewers assumed Gabby was suffering from mental illness and Brian was the stable one. 2. Some people may have assumed both partners were equally abusive and equally at fault. The old “it takes two” myth that doesn’t really apply to most abusive situations. 3. Some people may have even assumed Gabby was the abuser and Brian was the victim. 4. These assumptions are classic. Why? Because, in many cases, the target manages to keep things together until her breaking point, at which time others may see her crying or hear her yelling or see her breaking, and then they assume she’s “crazy.” 5. Meanwhile, the abuser plays the part of the poor, patient partner who has to deal with this crazy person. But all the while, he’s been acting very differently behind closed doors, pushing her to this point intentionally and feeding on her emotional break. He LOVES to see evidence that he has hurt her. He LOVES to see her pain. 6. For this reason, “breaking her” has been his goal from the start. It may take him hours or weeks or months or even years to break her, but he won’t stop until he gets that reaction, and then he’ll point the finger and say, “See? She’s crazy. I’m just trying to keep her calm.” And then he’ll do it again. And again. And again. 7. As a result, some people will buy into that false narrative. Even the target. Which brings me to my next point. 8. In the video, we see Gabby making many excuses for Brian’s behavior, and she takes all the blame for everything he does. 9. We also see Brian blaming Gabby and saying he was just trying to keep her calm. 10. This is also the norm for victims of long-standing abuse. A target becomes conditioned to believe everything the abuser does is her fault. 11. Also, she clearly doesn’t want Brian to be in trouble. She’d rather pay the price and protect the man she loves. Also, remember she truly believes he only acted this way because of her, so she doesn’t want him to be blamed. This is also the norm. 12. Smart officers see right through this. Others buy the cover-up story. (And because some officers are also abusers, they all too frequently side with the abuser even when they know exactly what’s going on.) 13. I actually credit the police in Gabby’s situation. They were calm, they separated the couple, they interviewed them individually, they split them up for the night, they did everything right. I’m sure the officer has tremendous guilt about the end result and wonders if he could have prevented it, but I don’t blame the officers in this case. I was actually pretty surprised and impressed with how well they treated both Brian and Gabby (and, sadly, I was thinking how rare it is to see that.) 14. Many people have been shocked by Brian’s family’s refusal to cooperate with police. I’m not shocked at all. Let’s look at that a little more closely. 15. I’m also not surprised to learn that Gabby lived with the Laundrie family for a year. We all see this family will do anything to protect their son, even at the cost of an innocent young woman who was a real part of their family and soon to be their daughter in law. While most of us can certainly understand them wanting to protect their child, they crossed a moral line when Gabby went missing. 16. But I think it goes deeper than that. I think it shows them as a system of enablers who not only allowed Brian to abuse Gabby over a long term (which probably led to her intense anxiety) but also a system of gaslighters who were probably always shifting the truth to keep Gabby confused and make her believe she’s the problem. She was caught in an entire system of abuse. And once you’re in that web, it’s very very very difficult to see a way out. 17. I imagine they probably contributed to her abuse from the start and encouraged their son’s abusive behaviors by rewarding him, making excuses for him, blaming Gabby, flipping the script, and keeping her in the fog that breaks down a person’s psyche and spirit over time. 18. Gabby and Brian had been together since their teens. This is also common. These immature relationships work beautifully when both partners grow together and mature emotionally. But when one wants to keep the other down, naive, and under his control…and the other is growing, learning, and maturing, it doesn’t work. 19. We hear Gabby tell the officer that Brain didn’t think she could do her travel blog. It seems clear that he didn’t believe in her and was trying to make her not believe in herself. 20. She also says he didn’t like her working and that he locked her out of the van because she wouldn’t calm down. But when you listen to the full video, it sounds like he was upset because they’d spent too much time at the coffee shop with her working on her website when he wanted to go hiking. She wasn’t in her seat when he was ready to leave. Control issues?! He squeezed her face with his hand in anger. He cut her down and criticized her, verbally abusing her until she was a wreck of tears. He was breaking her spirit, intentionally. 21. Why? Because her focus wasn’t 100% on him. And because she had found a job she enjoyed and was good at and that allowed her to connect with other people, when he wanted her all to himself. 22. She now had this one little piece of her life that he couldn’t completely control, so he wanted fo get rid of that. It angered him. He punished her for it. See the pattern? 23. The overall takeaway? When you see someone crying like this, don’t assume she’s crazy. Don’t buy into the false narrative given by the abuser. Don’t believe the cover-up story by the target who has been conditioned to carry all the blame and shame. And don’t assume she’s going to be okay. She just may end up your next recovered body. 24. If you or someone you love are in an unhealthy relationship, please don’t assume it will get better in time. I haven’t heard one single story where it got better. Not one. Not with therapy. Not with church. Not with prayer or forgiveness or complete surrender. Nothing works when the abuser is determined to destroy that target. He will not stop until she is erased from this world or from her life. And in many cases, he’ll walk away without any consequences. Please don’t let the next Gabby be you or someone you love. Domestic violence hotline: 1-800-799-7233 credit: Julie P Cantrell
Thank you so much for your comment. My daughter was in an abusive relationship and after watching the video I immediately recognized all the signs of what was going on.
