12 Tips for Setting Healthy Boundaries 

1:47 without anger, calmly, respectfully, with as few words as possible. Not allow to be drawn into an argument. Noted. 2:36 feel the fear and shame and do it anyway. Take care of yourself. 2:57 you can't set a boundary and take care of the feelings of the other at the same time. 3:16 when to set a boundary. When feeling angry and resentful for instance. 4:35 double down if boundaries are not respected. 4:45 you decide when to set boundaries. Progress, not perfection... 5:05 learn to trust, honor, listen to yourself.

no one ever told me about setting boundaries. i thank you for the help here. i lived with 2 different men for 30 years who have narcissistic personality disorder. never heard of personality disorders either. both are recently gone out of my life. thankfully. at 60 years old, i find i have alot to learn. those covert narcissists do all kinds of under-handed abuse. beware! they are deadly.

A boundary is a boundary. If someone does not respect that, they gotta go!

I can't even explain how spot on this is. I can't wait to see my progress. ❤️

Please keep making these insightful videos, counselor Carl. You, among others, have helped me save my life.

You are very easy to listen to and you get to the point, which is great.... It was just the right length , too... Thank you....Its something I have to work on... I always fear hurting peoples feelings....but if I set boundaries in a kind but firm way, as you have shown here, it may hurt some initially....but it might also help to gain respect I have to ask some friends to please not message me every day, and especially not during the day....Then I add: Thank you for your understanding!

i needed this lesson, i'd never even heard of the term boundaries until searching for answers after a recent break up. when my ex was saying things that really bothered me, i just took it ! damn!! i didn't have the confidence or maybe enough self respect to just say "stop, i don't like what you're saying, consider this from my position". not any more. thank you Carl for this video.

Morning! Thanks for being clear and straight to the point- I can understand things better this way. Also, thanks for the wonderful examples in step 4. They are VERY helpful.

Thank you very much Counselor Carl, I discovered approximately 2 months ago, with my therapist, that I grew up with a Borderline mother. Now I am learning about boundaries so that I can respect myself and put boundaries with the people in my life, at this particular moment which would be my current roommate. I am moving to a new city in a month therefore I am looking for girls to replace me. She is very picky and even said today that I take care of her. I am learning how and I am going to be respectful of her basic needs and at the same time allow myself to respect my own boundary: I am not responsible for more than a few things. It is not my responsibility wether my roommate likes her new roommate's personality or not. She met a girl I found today and simply said that she doesn't like her. Even though I looked for a girl that respects her religious boundaries and is even going to pay a little bit more than what I pay, for my roommate. I am learning how to be assertive with me and respect my own boundaries. Thank you, I will try to add a few of your tips in setting boundaries with this situation. Looking forward to hearing more about healthy boundaries from you.

Thank you! It's amazing how much solid advice and wisdom you managed to contain in such a short video - much appreciated.

Dear Counselor Carl, the Signature tune and the Sign Out tune is very Soothing and brings in Peace along with some memories very close to my heart .... I am very Grateful for your Presence. Regards ...Tanusri

Very helpful and informative. Tks

Thank you for the video I always feel like people in my life most of the time are over stepping their boundaries

I liked the clear delivery of this. Good work. will check out your others!

Love the music.

Such great, clear advice. THANK YOU. So glad you are here Counselor Carl. I said it before and will keep saying it, because I am so grateful.

found your videos from my trauma & family class, really enjoy your videos and there is someone close in my life that got some painful truth from your work, thank you so much

Made it so simple. Thank you

Thank you for your videos. It has taken me a lot to reach a point where hearing this message finally sinks in to a point where I can do it.

this is one of the best videos I've ever seen thank yo6

After having a lifetime of my own boundaries crossed, it's really hard learning a seemingly simple thing.. like setting them! Thank you SO much for breaking this down for us, after soaking it all in.. I am in preparation to apply these rules to my life on a daily basis & for the better! Amen!

Great video. Good examples, direct and to the point.

I am so glad I found your videos counselor Carl thank you for.. I am helped and enlightened greatly by them Thank you....

I know you're just making videos when it is convenient for you, but I really need you to make more videos.

Thank you sir! This is one of the videos that helped me the most with my recovery. I came to your work 8 years ago. I literally wrote your tips down onto paper. I read them over and over again until I internalized them. Until this day I still read them once in a while. And I can see how much of a progress I've made. You have your share in it. Now, I'm passing your wisdom onto my son. You've helped to heighten two lives. Thank you.

Thank you thank you thank you so much this is one thing I really been missing in my life raised in a dysfunctional home barely learning this

Thank you Mr Counselor. I did both- thumbs up and subscribe. Will learn more from you in coming days.

Thank you

Thank you counselor for your practical advice.

Very helpful and specific! Thank you!

Thank you. Very helpful.

Peace love n positive energy

thank you for this practical advice

Thanks a lot, very helpful

Thank you this is great

Thank you doc Carl❤️❤️❤️

I had anxiety just watching this, I need boundaries! My boss wills scare me on purpose because he knows I will jump.

I love your helpful channel!

Thank you 😊

I am so grateful with you.

What about family members who set boundaries for interactions for other family members? Like when you are admonished by one family member to not talk about certain subjects at a family function or demanded to act in a certain way towards another family member. Or, you are demanded to act a certain way that will be scrutinized as to your performance during and after a family get together.

I need to work on not sending mixed messages! Good refresher for me to watch this :) I also try to take care of other people's feelings while trying to set a boundary, which defeats the whole thing because then my boundary doesn't get any respect ~~thanks

Thank you Carl.

