12 Potent Strategies Narcissist Use to Sabotage Breakup Attempts. "Humanization" Trick & Others 

They use :1) fake promises that they will change and fake apologies, 2) future faking-now they want to meet your needs and dreams, 3) triangulation, 4) guilt. They play the victim. They make you feel responsible for their pain, 5) shame. They insult you and question your ability to function on your own, 6) ghosting. They disappear for a while to trigger your fear of abandonment, 7) sex, 8) money or whatever they provide, 9) your children, 10) your own past. They bring it up to crash your self-esteem, 11) big words of love, 12) family and friends to talk you over. Please break the trauma bond. This is not love

My ex covert narc boyfriends ex-wife supposedly committed suicide in their old house which he still owned a year after their divorce. Lots of sympathy for him for sure. Then I find out he had had an affair of 6 years with another woman who lo and behold died suddenly too. I decided not to be victim #3!!

I'm glad I found this channel. So many focus on why you should hate the narc that's easy! I'd rather learn how to love myself than hate him...

A demon can’t be saved. You WILL die trying too save them. SELF-LOVE. 👍

One needs to stop relating to a person, who has a stone instead of a heart

When I was a child my mom used to threaten me by telling me she was going to throw herself down the stairs… That’s how she tried to control me. As a middle-aged adults these days I put a stop to all that nonsense. Setting boundaries and consequences was the hardest and most courageous work ive ever done on my own healing journey.

Wow. This all so spot on. I tried many times to leave her over the course of four years. The suicide threats, stories of abuse... but it is the crying that will always haunt me. It wasn’t crying crying but more like a agonizing howl like a wounded animal. And so true that in the end i was replaced. Unfortunately by that point i had become trauma bonded to her (i have since learned) and the script had flipped over to me chasing her! What madness. In my second month of no contact. No hoover attempts so far.

I hate to admit this, but I was married to 4 different Narc's. I NEVER KNEW I WAS ATTRACTING this type of demon into my life. I'm an empath , and trusted them all. Oh my God, have mercy on this old 78 year old, thankfully living alone now. I NEVER KNEW THIS TRUTH ABOUT THESE HORRIBLE EVIL DEMONIC CREATURES!!!!!!! I'm a Christian, and we are taught to TRUST and LOVE everyone. NOT SAFE WAY TO LIVE*****!!!!!!!!

Ooh-wee Dr. Ross, you are stopping evil dead in its tracks! I believe that this information saves lives. Truly.

Omg therapy with the narc. Exercise in futility. My narc told me he’d “have her [the therapist] on the couch in five minutes”.

17:23 They're not hurting. It's just an act. These people don't have feelings. They're PRETENDING to regress. To have feeling means to be conscious, and evil people are not fully conscious. And the reason for that I think is that to be conscious means, in part, to be connected to the unconscious and the authentic self (spirit). But these people are pretentious and only exist in their superficial selves.

I managed to make my narc leave of his own free will.It felt like a fight to the death, but I was so fed up, I was up for it. I literally sent him crazy, constantly asking for money, instead of giving it, refused to as much as even cook him a meal. Refused to wash his clothes. Refused sex. Constantly screamed at him over every tiny little thing . When he'd inevitable explode, I was sarcastic and told him, I didn't care- go on, freak out, so what? Silent treatment? Good! Now I'll get some peace from you - great! Way beyond negative supply, entering the totally toxic supply area. Narcs will actually run away of it gets totally toxic for them. MY house, My home and YOU'RE leaving, not me.

Personally, I don't talk to many people about my own experience. If I do, its more generalized than personal anymore. Recovery can be a slow process, and you have to be sure that every block you are stacking to build your newfound temple, is strong/sturdy enough to balance the rest of the blocks required. That requires your own self-trust. I do believe your temple is only as strong as your self-trust. And its important to not share information with people who would try to knock down every brick you stacked to rebuild your walls. Validation should come from yourself, and that is what I've learned from this experience. You cannot trust ANYONE else to build your temple for you. You must do it, one brick at a time.

These videos are helping me make it through the very 1st day alone in my own apartment after leaving my narcissistic wife, which happens to be Thanksgiving. I’m so terrified of what she is capable of.

And do anything to obstruct or sabotage your entire life!

You never mention compulsive lying in your videos. That is what mine does, and they truly believe I buy it, after all this time.