Great overview. We need to look at his family too. I agree. Ps Gabby gave up her job as a nutritionist to travel with him - isolated from her support network. Another classic strategy of the controller.
thank you for summarising everything... her just saying 'I guess I am like this and that...' is. red flag for me. Hear that a lot from women that are so gaslighted that they completely doubt that what they know about themselves is true or not. They start to believe what he is saying about what and who they are is true...even though deep down they know it is not.
This is a joke. You guys are clueless. Women are socially conditioned in a completely different way than men, to where we sometimes will take the blame for everything even though we might be the victim. She is the one who can't stop crying for an hour, not him.
@@christar9527 How do you know any of that? Lol you are talking like you were her best friend and knew every detail of his family and relationship, she was visibly upset but that doesn't mean she was abused. The guy had scatches on him that no one seems to want to address, they both could of been physical with each other.
Maybe she is a crier. And maybe she is abusive. You dont know...and i dont know. I've been with a very sweet looking abusive partner.. best not judge a book by its cover.
We are not talking about whether woman can or can not be abusive!!..we were talking about whether Gabby was abusive or Brian was??.. well let’s see she’s DEAD.. he’s missing!!.. go figure!!..Would it be easier for you if we drew pictures??
@@mariechiaramonte6825 ok. Now WITHOUT the hindsight filter what exactly do you see in the body cam footage that is verifiable with experts as a CLEAR sign of abuse towards her? Oh right, there is none. At this snapshot in time which is two weeks before she goes missing there is no evidence to suggest he is abusive. None. This video is about this specific timeframe. If you cannot analyse it without the future information then you are too biased to have an informed opinion.
Scott, did you really just say that Brian really does love Gabby? What on earth? This is clearly not love, its a person capitalizing on the fear and basic needs of another.
Yeah I’m just disappointed all over again at the signs y’all missed. You need to add women’s perspective to your panel. The level of control and manipulation he has over her… she’s shrinking because he’s criticizing and breaking her down.. He has created so much self doubt in her
This poor girl was exhibiting all the signs of abuse and none of you could see it because it's a man's world after all! Yes, Brian is such a credible guy, that's why he has been deceptive through this whole thing and most likely, killed her. Good job, guys, I really thought better of you all.
Scott, I may be wrong but, I believe I read that the van is actually Gabby's. If it is, why did he come home with the vehicle? Why didn't Gabby return with her own vehicle?
Even the police didn't check to see who's vehicle it was, the assumption it's his! Abusive men MUST have full control and that includes, and especially of, the vehicle! That she was upset about his dirty feet and wanting to keep it clean showed pride in HER vehicle, it's another button he's pressed many times I'd guess and the slow eroding of her confidence, telling her she's got OCD!
Agree, the police should have asked whos vehicle it was. That would have changed the 'locked out' situation. Either way I see that as abuse and risking the other persons wellbeing possibly life. But, we don't know if one of the other police officers checked the license regist. They must have!
It seems to be her vehicle. Watched the whole thing on YT and in the end she drives off in her car and the police give him a ride to a nearby hotel. They spent the following days together. After she went missing, he took her car back to his home. Today I heard they most likely found her body. He is still missing / hiding.
Guys I was a big fan of you, and now you are not seeing the obvious abuse she was suffering. She was with a narcissist, he looked so relax and she was a complete mess. He knew he had the control over her at all times.
The only thing I can think of is that they are planning another video, so maybe they purposely tried to make Brian look reasonable for contrast with the second video when they will point out that he is not? But I don't think so, because Scott even suggested the guy loved her and was trying to protect her!
@@Arobisme Brian is too calm while Gabby is in obvious distress. He doesn’t seem to care. Gabby takes all the blame, excusing Brian even when she’s saying things that he has done wrong. Abused women usually do this, or strike back in some way, trying to take back the control they have lost in the relationship. Gabby seems helplessness. She explains how she’s tried to reason with him, but he just says she’s emotionally unstable. This seems to me that he is unwilling to take any responsibility to get along with her, or understand where she’s coming from, that when things don’t go his way, he just thinks of himself and labels her as unreasonable. Many others have pointed out other red flags in other comments.
THESE GUYS ARE CHARLATANS. NOT ONE OF THEM KNOWS WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT. IF YOU ARE SUBSCRIBED TO THIS CHANNEL, YOU SHOULD UNSUBSCRIBE WITHOUT HESITATION.
Just one fact the cops overlooked in this roadside exchange. The VAN BELONGS TO GABBY! Brian had no right to lock her out of her own vehicle. Isn’t it protocol in any traffic stop to check the VEHICLE REGISTRATION?? The cops simply assumed the vehicle belonged to BRIAN. Knowing this one fact about ownership of the vehicle could have diminished Brian’s sense of ‘entitlement’ and possibly saved Gabby’s life.
