I just came out recently and people are saying “oh I like that you stay Michael” This isn’t renaming or not renaming a highway. This isn’t renaming an attraction at a theme park. As far as “not bad as trans”, the idea of me going from he him to they them or a gender identity change is a TRANSition.
"You're doing this for attention" "Actually, uh, I would really REALLY like less attention, like zero attention, I just want to live in peace, please stop saying I'm being political I am just going outside buy some bread and then go read a book"
@@kobayashimaruaikiken Do you also say that to people who say trees are green? Are you stubborn or naive to disagree with reality because you don't like certain people?
When I was nonbinary for a week or two I visited a queer youth group and a person there said to me 'Oh but your name isn't neutral. Your pronouns aren't neutral and you don't look neutral so you can't be nonbinary.' That really hit me hard and make me rethink if my name was the right choice... 2 years later I use the same name and I'm happy with beeing nonbinary. Never tell someone they aren't neutral enough so they can't be nonbinary...
I never understood why it's so hard for some people to use they/them pronouns. In my native language (French) everything is gendered, yet I still found a way to get used to neutral pronouns. I hope people will get more respectful in the near future :)
The french also heavily believe in post modern paedophillia which is what most logical thinkers believe your community is pushing forward to so its funny that your justification for your own lingual hypocrisy comes from the same justifications of judgement people put on you
The voice thing is so relateable. My voice occasionally pitches up and gets high and I hate it. It always makes me squirm when it happens. I also got a shorter haircut recently (ok like back in April but still) and I love it. It makes me feel so much happier.
I can’t escape my high pitched voice in professional settings and it makes me really mad 🥲 Congrats on the haircut though!! Short hair is super fun and liberating
I overheard some older people at my job talking about how crazy the idea of nonbinary people and they/them pronouns are. And it hurt cause the were some of the older people I respect and like the talked to. One even had the nerve to say "as an older gay man, I am very open. But the they/them thing is insane!" Meanwhile, little ol' agender me standing nearby just... Feeling kinda crappy.
I've been told by my mum "Oh, but you know that girls don't have to wear dresses?" (I'm afab and I didn't like dresses at that time) - don't say things like that
One time someone told me, "I'll always respect someones pronouns, even if they're trans! As long as they don't use They/Them pronouns." It was really awkward because I sue They/Them pronouns.
"but you don't look nonbinary" is such a dumb thing to say when you actually know what nonbinary means. if someone doesn't fit into the two "boxes" of male and female, you can't exactly fix that by making a third box for all the nonbinary people to fit in where they're all forced to look as androgynous as possible. it doesn't work like that
My dad recently found out that I’m non-binary (I didn’t want him to), and at first he yelled at me about it and said “you were born a girl and you are a girl!!” Now, he’s just ignoring it. He’s transphobic and thinks that “it’s all too confusing.”
I’m so sorry that you are going through that. Some people just don’t care, and are too ignorant to learn new things. Please remember that there are people who will support you for who you are as a person! You are completely valid!!!
It reeks of privilege when people say that using gender neutral language is "difficult," like they will go home in a state of tears and self-loathing if they have to call someone "they"
I'm transmasc, not non binary (sorry if this isn't my place to speak), but I have been told similar things to 3 and 1. everything on this list is bad, but I find those really personal so they hurt the most. (as Lynn said) they really set you back in coming to terms with your identity and then coming out to other people ://
Sometimes I wonder if I preferred my given name or my online name irl (Discord VCs made me a little more comfortable with being called my online name). I can’t stand when people call me a woman, but I don’t even speak up because most people I help at work are around middle aged to elderly and may not understand. Using they/them pronouns when referring to myself is tricky because I’m not used to using third person as singular. It hurts when I think of the possibility of someone accusing me of attention seeking or saying that “it’s not real.” I wanted to be seen as me, not a gender people freely uses as an insult (using “woman” with negative connotations) and don’t want my assigned gender to define me. It interferes with my ability to interact with people with other genders because people see me as not “person” but “woman.” And when I mention about being part of the enby umbrella, it’s already expected that people use wrong honorifics as a form of blatant disrespect (Mr. Ryuza). I still have yet to come out to my family and my coworkers due to stigma and lack of understanding enbies.
I’ve been told practically all of these by my mother. To her, you can’t be an “it”. I identify as agender- lack of gender, genderless. If only she knew how much damage she is doing by treating me this way.