My Son and I both totally recognise these things in our relationships . Luckily we both escaped with our lives, our sanity is returning with knowledge that we have discovered in hindsight. Thank fully these videos are available and wishing we’d had these resources when going through it, the damage and length of it would have been reduced. Much love to all that have been affected by these damaged individuals. I always used to think my love could save them. Now I know better❤️

My ex-cheating narcissistic spouse and I were married for twenty years. The past seven or eight have been the absolute worst. There was a period of separation and then reconciliation and a short love-bombing honeymoon that lasted about four weeks before everything returned to the way it was previously. After finally coming to the point where I called her out on everything and held my ground, my middle-aged spouse suddenly out of nowhere wanted to adopt. NOW WAY!! I saw it as a trap!! She refused counseling to address the other areas of concern (LIKE CHEATING) but insisted that we adopt or assume full time permanent custody of a grandchild FIRST, then attend counseling. Uh, NO WAY!! I saw it as a trap and chose to escape with my life and go no contact! Oh, by the way this same ex-spouse once told I was not on board with adoption or custody of a grandchild looked me straight in the eye without a single blink and told me she 'wished I was dead'. I'm dealing with the issue now of completely starting my life over and embracing the realization that I was duped for twenty years of my life and married to a covert narcissistic! They're out there, folks! They're real!! My take on the back story is that the victim and his/her life becomes a part of the narcissist's mask! They need it!! They will not discard unless they absolutely have to. They'll keep YOU as primary source and the show for the public, relatives, and friends, while the whole time they have secret toys in their closets that they play with while you're away, even at work for eight hours. It's sickening!!!

I am wondering about narcissism in my family. I struggle with intense feelings of depression and guilt if I don't visit or call my parents when they expect me to. I long to be free of this. If I don't do these things my mom uses tactics to make me feel guilty and then I go right back to keeping her happy with me. It's like I am so afraid of living my own life because of the guilt from my mom. Like I feel responsible for her happiness. It feels like a very dark energy and drains all my energy.

With my ex we went through each one of these stages. I saw the hurt child at the very end; so broken, fractured, and shattered to the core. A truly tragic sight that still haunts me now and again.

I wish there were narcissist surviver groups in every country, so we could meet and associate with each other, I think it would be good for us and uplifting and positive.

BPD’s can often be interpreted as being manipulative but at the end of the day they just will do anything to avoid being abandoned like they’ve been in the past. It’s coming from a place that isn’t intentional and is a product of trauma where as narcissists and ASPD’s everything is deliberate and an attempt to manipulate you into doing what they want.

Damn! This perfectly describes my ex-husband! 😡🤬 Edit to add: Except for agreeing to therapy. When I asked him to go, his response was literally “I don’t need to pay someone to tell me everything is your fault!”

I experienced the begging for me not to leave or divorce my narcissistic ex husband many times. I so wish I had not fallen for all of his future faking and lies that he would change as he only got worse and always resorted back to his abusive , cheating, and self absorbed behavior .

These narcs a hosting demons unawares.

They need to GET THEIR WAY. WIN.

Oh man, you nailed it. Word for word. He survived the suicide attempt with brain damage. More dangerous than before. All I did was enrol in a local education program.

Dr Rosenberg's voice is so soothing and comforting

It’s hard enough getting over the narcisssit breakup, throw in the guilt of a real suicide, and you have a life changing traumatic event. I just met someone where she just got divorced and her huband killed himself, it was ten months later and she was a mess. The suicide threat is real and powerful. You have to be strategic, get out slowly, and don’t look back.

Talking to him would only bring up angry on my part and he's so good about flipping the whole situation on to me and making it look like it's my fault when actually I'm trying to solve a situation or problem and he makes it look like it's all me and defeats the whole purpose of me talking I'm not talking anymore

Amazing Ross! Every word you speak about this issue resonates precisely with my experience. You are phenomenal in your clarity, understanding and explanations. Thank you.

Love that expression: induced conversation - followed by oh oh oh the dreaded word salad!!!!

Im a recovered narcissist and all it took a few regressions to heal my soul.. So here is food for thought... Because i see alot of people on this thread that are hating... Remember narcissist are people that are hurting...

Yes..makes sense..but I have close to a PHD in narcissism..well said..the more boundaries you set firmly the more fearful they become..the more fearful they become the more control and power they try to enforce..they don’t give up..because their “interior” Lack of self esteem and their false ego..cannot let go..the worse you empty that cup the more flying monkeys they source..desperate they stop at nothing ..empty souls

My (then, 13yo) son pointed out this about my ex-partner while I was in the relationship: "He only wants you for your looks and status, he doesn't actually want you in his life". I sat with this a while, not understanding why someone would want to do that. I've even thought he was narcissistic for the past 6 months since the relationship ended. I've just realised his traits were more aligned with ASP - high risk acts and focus on monetary gain and power, rather than a need for "supply". So good to understand it better along the SLDD healing path. Thank you Ross

My ex narc threatened suicide. It scared me to death of course and I of course got upset. Finally I realized it was a manipulation. The next time he did it I said “that would be unfortunate. Your family would be so hurt. But just so you know I will go on with my life. It was your decision and I’m not going through life feeling guilty for something you did. I am well aware you are using that to manipulate me” I said it in a calm voice. I kept my anger at bay. Needless to say he never did it.

