Future Q & A question: did you ever question the donors motive to donate? It’s a path I’m looking into but get paranoid about it with the horror stories of people trying to create 100s of kids. I know legally this isn’t allowed but it does make me question what other motives someone may have
When I was looking for my donor (I’ve had IUI with a sperm donor as a solo parent) on the profiles it stated very honestly why they donated. Some were due to their personal relationships, others because they had finished their family but wanted to help others etc. My fear was, are they doing it for the money. I asked this during my 1:1 session with the donor team at my clinic and they told me they do not get paid a lot- I think it was something like £15 which you can easily get with a job. This took so much fear off me and I knew the donors were genuine. My donor stated on their profile they donated after seeing an advert from the clinic for donors and they looked further into it and realised how they could help make a family for someone else. This was not the only reason why I chose them but it helped to create that connection. When you know, you know.
At least in the us there is no law. A lot of clinics they don't keep track the way they should. Even if they say their is a limit. And you can also donate somewhere else their isn't a system that say they gave to another and can't donate any more. Their has been cases where a genetic diagnosis that can lead to early death. Them telling thw clinic and someone reaches out more than 10 years after trying to figure out what is wrong with their kid. Through dna family tree sites.
thank you for sharing this journey so candidly and giving so much useful info. I subscribed to you years back when i was researching sustainable period options and have since really appreciated you sharing your solo motherhood journey. I’m a similar age to you, and always wanted to be a mum, but having a partner has never felt like a priority to me in having kids (probably somewhere on the ace spectrum.) Being a solo parent is something i’ve considered since i was about 19 when i first found out about it, but before I saw your experience I assumed it would be unrealistic. I’m definitely quite a few years off from it but you’ve made me feel like it’s actually a possibility, so just wanted to thank you!
Thanks for sharing, I had the same thing about giving formula to my first 💜 the guilt I had was unreal, and it seemed so ridiculous by time she turned a year old, was healthy and thriving. But nice to know I am not alone!
Future Q&A question: having received the gift of having a baby via a donor, would you consider donating (eggs) yourself? I understand you've had some health conditions that may prevent this but just curious if you've ever considered "paying it forward"...as such
Time really flies once they're here! My son will be 2 in August and I can't believe it! My pregnancy felt like 80 years though as it was miserable 🤦🏻♀️😂 I personally didn't enjoy the newborn days on my own, it was just difficult and a lot! I really underestimated solo motherhood (or motherhood in general)... I only really started enjoying motherhood from around 12 months.. Making all the decisions is great! Unless you have to make big or important decisions.. In March I had to make the decision if I'm going to move my son to a new daycare (nursery) or not... He's comfortable at the new one and enjoys it.. But I think it's toxic for him, so I decided I will be moving him. It was a difficult decision but ultimately I have to do what's better for him in the long run... Choosing his name alone was fun though 😂 Oh and I'm in South Africa and I could only afford 2 months maternity leave, then he had to start full time daycare at 8 weeks old. We can get up to 3 or 4 months, but I just couldn't afford more. And I agree! I was dreading recovering from my c-section (which was also planned), however it really wasn't that bad at all! I was just at home... My son and I. My mom came over during the day the first week.. But she didn't really do much... She did wash our laundry at her place for the first 6 weeks though, which helped! My parents however aren't baby or child people... So they won't babysit.. My mom might when he's older... But the only one I trust at this point to watch him (except for daycare, and I don't even trust his current one anymore), is my sister, she's his guardian as well. They do all support my decision to be a solo mom though. I definitely don't want to be pregnant again any time soon... But I probably won't be able to afford more than one anyway.. I'm already turning 34.. But I probably have time to decide... But my son is super busy, so he would probably have to be at least 4 or 5 before I would even consider it. But I probably won't have another child.
I always said i wanted 2 and pregnancy didnt out me off it but having a newborn may have 😅. Hes only 5 weeks old so my thoughts may change again but holy moly is the newborn phase rough.
I'm an American therapist and I'm very concerned about what you said about no general therapy being offered to you? Is this a thing in the UK? Is all therapy over there out of some workbook?
So basically to get NHS-covered therapy it needs to fit specific criteria. Generic therapy, which could encompass anything and have no obvious trigger, would need to be sought privately usually
yeah it’s a problem we have. counselling or general psychotherapy is not really offered under the nhs, cbt is first line and very difficult to access anything else in primary services as this is considered the gold standard and cheaper and quicker to offer in a short 6 week block (and a lot of the time, over the internet or phone rather than in person.) We have private therapists if you’ve got the cash though, and there are some charities too- (although private mental health services and charities are also overburdened now with nhs patients/people on waiting lists/people who have been turned down by nhs)