So glad I found you!!! I’m not non-binary but basically what I captured is just be respectful Everyone on here and in the world are people regardless how they identify as. Respect is given and received according how people interact This hate we are seeing more recently is just so sad and disappointing
I can’t lie to the people I love, lying is wrong, even if they’d be ‘happier’ if I just went along My sister has been saying she’s non-binary for almost a year, the change was very sudden, and coincidentally her mental health has plummeted now and she does bad in school. Self-image can greatly impact your self-esteem, she is running away so she might feel ugly and that puts her in a bad headspace. I don’t use the name she chose because nobody can choose what they are and it’s better to grow up and learn to love yourself than it is to put up a new face whenever you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. You’ll never be at peace living in a constant performance of gender. She has to be brave and accept she’s just becoming an adult, I know she’ll be fine.
Thank you, that needed to be said. I would be happy if there would be a part 2 with the topic: what to say to EnBy's instead. Because when I was still an egg I said harmful things because I did not know what was appropriate to say.
This is like a furry going into there job saying, you have to address me by my " Fursona name " instead of my real name because if you use my real name its offensive
Thank you for making me feel like I as a non binary person belong here, like on this planet i didn't get that feeling before because humans can be horrible
Just curious if non-binary people feel invalidated by cis lesbians saying that women liking women and fem presenting and/or afab non-binary people is lesbianism? I feel that bi is a better term to make people feel comfortable - of course, some non-binary people enjoy that being encompassed within lesbianism, but surely not all?
I think with a lot of entitlement in the non-binary community especially when they use the trans-community and the trans umbrella, I feel there needs to be some gatekeeping and I’ll say it again gatekeeping that non-binary and being transgender are too fucking different things different experiences!
Thank you for another awesome video! This isn’t exactly what you’re talking about, but I was recently asked by a small child if I was a boy or a girl, and when I answered “no,” she asked me “why?” She also seemed confused by me painting my nails. It was a very strange mixture of feeling discouraged by how rigid her idea of the gender binary already was, and feeling euphoric because she had to ask what my gender was…
Exactly what I need to hear , icame to know lately that I'm not sure about my gender even though I'm physically a 19yo girl with feminine body features,feminine voice but i do love to be masculine and wearing baggy fits I had cut my hairs short as tomboy, love Living like edgy guys but sometimes I do wear girly dresses still mostly comfy in baggy fits also I would feel proud if I will be call out as he/they...help me find out what gender term and pronouns I should use? ,I do have a boyfriend who's really confused and he have been thinking just bcz I came up with all this now (as im observing myself lately to know it further) not before just for "attention" Which makes me feel uncomfortable bcz I'm not! This isn't smthn to make fun of but idk how to explain and I'm attracted to both guys and girls ( not in a bad/dirty way)
Snarky "no, you!" replies for all of these in case anyone wants to use them as an act of disrespect: (By the way I noticed that the 8th chapter is missing, in case you want to fix it.) 10. Did you get your gender from a biology textbook that was written in the 1800s? 9. Have you considered that you're only binary because you are doing that for conformity? 8. For me too, I wish they had a singular and plural versions, but language is forever changing, we'll most likely see one soon, present day 'you' had multiple versions with thou, thee, and thy, as well, bringing back those would be neat too. 7. If you prefer my dead name, you can light a candle in its memory. 6. You don't look like my grandma either, but you have the same mindset. 5. My Hungarian grandma grew up believing that there are two languages: Hungarian and Foreign. You keep reminding me of her. 4. Language is also not real, it's a collection of sounds that human vocal cords make with made-up meaning behind them, we still use it to talk about it. 3. I keep trying to see you as an open minded and considerable person, but I struggle to see you like that with every thing you say. 2. What's the point in you looking like the way you do with all your widely accepted attributes beyond conforming to the norms of society. 1. Based on what I heard so far, I'm pretty sure if I was trans you'd tell me it's not as bad as that new age tumblr they/them non-binary stuff..
Shame Shame on you. I am gay and I am embarrassed for you. The older gays worked hard over the last 60:years to promote a positive outlook. Now in a short time you and others ( so few of you) have dismantled and destroyed all the progress that has been made. Shame
As an older enby, I was talking to another older enby...about unintentional slipping in regards to they/them pronouns. It is *work* for us. I had an enby therapist, and I (unfortunately) misgendered them a few times (and IMMEDIATELY apologized every time, it was quite embarrassing) I just figured I own ALL the pronouns. (They're all mine. You will give them to me! BWAHAHAHA) Although my friend came up with "mixter" and I just LOVE that.😊 Edit: I occasionally get called sir, or ma'm. I'm AFAB, so I feel my presentation is about right when I get that response.