"He says he's going to stop" sounds like the Honeymoon Cycle in domestic violence.

Just got out of a narcissistic abusive relationship and managed it quietly slipping out of his eyes.This video preps me about future possible harassment that I may face.I am so grateful to you sir!I am more aware about my self care now.I fit in SlDD category;this info is vital for my safety and recovery.

This helped so much, Ross. Stage 5 had been a sticking point where I had gotten deceived a bit in the past, but am listening to my 'gut' now, and know somehow that the BPD / CN's actions aren't lining up with her words. Like dealing with a SNAKE ! I see through it now. Thank you Sir !

You are simply a genious Mr Rosenberg. A true warrior.

Thanks for this, Dr Rosenberg. I agree with you about their willingness to negotiate and go therapy. This is the stage many of us SLDs think our narc partners have actually changed. We are so wrong. Not falling for it! I have given up on therapy; the one i went to actually sided the narc

There was never an emotional connection.

They are genius.... really how they manipulate us, unbelievable it’s just incredible how they do it.

Having a mother with these traits, I have come to understand that she too was a victim of an abusive family. She distanced herself from the situation, but she never healed. As an adult, I am now stopping to internalise her externalising of her own pain. Even though I, my spouse and a few friends can feel a "demonic presence" when she's around, she's not inherently evil. But the consequences of her coping strategies are irritating.

I wished I knew about Narcissistic and co-defendants years ago I could have saved myself a whole if hurt. Keep up the good work

Gas lighting example after I told her 4 examples of her yelling at me for hours when I was a child she said: I never yelled at you. those times were the only times and you’re making it too big. Later she says, I asked your dad and he says that I didn’t yell too. You had nightmares every night when you were a toddler. That’s probably were you dreamed of all the yelling!!!! And I asked my dad if he remembered and he said that he told my mom that she yelled. Who should I believe? Anyways that was so extreme of a gaslighting that I just couldn’t excuse with bad memory! Later she said she is sorry and she says that she loves me. I want to believe that so desperately! She started to give me compliments that feel so fake because I’m not used to her not criticizing me. At the same time she very subtlety says things that upset me. I whether get angry or if I can successfully shut down the feelings when She’s around, I have a panic attack later when I think about what I was told. She keeps saying that we are mother and daughter and that we are stuck together for the eternity which makes me feel so stuck. I feel guilty for going no contact and not being nice to her. I feel like going crazy when she is around! Boundaries work only for a day or two, with a lot of effort to convince her. I started to think of who I should become and I feel so confused about what makes me happy! I can’t shut down the self talk that repeats her words! I feel trapped. I’m so scared that I’m too damaged and will never be able to fix it all! I isolate myself because I’m afraid of hurting and getting hurt. I don’t know why I’m doing the things I’m doing any more. I wish I was never born. Life feels too complex at the time for me to be able to find a solution!

Now I understand what the infantile behavior was all about! More people should be aware of this as it truly scared the bejeezus out of me.

Agreeing to stop the problems. Hmm... Thank you! Self-control can be a short term relief for the other person, but self-control for anyone falls apart when we have a few drinks, are really tired, get injured or sick, etc. Then you find out that you're still living with the same monster.

Masterpiece work.

My narcs sent in a vicious flying monkey to harass and abuse me. He threatened to sue me and damaged my property as well as horrifying emotional & verbal abuse. The ringleader narcs continued to gaslight and invalidate me attempting to rewrite my childhood history of sexual abuse. Everything was denied even though I had discussed it all in therapy since the age of 21 and told my dad’s wife. Some of my family members knew but said I was lying. I recently ended up in the ER with emergency high blood pressure from all the stress and harm. I’m now on blood pressure medication and my physician’s assistant thinks I’ve also developed diabetes. They ostracized me and threw me out of family business.