Thank you SO much!

Thank you really helpful

Thank you!

I love this video 💙💙💙 I get a bit anxious when it comes to setting boundaries because I’m unable to read body language due to my visual impairment and I worry about what the recipient is going to do lol!

thanks a lot sir

What great advice - thank you for what you do Carl x

I should watch more of your videos on Boundaries.. I am going to try to make this all about a local YMCA.. First there were a couple of Personal Trainers that would interrupt me when I was talking to others.. Then they would be on 3 machines at the same time and virtually take up the whole gym.. This example is when I should have cancelled my membership and went somewhere else.. I started going to the YMCA around November and weather was cold and miserable.. My main reason was to use the hot tub.. The hot tub was having issues and every time I talked to a staff person they would tell me something different.. Even the staff told me not to go to the CEO.. Eventually I did go to the CEO.. The CEO told me that the Health Department shut them down.. I just happened to be in the County Building for something else and I figured I would stop at the Health Department and find out for myself.. They told me that they did not have anything to do with the hot tub being shut down.. I told the CEO and they said that I can go somewhere else.. I should have at that point.. I was stretching in the spin class room when someone came in and cranked the radio.. When I told the staff they said that people can do that.. I said "Great, I will bring my Pantera in and play it." Then they went and made the person turn the radio off.. Then I started taking this yoga class when there about 20 people but it was growing.. I had people moving my mat.. I asked the Instructor if could put my mat up by them.. They said yes.. Anyways, once the class was around 40 people and someone literally put there mat up against mine, even though there was plenty of space. I talked to the instructor after the class and they told me to move. There was a retired State Patrol and a semi-retired DNR agent in the class. They said for me to move my mat by them. I told them that they were not the authority in the class. They completely understood. There were a lot more instances I can say. I look at boundaries as what behavior will I tolerate. A lot of my questions to myself go along the line of "Why am I tolerating that behavior?" Within the first 3 months of me being at the YMCA and dealing with the hot tub issue I should have left and then I would not have dealt with all this other dysfunction. If the people who have authority are against me then why am I there? Yes, they can say that they are neutral but their behavior over and over said that they were against me.

I need this lesson thank you for sharing this video with us Amen😊👍🙏

Thank you for your videos i am eager to learn i am ready to put this into practise i would like to know what should i do when i practise asserting my boundaries with a family member that will not co operate ? regards Julie .

ty 👍🏻

Very good. I should practice

Thanks again your video have opened my eyes to boundaries something I lack wisdom.My friend ( very sensitive/ emotional)and I having some problems off and on over 2 years. She has set boundaries because she upset with me ( I said something jokingly and she told it differently I apologize) it’s been almost 2 months I haven’t heard from her. She ( needs to heal and find herself) and am working on myself also am starting to get frustrated/stressful because I can’t hear from or talk to her. And I don’t want to push her I send her grift she thank me but boundaries ( she reach out to me when the time is right) . Am willing to stick it out and wait but the question is how long should I wait?

Great video Carl. Regards from India

Very helpful

Nice tips,When a person cannot respect my boundaries, Bye,you are out,, ......👐

#12 - This what it’s about.

This good. Life-saving.

thank you for your reply i thought that is the best course of action its actualy my youngest adult son he has anger issues however i can not have a loving close relationship with him if he keeps blowing up on me for any reason i told him this his response was that he doesnt care bout anyone but himself hes got chance now to think about what i said and if he does it again i will assert my boundary and lovingly walk away regards julie .

WOW!!

Thanks for those tips. I am sure they will work with most people. However, dealing with severely disturbed people affected by PERSONALITY DISORDERS, no boundary I set has EVER worked. So, I changed tactics. Since last year, I dumped the most PLANNED and DAMNED of them and started keeping in check those less dangerous ones, as a male chicken keeps in check the female ones in the farm. I am afraid to say that at times the best boundary is the one set deliberately in the enemy's territory. That is exactly what Julius Caesar did to stop incursions by disorganised German tribes across the river Rhine. 😃😉😅

I had to move in with strangers last year, one was the absolute worst, I was overwhelmed by how many boundaries she violated, establishing a few boundaries is easy, but what if it is relentless and from all fronts.

This is nothing short of extraordinary. I found content with a similar message, and it was breathtaking. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn

Toxic People never respect boundaries until you just end the relationship ,especially a parent...

counselor Carl please help me.my 45 yr old husband passed away june26..2016 it was very sudden no sickness nothing.I thought he was napping.I had asked him if he was tired he said God yes.very unusual.I walked away.I looked for him and he was in our room laying down.omg I went to him and he was gone.I blame myself.my grief is unbearable, we have a 16 yr old great son .he's holding it in.I cry cry cry.I don't want to scare him he hardly leaves my side.please please help me.I'm broken :(

Am I setting a boundary by telling my husband to please stop arguing because it literally is making me sick? He continues to argue anyway. What am I to do? I always end up arguing back? Thanks

Ol’ George W. Busch lookin ahhhh… 😂

I had a crappy leach at work who became obsessed with my love life. He was one of those weirdos who thought God was inspiring him about my love life. I told him to stop and that I would get a restraining order on him if he didn't stop. He didn't stop. But emotionally I know he is still obsessed in the limited interaction I have had with him. How do I put up an effective boundary. And I am nervous he will become violent if I block him out. Help!

counsel Carl.there is nobody who is willing to help.I'm on my own.grief stricken .why.I always help people. :(

No rationale for boundaries..? No reasons for when and why they are needed..?

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you