I hope your can break out thinking you are non-binary and find who you really are boogey. Big company search engines are bias and favor trends like the non-binary and the trans trend.
“You don’t look non-binary” Insert Ash from Summer Cyclone here. You don’t needd to look non-binary no be non-binary, gender is about who you are! I also get really confused when people say they/them pronouns are hard to use, I personally find them really easy, you’d use “they” automatically when you don’t know someone’s gender, so how is it different using they/them on purpose?
Omg me too! My friends are so accepting and they also thought that it was the identity for me, really good friends 💜💜 wish we can have enbyflag emoji soon xx
hello! my pronouns are he/they and i'm non-binary transmasculine. :] auughhh, i've been told many of these as a trans person. i loved this video.keep up the amazing work!👍🏼
My mom is confused how they/them can be a singular pronoun. I had to keep explaining her how it can be but she always finds away to rebuttal my statement.
Try telling her about the the grammar of the English language xD Using they/them in the singular is not remotely controversial when you ask anyone familiar with how grammar has worked for the last couple hundret years, Merriam Webster lists 4 possible uses of the singular they 🤷
What does your mom say if there’s an item (phone, coat, etc) left behind? Most people say things like “someone left their jacket.” Which is a singular use of they. Lots of times I actually wait until I catch someone using it and go “sorry what did you say?” And then when they say it again I say “that’s what I thought. So you do know how to use they/them in the singular.” But I fully admit that I do this out of pettiness 😂
The hardest part for me has been remembering names and pronouns. I even end up using the wrong pronouns for cis people too but I do try, and I'm happy to say that I'm getting better
With the voice thing I can't really voice train to change my cadence for reasons and sometimes it makes me sad because I get dysphoric over people perceiving me as a young girl/boy and not a guy or gal in his 20s. But there's this coworker that calls me man, bro, brother, ect. regardless of my voice or presentation. It makes me really euphoria and makes that dysphoria more manageable. Sometimes coworkers are great.
I had a lot of amazing coworkers at one of my last jobs and ngl I really do miss it only because I was around people who for the most part tried to use my pronouns. I've just had not so great bosses but normally my coworkers are really good.
@@lynnsaga1397 I'm in the closet so I don't know what his deal is he has no idea I'm nonbinary lol, maybe he calls everyone bro but at this point I'm accepting any euphoria I get lol.
@@beckheorshepls5397 some people are just surprisingly perceptive. But, it could also be his default, like you said. My nibling calls everyone lad, their mother is not happy about that. Lol
Just because more people are able to identify what they’re feeling and come out, some think it’s just a trend or it’s some new fad. My dad told me that I’m just saying I’m non-binary because it’s the new, hip thing
First of all, i love your hair! It looks very good on you. I like your voice as well. It's a Lynn voice. If it would sound deeper i would also like it as it's also Lynn voice. Here in the Netherlands the pronouns can be a bit hard. they/them translated is She/them. we have the same word for female and plural (zij) and it sucks. So most non binary use That/them (hen/die) which.. sounds a bit weird. I experience myself as a brain in a meatsuit, so I am perfectly fine if people would use It. I have said this but people have a problem with that as they think it's objectifying. This does make me sad at times so i'm still looking for what feels right to me. I hope once my binder arrives I will look less feminine. I have had people that know i'm non binary say yeah, i find it hard because you look so feminine due to your breasts. I hate those floppy bits so yeah that hurt pretty badly. I got asked when i said i am trans-non-binary if i wanted to to have a penis. I told them no, as i don't like floppy bits and that would be just another floppy bit for me. Oh and the comment that you're just hopping on the bandwagon to be hip. Well no. I'm 48 and i have always been non-binary, i just never knew the terms for what i was experiencing.
Thank you for all the sweet words, they really do mean so much! And congratulations on getting your first binder I hope it gets there soon. It's always super hard when people point out the things you are already self conscious about.