My adoptive dad was having an affair for the longest time. I met his wife ( girlfriend at the time) when I was eight, or nine.. My adoptive mom hired a private detective, or someone to just find out where they lived ,and I guess that's how she found the address. So, she took me there ,and that's where I met the two of them. My adoptive parents ,were not good for each other. However, my adoptive mom couldn't accept that if you were to talk about it. That, or, she would just blame everything on my adoptive Dad. She never takes responsibility for her own opinions or her own thoughts.. Mom always chose fights with Dad when he came home at night. Dad always worked late, and came home late. He was never a bad dad for the the record. He may have had a temper but you really have to poke the Bear in order to get it out. He never drank he never did drugs. He was a dentist. Mom helped put him through school with the help of her family. I remember one time they were fighting.. and as a child ,I call the cops.. i was acared.. I didnt understand.. I just wanted all the screaming in the fighting to stop because it was everyday every night I couldn't take it. I know It takes two, not just one however, my mom really provoked my dad. She pressed him to the point of turning him into someone he didn't want to be. And this kind of behavior would make anybody angry. Mom put me on recordings to say that my dad was not a good dad and then I was afraid of him. Because I was a child I went along with it. But I don't blame my dad now for leaving.. i iust blame him for letting this unstable family, this woman especially, to adopt me. I wish there were psychological evaluations before I was brought to California from Romania. Its frightening how much these people can get away with. Especially my adoptive mother's s side of the family. It should not be that easy to adopt children for a reason. The mental health of the baby should be caref for.. and this family completely failed on that much. They just care about image. And money. And maintaining their false sense of reality. Finally , dad, wanted a divorce however, they remained separated for the longest time after my adoptive mom tried killing herself when I was in the sixth grade. I saw the gun, I even put the gun away back into its holster. I saw the alcohol, the pills, downstairs in the kitchen.. i saw alot of blood when I had to come back to get my clothes, and to go live with my uncle, and auntie.. it was all horrifying. I've lived with friends, teachers, boyfriends, girlfriends, dad, and mom. When I was like I think 10 or 11, I was put into foster care for 6 weeks because they said I was a problem child. But I was just a child reacting to my environment. These are narcissistic adults who know what they're doing and don't care what happens to the child. Would rather blame their toxic shit onto their children. The children are always the one who have to suffer the most. For a long time I was in a dark place myself. Now i am in a much better place in my mind. I face my problems ,and I face the bullies. I'm working on some health problems right now because I have a fibroid however, after I heal, thats hrn I can start planning to leave. It will take time. I just have to be patient with myself, and try to work with news ways of thinking, learn some new tools to help get myself through this as sane as possible. I'm also looking for a professional, who specializes with NPD ,and BPD ,and abuse in families..who can give me some legal advice, in terms of how to protect myself. I have to be wise. Im Fortunate to have a roof over my head, food, and clothing.. but this still all comes with a price. If I could choose which family could adopt me, I would have chosen someone else. But babies do not get to choose their family. All we can do as people, as individuals, is to choose who we want to be in this world. These people had the audacity to go across the world to adopt someone else's baby, all just to maintain an image. They didn't want me out of love, even though they act like they love me in front of people. But they're just showing off for attention. That's what narcissistic people will do.. they show off your accomplishments for attention but then invalidate you behind closed doors, and gaslight you. These people have way too many personalities.. I cannot keep up with it.. and I don't want to. Narcissism ,and love do not go hand in hand. Narcissistic people ,are incapable of real love. They're just really good at hiding it, and pretending to be something they're not just to keep people at Bay. They don't have the right chemicals in their brain to be stable enough. I was brought into this gaslighting, emotionally invalidating, family, who can get away with a lot. They can turn it on ,and off when they want. People have no idea, except for the people in the family. But no one has the balls to say anything. But that's only because they're getting something from it. They don't want to ruin their chances of being provided whatever they're being provided. And they're scared. They had their own biological son..he was 14 years older than I. And it's not like My adoptive mother could never have kids again.. My brother killed himself in 2009, many years after my mom tried killing herself, during the separation of my dad and her.. My adoptive brother, had a job, and everything. He was a Doctor, he had it all. But not his mental health.. and that.. that shit ,eats at you.. He was made to force his true feelings down for so long that it finally caught up with him later on. And my brother had no one to confide in. And given our age Gap, he couldn't speak to me.. I just wish I could have been there for him.. No one deserves to live in that pain in silence. And if anyone ever will understand it would be me. I was treated the same way. To know that these people are capable of doing this ,and to not give a fuk.. I don't feel sorry for these narcissists. We all know that pain hurts. Why continue it? Only unstable hurt people. Healed people, try to heal people.. people who try to heal, don't try to hurt those around them. its just.. knowing what I know now, I understand why my adopted dad never want to have kids again after that however, in order to appease my adoptive mother, he just probably went along with adopting another baby ,instead, like some trophy.. These people talk about having responsibilities however , they fail to realize the lack of responsibility in this much.. and thats a choice. Going across the world, adopting another person's child into this mess, and hiding behind denial, and money, living behind a fantasy way of thinking.. is nothing to be proud of. And it doesn't matter how rich you are, or what type of lifestyle you can provide. If people are fake nothing will ever feel enough. Not the wives not their families not the job's not the car is not the big homes.. they will always feel empty. And there is a reason for that. Whether they're doing this to somebody else's baby or doing it to their own blood, it's still not healthy, it's still not right. I come from a family full of high ,and low IQs of narcissistic thinking, borderline personalities, codependency, and trauma bonds.. The more I learn of this behavior, and this personality types, the more I see it around me, the more I see the cycles. There's so much more to this.. The worst thing we can do is become the very same things that we're subjected to in our environment, to become the very same things, amd people, that we were influenced by. Not all of it is going to be healthy, or right-minded, and that includes family as well. It's not just society ,or politics, or the entertainment world.. it's inside our homes as well.. This type of low vibrational mindset, has been going down through generation to generation.. this mindset has made history in itself.. this happens around people we hope that we could trust the most, and the ones who claimed to love us, are actually the ones who end up disappointing us the most. Sometimes , you don't get that bond with your family, that mothe,r and father relationships, that human connection.. Pretending to be something and staying consistent are two different things. People who are programmed to become narcissistic, made an excuse in their heads at one ooint in their lives, and became the very same things they were subjected to. At some point they knew they had a choice but gave up inside anyways. We cannot allow people to work us down like that to the bone. Remember, a narcissist is just a bully, and a bully, is just full of low self-esteem. There's no power in that, unless you give it power. We all work with insecurities and low self-esteem. It's a part of being human, and growing up..Nobody is perfect, but that doesn't mean we have to destroy other people over it. I'd rather be alone than to be around people who made me feel lonely. The vibes are so different from each other..

After almost 33 years of marriage ... and it’s the persons fault who they target for his relationship problems...I could write a book...

I wish there was a class I could attend in person 💕🤗 thank you for this

It's usually the same story different narc with these foul creatures of destruction!

The healing process begins in Love

You don't have to look for love when it's where you're coming from.

Oh my gosh Ross spot on !

Thankyou for this video, it explains everything I was needing to hear regarding narc discard and then some as regards my ASB neighbour, WOW!! Your voice is very pleasant to listen to and your content is detailed, full of experience and great research as well. You're good work helps heal and free so many of us and we are so very grateful!! 💞

38 years wasted(31 married) when I finally realized what was happening. Left 6 weeks ago, just starting to really see it was ALL a fantasy. Started to see the gaslighting in May of 2019( it was going on since I met her thinking back on it) and called her out on it. My relationship was ALWAYS my fault and I always apologized year after year. She begged me not to leave, but i couldn't take the LIES, deceit and disrespect anymore. Already has her next supplier in the wings, just went through the smear campaign. She isolated me from ALL my family back in 1998 and chipped away my friends till I had none by 2013. The ONLY person I had was her, i figured out she was having an affair in May 2019, was told I'm acting crazy and I needed therapy for myself and she agreed to marriage counseling for both of us but would sneak out at night to be with her new supply. I could swear I was being drugged to knock me out and started to write the mileage down on the car every day. Around 2 to 3 days a week the mileage would be 20 miles off, seat and settings would be to her height and she still would call me nuts, even when I would show her the proof the subject would change. 14 different email accounts and at least 4 dating sites that I've found her on , it was obviously going on since the 90' s, I just didnt notice working 14-16 hours a day, she hid it well. She also put spyware on my phone to see where I was all the time, phone conversations, etc.... I never knew she was that "tech" savvy, I'm a " tech" idiot and have no clue. I can't TRUST anyone and that's a sad place to be in....I've been in therapy for a month, it feels like it's going to be a long process... Thanks for the videos !!! God Bless People !!!

Does a narc literally KNOW what they are doing or is this just the way they are and they dont "get" it? My mom is 86, she did have a terrible mother growing up, very physically and mentally abusive. My mom seems to have stunted at age 7. I liken myself to being my mother's teddy bear...she used me as her confidant, best/only friend, life sized doll, doted on me , told me what to wear and how to fix myself up for my first 18 yrs, and if I didnt comply, she would melt down into a heap of poor me hysterics. When I began dating and ultimately married, she got mad and hated my boyfriends and husband for taking me away, began hoarding cats and became a messy, slobby, wreck of a person blaming everyone else for ruining her life. Now at 86, my dad is dead, my mother lives nearby with 4 cats and guess who has been guilted to helping her. She tells me she needs me, I'm all she has, begs me to not leave her, how could I turn my back on an elderly person... I should have done it 30 yrs ago but my dad wouldn't allow it and I wanted a relationship with him. He knew what she was like but said, "shes your mother, you know her. She loves you." I HATE. MY. LIFE.