Thank you so much for sharing how they/them pronouns work in your language. I found that quite interesting and can certainly see how that would complicate things a bit, though still if someone truly cares about you they should always do their best to respect and honor your needs as well. I am in the process of coming out non-binary as well, at age 50, so I certainly understand how old the “bandwagon” bit gets. Why does everyone suddenly think that we are so hip in our 40s or 50s that we would be coming out as trans in the current political and fundamentalist religious climate of vicious trans hate just to absorb more of the hate and abuse that so many of us have already endured throughout our lives for being seen as “different”?! I never really understood my gender until the last few years while also working through extensive childhood trauma and abuse in therapy (and there are many more years of work to go in that department!). Only after learning about the gender spectrum and that a non-binary identity was an option versus the strict he/she or m/f binary, as I grew up never feeling like a boy and never fitting in with or really even identifying or bonding with boys, rather I fit in with and understood girls and nearly all of my closest friends throughout my life have been with girls or women as feminine energies are where I have always felt safest and most comfortable and yet I have never really been able to see myself as a girl/woman either and I don’t really have an issue accepting the physical parts of me that also give me a certain masculine identity either. My entire life I have simply never felt male or female despite decades of trying to embrace the biological gender I was born with as I knew of no other option but the binary and female didn’t exactly fit either, at least not nearly enough to justify such a transition for me!
Im definately non binary I finally figured it out. I have a friend she's mostly accepting but when I first came out to her as possibly trans she said thzt lables dont really matter which kinda raises red flags.
There was one heated incident in 2021 where my mum tried to correct my grandma after she accidentally misgendered me & (no joke) my grandpa said that I have to put up with looking like a boy. If it weren't for the fact that it was raining & the car door was locked, I would've stormed out of the house & gone straight to the car.
@@lynnsaga1397 it was probably the worst moment of 2021 for me. But my grandparents aren't bigots, they actually support my identity. It's just that I have to put up with slip-ups a lot from all my relatives (with the exception of my brother).
I was trying to come out to my parents and they screamed at me saying I was mutilating my body and they wouldn’t stop calling me by my deadname saying that it was the name given to me and they would be angry if I changed it. Why me?.
I'm androgynous, and she/her, straight, but I do switch from the typical 'female' to the androgynous-ish person. The last one (this is how I feel like now), I often feel like and relate to both genders often times.. I am absolutely super confused by this. I recovered from an eating disorder ( anorexia) which I had bc I didn't want to be whatever this is (andro or nby or whatever). I only accepted the typical female side of myself. Now I am trying to understand and accept myself completely. It's super confusing lmao :)
I'm not technically nonbinary. I'm somewhere between nonbinary and gender fluid myself. But I have nonbinary friends and I always respect their pronouns. One such friend also makes an effort to use all of my pronouns (literally use whatever pronouns whenever). It's about respect. Thank you for this video, it feels really validating!
my brother and used to be bff both say that I have to use she/her pronouns because I was assigned that gender at birth. they both don't support me and don't even call me the right name or pronouns. To anyone else that's dealing with this stuff, so sorry, and I hope things get better
I love when i first meet someone and they use their preferred name and pronouns to introduce themselves, because later on i'll hear someone deadname/dead gender that person and just be like "who?" and force them to use the correct name and pronouns. I also do this with my trans/enby friends as well as myself. Aside from this, i feel i've never felt gender dysphoria, so i'm not even sure of my identity, but i do remember going out to eat with my parents one night with my hood up and my hair hidden, and the manager had brought us our food. I was helping him and he genuinely said "Thanks buddy". It made me so happy, even though my mom threw off my hood and pulled my hair out of my ponytail so it was visible, and killed my happy moment. Please help me understand if i just want to feel "different" or if i'm actually not cis.
If/when you can afford it, you can go to a voice coach and learn how to make your voice somewhat deeper. People do it all the time, for all kinds of reasons. Also, as an ally, I am shocked at some of these, and dismayed at all of them. I'm sorry this has happened to you.
Am I aloud to ask a non binary person if their discomfort is real, cuz most times I believe they are confused but if their discomfort with having a gender is real, I am willing to respect them
Regarding voice - my romantic partner identifies as Non-binary. Sex wise they are male, and look like they should have a very “masculine voice”. Yet they’ve always had a fairly high pitched and very soft voice. Even back when they identified as a man.
I do sometimes struggle to not see nb people by their sex assined at birth, I once called you a she by mistake, I corected myself imidiately but I still feel guilty
Fkkk I was gonna say I don't like trans because del ir like binary thing, don't want them to think I go ftm, plus not fan of the flag (too pink n blue). But ir just shocked me to hear u say nonbinary are transitioning. I hadn't realized about ny self. But of course om transitooning. I was more like, I'm just admitir what I've always been, but NO. Iva change over the weeks. Just a minute ago I was arguing about ny name, I've change propunsa in small process. Holy he'll, I'm transitioning and didn't know it. I went from she them to they them, from androgynous to masculino look, and one tome fem, back to masc. And now I decided my name only to be SU.
When I first came out to my friends as non-binary, I think (this is what i remember), One of them said "thats gonna be hard to do" and another one of them said "see, i told you"