This is incredibly informative, thank you

ODA - Observe, Don’t Absorb. Brilliant! 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

I’ve been struggling to understand why my late parent never left the marriage despite the obvious signs of a personality disorder in their partner. But after watching this video, I realize they were scared for their lives. I refuse to suffer the same fate because someone much older than me refuses to get help and would rather destroy everything in their path.

How to really uncover the narcissist? When there’s no obvious fault but they gaslight you

Try growing up with one...as your parent.

Pls make a video on What should we be looking for in a Counselor or Therapist ✌️😎

Brilliant, I would never have thought of the “humanizing self” as a tactic they were using, but that is spot on and a revelation for me. Thank you.

Thanks a million for your valuable enlightened videos. Warm regards from Mumbai

This is exactly what I have been through.....it is hard to find the right help ..

If they make contact, make critical remarks to them but do as if you're concerned. This will cause narc injury. Example, my narc kept calling and when she tried to devalue, I told her, "You're such a negative person", you're destroying yourself with your negativity. You need to see a psychiatrist," this would send send her into a rage. I kept doing it. Kept dealing those critical blows, sending her into rages that would last hours, draining her of all her energy. She stopped making contact to prevent the injury. Grey rocking is only for those that are living with the narc and feel physical attack from a narc rage, anyone else will be more effective by turning the tables and becoming the predator instead of the prey. If you grey rock, they will ramp up their attacks, trying to get reaction and it will be exhausting and a brutal experience. You must understand that the narc is engaging in psychological warfare. You must fight. Don't just sit there and take it like a weakling. To fight the Narc, you must become the narc, but only with them. They can't take it. If there is one rule that I wish I had known, it is exactly that TO FIGHT THE NARC, YOU MUST BECOME THE NARC! Pummel the motherfuckers. It's easy once you get used to it. You must become the most toxic thing the narc has ever experienced.

Hi Ross! Amazing video! I went no contact with my narcissist dad for one year! My sister called a friend of mine to get my number on behalf of my dad to drag me back. My sister gave me my brothers number and he insisted that I call him for Christmas. At first, things seemed fine, although he seemed angry and told me a bunch of lies about going to my brothers promotion. Then he said fifteen years ago, he went to Vegas. I lived in Vegas, I told him and he wasn’t there. He said that I’ve never met his thirteen year old twins that young enough to be his grandkids. He’s 77 and his wife is twenty years younger. She supports him as a full time baby sitter. I thought, he’s broke and just wats to use me for gifts so he can take his family out to dinner. He said he’s doing some oil deals and because of Trump he can’t make money with his immigration business. I spoke to him three times. I just changed my number. Although, I miss my sister and brother I had to do this. Also, both my dad and brother said that they’d be able to see me in person after the Co Vid is over. This made me believe that they don’t give a damn about me!

This is great info!

They are narcs and psychos from birth. My sister was and is a covert, my grandma was a covert, my mother was an overt (still hoovering all view years) my stepfather was and is an overt, my "best friend" during teenage was an overt, my girlfriend (now since 13 years) is a covert and all her 3 sons from her ex who is an overt narc are 2 narcs and one antisocial spycho. But thank god I learned during the last year what I'm dealing with and now prepare - secretly - to leave. I'm done, really I'm so done with them you can't imagine. It's a total spycho terror what this guys are rolling out.

so on point and detailed, especially the constant threat of suicide too.

Before I found my freedom from narc abuse, my narc husband would set me up. Take me somewhere and then abandon me. That was his favorite thing to do! Or he would run way ahead of me going down the street he love to see me panic so hurt and Confused

Hi. 🙂 I’m a 57 year old daughter of an 86 year old narcissist mother. She raised my brother to commit suicide. She succeed. He did. Now she’s getting old, and running out of time to destroy me. It’s unbelievable! But, instead of her threatening her own suicide, she’s trying to convince me and everyone else (doctors, son, police, landlord, etc...) that I’M suicidal! She runs around playing the victim saying “ I’ve already had one tragic death, I can’t handle another one”! It pisses me off that she’s using my brother to try to encourage me to do the same thing, and attempting to incorporate anyone in her path that she’s “so worried about” me! I AM NOT suicidal! It’s never been a threat, I’ve used! She is furious that I am maintaining consistent boundaries! So, now I must die! She’s insistent that she bury both of her kids, before she dies! She controlled my brother’s life, and essentially his death. He didn’t have a chance! But, I had him. She has NEVER been able too control me, but yeah, she consumes my life! 15 phn calls in one hour...guilt, shame and obligation have kept me tied to her. But, This! Wishing me homeless, hungry, hurt and dead! Is going too far!! But, it’s not her own threat of suicide, it’s mine!! What up with THAT insanity?? lol. Just wondering if you had any thoughts on that. I pretty much know the answer...SHE’S CRAZY!! But do they really want us dead for them to feel like they’ve had a full and successful life?? Thanks.

I see it too, no effect , neutralization process, no fear of them anymore

I had to laugh at myself for even knowing what the acronym "ODA" IS. I found this video after going through all of this and coming out the other end. ALL accurate!

Thaaankkkk u Dr. Rossenberg! Good visual..Ur R soo righhht! Boundaries do notttt worrrk with these toxic people... I now, due 2 ur video, learned to: Avoid the "fight back"--the "fight back" that only fuels the toxic person, and gives them more ammunition against "us kind, open hearted, recovering 'people pleaser' type of women"! We need to appear to be callous and to remain calm when speaking to these toxic persons, and be suuurrre to stay ouuut of the "wrestling ring" ... Anddd we need to keep our conversations with them very basic--very black and white! This is what Ive been doing and will continue to do, inspite of the toxic person "using those actions I do as a means of protecting myself", against me in their smear campaign towards me to their family by stating how mean I am due to my callousness--me not calling them--me not telling them I love them like I used too--and me not sharing info about my life with them! He even, upon me stating that I want to break up with him--along with me giving verrrry detailed valid reasons (resons such as his constant put downs of me) for my request to break up, he threatens to blow his head off and leave a note behind citing me as the reason and that his family will hunt me down and kill me for screwing him over--a man who, he states does nothing butt lovve me, by me breaking up with him! And then after he states such horriffic things, he then tells me how much he loves me and how his life woukd be nothing with me! WTH?? Theres soo much more to this story.. Anyhoos, the experience is all soo insaaane--a total "mind F***" for suuure! But atleast I have learned my lesson! Neverrr everrrr agaiin will I fall for such persons! Spoke to the "Chrystal Brame Justice dometic violence foundation" about this .. They as well as u, doctor, gave me great insite as to how to navigate and escape such a toxic, verbally, emotionally abusive person .. They sent me a pic of the Power and Control wheel, as well as a safety plan. The power and control wheel soo helped me make sense of the very things that maaade no sense to me.. Im forever greatful for them and for u Dr. Rossenburg!

Here's a narcissist/co-dependent break up story you've never heard: Once my husband tried to wrap his mind around me divorcing him he secretly planned to have me put in jail. He was about to be charged with spousal abuse (by the cops, not me) so he thought, hey, good idea --I was always denying he was beating me to the cops so he started going to the cops and claiming he was the victim. And the cops used that to force me to bring charges against him so it backfired on him but picture this -- the cops show up at your door and take you to the police station. A female officer gets you alone in a room and tells you flat out "we know you've been physically and psychologically abusing your husband and we're bringing charges against you. You're going to jail" So you have to say "What? It's the complete opposite!" Talk about gas-lighting -- this is the cops. And the police say "we have your husband in the next room and he's filed a report against you." I thought they were lying to me! I couldn't believe it!! Then they said, "Well were bringing charges against one of you today so is it going to be you or him?" Meanwhile I've got an eleven year old daughter and a completely crazy husband and the cops are suggesting I go to jail for a year and leave him alone with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He want to jail, acting like he was mad at me and no remorse for what he tried to do to me which was put me in jail. Guess what? My husband blamed me then years later of course "remembered" a completely different "story" So I had to live with him gaslighting me about that INCREDIBLE NIGHTMARE too. If I was leaving him he was putting me in jail to keep it from happening. To make himself the center of attention and the Only Parent in the house. To stop the divorce. When people say "they will do *anything*, believe me they will do anything if you so much as ever slight them or hurt their tender little feelings about themselves. Please,, people -- ladies -- hear me THERE IS NO HOPE. DON'T WAIT TO LEAVE UNTIL YOU'RE TOO EXHAUSTED AND BEAT UP TO DO IT. DON'T WAIT UNTIL HE'S ALIENATED YOU FROM EVERYONE IN YOUR OWN LIFE. DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOU'VE BEEN OUT OF THE WORK FORCE TOO LONG OR UNTIL THE KIDS GROW UP. GO NOW. EVERY DAY YOU DO NOT LEAVE IS A DAY OF YOUR LIFE THAT IS MAKING YOUR LIFE WORSE. PERIOD. I'm standing with everyone who leaves. You will feel a guardian angel around you and it will be me.

The ex said these words. I got a therapist. Then had the police to asscort him to therapist. The discard came 24 year's later, I was arrested. The report read "I think she has mental problems". He thought this was to help? The ex learned how to better bully us in therapy. A covert passive aggressive narcissist to the core. I heard about this behavior problem, the day after the thirty-six year's marriage.

Yesssss! He is right, the regression happens

Exactly true....Covert Ex went from ignoring me all the time to suddenly he was hanging on me....putting his arm around me, holding my hand....and he wanted to go to counseling. We did, and he sat in Counseling LYING BIGGER THAN HELL...."I'm a perfect person, and my parents were perfect (Alcoholic mother/Dad left when he was born/Dad was a sex creep, etc)....and because I am Perfect, I know that Jackie is not perfect and her parents are not perfect." Then he compares himself to Clark Gabel in Gone with the Wind....and talks about 'chasing me down for a year'.....and more lies. I decided ...Why pay a counselor to here him lie....I could hear him lying at home for Free. I ended Counseling....that was my final decision to File for a Divorce....no matter what happens. Living with him was living in HELL.

Thank you Dr. Rosenberg! This was awesome & helpful as always. 🙏🏽

I have had strong issue with abandonment! I’m now trying lots of changes to show myself that I’ll be fine, look at relationships differently, get more rejection experiences, stand up for myself more! Any other suggestions, let me know!

@Ross Rosenberg I've learned alot from you over time. One request though is if you can raise the volume on your audio and lower the music. Its so hard to hear then suddenly....🔊🎵🎶😕 I jump! Thanks for all you do Ross! Much appreciated! 👍✌💪💯

Wow incredible info thank you.

Wow, I ,now, have learned that the man I am legally bound to is not just a covert malignant narcissist, but is actually an ASPD.

Great video Ross. I’m a follower on IG, now finally getting to your videos. 👏

This is so disturbing when each step is exactly what you have lived.

This is just brilliant, life changing, binge-watching it, ... it is sad that this whole system of self-protection is derived from own experiences of the people who went through hell of narcissistic abuse ... something damn goooood came out of narcissistic hell! I should consider myself lucky not to be exposed to this sh...t to degree where my mental health was compromised ...

All of these potent tricks was tried by my ex husband but he failed. He said he will commit suicide but I don't believe. Later, when I showed I was not affected, he started making stories about me below the belt, I cried in silence, but I kept on being quiet, not reacting, not fighting, later he asked for another chance but I am sure enough of myself.. Then he still stalking me, later he moved on after several attempts of coming back to me.. I never knew its a narcissist until I found this channel. Thank you..

Omg I did it!!! I set the stage 5 boundaries without knowing what I was dealing with. (Covert)

16:12 A lot of these narcissists unconsciously read you (through their psychic ability and very keen social sense) as a victim of your parent and somehow pretend that they are the abusive parent that you had at some level, and they do this to sustain an unconscious, veiled threat. You see, behind all their pleading and desperation at the end of the relationship is a veiled threat insinuated unconsciously and this is done through their insinuation as your abusive parent. The veiled threat principle is very Oedipal or Electral, and goes back to early childhood. It was written about by Freud. It creates an irrational fear of something bad happening if somehow you assert your self-hood and self worth. An assertion of self-hood could be through working and becoming financially independent or by socially connecting to someone (in significant way) who is outside of the abusive dynamic, either outside the pathological family or outside the pathology of the significant other. Another assertion of self-hood could be through directly challenging or confronting these people.

She told me a long time ago that she didn't remember what happend to her in her childhood, now she's telling me she's reading a book that reminds her the abuse she was suffer. My question is: could she be faking abuse for wanting to make a person stay?

Why does my boyfriend say "thank god for once you didnt make me feel uneasy and anxious .you always cause these fights and today we re so easy going and awesome!" After I told him why I dont like the way he is not trying at all anymore and contantly calls me needy...i was kinda pulling myself back, being really straight forward, less emotion and self dependent. Thats when he says he feels "uneasy" when I dont show off the signs of me feeling bad in any way. Give him his medicine ..few days earlier he goes and say I have so much stuff to do, dont u have yours? You always force me to meet up with you. I HAVE OBLIGATIONS AT HOME...like mate. I never said you didnt. I think I have right to say I d like to go for a walk? And he is like " not today, I have time on wednesday" lol. Then I decided to not to be so with drawn and after a day like that he says "yay i love when you rr so warm! We can meet up tomorrow" 😂😂😂 does that mean "thanks for making me feel like I didnt do anything wrong and you re dealing with my bullshit. I can stay in that thing for a while

Thank you !🕊

Depends on what type of narcissist. Mine keeps pursue even I went no contact and never buy into any bullshit. Still, this spirit would not go away. It is super delusional, it though that I still want it after all the mind fuckery.

No contact 3years

A great video!!!!